Sunday, April 30, 2006
I put that title over there in my msn nick and the Mr quickly responded with "Yes, he did". In which, I replied "God?". He said yes and gave Bush as a case example. When I told him that it may not be a mistake, that maybe it's just God's way to shift power in this world, slowly decreasing US power as supreme ruler; the Mr said that I was too Christian! My goodness! How could that be? Of all people, I am a Christian? Not that being a Christian is bad. I don't know why, the labeling is just kinda too weird for me. I am not a Christian. I just believe in Jesus Christ and Lord Buddha at the same time. To politely and diplomatically put it, I think I am not worthy to be looked as a Christian, because God knows I am very sinful and way off what true Christians will testify with their daily lives. So why then I put that line in my msn nickname and now here as a post title. That line is actually a part of Bon Jovi's song, Welcome to Wherever You Are. It's really kinda amazing how people do evolve. This was the band who sang cheesy line like This Romeo is bleeding, but you can't see his blood.... Now they are singing wise lines in their songs, which kinda make you feel better, though there are cheesy lines in this song too, We all got the blood of Eden running through our veins...I felt slightly better hearing to this particular song ('cause God makes no mistake), especially after all the sadness and frustration that made me write the last post. The post that caused people to ask me, why was it in Indonesian? I suppose because noone could understand anyway. The sadness and frustration are still following me now. I suppose because I never shake it off myself. Getting really tired with this mentally. Should I just smile it off though I am not okay about it? Fake it 'til you make it? Come on Eka, you must pull yourself together *sigH*
So Rista wants an update on life...So...Singapore is having an Election next week. It seems like they are voting for members of the parliament, though the whole thing was kinda weird for me. Watched the small speech made by the chair of the parties on TV a few hours ago. Oh dear, I think the opposition parties really do approach it the wrong way. Each of them did not fail to contribute many parts of their speeches to backslash the most powerful party. I particularly was amazed to the extend that the first speaker took in the speech. Rather than backslashing the dominating party, they should just put the effort to make it be known what their parties can do to the country, things that they could do better. I would rather hear plans rather than all the bitching. Yes, it does make the speeches interesting to hear, but if that's the only speech I am gonna hear from you, I don't think you sell yourself well, because basically you are saying the other person is bad, but I don't know anything about your potential. I think the result of the election will be as expected by everyone. Is it a good thing? I don't know, but Singapore is doing well being in the same system for a long time. I suppose only when they suddenly go poor like what happened to Indonesia, then things will change. However it is highly highly highly unlikely.
Now, about my days. Today, I had the pleasure of having lunch with Darren and Teddy. I think the last time I saw them was around 3 years ago? It was really great meeting them again. Everyone is doing well. Teddy of course is always well, happy-go-lucky kinda person, a perfectionist happy-go-lucky kinda person. He still looks the same. He had to go off early to make more money. So that left me with Darren, who suddenly made me feel that he looks older. He is older mentally, so much older. If you asked me back in the Kent Ridge days if he was gonna turn like that, I wouldn't believe it. I suppose people do have plans and they mature and here I am still being 18 and all. Spent the afternoon with him, and then he had to go off to make more money and make people swim properly and I needed to go to bed
What other things there is to say? Mr! Hold your horses, don't go on posting things before reading both the post and the mail! And yes, the mail is coming. Geez, I seriously have nothing to say, trying hard to find things to tell. Arsenal is going to the Champion League Final. I am glad. Please continue praying, people. Chelsea won the English Premier League title after a sweet win against MU. Goodness, the icing on their cakes must taste so good. What else? Pray for me, people?
...Remember every new beginning is some beginning's end...
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you got to believe
That right here right now you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome to wherever you are
When everybody's in and you're left out
And you feel drowning in a shadow of the dawn
Everyone's a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself not what other people say
...When you want to give up and your heart's about to break
Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes...
:) eKa @ 12:05:00 AM • 0 comments
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Ku katakan dengan indah, dengan terbuka. Hatiku Hampa...
Saya putuskan untuk menulis dalam Bahasa Indonesia. 1 hal yang mungkin hanya pernah saya lakukan 2 kali di dua setengah tahun umur blog ini. Selesai menulis 2 kalimat itu, terpikir bahwa saya tidak perlu mengecek ejaan tulisan saya, karena tentu saja semuanya akan salah karena mereka bukan kata-kata dalam Bahasa Inggris. Mengapa saya tidak menulis dalam Bahasa Indonesia? Saya tak tahu, mungkin sudah menjadi lebih terbiasa mengungkapkan rasa hati dalam Bahasa Inggris. Seingat saya, bahkan sebelum saya pindah ke Singapura, saya sudah mulai menulis di dalam buku harian saya dengan Bahasa Inggris. Saya rasa, salah satu alasan saya melakukan itu pada saat itu adalah untuk menjaga keamanan rahasia yang tersimpan dalam lembaran-lembaran buku itu.Saya mencoba menulis dengan Bahasa Indonesia yang baku dan benar. Terkesan aneh kah? Atau puitis? Rasanya tidak benar memulai suatu kalimat dengan "atau". Tak apa...tidak apa-apa, saya boleh menulis apa yang ingin saya tulis. Lalu mengapa hari ini, tiba tiba saya memutuskan untuk menulis dalam Bahasa Indonesia. Judul di atas yang memulainya. Judul tersebut merupakan penggalan lagu dari Peterpan, Kukatakan Dengan Indah. Sedih. Hari ini bukan hari yang menyenangkan. Saya sedih dan ketika saya mendengarkan lagu itu, lirik di atas yang membuka lagu itu serasa benar-benar menggambarkan perasaan saya. Saya tahu, lagunya adalah lagu cinta dan yang saya rasa bukanlah kesedihan karena cinta. Akan tetapi, Hatiku hampa sungguh menggambarkan hilangnya harapan di hati saya. Padahal, hari ini dimulai dengan suatu kebijaksanaan ketika saya membaca salah satu tulisan yang Ayu taruh di blog nya. Inilah yang saya baca:
Kalau kau tak sanggup menjadi beringin yang tegak dipuncak bukit, jadilah saja belukar. Tapi belukar terbaik yang tumbuh ditepi danau. Kalau kau tak sanggup menjadi belukar, jadilah saja rumput. Tapi rumput yang memperkuat tanggul pinggiran jalan. Tidak semua jadi kapten. Tentu harus ada awak kapalnya. Bukan besar kecilnya tugas yang menjadikan tinggi rendahnya nilai dirimu. Jadilah saja dirimu, sebaik-baiknya dirimu sendiri.
[Soe Hok Gie]
Saat ini saya sedang sedih dan khawatir dan juga takut. Saya tahu saya mungkin terlalu sering menghadapi suatu situasi tanpa ketenangan, dan selalu melihat dari sisi gelapnya. Salahkan kemudaan usia saya? Mungkin itu tak bisa dijadikan alasan, karena saya tidaklah muda lagi. Mengapa saya masih tak tahu bagaimana berjalan dalam dunia ini? Mengapa saya masih ingin menangis dan berlari menghindar? Mengapa saya tidak bisa tenang? Mengapa kecemasan ini memenuhi ruang hati? Mengapa hidup tidak berjalan dengan tenang tanpa hambatan? Saya rasa karena itulah hidup. Saya tidak bisa menjawab pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang lain dan saya tak tahu akankah saya berhenti menanyakan pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu suatu saat nanti. Sudahlah, saatnya untuk berhenti menulis. Saya harus berdoa. Sedih, saya terlalu sedih dan terlalu takut.
:) eKa @ 8:58:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Went to watch Take the Lead today with Vivy. Good movie, love it, really love it. I think it's slightly on par with School of Rock but I think School of Rock is better. Or should I give Take the Lead some credits for being inspired by a true story?Take the Lead is really good, though the story is pretty predictable. Vivy said the story was not too deep. I agree, but I think it was highly entertaining. I suppose after the more-highly-stimulating-in-the-brain movies, an easy-to-follow ones are very highly welcomed by my brain. I love the music, dances, stories, everything about it. In the process of downloading the songs now
Antonio Banderas was cool. Old but he was really cool and a real gentleman in the movie. Is he really that old? I don't know why, he just seemed so old, which Vivy pointed out, he is
I actually kinda really like one of the character, Ramos. Though, he was such an ass. The guy who played Ramos, Dante Basco, is actually 30 years old! Goodness, playing a high school kid. I was thinking he actually kinda had an Asian look and I was right. He is of Filipino decent. Okay, what else to tell? Go and watch it. Be entertained. My only regret is that there was no scene with Banderas dancing to hip hop music
About me? Bad thing happened but I am trying to stay calm and waiting for things to develop before I start crying. Other than that, I feel so OUT OF PLACE! I feel like...I'm just gonna use the words that I think is right though it may not be right...I feel so unknown, so weird (for once I don't take pride in saying I'm weird), boring (definitely). I just don't know so many things and I don't feel like getting to know such things but why do I seem to be keep on stumbling to people who are in a different playing field and that's not the worst part people. I feel like I should go to that level, which I don't want. Noone is pushing, of course. As much as I feel I am weird, I only need to look at Dewi, Emilia, and my cousin Marlisa, to know they are in the same league as me and as much as it is comforting but I feel like, I am missing out on a whole different world. Not that I wanna go there but most of the time, I know things but now, I just don't know so many things and I feel so damn out of place. Time to go home? That's another weird thing. People were surprised when I told them I'm gonna leave Singapore. Oh people, people...realize, yours truly is not Singaporean. This is not home. Maybe if God willing, it would be but so far it's not yet and I always want to go. So I will. Too much about me. Forget what I am saying, go watch Take the Lead.This one is from the tagline. Not that I try to console myself. Again, Happy Easter, peeps
NEVER FOLLOW
:) eKa @ 9:49:00 PM • 0 comments
Friday, April 14, 2006
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
That was the title of the book that Vivy lent me. Yes, it is long. I myself contemplated of using it as the title of this post. The book was written by Mark Haddon. It tells the story of this 15-year-old boy, Christopher, who's really smart. He had a photographic memory, however, I don't know what word should I use to describe it, so I'm just gonna say he's very particular and detail. He did not like yellow and brown which means, no banana, yellow cars are bad, and so on and so forth. He did not like his food touching each other, so tomato on one side, bacon on the other and so on and so forth. He did not like being touched, even by his parent. No hugging. To say they love each other, they spread their hands so that the fingers would touch each other, but that is if Christopher felt like it. If he saw many red cars in a row, it would be a great day. The contrary with yellow cars. It may sound weird, but he thought it was weird that we could wake up feeling sad with no particular reason or felt that the weather make us feel gloomy. So I kinda like the his idea of what makes a great day, because it is simple and feel a bit more logical? (I am weird, but think about it people). Tried it once, I was counting red cars as I was sitting in a taxi.So the story started with Christopher finding out that the neighbour's dog, Wellington, is dead. To be exact, it was killed. So he was on a mission to find out who killed it. As he investigated the mystery, it led to another secret being unfold. The truth about his dead mother who apparently was not so dead afterall.
The book was nice and it really made you want to read more and more. I wasn't sure if it was intended for kids, because there were a lot of cursing. It was rather too smart for me. All the discrete maths parts were too difficult and brought back bad memories. Geez, being smart is cool. How I wish I am smarter. So with this book being done (long overdue), I am currently reading The Devil Wears Prada. Totally a different style and story of book compared to the ones that I had been reading lately. As usual, progressing really slow, but I am sure it's gonna get really interesting as Dagi said.
So it's Good Friday everyone. My mother bothered to send me an sms this morning to make sure I had woken up and she told me to get some exercise. I told her I was in the computer. She's wasn't that pleased. Yeah, I'm a lazy bum
:) eKa @ 10:22:00 AM • 0 comments
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Went to watch Inside Man today with Vivy. It was good, though was not as cool as Ocean's 11 or 12. I think (I am not sure), Clive Owen is handsome! Well most of the time, he was masked, but when he wasn't, I was just so drawn to him. So just now I was browsing for his picture, and people go here to see that handsome guy. I seriously think I begin to like older guys more. Oh well...Inside Man as the tagline said "It looked like the perfect bank robbery. But you can't judge a crime by its cover." It was good, smart movie. The ending how noone was found not guilty was also good. But still for me, it wasn't as cool and suave as Ocean's 11. I like Clive Owen's character, Dalton Russell, because he was just nice
On other news. Arsenal is going to the semis. I am so proud
Then, last Friday, I was told that I had a choice. It was pretty weird. All this time, I condemned the idea of me having to take what people decided for me. All this time, I wondered, how come they never asked me what I wanted. Finally, it happened. I was asked what I wanted. However, knowing I had a decision to make, I was actually shaken and rather depressed and basically down. Weird. I roughly know what I want. I wonder if it's the right one.
If you were deserted in an island like the Lost island, where things sucks but then you knew 10 months from now you would be free, then what would you do? Just hang in there for 10 months? Or tried to make the best of that 10 months? Yeah right! The island is not a paradise. What's wrong with just getting by? I need someone...
:) eKa @ 9:00:00 PM • 0 comments
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Went to watch Ice Age 2 yesterday, because this miss is having a bit of a meltdown. Basically, I was just in a mood of spending money, this is even though I am really forced to spend money. The major one was for the contact lenses. Then in the last post, I told you guys that I didn't want to adjust my glasses and behold people! My glasses cracked on its own!!! Found out about it on Monday, I was so sadBack to Ice Age, it was pretty funny as I was warned. I like how it's not really all that icy anymore. The first one was rather too white to me. Actually, when the first one came out, I wasn't interested in the movie. I watched it anyway in my computer, and who could forget the line "Hey, Lord of the Flame, your tail's on fire". This second one is nice, because we get to see green things, all the trees. It was beautiful. We also fell in love much more to Manny, Diego, and Sid as a group. Oh yeah, I loved the part when the other sloths were sacrificing Sid to the Volcano, nice song, nice dance, the whole routine was just fun and hilarious. Trying to get the song now
On other part of my life yesterday. Currently in Singapore, for some people, I am known as another persona. One that I have, not because I choose to. Anyway, it's me in a certain confined situation and environment. Yesterday, I was found as that particular person outside the place where I normally hold that facade and it just felt weird. To be honest, I was just pretty embarrassed. I don't know why, maybe because I was shy? Maybe because I don't want to have that facade in the first place. Though it does not mean that I don't hold dearly all the things I feel while carrying that persona. I am bloody weird, aren't I? Forget all my stupid ramblings. Good news, I received an email from my other pen friend whom I haven't been in touch for a long time (thank God, I didn't dismiss it as junk mail, though the name was a bit weird and unrecognizable). The reason why we lost contact was because I moved to Singapore and she is a Palestinian living in Jerusalem. So go figure, how complicated it is? Will catch up with her. I am just thankful that God keep her safe and bless me to be able to write to her again. God is pretty amazing
:) eKa @ 8:39:00 PM • 0 comments
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Decided to get myself a new shoutbox. Still from an Indonesian based provider, this one is from Oggix.com. Don't really like it that much though. Maybe I should try to get use to it. You can say that it is better because it has smileys and all, but I just miss Doneeh. I hope they will be back up soon. Anyways, the new shoutbox, I choose an orange-y color scheme to add a bit of colour to my blog. Hope you all like it. Do start give me messages, people!On other news. My antivirus is expiring soon and I haven't gotten myself a new one. Geez, I am so dead. My external harddisk is extremely sensitive to the slightest vibration that it's easily disconnected
Had my eyes checked today for new lenses. Gonna cost me S$180. Right eye stays the same at -375. Left eye drops from -325 to -300. Apparently now I also have a slight astimagtism, but I don't think I will adjust my glasses. I can't really stay without it. Okay peeps, I hope your days are fabulous! Take care.
PS: Mr, you owe me an email! We haven't talked that much anymore these days.
:) eKa @ 8:05:00 PM • 0 comments
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
If you ask me what the title means, I can not explain it myself. Well all that I know is, Kuo Pau Kun was a Singapore artist who I think perhaps was a writer and he wrote this drama or maybe story entitled Lao Jiu. I think Lao Jiu itself may have meaning, but I don't know what it means. So why I wrote it there then? Well yesterday, unplanned, I decided to follow a friend who asked me to watch a musical performance by Commonwealth Secondary about this story in the Esplanade Theatre. The ticket was free. It was written in the ticket that it's S$100. I wonder if it was printed correctly.The musical was really good actually. The kids did a really good job. The band was a bit too loud at many occasions, that they drown the cast's voice. I wonder if I can call it a musical, because the cast didn't sing. The choir sang before and after the musical. I remember 2 of the songs they sang were pretty familiar, because I heard it in Moulin Rouge. The cast didn't do a dance routine also, but there were Malay, Chinese, and Indian dances. All were very well choreographed. Overall, the performance was great. The set was pretty simple but they had a very amazing tree. I wonder if the kids did the set. Sorry, I won't write a summary of what the story is all about, but I think some of the kids may be able to relate with the story. I don't feel that the ending was clear cut, it didn't really seem like it was solving the problem, maybe it was because of the original story itself.
Throughout watching it, I was thinking how fun it was to do a production that size with your friends. It will be one the memorable things in those kids' life. I can't say I had anything as memorable as that in my younger days. There's Rag, but as much as I tried to remember how it was, it gets pretty blurry. I guess, we just worked so much those days. My hall production experience didn't count because as much as it was interesting, I wasn't doing things that I wanted and didn't really feel much bonding.
Anyways, yesterday marked the 3 weeks in a row that I spent Tuesday night somewhere. Hence, I haven't been watching CSI properly. I miss Greg. Health wise, I think I am getting better. My bro lost his handphone again. What can I say? We have a great mom? Doneeh Shoutbox seems to be gone forever, so I suppose I should get me a new one. No time (basically I'm just lazy). I will try to deal with it as soon as possible. Arsenal won 2-0 against Juventus
:) eKa @ 8:14:00 PM • 0 comments
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
As the title implies, I got myself sick. Why and how? Well, I supposed I've done so many wrong and sinful things. Anyway, wasn't planning to blog on sickness. Was planning to blog on the dinner yesterday.Yesterday, I had a good dinner with several people that I haven't seen for a long long time. Felis, OSH, Ata, Boom2, Trisna, and Vivy. What's the occasion? was the question I've received from Osh and Ata. Well, actually I just wanted to catch up with Felis and thank her for helping me settle some things. Then, I thought why not ask a few other people who we haven't seen (or to be more correct, I haven't seen) for a long time. So that's what we did. Dinner was good, seafood and it was interesting. Felis, Boom2, and Trisna ordered this fried mushrooms that I quite like, eventhough I don't like mushrooms. It's just the fried mushrooms were pretty juicy. Anyway, it was really nice meeting them. Everyone seem to be doing extremely well. Good for them.
Then...I got myself sick today, influenza. The good thing is that, I can stop shouting, eventhough only for a day. Got an enlightenment today from the doctor, who said I was an adult and so I was supposed to take 2 tablets of medicine, like panadol. When Vinny said similar things this morning, I dismissed him as just being too "drug-gy?"
:) eKa @ 8:36:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, March 18, 2006
It's Chewin' at My Bones and My Brains
As I pasted the title, I just remembered that I haven't written in my diary some important stuffs. Maybe tomorrow. The title is a lyric from a song entitled Confusion by The Zutons. Another part of the lyric is being used in my MSN nickname. As usual, something bad always always happen to my week (sempre!) and last week was no different. All culminated in Friday. Thinking about it now, things like that could make me cry, but last Friday, I didn't, though I felt I was so doomed. One part of my horoscope prediction from Webshots today said: ...you really shouldn't assume responsibility for someone else's mistakes. I agree (totally). However bad things do happen to me, so let's see what tomorrow will bring.Today marks the end of something that currently I really treasure. Found out that there's a possibility that there will not be a new cycle. I hope it wouldn't come to that. It was something that I do for myself and thinking about it, I don't really do things for myself. Well shopping for oneself does not count and I don't shop that much either anyway. It was something that I do for my life that despite of it's not going to any concrete direction, I'm just happy that I do it.
Today is also my Chinese birthday. My parent didn't tell me in advance, especially my dad. I was kinda so surprised about that, maybe they forgot, but my mom did tell me this evening. I found out about it accidentally, but it was a lucky coincidence and I am thankful to God for letting me know. At least I didn't miss anything. As usual, having problem finding someone who sell hard-boiled egg. 1 egg, hard-boiled, that's all, tell me where I can buy it. So I ended up with a tea egg *yuck* I don't like tea egg and it's only because I had no choice that I settled with it. When I was buying it, there was this auntie who was talking to the seller. As the seller was taking change for me, the auntie in turn talked to me, telling me how good tea egg is, good for your health, bla bla bla. Thank you auntie, despite all the chat that I wasn't really looking forward to, I appreciate all the friendliness. It made the purchase of a tea egg more comforting.
I got back to my room and a present from Dagi was on my bed! I was so excited. God always does this to me, if things sucks, He makes sure His presence is felt. Dagi gave me 2 chocolates and a stuffed dog (a dog soft toy for you who start to think violent things) which is inside a dog mug. Very cute and I appreciate it very much. All the dogs theme kinda fit the Dog year. As I open the present, I was thinking how long we have been pen friends. It's definitely more than 5 years, I wonder if we have reached 10. I will ask her. All in all, this makes me think that it's okay Eka. If things turn bad, let's have dinner with good friends and bitch and let's go home. For now I will leave you with that lyric I put in my nickname.
It's funny how it tears me apart
:) eKa @ 9:06:00 PM • 0 comments
bluesky.
photos.
archives.