Sunday, May 02, 2021

Nomadland

When I watched Nomadland, I didn't feel much about the slow moving movie. Mom called me in the middle of me watching it and I talked to her about the premise of the movie. It's not my favourite in this year's Oscar (I'm leaning towards Minari maybe because as Asian, we get it more?), but Nomadland came to my mind a lot as I am undergoing a big change these past 2 weeks. As written in the last post, this April brings with it a feeling of melancholic reflection. Like last year, aside of what happened with my dad, COVID-19 brought a set of tasks that can be quite demanding. This year, in addition to all that, in the last 2 weeks I had to find a new place to stay and move out. The reason why I moved out would be silly for some people, a non-issue, but for me and Jenny 2.0, we're just on 2 opposite sides. I was surprised that my mom didn't reprimand me whenever I complained. She also didn't say I was being overly dramatic when I said I felt like moving out. She was instead very supportive and tried to calm me down and told me to move on if I didn't feel comfortable anymore. She did say to say sorry to Jenny 2.0 on my way out - very typical Indonesian requirement. However I couldn't bring myself to it. I did manage to say thank you for everything and take care. I think I lived with the first Jenny for 8 years or so and I lived with Jenny 2.0 for over 8 years. So maybe every 8 years I am destined to move? Anyways, it was a long time to live with Jenny 2.0 and as I was exiting, there are things that she did that make me feel like wow ... in a negative way. My mom told me to let it go whaveter it is, some people may need more things than us, also mom said she did good things to me as well and I shouldn't forget that. Another person may tell me that's because I don't give enough so there will be times when things will be taken from me. This time last year, I have to let go things that I felt was done unkindly to me, so this year it's the same. I hope it will be better days next year.

Anyways, new place. I was really stressed out about moving out and I wanted it to be quick. I was so stressed out that my body did something strange and I'm so confused. It's like the 1-2 week stress that I had was like a month for my body. I hope it's nothing because if not I have another major issue on hand :( I really cannot survive this all without my mom. She was calm and told me to calm down and deal with things one step at a time. This new place has good sides and bad sides but the usual me, I am seeing more of the bad side. The one big difference and as mom told me yesterday is that, for the past 2 living situations I was living with someone. Now I am in charge of my own things. There's a landlord and landlady, but they don't live here. So mom thinks this is a new thing for me, like a new phase of life. For someone who hate housework, it seems I have to do more cleaning and that makes me think of one of my cousin who cleans and cooks and how great it will be if she's living here so that she can clean for me :D There are more things in my room like a small fridge and an induction cooker (I don't cook), but it's a more noisy area. There seems to be a lot more things going on in the neighbourhood.

Put it simply, it's like I'm living in a super small modest studio. That's why my mind goes to Nomadland a lot. In Nomadland, the main character, Fern, decided to live simply in her van and find works in different places in America like many other actual nomads (who are also featured in the movie). To facilitate this move out, I actually shipped a cupboard size of things back home and yet I was stunned I still have so many junks that I lug with me. I thought of Fern and the other nomads in the movie who choose to live the nomadic life. You really have to have the mindset of letting go a lot of earthly possessions. Is it sad? I kinda feel so more on the part that they don't have a single stationary place to live in, but it is perhaps what they are actually looking for. At the same time I also find it amazing that they're able to do this. It is so liberating. So where I am right now, I'm not living in a car. I live in place which is not the nicest thing you see, but there's a place for me to be safe and all this I do on my own. So I should just give myself a pat in the back and like mom said, it's alright. I just need to give it time to get used to this and like in another movie I watched, The Mauritanian, it's not like I live and and being tortured in Guantanamo Bay. I have prayers and God will be there for me. Though I say that, I still freak out and crumble when things go bad. May God have mercy on me.

:) eKa @ 2:12:00 PM • 0 comments