Saturday, April 28, 2007
La Gioia said (for 2 times already I think) that things are so black and white in my world, while in hers and many others there's such thing as the grey area. I am not so sure if she is right but I do have a particular stand on some things. Why is this short introduction? Well, let's just read this post and see if this short introduction is apt.Woke up not feeling so good today because I didn't have a good night sleep. It's been happening everyday lately1. So I was late as usual. Grabbed MacDonald's milo because I didn't have the chance to buy a proper thing to eat. Was rather stunned to see half of the peeps didn't show up. Just found out that Carl va in Philippine, un' altra vacanza. Beata lei. La fidanzata di Prabh è qui, e forse loro vanno in vacanza. Molta gente va in vacanza ... ah beata loro. Anyways, Arianna was really nice, and overall it was a nice session though I had to muster every will in my being to concentrate. Oh yeah, I was shocked to find out that I didn't finish something, ho dimenticato! Ah...I should really put in more effort. Less chatting on the Net, Eka!
Afterwards, met Vivy in Orchard. She's having quite a sad situation. I wish everything will be alright. Had lunch (roast chicken). Saw some vaio, geez, I love nice computers and I so want to explore Windows vista (though I already saw something I don't like)
I felt kinda weird myself that my alcohol encounter came this soon. Yesterday I had dinner with the pets and their partners and some pet friends. Hhhmm...I do must say that the places by the Singapore river are pretty cool. Anyways the crazy uncle used his birthday to make us take shots of vodka. I was seriously in doubt if I should do it. To be fair, my one was not a shot, he already poured so much less. However, I just felt it was kinda wrong. I don't know why, maybe the whole situation? I guess there are a few things that friends should not ask other friends to do, such as smoking (normal or weed), drinking, and other things that I can't really think of right now
Had dinner with Vivy last Tuesday. Had talks about the stories people told me. The stupid things people say, the way people handle their problems. A revelation occurred that I look life in a more Christian way instead of in a Buddhist way. After a wiki search, I realized that I don't really know much about Buddhism, though it's my religion in my Indonesian ID card. Ask me about Jesus, I can give you better answer. Anyway, Vivy is a Buddhist and she does have quite a different view of seeing the happening in our life. She believes in karma, the good one and the bad one. As Buddhist, God the supreme being is not really in their belief. How does creation come along in Buddhism? I'm not sure, ask them. Anyways, that's not the point of our discussion. We were discussing about a certain problem someone I know has and how he chooses to deal with it. As much as we agreed that this guy's solution is pretty stupid, we had differing view on the nature of how the problem comes along. Well, Vivy kinda somewhat agreed with the guy on my theory of why such things happen
1So the part about not being able to sleep. Well, I made plans and one by one, they crumbled before me. Maybe because they weren't solid plans anyways, but there was 1 that I was really hoping for a lot. I don't know why I could be so stupid and not see that it had a high chance of failure. I guess it was because it was a dream *sigh* That made me really really sad, I can feel depression kicking in. I haven't cried yet. So I guess I can still be thankful. However, my body has already felt this emotional turn. One of it is me not being able to sleep well. Always get awoken earlier than I plan to. There's also the funny and tiring dreams, such as the ones that hunted me this morning, one after another. Damn it! Come to think of it, I guess I haven't been having a real good sleep for a long long time. I don't know what to say. Other things are happening and ... sigh, I can be acceptant, I can be grateful, I can be happy but it feels like I'm in denial. I don't know if I'm being ungrateful or this is really not my place. So much confusion and I just feel so much frustration. I don't know how to deal with this. Maybe I need to talk to older people more. Oh yeah, Mr. Italian job didn't come last Monday. See ... it's really hard to get hold of him, well he did have a good reason, being sick and all. Alright peeps, you take care okay. Hope your days are so much brighter.
:) eKa @ 10:49:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, April 21, 2007
I am so sleepy as I am writing this. I think people often forget that I start my Saturday early and in a real full swing. I'm not complaining, so why bother reminding you I suppose? Went to watch Wild Hogs with Vivy today. The title of the post is my Indonesian translated version of Wild HogsShall I give you an update with life? I don't think Vivy is writing this in her blog, maybe because she is humble but let me just write a few things because it kinda affects me in a way. She's going for a barbecue with Bill Gates. Yes, the real one, I wonder if it's so hard to believe that people needed to be reassured. Gascoigne needed to be explained in details to believe it. Anyways, so yeah, lucky her. I was kinda in a star struck mode when she told me the news. I guess I am star struck for her, because she hasn't thought much about it. So, for that she is leaving Singapore for some time (I don't want to give the details here) and that surprisingly made me kinda brokenhearted. Well, being sad is expected but as the realization sinks in further, I just got so sad. It's losing that only Indonesian voice that pretty much can understand the crazy Indonesian me, losing the movie friend (I must say I influence her a lot on this), losing a person who can discuss a book with me or other issue, losing my supply of songs and movies *sigh* I just realize that we do spend a lot of time together. Very very sad and it's gonna be a real loss. But people are moving on I suppose.
So yesterday I told someone about how I sad I am with Vivy leaving and all I got was a 1-sentence of "take it easy". That didn't help to comfort me. See, I've listened to people....oh I have listened to story about boys, ex boyfriend, ex boyfriend's girlfriend, boyfriend's family, girls, girlfriend, ex girlfriend, housemates, friends, room, colleague, and other stuffs. I may ask many questions that I need to be told to shut up but I do listen and as much as this may sound hard to believe, I do keep some things to myself. There are things which were told to me that I really do not share with anyone, even on things which wasn't tagged "please keep this to yourself, don't tell anyone". So when I tell someone something which was personal and the response was a short sentence, I do wonder a bit. I'm not saying that some people are selfish that they are so absorbed with their lives that they can continue talking about their stuffs and not noticing me who listen to them. Seriously, I wonder how much these people know about me in return. Yes, I may hide a few things about me, but sometime they just don't ask and continue blabbing about their stuffs. Yeah, I can call them selfish, but I just got to thinking that perhaps it is the way it is meant to be in my relationship (currently) with them, that I am in a state of listening. They may not listen to me or perhaps they may not be the right person to listen to my personal stuff, but I guess it's okay. I perhaps do much better for them by listening than them to me by listening. It does feel a bit sad that the people I thought could have comforted me if I tell them stuff, are not able to do so simply because they fail to listen to what I'm actually saying but I think I will survive. It's ironic really, that for example I can have a walk with il Gatto for almost every day of the week and finding myself telling someone else something which he perhaps could have understood and comforted me better. It's not his fault. It's not anyone's fault because as I said, perhaps this is the part of my life when I should just listen more.
Okay enough about that. Almost bought an iPod today. Vivy asked why the sudden urge. I told her the sentence she once told me "don't put off 'til tomorrow what you can do today"
:) eKa @ 7:10:00 PM • 0 comments
Sunday, April 15, 2007
No movie this week. Was really tempted to watch something, that I was almost going for Meet The Robinsons. Really kinda get addicted to movies that though I actually don't have any movie that I'm really looking forward to, I am thinking of watching Wild Hogs. The reasoning is that all the 4 big actors in Hollywood should make it for an entertaining watch. Let's just see if I can rally people to watch that with me.So it has been a quiet and uneventful weekend. I could have perhaps arranged a lunch or something, but decided not to. I wanted to sleep on Sunday and enjoy the TV during weekend. Kinda enjoyed View from the Top last night, though I think the story was not made to be close to reality. Candice Bergen's character was so unbelievably nice that I was waiting that she did something manic, and that didn't happen. It was not great, it was okay and somewhat entertaining.
Had a chat with a few people on Friday night. Kinda felt a bit weird and overwhelmed with 4 windows popping up. It's been a while since I really do a "serious" chat. Last time I did that a lot was when I was in Uni, with all the msn and icq and mirc
One was my cousin, which I really enjoyed. It's pretty cool that she can get online more often now and talk to me, it's really good to talk more to her. Talked about where we are in our lives. She said how funny that we are somewhat in the same state. I think I have more frustration than hers though, and I think she also has more experience on certain things. Talked about our family and she said that we have such strange / weird family, which I used as my msn nick. She said something like, "Gosh! you use it as your nick!"
Talked to Ms. J as well on Friday. Get an update of her life. I only got the updates on Friday because I've been rather occupied this week, I'm just thankful it's all over and it wasn't bad. Anyway, the previous weeks we touched on issue about all the lines that boys said to us or we heard from other girls, how cheesy they were and how these boys seem not to think of the effects of these lines (maybe they do know the effect but they just don't care). We actually wanted to make a top ten list of cheeziest lines
Oh yeah, this reminded me of another revelation this week. I found out that I no longer feel that comfortable with someone whom I used to feel very close with. I found myself not talking to this person for days or perhaps weeks now. At the beginning it felt weird, but now I don't even think about it and it seems that I don't even see this person anymore, it's like this person is not part of my view. That's not the revelation, the revelation was that I totally feel okay about it, no tinge of sadness at all. It was shocking that I feel that way, that I actually don't care. Logically it feels a bit bad and wrong, but I don't feel that way at all. I don't know if it's a good thing but as I said, I don't care. Funny how things happen, don't you think?
Okay, gotta go now. For an uneventful weekends, I do have too many things to say, don't I?
:) eKa @ 7:24:00 PM • 0 comments
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Let's see how fast I can finish writing this. Went to watch Conversations with Other Women with Vivy today. After an IMDB search, I found out that the movie was made in 2005, quite some time. I didn't know what the movie was about, going inside the theatre. Almost late, but I made it just on time. The movie was interesting because (well I don't know if I am explaining it correctly) it seemed that they are using 2 cameras, one followed the man and the other followed the women. So throughout the movie (except for the few last seconds) the screen was divided into 2 part, left and right, each showing different take. At the beginning of the movie I thought it felt like we were watching these 2 people having a conversation. Many side angles of their profile instead of a close up take of their faces. It's all about the conversation between this man and woman all throughout the movie. There's not much other people. You really have to bear with them. I kinda think you need to concentrate more to understand the whole thing. I think the catch of the movie was how fast you can figure out the relationship between them. It was rather interesting, really. It's kinda cute how they started off their conversation, especially knowing their history. I wonder if people should really do just try to start again and get to know each other again. That getting-to-know-again perhaps really makes the relationship better. The ending wasn't really clear. It does raise a question, when it comes to relationship, is it better to have the calm and steady one or the passionate fiery one. Calm and steady may seem boring at one point in the future just like the man implied, however the fiery one does burn, I suppose.Moving on, just finished watching The Last King of Scotland. Forest Whitaker was deserving of the Oscar. He was scary and manic. It was a really long and dramatic movie and I had to close my eyes when they were torturing the doctor. I found myself kinda holding my breath during the last few scenes of the movies. It was a history lesson of sort, but these days I tend to think that seeing can be very one sided. There are other sides of the story. Not really a movie that I would want to watch again, simply because of the heavy and dramatic content in it. I would recommend you to watch it though, for education purposes
On other movies, was actually planning to sit down properly and watch A Walk to Remember and Monster's Ball on Saturday. Unfortunately I had other things hence not much concentration was given to both of the movies. I still love Shane West
:) eKa @ 9:07:00 PM • 0 comments
Friday, April 06, 2007
So yesterday, we had pet dinner at Marche. I wasn't sure if it was gonna be fun but it was. We had lots of laughter. I truly enjoyed each and everyone of their company. In the end, there's 8 of us left and looking at the bills, we were all big eatersTasted il Gatto's beer and I kinda didn't mind the taste and I think I could really enjoy and like it. It was so like my dad's beer that I used to drink when I was young (yeah, when I was very young I liked to take a sip of my father's beer). Surprisingly being in my age now, I actually don't drink (my brother does though and I don't really condone it). Anyways, so I think I should really hold myself and stop from experimenting with all these things because I know me and I can get addicted easily. After thinking about that, I realize that it's not just a thing that can get you addicted. A person can get you addicted as well. At least in my case. I realize that it has been happening quite a lot in my life, especially in the past few months. So hence why I often have to deal with the withdrawal symptoms, which because it deals with a person, it kinda hurts a lot more.
Okay enough about that. Saw someone from the past yesterday. Aaaah...I couldn't believe it!!! So as it was with the last time, the person whom I contacted immediately was Gaby and thinking about it, she must had been doing her things on a (perhaps normal) Thursday night in Jakarta and here came a silly sms from Eka. She said she was totally laughing reading it. Aaahh...I don't know what to say, it was kinda overwhelming that it's not enough that I told her, I told il Gatto as well. It's surprising, it's overwhelming, it's ... it kinda made me embarrassed. My God!!! I am freaking silly. I should have handled it better and said "Hi!" as Gaby said? I don't know ... I think I should just say "sorry for being such a snob".
So today is Jumat Agung (Good Friday). I like the sound of Jumat Agung more than good Friday. I would like to wish all of you an early Happy Easter (Paskah in Indonesian, or Pasqua in Italian). Managed to go to the temple today. Was planning to go earlier, but I just didn't want to wake up (speaking of which, it's my first time since a long time actually enjoying my sleep and being able to laze around in bed). Anyways, so I was squeezed from every direction in the temple. Full of sweating people and as such I didn't really have time to say a proper prayer and wishes because you just needed to get out of there. Why I bothered to go? Because it's my Chinese birthday and since it falls on an auspicious day, I should really go and give thanks. Since it dawn on me that I was born on an auspicious day, I do wonder a lot if my life has been luckier or if I am destined to bigger things. Instead of that, I think I should focus more on being able to have more mercy. Couldn't find a normal boiled egg, so I had to settle with a tea egg. I love egg, but I don't like tea egg, but I had no choice. I wish I can get an ang paw though, which of course not happening. Managed to finish a few things since morning only to realize that I have more things to do. I better go to sleep now. It should rain anytime soon (it normally rains on Good Friday). Have a good long weekend everyone and a blessed Easter (really must contemplate on Jesus' sacrifice for us).
:) eKa @ 2:15:00 PM • 0 comments
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Went to watch Freedom Writers with Vivy yesterday. It wasn't planned and I was actually ready to watch it alone, but then Vivy said she was interested. In the end she was a bit late, so perhaps it was just a bit too rush.Anyway people, you should go and watch Freedom Writers. It is very good and I love it! Felt like clapping at the end of the movie. I think Hillary Swank was awesome and she was pretty as well. The fact that the movie was based on a true story makes it more extraordinary. It is amazing how much changes one can really make. I think the story of the movie was really well crafted. The cast were great. There were some really witty moments when some of the kids narrated what's going on in their heads. Most of the time though, the thoughts that went through the kids' head were rather disheartening. As I often feel watching movies that tried to depict what really happen in the other parts of the world, I again, felt rather in disbelief seeing how easy these kids can get killed and how they chose to live their lives by joining a gang. To think that here we are safe and sound in this part of the world, and there are people in other parts of the world who deal with guns on a regular basis, well it's really really sad.
If you think this movie is just another kind of Dangerous Minds (most probably you know it from the soundtrack, Gangsta Paradise) type, then I will tell you it's not really. I didn't really enjoy Dangerous Minds, I didn't like the ending. Freedom Writers is so much better and inspiring. I felt really contented after watching it, because I felt I just watched a really good movie. So I really do recommend this one.
So, as I was watching the movie, I got to thinking that if I am a teacher, what kind of teacher I will be like. People who know me, will think that, that statement is silly. It's just I wonder, if I really teach, if I really have a class, if I can give tests and homeworks and do grading and give punishments, what kind of teacher I be. Will I be able to bond with the kids? *sigh* I know they are such silly thoughts.
Can I just tell you that Windows Media Player 11 is so cool. Anyways, I think I'm gonna hurt myself because of my stupidity. I wish I can be less stupid. I should stop thinking about it *sigh* Take care peeps, go watch Freedom Writers during your long weekend.
ps: oh yeah, mom and dad are not at home for a few days *sigh* I suppose it is weird to say that I miss my mom since I don't even see her everyday, but I do miss my mom. We send sms to each other everyday and where she is now, there's no signal for her phone so I couldn't contact her and I don't know when she will be back *sigh*
:) eKa @ 8:23:00 PM • 0 comments
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Went to watch Because I Said So with Vivy today. A very girlie movie. I like it. I think Diane Keaton was extremely good as an overbearing mother. Mandy Moore was sweet. The only other movie from her that I watched was A Walk to Remember and somehow she just really fits all these sweet character roles. It was a girlie movie because of the so much girl stuffs in there, like what a girl or in this case a mothers want in a guy (for her daughter), the sisterhood (oooh, I always wonder what it's like to have sisters), and of course the nice and charming guys. Story wise, it was pretty okay. It had a happy ending except for one of the guy. Nothing special about the story, but I like it, perhaps because of it's lightheartedness and the nice guy that Mandy Moore's character ended up with.Afterwards I had a big lunch / dinner with Vivy. One heavy meal a day and as such I do can eat a lot on one sitting. Talked about this and that, the usual stuff. In her post, she wrote how my speed in talking does make it efficient for us to discuss much stuff in a short time we can spend. I am glad that one can appreciate this of me
Managed to have an msn talk with Ms. J on Friday night as well. It was also nice talking to her since recently I'm not really reachable. She entrusted me with an issue which ... *sigh* made me rather concerned upon reading it, because I think it's enough that it's not working out with me, I don't want her to go to the same end. But I think in the end she will (as always) be nicer than me. Talked about another person which she said had become a distance name
I don't know if I should put this one, but let me just put it because I want to highlight the self-discovery that I found while talking with Ms. J and Vivy. So the story goes, I had an argument with Gascoigne on Friday. It was kinda a bummer. I don't want to talk what it is about because I think even on this, we differed. So as I was talking to Ms. J, I thought all this time I perhaps have been lucky to meet nice guys (on the exception of my charges, they don't count, except for 1 or 2 or 3) who kinda "give in" to me or be nice to me because they are the guys and I am the girl. Then I have to deal with Gascoigne, who as painful as it is to say it out loud (it was seriously not easy to say it that Vivy had to be the one who said it out loud...see we think alike) treats me as equal. He doesn't budge, he doesn't give in. He will argue and debate with me and make his points and will say all the things he wants to say happily, which are actually quite hard for me to swallow at times. At one side, I think I am maybe a spoilt brat for not being able to let it go and thinking he's the difficult one. On the other side, I think that perhaps he himself should kinda give in to a girl or understand that there are moments that as guys, they should not have argued so much or at least tried to be gentler. Aaahh...I don't know, maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong, maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong but ... *sigh* the only conclusion is that we are just 2 difficult people
:) eKa @ 6:19:00 PM • 0 comments
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