Total Self Absorption

Not much to tell really. Didn't do anything interesting this week. No movie, though I feel like going to watch at least 1 next week (alone hopefully). Did go for dinner yesterday, il Gatto's birthday dinner. I left the peeps before dessert though because I was just too tired. Managed to go and pray this morning and managed to made it in just in time. I am really not in a good spirit that I didn't want a McDonalds breakfast this morning.

The weather has been wicked. It rains way too much and I always feel cold. I can feel the wind going inside me and to still be standing is surprising. In addition to being cold, I feel tired and somehow more anti social than ever? I'm just too tired and gosh I hope I will not have to really shout "non me ne frega niente!!!". I simply don't care, I couldn't care less! I don't want to know and I do not want to listen. I want a "me" time. I wish everyone well and for those who ask me to pray, be it for their work or their relationship, I do wish that things will work out for you people. I'm sorry that I do not pray as much as I could, but I do really wish things will work out for you.

Miss the talk with the Mr or the emails at least but I know we both have less energy to do so. Miss the other Mr as well, whom I left a message weeks ago and didn't get any reply. Miss Vivy and can't wait for her to come back because I really need that sensible voice. However to wish for her to come back soon will be bad because given the opportunity to stay longer, she should take it. I am perhaps selfish wanting these people so that I can talk about my misery to them, exactly the things that I hate from the people who are doing it to me. Perhaps these people are already getting tired with me themselves, yes Mr? I miss their sensible and comical comments, even though their truth are hard to swallow sometime but they are right. You are right, Mr.

For now, I just have to make do waiting for Rista to come next week, even only for a few hours. At least I get to talk to someone who is not ... well who at least is an Indonesian who knows me and perhaps has the slightest interest in getting to know how I am, really. I put really in that sentence because sometime I feel the people who asked me how I am (to be honest not many because many are wrapped up in their things) basically just want to know the drama and after half listening, they don't really give comforting and encouraging words. I know because I did try confiding to some people and all I get is basically merda. Take care peeps!

:) eKa @ 11:58:00 PM • 0 comments

Where to Get Your Potter

People may say I am nuts for writing about this but ah, it's just so inside me so let me just get it out. I've finally bought my Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Bought the orange Scholastic one and oh I just think it's oh so beautiful!!! Got it in Borders because Borders is the only place in Singapore that sells Scholastic US edition of Harry Potter. The price was a whooping S$ 62.95, compared to the Bloomsbury (UK edition) that Borders sell for S$ 42.05. That's like 20 dollars more. Now, I do must say that Borders sell the cheapest Potter book, so if you want to get it (though I think you must have owned it by now), get it in Borders because Kinokuniya is selling it at around S$ 53 (if I'm not mistaken), which I think is the actual retail price (I think Times book store also selling it at that price). Popular in Orchard is selling it at around S$ 48 though, because they have some discount going on. I do wonder if the reason that Borders can sell the Bloomsbury one in such a cheap price is because they set such a high price for their Scholastic books, knowing that they're the only place that sell it.

Anyway, yes that's all that I want to rant about. There's a sense of happiness and satisfaction when I bought my Potter though I'm not able to read it anytime soon. Kinda wished they had put in the the I've got my Harry Potter at Borders orange paper bag, but I had to settle with their normal black plastic bag. I also didn't get any balloons, not that I wanted it, but I just felt the black and orange balloons were pretty cute when I saw them on Saturday.

:) eKa @ 8:24:00 PM • 0 comments

of Being Responsible (or trying to be)

Hello people. Nothing interesting to tell actually. Had a second serving of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix alone last week. Was feeling rather stressed out so I went alone and I loved the solitude. Been having some of those alone moments this week and this coming week as well. It felt rather miserably lonely but right at the same time. Somehow I really feel it is of the utmost importance that I should be able to be with myself. Did have dinner at Manhattan Fish last week with some people though. Don't feel like disclosing the names. After the dinner I ended up waiting for the taxi that never came and ended up in the bus that I didn't want to take. Was very tired. I'm pretty tired these days.

Moving on, I haven't gotten my Deathly Hallows just yet and the Mr is not getting it for me, which was not surprising actually I will be floored if he does. It's okay, kinda promised myself that I would get it myself when the Mr got me Bloomsbury The Half Blood Prince 2 years back because I want the nice scholastic (US edition) kids version and I'll be getting it in Borders since they're the only place which sell it in Singapore. I don't think I will be able to read it soon though, quite in a responsible mode these days (hence the title) and so I have to dedicate my time for other things. Anyway, I haven't finished re-reading The Order of the Phoenix so basically I still have some things stacking up.

My brother finally graduated from the Uni. Mom and dad went to his graduation on Saturday. I heard it was a long affair. I was thinking that it's pretty cool of my mom and dad to witness 2 graduation ceremonies in different countries. I wonder if a thought came to their head, thinking that they made it, they have managed to bring up the kids from the small babies into 20-year-old something people. I guess another thought would quickly sink in that their kids are still morons. My present for the bro reached home safely but he still hasn't gotten it. He asked for it to be kept at home first. Kinda disheartening to think that that petite pretty thing is still kept in the box and not seeing the light of the day. When I think about how small it is, I'm just loving my big one

Slept at 4 am Saturday night or Sunday morning actually. That's 1 hour off my predicted schedule. Was fixing some stuff and ... oh well ... it was painful but it had to be done. I was thinking of the people I did it for and how they were perhaps awake as well, but instead they were pouring over Harry Potter and I had to clean their mess. Of course in a way, I have to be the adult one and not complaining but one do get pissed off with the disregard and here I am still waiting for the missing pieces which those ungrateful idiots refuse to acknowledge. Ah ... apparently I am in an angry mode.

Jase found out something about me today which prompted him to ask me "So why are you here?". To which I could only reply "Ask God". There were times when I was losing reason. I think I haven't found that "reason" back and the only reason why I wasn't really bugged about it now is because there's just too many other things that distract me. Unfortunately it is very true. I can't find any reason, really. The same way I cannot find any reason why I should stay in Singapore, sigh.

Vivy asked me what was the butterfly-like prints on the sand of the picture I posted for the Bintan trip. It's actually sand balls that the little crabs made when they dig their holes. So there were many little sand balls surrounding their small holes. Magnificent really and I said my head got to thinking to the point of existence when I look at the picture. Why? Because those crabs spent time digging and in the process creating those patterns only to be destroyed hours later by people walking around or by the wave. So what's the point I wonder? But that's just how their lives are? I wonder if they find meaning in it, I hope they do. I wonder if people see me and wonder what's the point of me doing what I am doing. Sadly I won't be able to give them satisfying answer. I just hope that I have done my best because at least doing your best is in God's path. Of course the most worrying thing for me is not being in God's path in the first place because that would make me so wrong regardless of how hard I tried to make it work. Oh listen to yourself, Eka! Take care peeps, a close up picture of the crab's holes.

:) eKa @ 8:27:00 PM • 0 comments

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Review coming up, but bear with me with a few boring details. I am so tired as I am writing this. Was supposed to do something but then I got back to my room quite late and I had to do some ironing (the chore that I hate the most) and so I'm just very very tired now. Today I have quite a full day. Started it early and I spent around 12 hours out doing a few things here and there. Morning engagement was rather difficult because my mind wasn't there. I was quite sleepy and lazy but Carl as usual did provide laughter and I realized that I really love spending time with all of them. There was talk about the next one and as much as I don't want a break, I think it is perhaps better for all of us because obviously I'm getting lazy, I start to reject a few things, and I do want to sleep more.

Afterwards to the post office I went and I think I was a bit rude to the lady who I felt didn't handle me well enough. Then the other lady came to serve me and she was so nice, I felt rather bad. I hope the package reach home safely. All I can say is "Becoming the nicest sister is expensive". Why I did it then? Well I just have my moments when I just feel like doing something out of the blue, like buying 9 ice creams. Then it was Harry Potter with the circle of trust (review is coming, wait for it). After the movie, we went for lunch and then Cheeky Monkey had to leave us and meet his cousin, so it's the girls accompanying Vinny in spending his birthday fund. He bought something which I hope he really likes, because I really like the thing that I bought with my birthday fund. After the shopping spree, it was dessert time, with talk that involved booze, clubs, and a crazy cake. Let's see if they manage to come near in intoxicating me and the flyingNun Okay, so that's the boring details. Let's go with the review. Oh wait, I should say that I didn't manage to finish the book before I watched the movie. Mimi (not her preferred spelling) actually tried to reach me this week and she succeeded in calling me, just to tell me not to read the book. She said I was going to be disappointed because the movie took out a lot of things from the book and she was disappointed with it. Her call was really amusing and brightened my day 'cause I got to laugh a bit that day

I must say, speaking from outside the book point of view, I think the movie was quite well made. I think its story was not bad. However from the book point of view, obviously they had to take out a lot of parts but I think some of the parts that they took out were quite a good choice. Of course there's a few disappointment, like how with the so many characters there, none of them really have the chance to stand out, like Snape, Ron, Neville, Hermione, Kreacher (in order of which I think they should play more role). Take Snape for example, how many scenes he actually got. Even the scene which showed Harry's dad was actually a bully who tormented Snape, it was not featured long enough to give an emphasis that Snape had every reason to dislike the Potter and how badly treated he was. Then there's Ron and Hermione who were just the best friends there whose contribution to the whole adventure were not visible. Neville should have had more limelight in this movie if we followed the book, but he didn't get much air time. Kreacher the elf didn't have lines or story that emphasized his role in the whole plot. Then I felt the climax can be so much better. It just wasn't exciting enough. The fighting scenes were short and I felt it should have been longer and highlighted how Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna, and Ginny really helped. The way Sirius died was also rather a disappointment for me. I think he deserved a better glorious send off. The Dumbledore and Voldermort fight was rather interesting but not really super cool.

A few things worth noted though. I'm glad that the Weasley's twin farewell did get some air time and it was crafted quite well, though I wish it could be bigger and better. There were a lot of things being written about this movie and many critics pointed out how Umbridge was nicely played by Imelda Staunton. Yes she was annoying and the smile and the voice and the way she spoke slowly did make you dislike her but of all the new cast, I was particularly amused with the girl who played Luna Lovegood. She didn't appear as nutty as the book depicted her, but her air of strangeness was totally apparent and I personally like how her voice and the way she spoke did sound dreamy just like the book described her. On other characters, I still love Ron. Emma Watson is getting prettier but I think her Hermione is a bit unnatural because she often says her lines in so much seriousness that it does seem like she is acting rather than watching Hermione talking. I love the Weasley twin because they're always a good watch. I don't really like Dumbledore though, because I think he wasn't pictured as wise and as patient as I imagine him to be. Ah, I guess I picture so many of these characters when I read the book that when the movie's character is different from what I imagine, I felt rather disappointed. I almost forget, I have to mention Helena Bonham Carter because her Bellatrix Lestrange (though her scenes were not much) was just freaky, manic, and plain scary. She's really good. I think she's scarier than Voldermort actually Okay, I'm tired, I need to get some sleep.

The Rebellion Begins

:) eKa @ 12:50:00 AM • 0 comments

The Bintan Trip

Went to Bintan with La Gioia and NanSee during the weekend. It was somewhat not planned. I forgot how we began. We found out that iL Gatto was going with his girlfriend and what started out as a joke of us stalking him became a real plan which was put into action in a speedy manner. It took us less than 2 weeks to decide where and when we actually wanted to go and made the booking. A lot of spur of the moment. We didn't really think if we could actually go and the days leading to the trip did prove to a be a testing one for me and La Gioia at least. Anyways, so we took the 8 pm ferry on Friday night (060707), arriving in my dear country at night. Got our room and it wasn't bad. Room number 1, my number The lounge / bar was only a few metres away and we went there to check out the happening and lo and behold there was iL Gatto and his girlfriend and the couple they went together with. That was the one and only time we saw him there. Anyway, Friday was somewhat a ladies night and upon approaching the bar, we got drinks. Ah! I don't condone drinking and there it was. We then sat on the seats under the tree and I couldn't believe we made it, considering all the rush. We watched the not-so-happening party and in the end decided to see the beach.

Decided to start our Saturday morning early. The breakfast was good and I love it, however the 070707 day brought strong wind and rain! The wind was so strong that I was rather nervous that a heavy storm was going to ensue. The weather was not good but in the end there was just drizzle and we decided to go to our mangrove trip (yes, people normally go to Bintan for spa and such and we decided to be educational). There was drizzle so we had to wear raincoats and I felt rather moronic taking the trip in such weather, however it was a really good and interesting trip, though we couldn't see much thing because the weather caused the animal to stay in their homes. Still, I liked it and I think it was really cool. Our driver to the mangrove river said we should have taken the night trip for the mangrove tour because you can see fireflies. Yeah, I would want to do that the next time we go there.

After the trip, we had lunch, then back to our beach. We were curious with the beach that was on the turn on the right side of our beach, so we went there. It was during high tide that we actually had to do some kind of horizontal rock climbing, navigating the slippery rocks which at that time seemed like the only way to get to the beach. I had fun doing it, though I had to say, one careless mistake, I could have knocked my head and died. We made it and the small beach was beautiful, it was so private because noone was there and it was just nice with the blue water. We didn't stay long though. Next stop was trying the banana boat, in which NanSee screamed loudly and happily which I think made the guy eager to tease us and they started moving so fast and next thing I knew, I fell into the ocean! I who cannot swim. Was pretty scared but I tried to stayed calm. When I resurfaced I was so elated to see La Gioia and NanSee in the water too. They had fallen as well and I was so glad to see them. Imagine how embarrassing it is to say I fell off a banana boat but we all fell together! So that's not embarrassing. I must say it was purposely done by the guy. We were crazy though, I guess after we saw the 3 of us fell together, we became happy and started laughing even as the guy tried hard to get us back on the banana boat It was so much fun, the day was getting better as it went. Then we decided to try kayaking which we abandoned quite fast because man! it was tiring for the arm and I had so much ache that night.

We had dinner at (according to what people say) the best seafood restaurant in Bintan. One of the dish we chose were snails and I like it! I remember eating it when I was young and my mom was surprised that I remembered that. I do, I remember stuff, hence I guess people should be more careful with me. Anyways, the food was great. I went back to the hotel feeling tired. Not much thing we did that night because we were tired. Back to the lounge / bar and yet the so called party was really a boring one. I guess it's because there's not much people there anyway.

Sunday morning was spent walking by the beach after breakfast. Saw many interesting creatures. Little crabs that were going back to the ocean and oh the way they moved, it's so like spiders and there were many of them, Ronald Weasley gonna have a freak. Since it was low tide, we could walk to the secluded beach we found the day before without having to go through the rocks and to our horror, the low tide showed how not appealing the beach was. We saw rocks and the shore line was so far away. But I still had fun walking there and looking at all the crabs, their amazing holes, the fish, the clear blue greenish water, the calming blue sky and the cloud. It was depressing to know we were leaving. We still managed to spend some time at the water. La Gioia was teaching us to be happy sleeping frogs and apparently I just couldn't relax. Ah, I'm acceptant towards it and I don't even bother to solve this anymore. I just have issue and I don't let go easily, so what. I carry so much baggage and let it be. Trying to tell yourself to relax is the most tense thing ever, I suppose. So everything is not okay, so accept it.

I'm drifting, anyways, so we had a good time there. Then it was time to go home and I guess we finally ran out of luck because apparently our departure time wasn't confirmed. So we tried to negotiate with the "mas" there to help us get on the ferry. They helped us but gave us the wrong timing so we had to struggle again to get the timing that we wanted. We succeeded and we were just relieved. Happy that we got on to the ferry but as I was sitting there, I felt depressed about leaving. Depressed about leaving Indonesia. The same kind of feeling I always have when I have to leave Jakarta for Singapore. I hated it so much and sadness were growing. Back in Singapore, the long taxi ride took the usual route I normally take from Changi, and it gave me the most beautiful Singapore view at night and yet it just added to the sadness.

It was such a good trip. I had so much fun. It was depressing when it ended. The depression carried through Monday and Monday was sucky. I hated Monday and I think I was throwing attitude but I didn't care. Monday lasted quite long for me and I ended up doing something which I didn't like. I just didn't find it calming as promised. Things have not been fun these days, it's been tough and busy and annoying and irritating. There was plan of going home next week, but that's not gonna happen. There are things I do which I don't understand why I do it. Today was a good example of it. It's like a dream in which I feel like I'm just gonna wake up one day and I realize how moronic I have been and I'm gonna stop. It has become less interesting now, but maybe these days it's just hard to amuse me. Ah, let's stop, let's just show you pictures. I made this small, maybe because it's cuter and you can't see the imperfection. As usual, it's photoshop enhanced.

... our place ...

... ah, a lone boat ... me?

... the sand, sea, sky ...

... the other things ...

... lastly ...

:) eKa @ 10:32:00 PM • 0 comments

The Transformer Entry

Alrighty, let's write the Transformer entry since Ms. Kiera actually bothered to drop by here and hear my say. Believe it or not, I actually wasn't interested in watching it. In the end, after being bombarded by the trailer, I decided that I should go and watch it. Actually the "tagline" A Michael Bay Film is the one which managed to persuade me best. Yes, don't you think that that line is more apt to be said as the tagline than the other official taglines?

So, went to watch the Transformer yesterday with La Gioia, NanSee, Gascoigne, and Jase (nickname given by Gascoigne). Jase was actually watching it for the 2nd time. He's such a youngster. The first time we exchanged each other's ages, I seriously felt old. I should begin with telling what this youngster brought us into. He took 3 adults to a haunted house. Apparently there's a haunted house near Orchard Cineleisure. At first, I was quite interested but after a walk which was quite long, I echoed what Gascoigne said, that I couldn't believe we 3 adults actually followed this youngster to see a haunted house. I think if one want to bring anyone to a haunted house, one shouldn't say we are going to a haunted house. Saying that will just make the people nervous and lose courage. The whole introduction at the beginning made me and La Gioia not keen in exploring further, I would say that Gascoigne felt the same but he would probably deny it. Anyway, so yeah, we didn't really go inside the real haunted house, we went inside the other abandoned house where according to Jase a lady burned herself to dead. Didn't see anything. Felt rather weird and I did say a prayer, but it's not because of the aura of the place, but because as I said earlier, the introductory story from Jase made me rather nervous. All in all, we saw nothing and nothing happened. However there was something that happened last night after I got home that did make me wonder a bit if "something" was bugging me. However, no harm done, so I guess I was just being dramatic.

Okay, back to Transformer. I must say that it was a really good movie. The effect was amazing of course, however I felt that the action scenes were too fast that sometime you couldn't see what's going on clearly. I wonder if it had been slightly slower we could see some bad effect, hence they made it so much faster to hide all the imperfectness. Love the robots and really love how they had so much characters, very good script by the writer. The cast were great. Shia LaBeouf was really good but he wasn't the only one who were comical. I must say some of the characters were really interesting and their lines were just great, witty, and comical. I felt the music was really used to build up the emotion of the movie. Some of the comical moments were just straight off plain comical. No brainer there, just laugh at the moment.

Then, perhaps it's just me with my short attention span or perhaps it was rather late (for my brain to function) that on the second half of the movie when they started to find out about the history of these robots and started fighting, I was losing interest. I thought the ending was rather illogical, but apparently I was the only who felt that way All in all, I think it was a totally cool movie, I would say it was better than Spider-man 3, Fantastic 4 (obviously) and sadly Pirates 3. So far, it's perhaps the best summer movie I watched this year. Let's see how Potter gonna fair.

On other news. Finished packing my bag and I'm ready to go (I guess). Wasn't really excited during packing (I'm in a rather gloomy mood). I guess I'm not one who can pack, or just one who are fussy about things, that I ended up with a big bag. So much bigger than necessary. Better safe than sorry?

Life has been ... it should be a nice one, a good one, however been feeling rather anti-social these days. I got an email from the Mr and Vivy last weekend and they made me laugh. Miss them so much and I miss my mother so much as well. Mom and dad are on holiday. Even though I don't live with my mom, I still miss her. We send sms to each other everyday and not getting any word from her just feels so lonely. Funny how you can be so used to something and when it is not there, the emptiness is pretty significant. Anyway, the Mr is perhaps having the most surreal days of his life yet, hence no reply from him. I miss him. I miss him more today because I think he can understand what I am feeling. I miss the other Mr as well because I can imagine him saying things like I'm a strong and capable person, and things will be alright.

As I made my way home today, I just felt so sad, feel like crying kinda sad. I felt the sadness balled up inside of me and I thought it could just burst and I wanted to just call someone and pour my sadness. I didn't. I didn't cry, I didn't call anyone. I don't think anyone can understand. I also felt tired thinking that I have to recount what made sad *sigh*

I decided that I'm not gonna do my il Gattopardo summary. Felt guilty about it but my priority is just on Harry Potter now. Been spending much time reading the book like I'm gonna have an exam on it. Finished The Half Blood Prince and so I am now rushing to finish The Order of the Phoenix. That being on top of my list kinda kicks everything else, things with more importance perhaps. It's so hard, to do the right thing, to be responsible. It takes lots of efforts and time and energy and I just want to let go. But I hate letting go, because letting go means losing, admitting defeat and I don't want to surrender. Of course there's always that voice that say why bother? I guess because I am me. I guess because I'm a moron? *sigh* I want to go home.

PS: oh yeah, the French are back. Haven't seen much of them but saw them when they arrived and Chloe straight off pointed at me and say "caca!". Yeah she had a blast saying that.

:) eKa @ 8:51:00 PM • 0 comments