Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Went to watch Hairspray
today, yay! Was pretty happy that I got to do it alone. Ah, let's face it, I really want to be left alone these days. Anyway, the movie came after a disastrous 2 hours in which I felt like a failure. I hate that, I hate feeling that I fail. I pretty much did though and somehow I was kinda really down and sad and I'm glad I went to watch Hairspray
because it was so entertaining that I had lotsa fun. If I can only sum the movie in 1 word, that would be FUN. I love it so much. Just a few minutes into the movie I was already thinking this movie was such fun. I think being in a musical is really fun.
So what is the movie about? Last week when Gascoigne asked me that, I said that it was about a fat kid who wanted to dance. There's actually so much more than that. There's bigger issue being highlighted in the movie, which was the segregation between the white Americans and the black African American in the 1960s. I think that issue was told quite well in the movie. Of course the fat kid issue trying to make it in a world where appearance matter also played a part in the movie, as well as the love stories between some of the characters.
Now let's talk about the actors and actresses. You have to applaud John Travolta. I don't think he actually sang well, but man! to be able to play a woman who had some social issue, he was really good. They made a big deal out of his character when it first appeared, showing his leg (which was obviously shaven) and his whole physical self. As I said, I don't think he sang well, but man he really can dance. So amusing to watch. The main role went to Nikki Blonsky who got the role through audition and I do have to say that she had such a presence. I think she was a good singer and fit the role of Tracy Turnblad so amazingly well. On other actors and actresses, I think James Marsden (cyclops in X-men) was just forever cool. Queen Latifah was as usual had a commanding presence on the screen, a good powerful voice as well. Amanda Bynes, Zac Efron (I have to say he is musically pretty talented), and Elijah Kelley were all pretty fun to watch. I really didn't like Michelle Pfeiffer's character, so I suppose she must have played the antagonist part pretty well to make me really hate her. I think the cast was really good, everyone was really really nice to watch. The songs and dancing were pretty nice and cool. I'm so gonna find the songs. So this along with Ratatouille
are truly recommended. Go and watch it peeps!
... 'cause you can't stop the motion of the ocean or the sun in the sky ...
:) eKa @ 9:45:00 PM •
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Went to watch Ratatouille
with the usual peeps yesterday, La Gioia, NanSee, Gascoigne, and Lois. To be honest, yesterday I wasn't really keen on going out with them. The anti social feeling is still going on pretty strong and I wanted to watch my movies alone. The initial plan was to watch Hairspray
but then I saw that Ratatouille
was out and so we went to watch that. It is rather difficult to get good seats if you do not make your booking in advance and since I made it at around 4 pm, not much seats were left. I was being rather fussy about it and so we ended up watching the digital one at 9:45 pm. Not really that excited about the time slot but I supposed we had no choice. During the movie I was so tired that I was thinking "God, if only it wasn't this late and I wasn't this tired, I would be able to enjoy the movie more". The good part about the late time slot was that we had time to eat "fanciful" food. I really needed some comforting Indonesian food. I hope the peeps enjoyed it though. I guess La Gioia could appreciate it
This reminded me, we have a teppan-yaki place we need to go to. I love eating!!!
Right then, back to the movie. Going into the movie, I just felt that Ratatouille
was just so beautiful. The mind kinda wandered off to The Simpsons
and I was thinking that cartoons like Ratatouille
is really the cartoon of our time and age. This is what we are used to now. The story itself was really nice. I have to say that this is perhaps the best cartoon this year, definitely so much better than Shrek. It had a story about family, about going against all odds to achieve what's stirring inside you, about honesty, and of course about food. Can I say again that the movie is beautiful? It was really really beautiful that you just feel good seeing the scenes. I kinda loved the scene when Remy the rat was explaining the feeling he got when he ate nice food, there were explosion of colors and you can just really relate to that. As starfish told me weeks ago, Ratatouille
is a definite must watch. Oh, I must tell you what came in to my mind as I watched the movies. The eyes of the characters, especially the human characters, they were just too shiny, so I was thinking that it's so not like a human, but I suppose that's where the cartoon element come along. Oh yeah, the part where the rats cooked were quite cute, though I still felt grossed out seeing so many of them.
On other news this week. Life has been bearable. Founding my self feeling so disorganized and I don't know, I just feel worried that something is gonna smack me out of the blue. Had a barbecue gathering in memory of the pet uncle last Tuesday. He had wanted one during the National day holiday but the response was not encouraging at that time. So we had it on his 7th
day. The irony of people dying, you regret not doing stuff with them when they were alive and you tried to make it up afterwards when they're not with us anymore. However I think the barbecue served a purpose of making us feel better and start having fun again. Personally, I tried not to think about what happened to him, because if I have to reminisce, sadness will just come. I guess only until I am totally okay about it then I can start seeing more of his pictures. I thought the barbecue was great, everyone seemed to be having a good time. Some may still be in a mellow mood, I hope they will be okay real soon. I just felt really good hanging out with those people. It's kinda nice eating, talking, playing with everyone. I know for sure the pet uncle would have loved such fun. So I guess we did good. Okay, I have to go and be responsible now, and so let me leave you with a beautiful scene from Ratatouille
:) eKa @ 8:40:00 PM •
Sunday, August 19, 2007
*sigh* I don't know how to begin. Don't know if I can last writing this. Everyone had written many beautiful things about the pet uncle who left us so suddenly. I'm having difficulties writing the sentences.
Choose the title of the post because of what the bapak used as the subject of the email he sent us to tell us the news. I thought the email subject was like one of a chapter title from Harry Potter. It's kinda nice actually, kinda had a heroic feel to it. I got the news from the ibu on Wednesday after lunch and I didn't actually cry straight away. I guess I'm just built differently, I don't know. Maybe the news didn't really sink in yet. It took me around half an hour later to cry and yet I didn't cry much, somehow I just felt there's a need for me to keep it strong. Cried so much more than I expected during the funeral. After the funeral, I kinda thought that that was it, no more tear 'cause I have let go but I found myself crying really hard yesterday afternoon. The tears just couldn't seem to stop and now they are forming again. I shouldn't cry, because I don't believe you should cry much for someone who died. It's all in God's plan, so you have to be acceptant about it and I know for sure he would think that I have cried way too much and I am being way too dramatic. It's not that I am not letting go, but memories just come one after another and to write about him means having to remember those times. It's important for me to write this so that I can really move on. So let my memories of him come, how random they may seem.
His funeral was at his hometown and you can see mountains from his house. I thought it was kinda cool and nice. I was thinking that I don't recall him ever telling me that.
I remember seeing him sitting at the front, I think it was his first day. I remember going down the lift with him because we were going to that place in Woodlands. He was telling me his background. I was thinking why the need for such formality. I remember sitting in the taxi with him. I asked him about his name because it sounded so girlie. He told me how it came about, at that time I didn't know the person he was referring to, now I'm gonna try to download the songs. The first "herd" he encountered was mine, a fact that he surprisingly remembered because he mentioned it again in one of our conversation. I remember the BK lunch afterwards. There was a joke he told me which I couldn't really remember the detail, about a prayer before a meal that he had to do because his friends asked him to
I remember the Saturday at the park. The one and only Saturday I have ever spent there. It was in September 2006, we both wrote something about it in our blogs. I remembered sitting down together for my Starbucks lunch and we started talking about life. Found out a few things about him, about his life, and how I was thinking how he had gone through a lot and I am so lacking behind in the whole life experience. He wrote in his blog that he was so happy to see me. So happy! God ... I guess that day I just felt that there's a certain degree of loneliness that we both can relate to, being here alone. From his room, he turned up the volume of his speaker and asked me to identify a song. It's They
. I wasn't really fond of the song but I guess the lyric was really meaningful. I gave him that song.
I was reading our msn log yesterday and it caused me to cry as much as I am now. Our last long conversation there was in April 2007. It started off normal. He asked if he was being protective of everyone and I said yes and he said he wanted everyone to be happy. I believe you can't always make everyone happy but now I realize that you can try, just like what he had done. He said he'd been reading my blog and he said I was talking about moving on. I told him that I always said such stuff. He said that maybe he would be the one who make the first step. He said you'd never know right. Yes, indeed. Feel like shouting at him now and say you idiot!!! How can you leave me like this. I guess if the farewell had been more well prepared, when we get to sit down one more time and have our good conversation and I could give him a cool farewell goodie bag, if we could say take care, everything would be alright, everything would be good in our life, if we had just made each other sure that we'd be alright, then I wouldn't cry this much. But no point thinking of things that we could have done, things we wish we could do. We have to let go, right?
He said he missed starfish. He was saying about the time the 3 of us fight the world. I said yeah, amazingly we did it. Now that 3 people have been reduced to me. Yes, now there are so many others, but God, I still couldn't find that someone that I can go to and just talk. I miss starfish and now I am more alone than ever. He really fought hard for me and starfish. I remember the coffee break in which me and starfish talked about my unexpected finding. He fought really really hard for our well being. I'll be forever grateful. I remember he called me on a public holiday (but I couldn't remember which one) all the way from KL to give me a piece of news which he thought would make me feel so happy. He was excited about it. I remember saying thank you and I was stunned that he made the call all the way from there on a public holiday which he could use for other things. There's just some things that I could only confide to him. I made a call to him earlier this year and he took time out from his dinner to hear me out and reassured me that everything was alright. He thought I killed someone because I said it was quite urgent
In our last msn talk, he confided to me about someone. That time I was laughing hard about it because I didn't expect that he would actually say what he felt and thought and I didn't expect that those were what he felt and thought. I said maybe he thought too much into it. I guess now he knows the truth
If only he can tell me and I can laugh again. I hope he would give comfort to this person. He then reiterated again how he liked all of us. He said it was fun being with us. If you ask him why he was still here, he would say because he was happy here with all of us. It was ironic for me because I know a lot of people wouldn't say they are happy here and yet he said he was really really happy here. I'm glad he was though. I'm glad we made him happy. Then that msn conversation turned into relationship issue and woes *sigh*
He always badgered me for a "he". I was actually quite annoyed about it. One time I asked him "Why do you care so much?". It was quite in all seriousness. I wonder if his answer was well thought of or well prepared, he said because my mom is not here, so he had to nag on her behalf. I wonder if the one thing that made him worry the most about me is the lack of a guy. Well ... I always said what can I do about it? It seems like a task now though, that I have to find that guy. I do hope that I end up with someone and when I do, I'll remember him and say see I end up with a very nice guy and I am as happy as you hope I would be, that I am not so alone anymore. Wait okay, wait for awhile more, or now maybe you can use your divine connection to help me find that guy soon. As you said I was so nice and who wouldn't like your Eka
We celebrated his birthday this year. Irony, he never wanted to celebrate his birthday and this year we kinda "enforced" it on him. I remembered some details from that dinner. A few days later he came to my table and told me he was so happy about it. I said oh really? He said yes, really really yes. I'm glad that he did, that he was really happy. I hope that helped resolved an issue in his life. He then told me about another relationship woes *sigh* Ahh ... this part I wouldn't write it here.
Then we had our last good conversation, May 2007. I mentioned it in this blog. We had a walk. Walking with him would take a different route with what I would usually take with other people. We had a walk and stopped at a place where we once stood also to talk about other stuffs. I forget what was it that we wanted to talk about that day but it turned into another relationship talk (again!)
I kinda couldn't believe that it came to that again, but I really enjoyed the talk. We were using fireworks and bonfire to represent types of relationships
I think we did quite well in explaining it. I think he mentioned that yes I was, quite mature. I think he did say this in more than 1 occasion. Coming from him make me feel happy but despite this, I told him that I still want to have fireworks
He confided to me a few stuffs ... not really happy things but I hope he could give comfort and peace to these people, somehow tell them that things will be alright in their lives. Knowing him, I am sure he would be at peace about it, because he always gave his all sincerely.
So that was it, that was my last good conversation with him. If I have any regret, that would be not having another of that good conversation, one last time to make sure that we are all okay and we will be alright. I may not be as close to him as other people are, but I am glad to have known him, to have had the chance to have talks with him, to have had those small private moments with him. Ah I got reminded of the watermelon juice we had on May 15, 2007. It was a big glass and was very sweet. We were talking about the unexpected finding I encountered that morning (what is it with me and the printer)
I am truly honored that he trusted me with certain issues and valued my opinion. Truly truly honored. I will not lie and say that everything was always good between us. We had our disagreement. I'm sure dealing with me had not always been smooth sailing but I'm glad to say that we would always end up okay and talking and that really says a lot about him or perhaps our relationship. Me who hold grudges would end up always talking to him again and I hope we'll get to do that again someday. I like to think that he just leaves for a better place and this time he doesn't have to worry if he had closed the water tap
For the million times, he had closed it. It's all settled and we too, will be alright. We all will be alright. I have stopped crying now. God, I cried way too much. This is the last time, I promise. Let me leave now with a piece of the lyric from the song I gave him.
And I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry it's like this
I'm sorry so sorry
I'm sorry we do this
Jem - They
:) eKa @ 7:07:00 PM •
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Rush Hour 3
Managed to watch Rush Hour 3
alone today. NanSee thought I was being crazy for watching a movie alone, again. However I think she's being foolish. I could perhaps have arranged to watch it with someone, but I think it would rather be a waste of breath. Doing it alone means doing it on my own terms and I don't have to accommodate with people and I love it. Starfish may perhaps shake his head again. On Saturday night he told me that he's been thinking and he thought that I was in danger. To be honest fear swept through me when he said that because life hasn't been smooth sailing for me these days and I thought he knew something that I don't. It turned out he just wanted to point out that my solitary self can be unhealthy and he's worried that it has turned that way. I agree with him
However I'm still too stubborn or perhaps lazy to get out of my wall.
Anyways, Rush Hour
, it was not bad. Somewhat entertaining. There were many funny moments. I think Chris Tucker is crazily hilarious. Story wise, I think it wasn't amazing but all the funny moments and lines made it not so bad. I quite enjoyed the goofs at the back of the movie, I think that little parts really help making the movie so much worth watching. Alrighty, I can't really say much else. Ciao tutti.
:) eKa @ 8:34:00 PM •
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
The Simpsons Movie
Finally managed to watch a movie today. Alone as well. I'm sure you know which movie I am talking about, as the title said. It felt quite long since I last watched a movie, but the fact is, it was perhaps only two and a half weeks ago. I really loved the solitude when I watched it alone today but that is actually a contradiction (more about it later). The Simpsons Movie
was quite nice actually. Really entertaining. I had quite a laugh. Felt a bit funny though when the movie first started because of the way the animation is, 2D. I guess we've been entertained with 3D animation way too much that it took me quite a while to truly adapt with the whole scenes. Story wise, it was not bad. Very Simpsons I must say. They didn't try to be smart, they were just Simpsons. A good entertainment and I would recommend this to anyone who want a simple and easy thing to watch. I stayed until the credit was rolling as Ms. J was telling me, but I don't know if I had watched all the extra scenes. I left when the Simpsons left. Oh yeah, I wanna say that I was surprised that the pink doughnut wasn't really featured much (Homer wasn't even shown near it in the movie) though it did play quite central role in the whole story. Alright, end of review.
So back to the contradiction I was mentioning above. I felt I kinda miss Rista but then I realized it is not her that I miss. I miss the familiarity. I miss being at ease and being the loud and talkative me with people who understand that about me. I miss eating. I don't think I have eaten to my delight these days, okay maybe today's dinner wasn't bad. I miss Vivy and going for dinner or movie or lunch with her. I kinda feel lonely and a bit restless. The irony is, I think there are actually people whom I can spend time with. I mean if I ask them to accompany me to do some stuff, they may actually say yes, but I do not want to. My anti-social mood is very high these days that I kinda feel it's a bit of a torture to hang out with these people. I just feel that I have to adjust myself to these people. The one that I actually want to spend time with, is perhaps not so interested in spending time with me, sigh. I want to go home.
Life has been ... worrying for my mom I guess. She's afraid I'll get sick and last week she was kinda worried with my stress level that she told me to eat chocolate
You gotta love my mom! Well I have Mrs Fields' cupcake that I'm gonna attack soon. God, how I believe eating nice stuff can make me happy. Anyways, life has been ... I have been living it, that's all I can say. So much to worry about and yet I just try to do what I can. I found myself saying yes a lot, in which I don't know if I'm actually digging my own grave. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it? Oh please help me God. Haven't been sleeping well and didn't feel like sleeping as well. Finally started reading Potter. I am loving it though from the few chapters that I had read, there were already too many deaths. I wonder if it's necessary. If J.K Rowling wanna say that this is no shit, this is serious stuff, well I just feel it's kinda too sad, it had to be on the expense of people / creature dying. Anyway, it's too early for me to comment. Will write more about it when I'm done (if I have the time).
The people in Jakarta are voting for the governor tomorrow. I wonder if it's only for Indonesians staying in Jakarta. I am not allowed to vote? I want to vote! It's been a long time since I last voted and I want to vote. It's kinda fun though as my mom said it's not gonna change anything. My mom speaking like a true Jakartans. She said the traffic jam will still be horrendous, the flood will still come, it will not make much of a difference. Many will agree with my mom's sentiments. I guess all we can do is pray? Take care peeps!
:) eKa @ 9:08:00 PM •
Saturday, August 04, 2007
The Saturday with ...
... Rista!!! Woke up real early just to meet her today. I've been waking up earlier all of this week and to think I can sleep more on Saturday, it wasn't happening. I woke up even earlier today. I slept rather early last night and set my alarm clock to 05:55 am (yes, I like to set my alarm with nice numbers like that)
The plan was to tried taking the train to Changi, but as I just finished getting dressed she called me to announce that she had arrived (at 06:45 am, her plane was on time). So with the taxi I went and since we (the taxi driver and me, in case you are wondering the we) were heading to the east, I got to see the sunrise and I was thinking it was pretty awesome because there was this big orange ball and the sky was lighted up with an orange shade. I think the word orange just couldn't justify the view, because it was just so beautiful. Anyway, so I arrived, wondering if we could meet each other successfully. Smart her called me again and we arranged our meeting place nicely and while I was waiting I sent an sms to La Gioia to wish her a good trip (she was getting ready to board when I arrived). Aaahh...I wish I can also have a break.
So I waited for Rista and I kinda saw her running looking left and right and we were just happy to see each other. It was quite a funny coincidence that we were wearing pink. I have to admit she looks different than I remember her. The hair was a big difference. The her I know back then always sported short hair. Let me tell you a bit about her. I guess we were 15 when we first meet (a decade ago!!! My God! How we really do get older). We met in high school. She was never a classmate of mine. She was a classmate of a friend I had back in junior high and their class was next door to mine in my first year. I wasn't independent and so introvert back then I suppose that I stuck to the people I knew and I stuck to my junior high friend who sat with Rista in class and hence I got to know and be friends with Rista. She's not a native of Jakarta, only moved in to the city after her childhood and somehow I guess that made her more independent because she had to adapt quick with the changes. Though she may say her 3 older brothers do play a role in making her a stronger girl. Anyway, I always see her as a strong and friendly open girl. She makes friends easily. I can't remember much now but I'm pretty sure we had much fun and laughter, sneaking to the malls and all
Her strong character was further reflected when she chose to study mining in university (a field of study which I think Singaporeans are totally oblivious of, no offence). I admitted to her today that at that time when I heard she chose that, I was thinking what she was gonna do with it. I think the university only accepted around 40 people in 1 batch and out of the 40, there were only 3 girls! She stuck to it and I suppose fell in love with it. Her dream now is to try to work in different types of mine. She graduated and showed again how strong she was when she accepted a job at Freeport in Papua. Papua for God sake! The most east of Indonesia, think of New Guinea people to imagine it. I was stunned hearing her move there. I don't think I could make that leap but she did. I guess partly because she also knew that if she wanted to do and apply what she studied then her options weren't much. After some wiki search, I found out that she was working in the largest gold mine in the world! Grasberg
. She sent me a picture of the place once, but I think I lost it. I was so curious and was planning to make it to Papua one day and see her and see how's the place is. Alas, it's not gonna happen because she made her way to Australia around 7 months ago to work in a metallurgic metal mine. She is really a testament of what I believe, that if you want good and big things to happen to you, you have to be willing to endure the trial and tribulation of reaching to that place. I seriously believe this, I seriously think you gotta earn your place and it's really not a matter of showing it to people around you because ultimately it is God that makes your paths so it is about showing to Him that you can withstand the challenges thrown at you. We often dismiss this as luck, but luck is also within God's hands.
I kinda envy her successful life now though she thinks that I am already in a good state myself. I think her life is totally cool though I'm not so sure about living in such a small city where you can see kangaroos and emu hopping and walking about but I guess eventually you could fall in love with the place. She is loving the place, her company, her life now and the whole new world she's experiencing and somewhat that makes her understand what I am feeling. I guess I've known many people who are okay about their life now. None really have that urge to see and experience the other parts of the world. They think they have a good life, they can buy stuff, they are living in a good place and those notions are not wrong. They are right but I just feel it's such a dead end. Seriously, there are places to see and try and it's not about going for holiday, it's about immersing yourself to these places on other parts of the world. Isn't it exciting? Ah, if I think about it, I get frustrated because I'm still here. But here is also a blessing I suppose. I made it out and maybe it will be sooner than I expect (maybe I haven't deserved that break yet) that I can get out again. We both agreed that we have much to be thankful about.
Back to the day today, so she arrived so early that I think Singapore was not totally awoken yet. We headed down to the city with much talks, many many stories. I saw some places that I hadn't seen for awhile of haven't seen at all. Breakfast was at Starbucks at One Fullerton, her treat and I loved my chunky pear tart. We had much talk, much laughter and at some point I was thinking if the few people there thought we were too much noise for their early Saturday relaxing coffee but seriously there were just many stories to tell. I think she managed to brainwash me more than any other people have attempted all these times. She despite of being a priest' daughter is having a good time experiencing all the nightlife there. I asked her if she didn't find it wrong and she said no because it's never in excess, though this is still not something she talked openly with her mother
and she encourages me to be more open about it and I do have to say it is food for thoughts
Other talk involved relationship, her abang
and the people in my life. She is voicing out reason to a certain predicament which is floating in and out of my brain lately. I say float because at times I am so sure and at times I am an idiot. Eventually I guess it will sort itself out but I guess she, Ms. J, and the Mr do not want me to be entangled and get hurt. They are right but there are times when your emotional state rejects logic and reason.
Moving on with my day with her. Obviously you cannot miss Orchard if you are in Singapore, so we went there. I actually bought more stuff than her. We saw the Indonesian Exhibition in Takashimaya, not bad but we couldn't linger much. Lunch was at Tambuah Mas because I needed nice food. I dragged her for Indonesian food despite of her on her way to Indonesia. She just laughed about it. We couldn't identify which part of Indonesia comes up with tahu telor but she said maybe Surabaya? Then it's off to the Changi again because she needed to catch her plane home. 3 glorious weeks in Jakarta, how I envy that. How I wish I can do that. I can but I have too much restraint in me. We spent around half a day together and it's not really enough. There are still many stories to share and I really hope it's not 5 years from now when we see each other next because it was maybe 5 years ago when I saw her last. I think I only saw her one time after we graduated from high school. She thought how good it was that we can still click and talk happily eventhough we hadn't seen each other for a long time and we don't actually keep in touch through emails. Yeah, I think it was really cool of us
We are still friends and we are still very comfortable to say anything.
I have a really good day. A real good one and I feel happy and thankful about it because I had a really bad week, whose effects I foresee will still haunt me for days to come. The worst thing to add to all the unfortunate events that I had to endure was that I felt I was judged unfairly. If you had talked to me in the middle of this week, I would have been more explosive than now but since I had a good day today, I'm kinda more easy about it. Doesn't mean that I forgive and forget though because God knows I am not that kind of person. Let me leave you now with a small picture from today (Singapore is a good city) and a quote that Starfish gave me this week. Ah...he and Rista were so nice because they actually stopped me when I was talking about them and said, "okay enough, now about you
". They really do care. Anyways, these quotes come from Coelho's book Like the Flowing River
which I gave to Starfish and I have a copy of. Page 183. Hearing the page I exclaimed loudly (in msn), it's fated!!!
He said it's a sign
He said he straight off thought of me when he read that. Ah, perhaps I almost always look miserable. Sorry people if I make you worried. I'm okay really
As we pedal towards our goal,
we must make a point of asking ourselves:
'What is beautiful about today?'
The sun might be shining,
but if it happens to be raining,
always remember that this only means that
the dark clouds will soon have disappeared.
The clouds do disappear;
but the sun remains the same,
and never goes away.
In moments of loneliness,
it is important to remember this.
:) eKa @ 10:07:00 PM •