Tuesday, January 30, 2024
Hey guys, can you believe it that we're completing the first month of 2024? That is fast right? How was it for you? It started rough for me. Well December wasn't that great for me. I feel like I jinxed it when I said I was hoping for a good calm December. I really shouldn't say things out loud :( Early December, I got sick. Then the week after that I got COVID vaccine (my 5th one) and the side effect was tough. Maybe I should have waited a bit longer, but I couldn't find the time. Then something out of the ordinary happened with my body that got me freaking out a lot because the last time this happened, we know it's not good. So I don't know if I'm getting worse :( Then despite maybe I shouldn't, I did load up on a lot of sugar in the last week of December, way too much. So coming to January, it was a struggle and it was hard. Now that January is almost done, I couldn't really say that things got better. Mentally I am still in a bad place. Two things weigh heavily on me, what I'm gonna do with life and my living situation. It's the weirdest thing and at the most unexpected time that triggers my anxiety; like the other day I was reaching out to my salt container to take out some salt and I got quite freaked out about what I'm going to do with my living situation. I know all the things that people say and the bible verses, like why worry about things that have not happened yet or that God is always there with you every step of the way, but man the thoughts, all the bad thoughts they just come in waves drowning me. I also thought that 7-9 months are perhaps enough time to make drastic change in life, but I don't even know where to begin :'( Good God, it's really a crappy way to start this post, isn't it? I really have nothing to offer here - really. I also know I most probably should not be saying all these because it's like the negativity feed into the negativity more, but that's my truth y'all - a mountain of anxiety :(
Alright change of topic. Things that I watched? Couldn't remember any movie I watched that left a deep impression. Oh I do love The Holdovers. Of TV series, I quite enjoyed Lessons in Chemistry and right now I thoroughly enjoy True Detective which is currently in season, although I have to say the supernatural aspect of it is still weirding me out which is weird in itself because I'm an Indonesian and many Indonesians believe or dabble in the supernatural. Other than that, completed a second crocheted bucket hat. Poorly made again :( This one was for mom since she said the first one I did, all in green was too green. I don't know, I wanted it plain but she was like I had to add a row of different colour or something. So this one I did has alternating rows in different blue and patches of other colourful yarn. Not sure she's gonna like it or wear it. So weird really, I made all these but I don't actually wear them. I was really disappointed at myself, 2 bucket hats not neat at all. My guess is it's the wrong size crochet needle and more likely me being tense in life translated to my tight stitches. I did do a beanie where I doubled the yarn so it became thicker and that looks decent, very colourful because of the multicolour yarn, but when does one wear a beanie in the tropics? Then, I still read, both in English and Japanese. The reading in Japanese part is because it's a must I feel, if not I will lose whatever little knowledge I have of it. Finished one of the Japanese book that I borrowed from the library and I checked out the second volume. Reading that makes me feel worse about my Japanese level. The book is a collection of short stories mostly by classic Japanese authors it seems, targeted at kids in junior high school and I have to google out words and sentences every so often :( When I checked out the second book, I found out that there's a whole set of similar books at a lower level, in Hiragana. I thought darn, those are most probably my level. I didn't check them out though, maybe soon. In this second book I'm reading, one of the short story features an excerpt from Anne Frank's diary. I know of Anne Frank, but I have never really read her diary or watch anything about her. I also didn't go to the house she was hiding in when I was in Amsterdam. So this is my first time reading her own words and it's kinda nice to be reading this after I recently finished watching the miniseries A Small Light which features the people who helped Anne Frank's family. Okay, let me end this post here. As usual, I hope your days are glorious.
:) eKa @ 8:30:00 PM • 0 comments
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