...Teduhkanlah Hatiku...

The title is the first 2 words from one of Padi's song, Cahaya Mata. I don't even know if it's grammatically correct to write it like that in Indonesian. I suppose it is. The title means something like calm my heart. I really like this song, maybe because it is nicely soft.

Anyway, the purpose of writing is because I want to write about 2 books that I had the chance to read over the weekend. One is Who Moved My Cheese?. Surely a lot of people know this book. First time I heard of this book was from Teddy. I still remember who we were talking about at that time, but I couldn't remember why suddenly he made a reference to this book. The book talks about issues that often freak me out and I feel I am like "Hem". Hopefully I am slightly like "Haw" who eventually moved on even though he was in denial for some times. There is this one line from the book which is actually similar to what someone once said. It said something like this "if you don't stop looking for the old cheese, you won't get the new cheese".

The second book is entitled Sad Book by Michael Rosen. Aside from the title, the book is actually like a children picture book. It was illustrated by Quentin Blake, famous for illustrating books by Roald Dahl. I love his drawings, hence why I picked the book. I love the book. It is a sad book, no kidding. Despite of a little trace of hope in the middle of the book, the ending was so perfect. It's real and it's just me a lot of times. I guess I somewhat feel comforted to know that these things happen the way it is to other people too.

:) eKa @ 8:31:00 PM • 0 comments

*sigH* Helpless *sigH* Feel So Bad

Last night, I was thinking I was going to write about what fun I had playing Zuma yesterday. About how happy I was finding out that once you got it loaded, you can play all the way without internet connection (even when you die). Haven't managed to reach 3-3, if someone so eagerly wants to know, but I think my brain was kinda distracted.

Today, I feel helpless and feel so bad, which in turns kinda makes me sad. When someone pointed out I should be worrying other things, I feel even more sad 'cause yes, there are some things going to happen next week. I need to mentally re-group and prepare myself for those things *kinda scared* However, right now, things just seem to be hanging there or floating there or whatever, can not seem to shake it off.

I think I'm going to play lotsa of zuma tonight. I really really really like the frog. The cutest thing.

:) eKa @ 3:06:00 PM • 0 comments


Went to watch Batman Begins last Saturday. Actually, I wasn't interested in watching this movie but then Osh was very persuasive. So, ended up watching it with him, Felis, Boom2, Yongki, and Eric (yep! quite an odd group). I think the guys are the excited ones about the movie. It was still very good though meeting those people, it's been such a long time since I last saw them, maybe it's been more than one year. Anyway, the movie...well, maybe I'm just not into any superheroes movies anymore. Really wasn't that interested in it and after watching it wasn't that impressed also. Yawned quite a lot while watching. I do have to admit though that compared to the last Batman movie which was perhaps too comical(?), this one was perhaps more philosophical(?). Definitely a good foundation for a sequel. I like Katie Holmes, she's pretty. Well I always like her since she was young Joey Potter in Dawson's Creek, really like her and Dawson. She still looks the same but can see that she has matured. Katie and Tom? Well, I don't know what to say about that. Tom is handsome but he's....old Some people may be expecting me to say that he is short Anyway, maybe I am bias, I couldn't say that the movie was exceptionally good even though I can not say what's wrong with it. The cheeziest thing about the movie was how Bruce Wayne always talks in a different tone when he's Batman. I just found it to be funny and I'm not the only one because Osh thought the same thing too

My msn nickname now is actually for this guy who would really enjoy teasing and mocking me if he understands what I'm about to write. That is why I would write in Indonesian, though knowing him, he would make an effort to understand. I suppose he would understand the title of this post also

Hari ini, tahu sesuatu tentang seseorang. Mustinya sih, berasanya biasa aja, kan nggak ada apa-apa, dan juga kan sudah dikira-kira sebelum nya. Tapi tetap aja rasanya gimana gitu, rasanya aneh. Nggak tahu yah kenapa. Setelah dicoba dianalisa pas di bis, rasanya seperti kalo kita udah puas dan senang sama nilai yang kita dapat pas test atau ulangan gitu, tapi pas tahu teman kita dapat nilai yang lebih tinggi rasanya gimana gitu. Aneh, padahal situasinya benar-benar 2 situasi yang berbeda, tapi rasa yang ada di hati atau mungkin di seluruh badan, rasanya sama. Dewi kasih penjelasan yang cukup menarik. Saya tidak memperhitungkan 'tertarik'. Logikanya, dia datang sebelum 'suka' dan mungkin dia bisa diam saja pada keadaaan itu. Sudah lama atau mungkin sudah tidak sering lagi merasakan seperti itu. Apapun itu, saya rasanya cukup patut untuk ditertawakan. Tak apalah, bisa tertawa itu bagus.

Current emotional song: Chrisye - Untukku
Not really a big fan of Chrisye, but this song is just so ... *sigH* ... really stirs up my inside. I fell in love with the song first, the melody and arrangement, but the lyric is pretty touching also *sigH* Untukku ... someday, I suppose.

:) eKa @ 8:28:00 PM • 0 comments

The Diaries of Adam and Eve

So I was there, in Borders, for my usual Saturday being alone and just browsing through books. I didn't have any book in mind actually, except for Coelho's latest book The Zahir (Can anyone get me this?). Anyway, I picked up this book, The Diaries of Adam and Eve. Why? Because it's thin and it's written by Mark Twain, so I kinda felt that it should be interesting. As I was reading it, I thought (I must use I thought because I didn't read the whole thing) it's about this child writing a diary about his encounter with his parent. I thought the name Adam and Eve was chosen just to represent that man and woman. But after googling about the book just now, I realized that the story was really about Adam and Eve, about their early days when they were just created. Anyway, so I was reading those interesting entries when came the sound "Excuse me". At first I only noticed this 2 girls, but then I realized the guy behind them was also their friends. I think they were around my age or maybe younger. Anyway, so the Chinese girl said that she noticed I was reading the book and she introduced themselves that they were from a Christian society and she was asking me if they could talk to me about something, which at that point in time I thought "Goodness, must be some Christian talk". I was kinda stunned and speechless, my head just told me to say that I'm not interested but I couldn't really put it into words. I ended up saying "Can we not have this conversation?". I kinda had to repeat that twice and by the 2nd time my head wanted me to shout "Just leave me alone!". The boy behind was actually quite nice because he said "Okay, we understand" with a smile, but they were still there. The girl was perhaps also stunned with my rejection that after that she asked me if I had any bad experience with Christians before. My God! To which I answered something like "No, I just need my space, please". Okay, I have to admit I should have said better things and rejected them better, but I really was not interested in hearing about how Jesus is the only way to heaven and all.

Don't get me wrong, please. 11 years in a Christian school, plus 3 years willingly and voluntarily chose Christianity back in high school, I know the whole drill. I just felt that at that time they were trying to break me and as the lady next to me said trying to indoctrinate people. The lady next to me was also surprised with how they approached me like that and asked me who they were. I wonder if I was being rude but seriously they just freaked me out. I do have to admit kinda interesting to know what they want to say, why they picked me just because of that book. The girl did ask me if I was a Christian. I couldn't say yes. I never really say yes if people ask me this. I couldn't say yes because of my Buddhist background. If people asked me if I were a Christian, I would normally answer that I come from a Buddhist family but I believe in Jesus Christ and I go to church (occasionally).

When she asked if I had had bad experience with Christians before, a lot of things went to my head (not that they're bad things). I just felt the question to be kinda funny because of all my years in Christian school. One thing that just surfaced more than others was when I remembered when I was in the 2nd grade (around 7-8 years old) I could hear my mom's and my principal's voices as they were discussing my school fee. Mom was trying to get it lowered. The principal's office was next to my class and the walls were thin so I could hear them. I felt so bad for my mother back then. Not all Christian are bad, some of them were nice and comforting in my times of trouble, like my best friend, Emilia.

I do hate all those Christian who's so eager in converting people, who try to break you and fill you in with their believes, who seem to think that if you don't believe in Jesus, you're gonna burn in hell. Please, people have different believe. I like how a girl I know put it over a talk during lunch, that Christianity for her is a form of relationship with God. See, you can choose other way to communicate with God. I feel that that is what matter, believing in God. Believing in the higher power. Anyway, I think all these Christian who likes to approach people like this should just stop. I think they'd be better off just making advertisement in TV or newspaper rather than approaching people, people like me. Better still, as suggested by the priest in the church just show what Christianity is all about with your actions in daily life, show that you pray before everything, show kindness, show what having Jesus in your life means. I may sound so rude and mean right now, but I just felt the whole thing was pretty intrusive. I guess for the people who might be reading this in Singapore, just refrain from picking that book in Borders

:) eKa @ 10:28:00 PM • 0 comments

in Today

No, I don't feel God is trying to show me something. It's what differentiate us. It was only glimpses back then and so it is now. There is always 10 years from now but what are the odds and not that I'm hoping. I think I am done with it. I feel different now. I was smiling back then and it was always good. I'm thankful and I just wish for the best, whatever it is that God wants.

:) eKa @ 8:16:00 PM • 0 comments


The title is actually today's date, if you're wondering.

Went to watch Madagascar with Vivy yesterday. Hmmm...in term of story, I can't say much about it. I don't think the whole story was interesting enough. The characters were also not that exceptionally interesting and captivating. I actually kinda found Marty (the zebra) and Alex (the lion) were a bit annoying at times with all their arguments and talks. I'm more interested in Melman (the giraffe) and Gloria (the hippo) whom I think were the better friends of the lot, but I feel their characters were not developed or shown that much. I didn't feel any particular message was being conveyed in this movie but overall I do have to admit that I did laugh quite a lot. It's not a bad movie, maybe I was just being weird saying all of this.

Anyway, went to Vivy's place first before going to the movie. Copied some songs (a lot actually) and borrowed lots of movies which are all in my "new space" 14 movies in total and there are some episodes from Mad About You too. Not really sure when I'm going to watch it all, don't really have the time.
Met Niko as we were doing some shopping. He's looking fine. He made me laugh with his laundry pole

Oh yeah, watched the trailer for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I'm kinda nervous about the movie because I wasn't impressed with the things that I saw in the movie. The Oompa-Loompas looked weird and Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka looked androgynous and that's kinda weird and a bit freaky for me. Still, I love the boy who played Charlie (Freddie Highmore). He still looked so adorable, just like when he was in Finding Neverland. Saw the trailer for his other movie, 5 Children and It, I don't know if I'm gonna watch this one though.

Been eating a lot of junk this past 2 weeks and I think this will continue for next week also. I know I shouldn't but it's always the easiest choice and I don't feel like eating anything else either.

Talked about a quarter-life crisis with someone who didn't feel it when he was in that age, good for him. I'm definitely still having it, 3 years on and still having it. I don't know if it's gonna pass or if it will ever pass. This afternoon, I was thinking how old I am, 23. Goodness, as much as it is not old for some people, I just feel that it's really old. I shouldn't be thinking about all of this? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I don't know anything actually.

I miss certain things.

:) eKa @ 8:02:00 PM • 0 comments