Mirror by Sylvia Plath

I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
Whatever I see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.

Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.

I made a quick stop at Kinokuniya last Saturday. Didn't actually have much time but I just had this urge of going through books. I stopped at the literature section because I wanted to read something light and short. Being the morbid me, I chose to read Sylvia's works (she died because of suicide). I "heard" (I may have heard wrongly) that her works kinda describe her depression. Actually I didn't really get what she's trying to say in this poem but Mirror is just so ... can I say captivating? After reading the first part I thought she was just talking in metaphor (can I use metaphor here?) but it turns out that she was talking about the plain old mirror. I read it twice and I just like it. I searched through the Internet just now and I found the poem. So here I am putting it here, so that at least we are learning something new. So that my blog at least have something useful in it (if you can call this useful). Well at least now you know who Sylvia Plath is. I personally like the first part of the poem.

:) eKa @ 2:36:00 PM • 0 comments

The Terminal & Malena

Finally managed to watch The Terminal yesterday. Finally!!! *pHew* Been pretty occupied last week that the little time I had was spent resting. The Terminal was good, really-really good It has an interesting story. A man who had to live his life in an airport would definitely make an interesting story. 15 minutes into the movie, I was thinking if I was the man, and I couldn't really speak English, and I barely understood what the officers were saying to me, and then I was led to the terminal, and that was it, that was the only space I could walk around to, I would be thinking "America is so small" Yes, again, it is cheesy. Okay, the movie was really nice and sweet. Everybody most probably knows that Tom Hanks' character fell for Catherine Zeta-Jones' character (who by the way looked surprisingly beautiful), however the ending didn't actually go "and they live happily ever after" but for me that made the movie a whole lot better. A degree of reality seemed to still take place I was more impressed about the love story of another character in the movie. It was so cute and sweet and I actually had tears in my eyes. I may have gone so extremely sensitive that I had tears in several moments of the movie. I just love movies, I love stories and this one happened to be a really good one. I'm totally recommending The Terminal

Watched Malena in Arts Central too yesterday. Well, Titanic was getting me bored and Mission Impossible 2 was...Well good looks just couldn't really compete with such an interesting story. I've watched Malena before in NUS (whereelse) and it was a really interesting story. My first time watching it, I thought the story was just quite "bold". Tell me, whose father had done the same "favor" that Renato's dad did to him? I also remembered how the music from "You're Still You" (sung by Josh Groban) illustrated this film beautifully. I checked out the lyric just now and wow how it really described how Renato felt. Watching the movie the second time last night, I thought Monica Belluci really is beautiful. An elegant kind of beauty, I guess. When I saw her in The Passion of the Christ, I really found her to be beautiful. I guess she's just the type of girl who makes you look twice and more Anyway, I wonder do all boys always have a crush on a older woman. It's something normal, natural, and advisable for girls to fall for an older guy, but not really so for boys. I just wonder if all boys do, once in their life, have a crush on an older woman. Should I do a survey? The film was censored in a few places yesterday, not that it really makes a different to the whole story. But I guess the part when the housewives tortured Malena wasn't being featured enough. It didn't really make us feel how hard and sad the whole thing for Malena was. In the end I didn't watch the whole thing because I was so tired and sleepy, but Malena really is a good film, recommended

:) eKa @ 2:51:00 PM • 0 comments

Indonesia Presidential Election, Round 2

So it comes to this, down to the wire, 2 more left, who will come out as the real Indonesian Idol? Okay that most probably comes out more cheesy than funny Today is Round 2 of Indonesia's first presidential election. Indonesia is having a public holiday and a history in the making and I am not taking part in both I am not voting but I do want to see Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono win. Why? Well, I don't read the newspapers enough and I don't live in Indonesia to know what Indonesia really feels like to know what it really needs, but I just think we have enough of Ms. Megawati Sukarnoputri. Maybe I am bias, maybe when the newspaper said that she wasn't intelligent enough, I took it as a fact, but I just feel that SBY will do a better job. The silly thing is, I'm basing this on how they look. I'm a girl, so I'm all for girl power and such and I believe girls can do most of the things that guys can do (I wrote most because, come on! be realistic. There are just some things that only guys can do, just like there are some things that only girls can do). However in this case, I think SBY will be a better choice to lead a country like Indonesia, because he appears stronger We'll just have to wait and see how the result will be. I honestly can not really see bright future for Indonesia if Megawati is elected again. However, everything is in God's plan, right? God knows what's best. It's so exciting to see the result but I don't know if Indonesians who are voting are just as excited to cast their votes. They most probably think that Indonesian Idol is much more exciting , and today is great not because they have the chance to practice democracy, but because they have a day off. I guess as Indonesians, we are used to having our hopes being lifted high just to be crushed again and again. It sucks but perhaps it makes Indonesians mentally stronger

Away from that topic now. On Saturday, I asked God for an answer to something which has been bothering me for a while. On Saturday night, I called home. My dad was the one who answered the phone and out of the blue he was advising me on this issue. To be honest, I was pretty upset with his advice. Partly perhaps because I think that was the way God was answering my question and I didn't like the answer. Well, I don't know if it's a sign or not, I'm still doing nothing about it. Maybe God will punish me for being stubborn. It's all pretty dilemmatic, really. There are so many sides to look at it and looking at the other sides makes feel unhappy and scared but logically that side was the right direction to go *sigH*

Another story: Mom told me that my brother lost his handphone (he always loses things) and guess what? It was returned!!! It was so weird, I don't understand how it could happen. It's odd because he once lost his wallet (I think I've told you this) and it was returned, and now the lost handphone was also returned. Knowing how Indonesia is, it really increases the weirdness of this. My only explanation is that God really takes care of him and this is even weirder than what's happening because I don't think that my brother is "good" enough to receive such protection Maybe he actually is or (this is more reasonable) God is kinder than how we think He is.

:) eKa @ 9:06:00 AM • 0 comments

Update on Life These Days

Today, I am a bit free, which is kinda alarming for me. I just think that something is going to hit me. But hey, what can I do about it if uncomfortable things coming my way. Here are a few things that I'm want to share.

The Bombing in the Australian Embassy in Jakarta
I am so pissed off about that. My goodness!!! How could they do that? It's upsetting. Gaby sent me an email 2 days ago. I didn't notice that her office is around that area. She is okay, thank God. But her friend was injured. The friend didn't suffer anything major, so that is a good thing. Gaby's email made it so real for me. This bombing is kinda far from my fact of life. None of my friends and family are working in that area, so I wasn't worry when I heard the news. But now there is someone I know who got pretty close with the whole thing. I'm just thankful that she is okay. I hope all those people who claim that they are fighting for something could see that they can not achieve anything with what they are doing now. I really do hope none of these terror acts will ever happen again However, to be honest I can not be optimistic about it. I guess all we can do is to ask God to keep our loved ones out of harm way.

First Love Never Dies?
Is it true? First love never dies? The reason I'm writing this because a certain someone told me yesterday that she wished her old crush a happy birthday I'm through with all my crushes, except (perhaps) for the last one Anyway, this certain someone's crush was actually not the first boy that she liked, but I guess the crush was pretty powerful to make it last. Even my first powerful crush was also not the first boy that I had a crush on, it was the second boy I don't know why I'm telling you this Now, about someone who doesn't mind to be disclosed. Meylyana told me that she now has a boyfriend. That silly girl She didn't reply my sms when I congratulated her on her graduation day and yet she sent me an email to announce that she's attached. Do we really have to tell people if we get attached? I don't think I will. Meylyana is not the first person giving me announcement like that and so that's why I just find it weird

Seperti anak ayam kehilangan induknya
I do really feel like that. Sedih deh, tapi itulah kenyataan hidup (cie...) Si anak ayam harus bisa mencari makannya sendiri bukan? Tenang, siapapun mau pergi Tuhan akan selalu bersamamu

:) eKa @ 3:37:00 PM • 0 comments

Ignorance

Perhaps it would be best to start by saying "I'm sorry" to Orlando, JTG, Felis, Vivy, and Boon Kiat for the trouble that I caused them yesterday morning. I'm pretty sure they won't be reading this, so my apology is a waste?

In my last post, I said that I think my computer needs a new memory. I guess it still does but it turns out that my dear beloved can still manage (for now) without the need for a new memory. What happened was, yesterday morning I was bugging Felis and Boon Kiat asking them to confirm what type of model my laptop is (we all have the same model). Yes, it is ignorant for not knowing that myself. I bugged Orlando and JTG for advice in changing memory. Orlando did it once; it was really nice of him to answer my call and give me extensive advice. JTG even called me back when he couldn't reach me in msn. His advice was to format my computer first, just like Vivy's advice. Both Orlando and JTG told me to check out my computer's specification thoroughly before I change the memory.

This is where my ignorance appeared. I went to look in my big box, clues that may lead me to knowing my laptop better. Ignorance is when after 4 years since I first got my laptop, yesterday was the first time I was reading the manual. I found out that I was given some useful CDs. All of which haven't been touched, still wrapped in their nice plastics. Okay, I am ashamed. Perhaps I am less ignorant for still keeping them? And not throwing them away? I know, I know, no excuse should be made for being so ignorant. Looking back, I guess I was not being myself in my first year in NUS. I have regret about that semester even though people say don't have regret in life. The regret was not doing my best and just played a lot. It's not like I think that my life would have been a whole lot better if I had studied more. The regret is about letting go completely. My friends in primary school, junior high, and high school wouldn't have believed me if I told them that I was skipping classes, that I didn't even try to do my tutorial, that I gave up without trying because I thought I knew I couldn't do it. That is so not me. I wasn't ignorant like that and yet in my first semester I was so ignorant about school. Action-Reaction, I deserved what I got. The irony was, perhaps my NUS friends think that's just the way I am. So getting to the end of my year in NUS, they started saying that I'm changing. The truth is: school matter to me, knowing all is matter to me. I know that it's impossible to know all, but I'm striving for it. I'm not saying I'm not changing because recently Meylyana said I didn't feel like the me she knew. I'm changing, everybody changes. I'm changing in ways that I want them to be, but I still do want to keep little part of me that I have before. You know what, I guess no one really know who Eka is. You gotta exchange notes to really know me.

Okay...Anyway, about my computer. I used the DVD cd which was given to me with the laptop. Installed whatever thing that was there and my computer still couldn't play dvd. I found a driver in NEC website yesterday, I thought it wouldn't help but it was the "thing". My computer can play dvd now and there's no necessity for a computer re-formatting or a new memory. My dear beloved steady and dependable laptop. I hope it can survive for some time

:) eKa @ 2:39:00 PM • 0 comments

Being Poor Sucks, Doesn't It?

To say I am poor would be showing that I am such an ungrateful girl. Look at me, I am okay. I have parents who are making money and can feed me and buy me clothes and stuff and put a roof over my head. Sandang, Pangan, Papan as I was taught in school when I was a kid. So since when is life becoming more demanding? Handphone, computer, and other electrical gadgets. My goodness, just thinking that I could not live well without a computer or a handphone is pathetic and creepy. However those things are so internalized in my life. Why am I complaining about this? Well it's because I think my laptop needs a bigger memory. That's not the only thing that my laptop needs. I guess it also needs a faster processor and a bigger harddisk. Bottom-line, I need or perhaps the right word is want a new computer.
However, that's not possible because:
1. I love my laptop. I can not really part with it and to leave it alone unused would be so sad for it.
2. I need to be mobile. Like the nomadic Mongolians who can pack their entire house in half an hour, I need to be able to pack all my stuffs as fast as possible and manage all of them when the time needs me to. So buying a desktop pc would be 1 more big thing to worry about (yes, even with an lcd screen).
3. Buying a desktop pc will be financially unwise for me to do.
*sigH* So what am I to do? I guess I'd better buy that memory for my laptop. I opened up my laptop yesterday and I'd printed a manual that I found in the Net, so I guess I can figure out how it goes. I just need to have some nerves to do it. More importantly, I should have the heart to part with some cash I don't know which one I hate most, not having lots of cash or not having a bigger memory size for my laptop to disturb my life *sigH* I know having more money will not buy happiness but it does seem so nice if I have more money right now I am pathetic.

My mom (one of the signs that shows me that I am really rich) sent me an interesting sms on saturday. She asked me who I would choose for Indonesian Idol, Joy or Delon. I don't even watch it. I don't have RCTI here. She's so funny asking me this. Even funnier was yesterday morning, she sent me an sms telling me that Joy won I really wanted to laugh. She's so funny. It would be great to be able to watch Indonesian Idol with my family because I know it will be such a discussion with my parents, aunt, uncle, and cousins. I miss them. I have a friend who actually has RCTI in his tv, here in Singapore. He said that he thought Joy is better but Delon might win because he's handsome. I saw Delon's picture and I don't think he's that handsome. Anyway, that friend of mine is perhaps satisfied that Joy won. He's my recent TV buddy

:) eKa @ 4:52:00 PM • 0 comments

Lazy & Other Things

Lazy is a song from Suede, quite a nice song. I am just so lazy right now, want to write, want to tell so many things and yet, this whole body just want to shut down. Been waking up earlier than I want to every morning and yesterday I couldn't even sleep when I was trying to take a nap. Slightly sick but still hoping that I wouldn't be. Been taking medicine and such for the sake of not being sick. I don't know if it's the right thing to do. I guess I'm just so tired and mellow. There's nothing for me to look forward to. I mean I can't possibly look forward for next year chinese new year when I may go home. I want to go home so badly because there I just can laze around

"Let the garink-ness begin" so that was what I thought yesterday. I was supposed to attend this thing which I didn't want to, but when one of the most powerful Singapore's phrase being thrown at me "Die Die Must Go!", it seemed I had no other option It made me realize how anti-social I am. Dewi and my parents had been telling me to go. My dad even scolded me a bit because I didn't want to. Anyway, in the end I went. There were some garink moments but it all went okay in the end. I went home by taking a taxi. I wonder if the taxi driver had said "Isn't it?" more than 100 times during our short trip. I was slightly dizzy with all the "Isn't it?" but I know he was sincerely being friendly. He reminded me of my software engineering lecturer, Bimlesh Wadha, who also always said "Isn't it" like every 5 minutes. She was also a very nice lady.

Take care people!!!

:) eKa @ 2:33:00 PM • 0 comments

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