I'm Finally Stopped

yay! I finally got the break that I've been hoping for. My cousin asked me some days ago, "you seriously want to get sick?". "Yes, I do" is the answer. It feels good that I'm finally sick when people around me had fallen way before me. I just feel so much like a mortal So I went to see the doctor today. Actually I'm not so bad today, compared to yesterday and to think yesterday I actually still had quite a full day. Today was okay, but I didn't get as much rest as I've been envisioning. I just can't seem to get away from some stuff, but at least I have less stress. I really do have lotsa stress. Talked to the doctor about the anomaly in my body and she said wait it out. Sigh. In my younger days, I think I would just wait it out without thinking much about it, but now I do get a bit worried. I hope it will be alright. I gotta stop thinking about it, I suppose to try to be less stressed out. So since I am in a less stressful mode, I am more chatty and now let me write some interesting stuff.

Azur et Asmar

I made the effort to watch Azur et Asmar with La Gioia and NanSee yesterday and what an amazing movie it was. I'm so glad that I didn't give it a miss. I love it, LOVE IT SO MUCH! Azur et Asmar is a french cartoon. These days where Hollywood animation come prancing with all their high-tech 3D, Azur et Asmar presented their story in traditional 2D animation and my oh my how beautiful it was. The drawing were just breath-taking and I was just in awe. It was just so beautiful, the flowers (you know I'm a sucker for flowers), the buildings, the characters, all were just amazing. The story was presented in French and Arabic and I found it a shame that they didn't give subtitle for the Arabic dialogue. I only understood words like Assalamu 'Alaikum, wa 'Alaykum As-Salam, and tabib (I think it means healer). The story was also so good. Remember when fairy tales used to fascinate you a lot when you were young, well this is the way this movie made me feel.

Azur et Asmar told the story of 2 boys from different race, different standing in society who grew up together when they were young. Asmar's mother was Azur's nanny. Fate brought them back together when Azur decided to pursue the story that Asmar's mother told them when they were young, which was to liberate the Djinn fairy. The adult Azur and Asmar didn't really see eye to eye (they did use to fight a lot when they were young). Asmar didn't like the fact that his mother embraced Azur so much, especially after Azur's father kicked them out when he was young. Then Asmar mother (who had become rich) also helped Azur in his quest to find the Djinn fairy, the quest that Asmar was also preparing, so you can imagine how Asmar felt. Many interesting characters were introduced in the built-up to this adventure, of which I really really love Princess Chamsous Sabah. She was just the cutest thing ever! I really love the ending, though it did test my patience a bit, because I thought it wouldn't end they way I wanted and predicted to, and I was just happy that it did La Gioia also loved the ending like me, though NanSee felt slightly differently. Me and la Gioia love Asmar more than Azur. I guess for me, I just love the more pitiful one, and he just seemed so much stronger, or perhaps simply because I love darker guy?

It is such a good movie that I think it should be a nominee for Oscar 2008 for best animated picture and it should win! (it was really better than Ratatouille). Should it win best foreign movie as well? Well, I have to watch the other contender before I can make any comment. In terms of animated picture, well Azur et Asmar is just something different compared to all the animated pictures we have so far and in terms of story, it was just awesome. AWESOME! If you have watched Pan's Labyrinth then Azur et Asmar carried that similar interesting, exciting, and amazing feel in its story. I totally recommend all of you to run to The Cathay Picture House to watch it, because I don't know how long more it will be showing. A real good movie always makes me happy and satisfied after watching it and this was one of those movies. I love it!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Skip this if you haven't read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. This is my take on the book and this writing will contain lots of spoiler. So stop now people, if you haven't read the book.

So many people died! I wonder if it was necessary. Why didn't J K Rowling give us something to feel good with. I guess deaths would be necessary to emphasis the fight, but there were just some characters which I felt really sad about. When Hedwig died in the first few chapters, I couldn't help screaming "shit!". Then George had to lose his ear, and Dobby died (this is the part where the flyingNun cried, I wonder if Mimi has read the book, she may need a Harry Potter counselling after this), and then Fred, Lupin, and Tonks died. Lupin and Tonks! who just had a baby! It was so tragic! Snape of course had to die as I predicted that he would be. I expected a better death for him though, like him dying trying to protect Harry Potter but he died without much glory. My biggest disappointment was of course with Snape. My favorite character of all. From all the previous books, the more Harry disliked him, the more I like him and of course I was right, he was good. I expected him to appear more in the book. I waited and waited but Snape just didn't appear. He did get a chapter for his own (but so did Kreacher), but I just found it to be not enough. I was extremely sad that he died and when he died, not many people knew that he was really good. Maybe from the beginning he was really meant to stay behind the limelight. Ah ... I have lots of sympathy for Severus Snape.

Aside for Snape, the book was not bad. Rowling added a new plot of the hallows in this book and it was okay, I suppose. The destroying part of the remaining horcruxes was divided between Ron, Hermione, and Neville. In a way it seemed too typical but I suppose typical as it may be, it would be what I want to see as well. I love that Ron was finally with Hermione. Harry and Ginny? Well, I am never a fan of them. I'm glad that they used Severus to name their second son. See, how much I love Snape?

It was rather sad when I finished reading the book because that book had accompanied me for some weeks. Of course I also feel sad that there will be no more Potter's book. No more book to arouse our imagination and make us feel excited, but I guess there are still the movies to wait on.

:) eKa @ 8:35:00 PM • 0 comments

No Reservations

Went to watch No Reservations today. It's Tuesday so as usual, I got to do it alone and I've so been looking forward for this alone movie time. It was around 2 weeks ago since I last watched a movie and that felt pretty long. I have so many more movies that I want to watch. With Vivy coming back soon, I think I may get to watch all the movies that I want. Got my GV membership card today as well. It felt rather natural, since I love movies so much. Ask my family and they will concur that I'm a movie freak, because when I was young (and poor and couldn't afford to watch as many movies as I like) the TV was inseparable with me. Now I still love the TV so much too. What can I say, I just love stories. Okay, let me write about No Reservations first.

I got interested with this movie because from the trailer it seemed like it was about this chef who was so in control with things in her life and then things got thrown off course with the addition of new things and changes in her life. I kinda can imagine that if Vivy was here, she would be interested in watching it because of Aaron Eckhart which she kinda likes since watching him in Thank You For Smoking and Conversations with Other Women. I did think he was interesting in Thank You For Smoking but I supposed it was only after this movie, No Reservations that I do think he has some kind of charm, but it could also be because of his character in this movie. His character was like, you know this guy that perhaps you also have known back in school in your younger days, the guy who likes to joke around and tease you and do silly stuff and perhaps on the verge of being annoying and yet you are drawn to such a guy. Maybe because this type of guy is always interesting and able to make you smile and laugh? Anyway, that was his character in this movie, you can add being sweet and gentleman to it, and can cook! So that kinda makes him even more desirable Anyway, he was alright, Catherine Zeta-Jones (I do think she's kinda pretty) and Abigail Breslin were also alright. I do think Abigail has potential and can make it even better and bigger as she grows older, that is if she doesn't stray like the so many child actors are as they are getting older. The movie storyline was pretty predictable, not much surprise. The food was glorious. Now it makes me hungry *sigh* So final verdict is, if you want something light to watch, a little lovey dovey stuff, and you have money to spend, then you can watch this.

Okay, that was short. I suppose because there's not much to say about the movie. So how about me? After another quite high Internet bill, I decided to re-contract my broadband connection with a new plan. Was hesitating about this even after the S$80 something bill last month (which made me feel that I needed some parental scolding). I guess because I have commitment issue, I just don't know if I can complete the contract and to be honest I hope I wouldn't be around that long to complete it. So after much calculation, I decided to go on with the re-contract, because I think I can pay the balance if I terminate it early.

Finished reading Harry Potter, well actually no. I still have the epilogue to read. A bit disappointed with some parts but let me write about Potter later, on another post.

Managed to meet Emilia and her peeps on Saturday night, just for a very short while. Didn't get to exchange story much. She managed to squeeze in a trip to Malaysia and Singapore in less than a week, I think it's pretty cool. I have to admit, her presence kinda made me miss home a lot. I miss being at ease with everything.

I'm tired, I'm just tired, very tired. My body is still weird. I couldn't sleep much. The latest strange dream was being caught in a blazing fire, but no worries, the fire couldn't hurt me and the people I was with. Was it because of Potter that I dreamt that, I don't know. Personally I'm stunned that I can still wake up every morning and have the strength to go through the day. As bad and embarrassing as I am for saying this, I secretly prayed to God to let me have a bit of sickness because I think that's the only way I can stop and actually rest. I need the break, I really do because I'm going mad. I wanted to scream my lung out in a bus stop yesterday, imagine that *sigh* I didn't but I did say an audible freaking hell, which caused an auntie to look at me and smile. God bless her.

On a very personal note, I'm in a daze mode. Today I realize the perfect Indonesian word to describe it is tertegun and to be honest I can't find any other better word to describe how I feel. Beneran nggak nyangka, kok jadinya begini? Hmm...memang udah agak salah dari awalnya kali, jadi terima saja? Segala sesuatu yang terjadi ada sebabnya dan mungkin sebabnya sudah terjalankan, jadi ini saatnya kita harus melangkah ke depan. Meski bila sebabnya belum terjalankan pun, mungkin kita akan mengerti mengapa kalau kita sudah melalui ini. Setiap rasa, terutama rasa yang menyakitkan hanya akan membuat kita lebih kuat dan mendewasakan kita bukan? Or perhaps, I'm just being paranoid and overly sensitive about things, but my feeling about it is pretty strong and somehow ... sepertinya ini untuk yang terbaik *sigh*

:) eKa @ 8:11:00 PM • 0 comments

of Thoughts 08/09/07

I find it amazing that just because I read an email that caused me to be distraught just now, I kinda forget the other things that happened today, among which was one shocking thing that almost made me wanna shout it to the world when it happened.

Let's start with that dreadful email. It was actually not a dreadful email. There wasn't any bad news but perhaps I have certain issues hence I saw it differently. As what often happen, in that instant when I was bothered, the mind wondered quite rapidly and all possibilities and thoughts came to mind. There were actually 2 things that bothered me. The first one actually like that older brother story (the prodigal son) in the bible, for those who do not know, read this. I suppose I have to be nicer to people? People deserve the blessing that they get even if I don't think they deserve it? God sees it differently I suppose and perhaps now it's not so much about them, maybe it's God's way to make me accept that prodigal son story, because even though it's written in the bible, I don't agree with it. I am so like the older brother. The other things that bothered me in the email was ... well I thought it was because I care too much. I do care about certain stuff despite of me saying "I don't freaking care!!!" a whole lot of time. So I'm pretty particular about some stuffs, which actually often happen, which may make me seem so inflexible. Okay perhaps me being particular is also contributed a lot by me trusting myself more that anyone else, which also come from me relying on myself more than anyone else. So how to accept a situation that I actually care but seem to have no control on? Well, perhaps it is not meant for me to control? I have to let go? Gosh, I have so many things that I have to learn in this maturity department. So help me God.

So today, was quite a day. Morning engagement went freaky. When a certain information was passed to me, I thought I was going to write a whole lot about it in this blog but now I'm rather drained emotionally. But let's talk about it, so you can give it some thoughts. So the freaky R (I think I shouldn't write his name due to legal issue, but people who share morning engagement with me will know exactly who he is) admitted that he likes young boys! Young boys, mind you and he gave kinda detailed explanation (though only in 1-2 sentences) in which way he likes them. He kinda looks up to Michael Jackson as a role model in this department and I kid you not! The thing is, he doesn't think that there's anything wrong with it. You wonder how could that be? Well, this is a guy who thought Thomas the tank engine was real and thought of retiring in Sodor (whose shape is surprisingly similar to Singapore). R is not actually some old man or something like that, he's a young guy who despite of his antics is I think quite brilliant in the brain department. I think he's mental and I don't think I'm wrong. So now the question is, someone told you that he likes young boys and how those young boys make him feel, so what are you gonna do about it? I was so disturbed and I wanted to shout it to so many people on the spot (I particularly missed Carl at that moment) however I had to bite my tongue. It's a very grave issue being made to my attention, I felt that action needed to be done but I can't because what am I to do? And yet sitting down and walking away felt wrong. What am I to do? Who should I talk to? I was thinking, one of the reason why I started my Saturday engagement was to get to know more people and yet I met someone like this. Maybe God wants me to learn to deal with crazy things better.

So other than those upsetting things, today had its good share of nice time. Nice food was involved. Went for a dim sum lunch with NanSee, I particularly enjoyed the chicken soup most of all. Then like some typical Singaporeans, we entered the moon cake exhibition in Takashimaya and tried pretty much most of the free sample. We were particularly obsessing for the durian ones. Then for dessert we had high tea in Borders cafe, cakes and tea. I was thinking we were living quite an extravagant life but excuses can easily be made for the spending. Ah, that's pretty much it. Lots of bad things occupying my head now, when I should be relaxing my mind *sigh*

:) eKa @ 10:54:00 PM • 0 comments

Jesus Camp

Went to watch Jesus Camp with La Gioia and NanSee yesterday. We had quite a day yesterday, filled with meals, at least for me. I just can eat. Let's not go into the boring details and let's talk about Jesus Camp. Before I watched the movie, based on the little information I had on it, I thought Jesus Camp was like how the world today are picturing extremist Muslims training their followers so that they can fight the holy war, it's the same thing, it's just it's about Christianity instead of Islam and of course there were no guns and such involved, so perhaps it's milder? Or is it?

Jesus Camp is a documentary about an Evangelical Christian camp being hold for kids. It followed the pastor, a few kids, and showed a few of the sessions during the camp and services in church. There were also some scenes from a radio segments Ring of Fire in which the host was raising concerns about these Evangelical Christian community. Well I have never been a diligent church goer, especially to those of the charismatic church kind, however I could actually relate to the services. I've been through that, through my Christian education in school. It became pretty familiar to me and some of the things the pastor said were some of the things I remembered hearing growing up. It was rather strange because praying and singing gospel used to be a huge part of my life in school, especially in primary school and junior high. I kinda miss that a bit, however it's not enough for me to want to go back into that kind of Christian lifestyle, not the charismatic kind at least, because it always freaks me out. I always get freaked me out being in a session where people cried and started to speak in tongue. The first time I experienced that, I actually felt rather scared and I remembered feeling so uncomfortable. It's just not right, seeing so many people crying and falling apart and speaking in languages I don't understand. I don't know, they might think that the devil still has so much chain on me because I didn't feel the glory of God during such session. As bad as I am for saying this, those sessions really made me wanna run for the exit. I just don't think it's for me.

So this documentary depicted how kids in their young age were going through such session in their camp, in their church, to make them warriors of Christ. To the extend that I feel that it's way too much. They're kids for God sake. The fact that they are kids made them so easy to accept such concept of love and God. However I feel that allowing these kids go through such intense session is just not right. They were crying like mad, they were trembling and God ... as much as I don't like naughty kids, I think kids should know God in a lighter way, not be subjected to such intense sessions. It was just way too intense. They were just kids and they were educated about politic, they were praying for a just (meaning upholding Christian value) supreme court judge, they participated in a protest to stop abortion in Washington DC. The kids also approached strangers and started to try telling them about Jesus. It's crazy!!! It's just crazy. Pastor Becky, who apparently a pastor well known for her work with kids, said that and I quote: I can go into a playground of kids that don't know anything about Christianity, lead them to the Lord in a matter of, just no time at all, and just moments later they can be seeing visions and hearing the voice of God, because they're so open. They are so usable in Christianity.. I disagree that it's necessary to be seeing visions and hearing voices to know God. I don't think people should strive for this. The fact that she also used the word "usable" also bothers me. She thought that they had the ONLY truth and she also told the kids that Harry Potter was evil. At that, I said RUBBISH!

I've known people who think Jesus is the one and only way to heaven, I think the one bible verse being recited a lot to emphasis this is John 14:6. I've even remembered one particular retreat session in high school where the girl who supposed to lead us into small discussion (I forget her name, but I think she was quite fat) said that Jesus is the only way to heaven and all the other religions are wrong. At which my inside was protesting but I kept my mouth shut. I just don't believe that. I don't believe that Jesus is the only way to God. With all my heart, I feel that there are many other ways you can feel God. I believe that people should not forsake God. I believe that believing in God and having faith are essential for you life, however is Christianity the only way to know Him? NO! I've remembered times when I was walking, looking at the trees, felt the wind and felt at peace because I felt that God is telling me that everything is gonna alright and if you know me, I don't think you can call me a Christian.

Another alarming thing I learnt in this movie was how this Evangelical Christian community in America is growing and going strong. The pastor Ted Haggard even said, and I quote If the evangelicals vote, they determine the election. It's crazy. Why? Because as the Ring of fire radio host pointed out, there are major evangelical christian figures in the government and they can really shake policy and since it's America, what's happening there will have its effect on the rest of the world. If people think that Islamic fundamentalist is a danger, how about these proud Christian fundamentalist? I was thinking, so what's wrong if the world is more Christian, if people think of Jesus more and work with the teaching of Jesus more? The world might be better, but I don't think it should be on the expense of saying that everybody else, everybody with different religion is wrong and gonna burn in hell. I just disagree with extremists, regardless what religion they come from. By the way, after a simple wiki link, I found out that the famous pastor Ted Haggard who used to talk with George Bush and his advisors every Monday was involved in some shocking scandal. I kinda remember now seeing him on the 09:30 news. How ironic!

I was quite bothered with this documentary. In a way, yes these people have so much passion for God and I respect that but I think they're just way too much. I thought Christian who watch this may get offended and pray so that this documentary don't make people think badly of Christianity but now I think Christians who are as strong as those depicted in the documentary will pray instead for bigger faith and conviction so that they could join in this holy war against everything not Christian. Gosh, it seriously brings back some memories from my days in school. I don't know if God will support me on my views, but I guess as with others, He gives me the freedom to choose as well as to think. I am maybe completely wrong and perhaps someday He will show me His truth, we will see. If there are Christian reading this, they maybe praying for me after this. Oh well, all I can say is thank you.

Should you watch the movie then? Only if you want to watch something different. If you want entertainment, go to box office kind of movie instead. Let's move on to my life topic.

Oggi Carl vola per Italia. Sono gelosa. Quando posso fare la stessa? Ieri ho deciso che andrò a qualche posto prima compierò venti sei. Vorrei fare qualche cosa quando ho ancora venti cinque anni. Non ho molto tempo. Spero che avrò il coraggio per farlo, però non so. Quest' anno sono ancora qui nonostante l'anno scorso ho pregato per il corragio così avrei potuto lasciare qui. Forse dovrei più gentile con Dio così proprio volerò via. Per favore, Dio.

Had quite a tough week last week, physically straining. Not feeling so good now. I actually took a few drugs last week to preempt getting sick. May have to do the same tonight. Even if I say I'm not stress, my body begs to differ. You know something is wrong when your body is not doing something or doing something out of the ordinary. I have dismissed the lack of a good sleep as part and parcel of my life, but there's other thing with my body that makes me a bit worried. I just hope I won't collapse. Read a few mails before I wrote this post and well now emotionally I don't think I'm in a good state either. Life, I suppose? We have to keep pushing and fighting? There's that's difference between feeling and responsibility which I felt I have managed to keep quite separate all this time. It should continue being so. I'm running out of words. Oh yeah I just remembered that the kids in Jesus Camp who was homeschooled by his mother, thought (his mother as well) that global warming is not a big deal. Kinda reminded me of Rista who thought the same way, who thought there's some political agenda behind it. Well, it doesn't hurt to be nicer to Earth right? Recycle, use the public transport, use less water and electricity and paper? God knows that some places like Jakarta really need fresher air.

:) eKa @ 9:43:00 PM • 0 comments