Amazement in Age + Losing My Mojo

I have to say there was not just 1 reason when I started my Saturday engagement. One of the reason I had was simply to have a life outside the life that I had and to get to know new people. There was silly hope on the people whom I hoped to meet. I have to say unfortunately none of the vision that I had come true. However fortunately I can say it is more interesting to meet all the people I met, that God is always more amusing than what our mind can conjure. I was planning to give some sort of summary or my opinion of the different characters whom I have encountered, but laziness manages to stop that thought.

However today I am going to write about a particular grandfather whom I found to be so cool. Today he found out that I'm actually an Indonesian (recently more people think that I am a Singaporean on first encounter, but that's another story altogether). So during the break, he said, "So you're Indonesian?". "Yes, I am", I said, grinning I may add. I just love being Indonesian. He said that "Oh, I spent 7 years there". He said he was there between 1962 to 1969 informing me that it was during the Soekarno era. I actually knew that. My first reaction was "Really? Oh my God! You were there in 1965!". "Yes", he said. He elaborated that he was there during the revolution. To which, I could only say "Oh my God, oh my God!" which I think made me looked like some brainless girl, which perhaps made him think that I was not interested with stories. I actually do! I have never met anyone from that time. The time of some of the most historical moments in Indonesia. I asked why he was there, what he was doing. It seemed he was involved in the building of Hotel Indonesia. Seriously, I was totally in a stunned mode that I couldn't stop saying "Oh My God!". I know that perhaps I should learn to be more brainy. I seriously hope in weeks to come, I could get him to tell stories about his stay in Indonesia, about that period. I really really really want to hear as much stories as he could give me. I hope such chance would come. One knows I lack social skill and my interrogative methods could be annoying.

I really found this grandfather to be so cool and how I wish when I reach his age, I too will have interesting stories to tell, that my life experience would great. On the short term wish, I do wish when I reach 30, I could be as amazing as the many people in their early 30s whom I met. To see what they have achieved in their age now is kinda inspiring for me. I do not have much time left to make much difference. With my lazy bones, it is highly likely that I am still where I am 4 years from now, which I seriously hope not. I suppose one of these days I really am going to get tired with my life that I will make drastic changes. Pray for me, peeps.

On personal life update. I don't feel that this week has been a productive one for me. Yesterday I found out that I miss something, which made me feel rather pissed off with myself though the point in which I realize the mistake was nothing short of a spark of brilliance. Everyone is not perfect, not everyone could be on point all the time. People have their mistake moments, however I am still quite bothered when I'm not performing well in situations when I should. Losing my mojo it seems. I don't know if one should read much into it. I don't know if I should read much into little things or coincidences which I feel is happening recently. I should repeat the mantra, "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it".

[added 12:22 AM]
Movie of the week is Hotel Rwanda which I just finished watching. It was really really really good and I would recommend all of you to watch it. The actors were great and Don Cheadle was of course nominated for Oscar in 2005 but didn't get it. The point was of course not about the greatness of the actors or whether the movie was entertaining and had a good storyline. The movie was based on a true story and to ask whether it was entertaining would be so disgraceful. The movie was heartbreaking for me. I had some tears. I couldn't help being thankful for the life that I have and as often happen when I watch this kinda movie, I wonder why such fate could happen in this world. Couldn't help wondering why God could let it happen. It's easy to say that everything is in God's plan when you have such a safe secure life. I wonder if I can still have such strong faith if I have to endure what the Rwandans endured. This kinda movie also often makes me feel rather embarrassed for getting so worked up with trivial things in my daily life when we could do so much more, save the world and do something good for other people. I totally recommend this movie to all of you peeps!

:) eKa @ 9:30:00 PM • 0 comments

Selfish Loneliness

Went for dinner with Starfish, La Gioia, NanSee, Gascoigne, Yen, and Lois. It was basically the same group of people with the addition of Yen. The last time we met was in January, so it is around 3 months later that we convene again. Dinner was basically (my personal reason) to give Starfish's his birthday present which I had had since Chinese New Year and I suppose it's good to meet everyone else as well and give salutation (I'm in a mood to write in poetic English, though I wonder how poetic I can be).

Starfish's present was a batik painting which I bought in Soekarno-Hatta airport. I bought 2, the other one would be for Dagi. I was right to say that not many people would appreciate it because Gascoigne was dumbfounded seeing it, wondering what it was, and what purpose it can serve. Typical him. I was rather disappointed that it wasn't really big, but I suppose if it's framed, it will look rather nice. Anyway it was hand painted, so I thought it was pretty cool. If I had a house of my own, I would love to have these kinda things on my wall.

Dinner was okay. It was at Fish and Co Paragon. I think I would choose Manhattan Fish instead the next time I'm in the mood for seafood. The only thing that Fish and Co has which I think is better than Manhattan Fish was the rice, because I don't fancy the garlic rice that Manhattan Fish serves, though I know people like la Gioia is a fan. Then we had desserts at Swensens because I needed to eat more. I've decided that the next time I go to Swensens, I will try the sticky chewy chocolate. I think I have enough of coit tower. I think conversations went crazier in Swensens

Topic of last night was mainly relationship and love and such. I suppose I was pretty bad for bursting the balloon (is there such analogy?) of news that Starfish was perhaps not willing to share just yet. But Eka just started with her unkind interrogation and now everyone saw the picture I think Starfish is pretty lucky. One can't help feeling sad that such thing does not happen to me. However, as often happen that I am enlightened by pop / rock songs, this week I was enlightened by Bono. One morning on the bus, Beautiful Day from U2 was playing in my iPod and this particular lyric jumped out, "What you don't have, you don't need it now". Okay, anyway, I like to think that I still need to learn to stand on my own and be stronger. I don't know, I just really feel that there's a need for me to be stronger, though I know it comes with building thicker and higher walls. Talking about walls, I just got reminded of Astley and how right he was when he pointed that I have so much walls, that me opening up is not in all sincerity And so that's my Selfish Loneliness which Starfish coined and the peeps laughed (perhaps) in agreement Well the walls may crumble down someday ... or it may not

Anyway, with all the talk yesterday, I realize that I was heartbroken and still am heartbroken. The one who broke my heart was actually me myself but no matter what, logically I cannot deny that it was a necessary move. "Going with the flow" was just not working for me. Anyway the point is, it still hurts *sigh* Sent an email to Vivy today and her answers was that I am perhaps one of those people who need a "new thing" to get me over with this, which is exactly the thing that I don't want to happen. I just wish this could eradicate itself. I am perhaps not trigger happy in my life, but at least I don't want to be sad and I'm kinda sad right now *sigh*.

Kinda miss the Mr. Miss getting and reading those long mails, but I myself don't have time to write long mails to him. When it started, he had already given me his objection and I suppose it's my fault, I eluded myself. I know what he will say, "flush!".

:) eKa @ 9:36:00 PM • 0 comments

Street Kings + Driving Lessons

Is it just me or the weather is weird these days and you get sick easily? I have been on drugs on and off for the past 3 weeks and I suppose it will continue because I've been sneezing often these days. Anyway, let's talk about usual stuffs now. Movies.

Went to watch Street Kings with la Gioia yesterday. Actually I wasn't that interested in the movie, even though there's Keanu Reeves in it. I just wasn't in the mood for action movies. But la Gioia said she wanted to watch something, and suddenly Keanu Reeves seemed appealing again, so I chose to watch Street Kings. I only found it to be so-so though. Maybe I was tired but I was very very sleepy during the movie and was hoping that it would end quickly. The story was basically about bad cops and Keanu played this wild-on-his-own cop who apparently didn't know what's really going on around him. I found him to be fatter in this movie but I can still fall for Keanu Reeves. A lot of cursing in the movie and it's kinda hard to understand what these Americans are saying and these things really didn't help to get me more interested in the movie. The actors were okay, I suppose. Forest Whitaker reminded me of the manic him in The Last King of Scotland. Maybe because he played another evil character. Overall it was just alright for me. I'm not too excited about it.

Had a huge banana split after the movie and I do wonder why I just don't care about the things that I eat. I eat, I eat, and I eat. One of these days, I'm totally gonna regret doing this.

Arrived in my room at 6 plus yesterday. Was very sleepy and did manage to do a few stuff. Not as complete as I would have liked it, but in between counseling and small talk, I think I did okay. At least a major part was completed. Called home 'cause it's been a while since I talked to mom. Miss home much. Talked to my cousin just now and I really miss all the the things that I miss by being here. You really can't have it all in life.

Watched Driving Lessons later during the night and I have to write this because it was really really good. I first heard about this movie, when me and Vivy was in The Cathay watching something, perhaps Magorium. Didn't manage to watch it last year because as I recall its release date was the same day as when I was going home. Didn't really hear much about the movie after that. We thought it was just gone and done, but a quick look in IMDB just now showed that the release date for Singapore is 24 April 2008. I don't know if it's true, but if it is, go and watch it peeps. Vivy being the amazing her managed to get this movie and I'm glad she did.

Driving Lessons is a British movie, starring Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley in Harry Potter), Laura Linney (if you watch movies a lot, you will know her), and I have to mention Julie Walters (who apparently played Ron Weasley's mom in Harry Potter). I have to mention those 3 people, because they are really the force behind the movie. The story told about Rupert's character Ben, who is a son of a priest who had a mother (Laura Linney's character) who tried to keep a good and perfect facade all the time (think of Bree in Desperate Housewives peeps). Being brought up in such a Christian family with a very demanding mother, Ben did turn out a bit weird. I suppose because choices and freedom to explore were never given to him and his mother was very very strict in her reign that even his kind and understanding father couldn't fight much. Ben then found a job as an assistant to an old actress, ironically it was because his mom asked him to find a job so that he could use the money to help a bum living in their house. The old actress (Julie Walters) with her antics really forced Ben to get out of his shell and be crazy for a while. It really opened him out as he tried drinking for the first time, driving without license, kissing a girl, and losing his virginity (which kinda bothered me a bit) In the end, he somewhat found that he was a person who can choose what he wanted to be and it was up to him, it's not about what other people tell him to do or about rules. I feel that there's a lot of sides and things that move you in this movie. I even enjoyed the preach Ben's dad gave in the church about Christianity, I found it to be so true. Thanks to IMDB, I can paste it here for you, "Ask yourselves this question; How is a person truly free until they can think and act for themselves? God gave us free will so that we could choose His love. You see, He wanted us to understand our commitment. To be grown up about it. If you ask me, "Am I Christian?", I say to you, if you strive to do good, then you're a Christian. If you don't seek to hurt or betray others, you're a Christian. If you're true to yourself and treat others as you'd have them treat you, you're a Christian. The more a person parades their Christianity for the benefit of other, the less I'm inclined to trust the Christianity they claim to bring. God tells us, true faith is the freedom to choose truth. Now, how you express that, the way, the manner, the means at your disposal, these things are of no consequence, be you Christian or Atheist - unless in your heart you are true."

The actors themselves were great. I've always liked Rupert Grint the most in Harry Potter. I thought he was great there and I thought he was really really good in this movie. I thought his portrayal of the simple, humble, soft and kind-hearted Ben to be stellar. You would really fall for Ben. He really exuded the nice boy persona. Maybe I should ask Vivy to get December Boys so that we can compare how good he and Daniel Radcliffe are outside Potter. I have a feeling Rupert is much better. Laura Linney was good. She reminded me of her character in The Nanny Diaries. Then Julie Walters was great. Watching her in Potter you can't really tell that she was a great actress but she was. Amazing actress. So peeps, if you get the chance to watch it, go and give this movie a watch.

On life, well life has been tiring for me. I wish I could sleep better. I don't sleep well except during weekends and so I get cranky and tired and headaches a lot during the week days. My weekend is good because I got to relax and sleep well and be alone without anyone to bother me. People do bother me sometime but that's also because they have problems. So I guess everyone's life, or at least many that I know, are not that rosy either (except for Rista who is having the time of her life) *sigh* I miss home much. I miss eating nice food and talking to people about other things and enjoying Indonesian stuff. Friday night, I had a nice-of-no-importance talk with Rista, while watching some Indonesian tv and I like that. I like the fact that I could tell her certain stuff which I couldn't tell anyone else. Perhaps I could but I guess they wouldn't understand and somehow whether you understand or not come with your life experience and I don't really know many people with similar life experience as mine. Vivy fits in many things but on some things we also go through different things, for example: the dynamic of our days are quite different. Anyway, I should stop about talking about me because this week I realize that many people are having it harder. Off the bat, I can mention 3 people with difficult things to deal with right now. I wish them all the best. Some of them will have their misery sorted out soon, some will take some time. I really wish them all the best and I hope I could be there as much as they need me to. Good night my darlings!

:) eKa @ 9:02:00 PM • 0 comments

Charlie Bartlett

Was working on a new blog skin because apparently the dolphin picture is (perhaps) corrupted. So in some places it cannot be displayed correctly though my vaio is displaying it just fine. Anyway, working on a new page design apparently takes a lot of work even though it is only 1 page but I suppose because I sucks in designing, so I take ages. So I don't know when it's going to be up (if ever).

This week has not been smooth sailing as well. I don't want to talk about it much. Been spending much money because of the stress. On Monday, I dragged la Gioia to Swensens because I wanted the omelette and coit tower (I may sound like a pregnant girl, ya?). She kindly obliged. I guess I will do no good if I am too stressed out, so she's just helping me to ease out a bit. Then today I went for a movie, lunch, and (very expensive) desserts with Vivy. I really really need to spend less. I don't have much money

Anyways, movie today was Charlie Bartlett, which I really really enjoyed. It told the story of this rich boy who went to a public school after being kicked out (apparently many times) from a private rich school for (legal) misdemeanor. So he basically wanted to be cool and popular and he made it by acting as a shrink to the kids in school. He himself has a shrink on call, whom he used to get all the medication he needed to give to the kids. Somehow it's always the case, you just can't be cool by being simple, smart, and nice, you just have to be something more. Charlie was such a character. He's actually a harmless, decent, and normal guy. I just got to thinking that many people seem so ordinary but all you need is to talk to them and you'll find the the uniqueness of them, and how each of them has something special. All the characters inside the movie had something deeper going on inside them apart from the facade that they were wearing, the labels that people gave them on first glance. It's nice to see how all the characters were being explored as the movie progressed, for example Charlie's "business partner", Murphy, whom I thought to be quite handsome after looking at him many times I think he, Charlie, Charlie's mom, and the principal were the ones who stood out quite well in this movie. Charlie himself acted really well, if you really paid attention to how he acted when he was high, singing, playing the piano, and reciting the monologue for the school play. Talented guy. Maybe I should have watched this movie earlier and written about it so that you all can go and watch it. It's phasing out now, so the timing is a bit sucky. However if you can get your hand on the movie, watch it peeps.

Okay, I have some things that I want to write about, thoughts that float in and out but very likely would never get written. I should be more productive in my writing I suppose. I don't know, perhaps I have a really poor time management that I can't seem to get the time to do many things that I should be doing sigh.

[Added Sunday: 10:04 pm]
So finished the design. Started blogging in 2003 and it's around 5 years later that I changed the design *sigh* Yes, that's a sign of me being lazy but that's also a sign that I cannot part with things. Things have to change, people have to move on. The only thing which is constant in this world is change and yet I don't like change much, no matter how much I try to deny it. So fast forward 5 years from when I started the blog, I suppose I am better on certain things. Perhaps on design? Definitely on CSS and page layout. However with more things you know, you realize that there's a whole universe out there which is unknown to you and at times that feels rather frustrating because yes, so many things I don't know in this world of Internet.

Anyways, new design give less space to write. That's one thing that bothers me a lot. So I make the text smaller so that the page doesn't go longer to eternity. I hope you don't feel annoyed reading my many words. Maybe when I am ready, I get a new design which is better for the eyes. So for the time being, bear with this, and enjoy the changes. I know I have to push myself to accept this. I'm not saying the old design is better, but I am always the sentimental one and so that's why I have difficulties in letting go and moving on.

:) eKa @ 9:47:00 PM • 0 comments