Saturday, July 09, 2022
I was telling someone yesterday that I'm having a low point period. People like me have this a lot I guess and I kinda have written about it a lot - how the swing down can be so tormenting. I don't know if it's being in Singapore alone, somehow I think perhaps it's not really that because we all are alone actually, though that is not so true either because I know people who always have people and if I don't have people, it's most probably my own fault because I shun people. Anyways, been feeling kinda low and as being low usually is, I'm just sinking deeper and deeper. I see things as bleak everywhere. That is most probably the wrong attitude to take; one has to be optimistic after all, but you know me, I'm not that. The person I talked to yesterday may argue that I have something so awesome to look forward to, like he was feeling excited for me but as I told him, right now I am just consumed by fear.
It's just, there's a lot, a lot of things going on in my head and none of them are that good. It's overwhelming and having to keep it together is hard and the past weeks have shown that I fail miserably. I have a really short fuse and I have no chill. When I am in this state, it's tough and I have a lot of self-pity which turns into anger to so many people for like not even bothering with how I feel. Why should they I guess. No one owes you anything and if people are just going to not care, what are you gonna do about it - it is what it is. It's hard, it's hard to keep it together. I can cry, in fact I do feel like crying, but what that's going to do. It's the long weekend and I should be more relaxed, but right now I'm just not feeling good :'(
:) eKa @ 10:15:00 PM • 0 comments
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