The September Issue

I know I just wrote a long piece yesterday but I kinda have something to write about today. Went to watch The September Issue today out of whim-wham. Well I was planning to watch it but didn't really plan it today. When I woke up this morning, I wondered why not and so I did. I am perhaps one of the least fashionable person that the people who know me know of but actually I really like nice dresses and shoes and stuffs. I really like watching tv shows like Project Runway and America's Next Top Model 'cause I really enjoy looking at pretty dresses and pictures. I guess I just love pretty things.

I really love The September Issue even though I have never read Vogue, ever! It's a documentary telling how Vogue prepared their September issue which apparently it's like the bible released every year for the fashion industry. It centered around its editor-in-chief Anna Wintour, who is the real "devil in prada". Her ex-assistant was the one who wrote The Devil Wears Prada which I've read, courtesy of Dagi, and was also already made into a movie (not a really amazing one though). So Anna Wintour was described as this difficult boss but watching the documentary, I don't really think so. She just does what she does and establishes her opinions on things. Bosses do that and it's always hard when you also have a strong opinion about something and think your boss is wrong and yet you have to give in because the boss is always right and get the final say :( It's frustrating and it's never easy but it's just how it is in working life I suppose. Seriously I don't see the bitchiness from Anna Wintour as the book The Devil Wears Prada implies. I love the comment of her daughter who said she didn't want to be an editor and she didn't get how serious people think and feel about fashion. It happens, doesn't it? That people cannot get why you are very passionate about something :P Anyways, I love all the creative processes. I love the pictures! I love the dresses and stuff. The people working for the issue are pretty amazing because they really come out with interesting and amazing stuff. Grace Coddington, the creative director, is really creative and her input in the whole spread are amazing! I love the photo shoots she produced and like her, I also couldn't understand why Anna didn't like some of the shots :P I know fashion is not for everyone, but it you are the slightest bit interested, do watch it because it's really interesting :)

Had my lunch / dinner today with the presence of Jenny and like a response (perhaps from God) about my last post, she's criticizing my solitaire lifestyle. Bah! I was really not welcoming the talk but I had not choice but to hear her out. Yeah, I know I should be more social, bla bla bla but I am also a stubborn person and as I said I like to do the things I like, my way and right now I have noone that I find to be interesting enough to spend some hours with. That's all I have to say about it. Okay, I'm still hungry :S but I cannot get my banana chocolate cake with her outside :( aarrrggh. By the way, Sebastian Vettel is so cute!!! Aaaahhh ...

:) eKa @ 7:04:00 PM • 0 comments

of Love (that transpired)

Hello peeps. It's been awhile since I've written. Nothing interesting to say, really. I have been feeling that the weather is very very hot since the moment I woke up this morning. In fact I think I was awoken way earlier than I wanted because the weather was really hot! I guess there are too many people against my wish for rain now. It will make a more interesting F1 race though, don't you think?

I have been keeping to myself a lot these days. Not really liking people much. Have not tried to reach out to people. I think I am even rudely shutting down many people. Yes, I am perhaps selfish. I am just consumed with all the suckyness that I am feeling that I don't even want to look at other people. This is even after some weeks ago I attended a mass in which the priest was like really telling me what God wants me to do. The priest was preaching about how in time of our troubles, we should actually still look at people and help people in trouble because we may find solution in our problems by helping them. However the selfish and stubborn me really feel that people are such a bore! Some of them just need their ego stroked. A lot of them just need to be heard even though they are pretty much saying the same thing over and over again. Many times, I get headache just having to go through such conversation with them. Seriously, how many more ways I can say, you are great, wonderful, things will be okay, pray and have faith in God. I hope none of them are standing at the edge of a bridge right now, which I think they are not anyway. I mean, I feel so unhappy in life right now and yet I don't think I am as depressed as I was once had been. I'm not crying every night. I even haven't cried yet. I guess that's not so bad. I guess I am just trying to suppress and not think about all this negativity that I feel. I know I should actually confront them but I am still running away.

Let's move on. About the title. I just got thinking on my way in the bus today of love that is wasted. I don't want to say love is wasted though because I think love is one thing that we all have that we will never really run out of and just because it was spent on something which doesn't work out, it is not a waste because the process of it all is definitely a valuable learning process, no? This thought came more pronouncedly after hearing what Ms. J wrote about how her heart is broken *sigh* and hearing someone told me that she broke up with his boyfriend amicably after realizing that they were not progressing in their relationship. I told her I felt like I had to say sorry but she said there's nothing to be sorry about.

Was watching parts of Larry King's interview with Tyra Banks yesterday morning. Tyra said that there were many types of abuse - sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse. She was particulary talking about emotional abuse. I realized that perhaps in a way I've experienced that. I guess there was a time in my life when I fell for someone and yet he didn't have any feeling for me, even the slightest care. I think he knew I would be around for him and that I couldn't really say no to him and so he "used" me whenever he needs me for emotional support and made me feel special that he was sharing all these things with me. I realize that it was about him and not really me. Did he even care how I felt, although I've told him. Did he even care about all the sadness that I felt, how my day was. Did he even try to read me on how I felt in my life. Did he even really try to comfort me. He didn't. One may argue maybe he's just not that kind of guy who is able to say nice things but did he even try? I don't think so. I loved him in the beginning of things when he said I don't want you to be sad but I guess it's one of those things he has ready to say to any girl. Right now, I just wish him all the best in life but I cannot bring myself to be his person. It may sound insincere of me, wanting something in return for something that I do for him. But the base of me doing it was because I love him and I know I may not care so much on other people and that's just eating me everytime because you keep on hoping that maybe he'll see you more, in a different light, how great you are, and that he'd love you, but it never happens and you keep on trying and trying and it doesn't happen and it's just sad. I have realized many times that I have to move on. I am pretty contented right now that I have walked away and not walking back. I look back sometime, but I cannot make myself walk back that path. Will I keep on walking and not fall in the useless cycle, I don't know. I hope not. I hope I find someone that wants me and cares for me at the same time. This reminded me of something that eeYORe said to me one time (though he may have forgotten about this). He said how are you to be able to look at other people when your eyes are on this one person all the time. The stubborn me that time said that maybe it could happen. It didn't. I feel now I want people to see me for the wonderful me, to find me and maybe I will see them as well.

Another thing that I want to say is, I guess if you love someone too, you will work on it and I do see on other people that they don't even try. Sometime taking it as it is doesn't really work, you gotta work on it. Since you don't maybe you don't have that much feeling afterall. In the case of Ms. J. She's such a caring and nice person and so I really hope she doesn't fall into the same cycle as mine. God, we are such wonderful girls, truly we deserve someone who deserve us, no? I replied to her that I'm trying to amen to one of U2's lyrics, what you don't have, you don't need it now. So I don't have that guy, not gonna have babies like many people my age that I know seem to be popping easily right now. Maybe because God sees that I don't need it now, maybe also because He sees that I am still that selfish and unwilling to share. I mean in my life right now, I don't really compromise. I do things that I want, my way. If you and me suppose to do something together and our interests are not aligned, I will say I do this on my own and you do that on your own, let's go our different path. I really don't compromise and I act like I don't need anyone. I have been able to do many things on my own and so I do perhaps unconciously or conciously think I don't need anyone. Yes, it is a lonely existence but so far I haven't died yet of loneliness. Oh well. I have blabbered nonsense way too much, ya? Take care peeps.

:) eKa @ 8:53:00 PM • 0 comments

Half's Timing, Half's Luck

Hello guys, the title of the post comes from the lyric of Michael Bublé's latest single, Haven't Met You Yet. Very very nice song and the video clip is not bad as well. I like the song very much, I felt it kinda addressed an issue that I wrote in the last post. Other parts of the lyric that I like very much is, wherever you are, whenever it's right, you come out of nowhere and into my life ... and I know that we can be so amazing. It's truly a hopeful song :P Anyway I chose the title of this post because of the time related things that I want to talk about.

Went to watch The Time Traveler's Wife on Tuesday. I didn't read the book. Saw this book many times in Kinokuniya but I dismissed it because of the time travel theme. However, I like the movie, I like the story. I don't know if I am being less critical since I didn't read the book. I never think much of Eric Bana but I like him in this movie. I guess, just put a guy in a romantic role and all the girls will go ... aaawww :P I love all the little girl actresses. I thought they were all very cute and pretty. I love seeing them more than Rachel McAdams :P The ending was quite touching. Dying is never easy, I guess *sigh*

Anyway, the story reminded me of a question I once asked someone, do you think that people meet at a different time? Strange question? Well to put it into context, it's like a girl meeting this guy and she falls for this guy and unfortunately he doesn't feel the same and then sometime later the guy actually falls for the girl but thing doesn't seem to be possible anymore. It's like these 2 people meet the person that they like at a different time of their lives. It's like they don't even meet at all eventhough they are at the same time. I am not making any sense? Oh well...

This afternoon, I had the chance to do something for the 2nd time this year. I'm not hoping much. The whole thing that led me to today got me thinking as I was waiting for The Time Traveler's Wife. You know, sometime suddenly answers reveal themselves to me. It can be at the strangest hour. I woke up one morning realizing that something is wrong and a solution to fix it. Talking about your brain working while you sleep. Digressing ... anyway so I was enlightened on how do I expect God to help me when I don't know what I want or I don't even want it wholeheartedly. To my defence, I just have much fear. Anyways I believe that God will not give you all the answers of your life. He will help you and be there for you. He may give you what you want if you want it so much with all sincerity but He's not gonna make your life better just like that. He wants us to work for it. He promises us comfort and strength but it is always up to us. So that part of my life right now is the one which is very hazy and cloudy. Managed to go to the temple today and decided to ... well I can't even say I asked a question because as mentioned I am so hazy that I didn't even know what to ask, so what I did was just to ask for anything that the heaven is willing to let me know. The answer was seriously putting what I already know into black and white. It's like having someone shouting what I feel back at me and it made it so real *sigh* Not really an encouraging thing. I am being described as a trapped bird :( I am advised to be patient *sigh* To add to the bad news, apparently I am surrounded by rogues and villains plotting against me. Not really helping to make me feel better but maybe I just have to wait *sigh*

:) eKa @ 9:20:00 PM • 0 comments

Samedi 05/09/09

Hi peeps. I can't believe I am already feeling sleepy now but I did start my day early today and I didn't take a nap. Feeling rather hungry too :(

After my morning engagement today I went to watch the Siti Nurbaya musical in NUS. It's by the NUS Indonesian Students Association (PINUS). I was thinking that I cannot remember when was the last time I was surrounded by so many Indonesian in Singapore. Indonesians being the Indonesians that they are, many of them came late!!! I was telling Vivy, that if the late comers are people who actually stay in NUS, that's just really unbelievable! Then Indonesians being the Indonesians, us, we just laughed at things that perhaps not supposed to be funny. It really has got something to do with growing up in Indonesia and I think subconciously we just form certain opinion or judgement based on the Indonesian side of us :P

I tried to explain and give example on what I mean but somehow I couldn't. I don't now if the prose just escapes me today or I just sucks :P Anyway, Siti Nurbaya the musical was not bad. Not amazingly good but it wasn't really that bad and I think they should really be applauded for their effort. I wonder how come they are able to do this and during my time in NUS we couldn't come up with something like this. Are there more Indonesian students in NUS now?

Anyways, met Copper there. He was with this gorgeous girl whom he said not his girlfriend. I was thinking why oh why him who is often with a girl is still single? Some people are just picky? After I wrote that last sentence, I think some people maybe are just like me. I have no answer as to why I am still alone. Well I have some rationalization that I throw at myself from time to time. I guess for me, I am just leaving it to God.

*sigh* I am really bad with words today :( Okay before I write more rubbish, just a bit of news. Schmap has decided to use the last of my pictures that they selected. It is of Venice. You can see it here. I feel like eating soup :( Buonanotte tutti!

:) eKa @ 9:27:00 PM • 0 comments

of Boboli Gardens

Hello peeps. I have water in my ear, it feels rather annoying :( Gonna have a bad day tomorrow and I know I shouldn't say I'm gonna have a bad tomorrow because what good does it do me when I say that. I should be thankful if I get to live another day. However I've just been feeling rather tortured doing my days :( Alright, enough about this depressing stuff.

Went to watch Coco avant Chanel yesterday. I'm not really a big fan of Audrey Tautou. She's so skinny and small that I find it to be quite a turn off but I think she's a very good actress and though at times her face can look odd, there's something so beautiful about her face. I like her eyes because they are big and they really accentuate her expressions. Anyways Coco avant Chanel is quite enjoyable though I have a feeling that some people may find it uninteresting. It's not bad. I love the clothes that appeared at the end of the movie. I thought Audrey Tautou was great and I was also drawn to Alessandro Nivola who played the character that Coco Chanel fell in love with :P

Well nothing much to say about my life peeps. Schmap chose a picture I took in Boboli Garden for their Florence guide. I was looking at the pictures from the other people and I feel rather amazed seeing how the garden looked in different seasons. When I go through my pictures, they bring so much memories. I really really hope that I can do this kinda thing again in other parts of the world and I really really hope I can return to Italy (per favore Dio!). Anyways, here are 2 pictures I took when I was in the garden. I was contemplating if I should put the first one, especially since people like my friend, Dewi, will have strong comment about it. This is from one of the grottoes in the garden. I decided to put this because I thought it was a good picture :P The second picture is showing the view of Florence with their famous landmarks. Dear God, please give me a chance to go back! Amen!

:) eKa @ 8:38:00 PM • 0 comments