Of Sarcasm and Thoughts

Hello guys, how are you doing? I had a 14-hour day today. I'm pretty tired. I'm glad to be all showered, smelling kinda nice, and just be in my room. I'm digging my brain to get a coherent flow of thoughts to be put here.

This week hasn't been awesome simply because my mind is so obsessed with something and that something doesn't happen. Well perhaps not yet. So many people are telling me to be patient and that's exactly what I am not. I'm thinking if I should be plotting for plan B but I'm way too tired to do it now or this weekend for that matter. Please God, please the universe, let me have this, and let it go really really well, please?

So today, I went to watch Rango with NanSee. That girl was sorry that she forgot my birthday (she realized it after logging in to Facebook) that she got me a chocolate mousse today and treated me for a movie. It's really a sign of people who know me, they know I'm easily satisfied with movies and food. I have to say, I really really love the treat. It's always nice when someone gives you something, no? So I chose Rango because of Johnny Depp. However I'm not liking the movie much. I even found it to be rather boring. The characters were all these desert animals which are far from being cute, except for the mariachi owls, I think they were pretty entertaining. I can't comment much on the story because I thought it was rather predictable. There's a character who kinda thought pretty highly of himself, who luckily got into a position of importance, only to be proven to be a fake when it mattered, but then found his way back to redeem himself, and then everyone lived happily ever after. There were some pretty funny moments though. I did have a good laugh but it's not really a movie which I will watch over and over again. It's rather weird that I found this movie to be not too appealing especially since the reviews have been encouraging and there are many people raving about it. I think it's totally necessary that everyone has different opinions in this world but I really wonder why I'm not seeing how great this movie is, the way other people see it.

Other than the movie, I accompanied NanSee to get her ticket home from a travel agency in Chinatown. I showed her the touristic area of Chinatown. Chinatown really has some contrasting sides. On one side you have the tourists / (I think) caucasian expats area and on the other side, it's the Chinatown area where the locals and the people from China hang out. They are really 2 completely different sides of Chinatown. I will refrain from commenting further just because I don't want to appear so judgmental ... but wait, I'm already evidently and obviously judgmental :P but yeah, I'm just not gonna comment any further.

Today someone said something to me. After hearing what was said, I was thinking if she's being sarcastic and I thought it was kinda hurtful but again I'm not sure if she meant what she said or realized what she said could imply. It's interesting because today NanSee was telling me about this girl in her world which didn't seem to get how people perceive her and the sarcastic comment that some people gave to this girl. So it really got me thinking about the opinion which was uttered to me. Was the person who was saying that being sarcastic? I have to say it was rather good because it was so subtle. I'm not even really sure about it but I got pretty annoyed. It could be just me who perceive negativity really well. Maybe she didn't mean what I thought she meant but if she did, her subtleness is really good. However for the literal me, I feel it's kinda a waste. If you want someone to know how you feel, I think you shouldn't wrap it so delicately that the person may not get it. Make sure the person gets it, because if not, what's the point? I agree that you can be nicer in the way you phrase your sentences but I think being too overly diplomatic is not effective and efficient sometime because the person may not understand fully what you mean. That's just me. I have had people telling me that I am harsh for being this way but believe me when I say, I don't say most of the things that are in my head. I think that's me being nice, that I keep some things for myself. So when I do say something, I really really want it to be clear and understood fully :P Okay, let's just stop this topic here.

So I was talking to U after class today. We're talking about lives here and such. It's interesting the way she views her life now and I'm wondering why I am not seeing my life the way she sees hers, like ever. I really really don't see my life as amazing, even though I know how sinful this point of view is, especially since there are many people who think that my life is great. Why is it so? I don't know. I keep on thinking that there's something missing in my life but I don't know what it is actually. The stupid answer that people usually give me is that I need a boyfriend. Aarrrghhhh! I actually suspect that it's not an actual thing but more like a point of view or a state of mind, of just being thankful. I don't know if I'm right. It's 2 different things, of knowing what's right and actually doing what's right. So yeah, food for thoughts. Maybe to be like U, I should just learn to let go and accept what's here and appreciate and make the most of its every single second. She's still looking pretty positive and calm with all the things happening in Japan now. I really really hope things are going to get better there soon, especially because her parents are staying put in Tokyo :( despite of the fact that her sister and brother in law are coming here.

On the boyfriend part. Simply because I had some girl talk with NanSee today, I will try to answer the question that many people have asked me, of what kind of guy that I want / look for. One time, I tried to be unique and original and answered he should be intellectually interesting. This time, I'm gonna be practical and say, he should be tall, rather skinny, knowledgeable, funny, and interesting. I think the funny part is important because God knows, I need laughter a lot. I also have to add that for me, an interesting person is one who is rather smart and knowledgeable. So that's kinda important. On the way home today, my random thought told me, so that's what you want but perhaps that's not what you need and God always gives you what you need instead of what you want. So perhaps I've been setting the wrong criteria? Who knows :P Hmmm ... So that's my brain today. Take care peeps. Buonanotte!

:) eKa @ 9:28:00 PM • 0 comments

The 10th Prime Number

Hello peeps. So I turned 29 today. It's an odd number (I like odd number more than even number) and it's a prime number (which I like even more). When I thought of 29, I was just thinking that it's the last prime number between 20 and 30. A quick look in wikipedia showed me this. I love the fact that 29 is the sum of three consecutive squares (2, 3, and 4) and Saturn requires over 29 years to orbit the Sun, what do you know! Cool trivia.

So there have been many kind souls who wished me on my birthday. Love them all. Was wondering who were the people whose sms would reach my inbox first and I was delightedly surprised because the people are not who I expected. I haven't even talked to 2 of them for some time. So it was pretty good to hear from them. There were also some who I'm sure forget, but when they remembered, it's pretty nice. Then Facebook is of course such a good help. People don't even have to remember anymore, they just have to login.

All and all, there's nothing special about today. I wanted it to be low key and calm anyway. I've survived today, thank God!!! I prayed and made my wish last night. I have to say my wish this year was pretty mature. Hope God grants me what I wish soon. How do I feel? I feel okay. Knowing how cool 29 the number is, I feel pretty excited to be in it. Too bad I only have a year. I have decided to give something awesome for myself, hope it will work out. I cannot wait but as mom said I really just have to wait. Talked to mom just now. She's funny. I wonder if I really don't have much things that require a lot of attention in my life that I can remember a lot of stuffs. Mom was surprised that I remembered something *sigh* Sometime I wonder why many people don't remember things. Is it really because there's not much things in my brain that I have a lot of space to store things? I don't know. I don't think so. This rambling is getting weird. Anyway, I guess there's nothing much to say. I just want to give thanks to God that I'm breathing today. As much as I don't want to be older, I have to say 29 is better than 28, simply because 28 is an even number :P Sorry for this boring post but it is my birthday. May I have more patience, may I be nicer to people, may I be more useful to the world, may I be more thankful for my life and be happier with me. Buonanotte tutti!

:) eKa @ 9:19:00 PM • 0 comments

Last Week in the 28ths

I'm not really sure if the title above is grammatically correct. Anyway, looking at this week, I had quite a social and expensive week. Yeah there were the mundane days but I met a few people this week.

Monday - I did something which is the first step to something that I really really want. I cannot elaborate much about it because I'm pretty superstitious. There's no news so far and it kinda makes me rather worried and down. I think it's me being so impatient. Patience is really not one of my virtue.

Tuesday - I met up with NanSee for dinner and movie. I don't have anything that I really want to watch these days but she seemed to really want to watch a movie. So I thought why not. I was thinking that if there's a time I really want to do something with someone, I would really like to have someone who willingly do it with me even though it doesn't interest them much. As usual she came into the cinema not knowing what we were going to watch. I settled for The Adjustment Bureau. In the ad, it was mentioned that it was like, Bourne meeting Inception. I don't find it to be such an encouraging review simply because for me it kinda shows the lack of originality. It kinda implied that the movie took elements from 2 successful movies and put them together in the hope it would be great. However I thought it was kinda better than I expected it to be but maybe I'm bias. I just loved seeing Anthony Mackie. The black dude is hot, yo! At the core of it, despite of the science fiction elements or what have you, The Adjustment Bureau is a love story and it is kinda inspiring in a way. It's between choosing your heart and your head. The sceptical-in-love me really wondered if choosing your heart will always make you happier. Hmmm ... maybe the key is being happy, not happier.

Wednesday - It was the normal routine. Laundry. Glee. I love Glee but even I, have to admit that the story line has become pretty questionable these days. Maybe it's just me.

Thursday - I went to an Adobe Refresh talk and I saw a few people I know but the most surprising thing of all was when I saw Gascoigne. Holy God!!! We haven't seen and talked to each other for a long long time. He kinda went into a hermit mode. It was really good to meet him. There's so many things which I want to tell him. I also want to ask him what's been going on all this time but alas we don't have enough time to go through our lives in these past few months.

Friday - Nothing much to say here.

Saturday - Class as usual. U was telling / reminding me about the fact that I'm getting older really soon. Yeah, at that time, what bounds to happen was going to happened in less than 48 hours. She was comforting me again, telling me nothing is gonna change. Yeah, I really don't want to think about it and to be honest it's kinda stupid to be focusing on the fact that your age is changing when there are bigger and more pressing matters happening in the world. I was glad to hear that U managed to contact her family in Tokyo and everyone is okay. She said that she only managed to reach her dad at 1 am Saturday morning. She mentioned that there were worries about the fact that there are nuclear plants near the area of the earthquake and as evident from the news, they are causing concerns now. I remembered studying physics back in junior high school and I was totally fascinated with how much energy a nuclear reaction can give and I thought it's such an amazing idea to generate that much clean energy. However hearing nuclear leak and such like right now, it does make you wonder if the risk is worth it.

Yesterday I actually wanted to have someone to watch Jakarta Maghrib with but I didn't ask anyone so I thought I wasn't gonna watch it. Lo and behold, Oshie sent me an sms asking if I wanted to go for dinner. Let me pause right here and say, for all those people who told me how can you just sit and hope for something to happen to really happen if you're not gonna do anything about it. Well sometime it happens okay, sometime God just drops things for you. I suppose if you want it to happen faster or make sure it happens, you can just make your moves but seriously if it's not meant to be, it's just not gonna happen. So anyway, I asked him if he wanted to watch the movie. He said why not. Jakarta Maghrib is a short Indonesian movie, running at just 1 hour plus. It is actually a collection of short stories about the people in Jakarta during maghrib time. I don't watch many Indonesian movies. In fact this is only the second Indonesian movie that I watched in a cinema. The first one was also in a Singapore. I've never watched an Indonesian movie in an Indonesian cinema, strangely. It's just these days most of Indonesian movies are horror movies which I cannot watch anyway. Then Indonesian movies and tv series tend to be overly dramatic so that is such a turn off. However I found Jakarta Maghrib to be pretty good even though the english subtitle sucks so badly. God! How I really really hate bad english. I think my english is not like totally Shakespearean, I'm sure I make mistakes but little simple mistakes annoy me greatly. Back to the movie, I thought it was pretty good. I don't think it's Academy Awards material though (Crash it is not) simply because it's so deep in the context of life in Indonesia, I don't think people from other cultures can relate to it much. It's also pretty light-hearted which is fine for me. I enjoy seeing it, seeing Jakarta, and listening to Indonesian the way it's really spoken there and perhaps the way it's not really spoken by me anymore :( I really enjoy and like it. Sadly it's kinda a bit too short. Oshie thought the girl in one of the stories was pretty :D He really needs to go home. Anyway he dropped me some news which I cannot elaborate much. It got me thinking about stuffs on my way home. Seeing Singapore from the train windows, being under the night sky and air with its half moon, I kinda feel rather sad about things. I know it's melodramatic and I know I shouldn't be feeling sad about anything but I couldn't help it. I tried to contain it though by trying to block everything from my mind and I really really do, not want to think about anything right now. The sun has set and it will rise tomorrow and it's by God's grace that we're going to breathe again. So be it, we'll learn to live.

Sunday - Alright I have only a few hours left in my 28ths. I don't have anything special that I want to do. It's another Sunday evening and it's perhaps gonna be the usual Sunday night in which I wouldn't be able to sleep much and get cranky on Monday. Nothing changes perhaps as U said. Let me try to get back to you tomorrow.

:) eKa @ 9:21:00 PM • 0 comments


Was supposed to hang out with some people today but I couldn't bring myself to do it, so I decided to hang out with Ms. J instead and watched True Grit. I had a good lunch, the movie was pretty good, the afternoon tea was great as well, the talk was thorough, so all in all my Saturday has been pretty good. I did feel sleepy during True Grit but it's not because the movie was boring. As usual my Saturdays start early and I had lunch before the movie, so I guess being sleepy is expected. I have to say that the English was not so easy to understand but it's still so much better that Brokeback Mountain. I actually love many of the lines. They really did speak differently back then. It just sounded more poetic and if only people do speak like that once awhile now, it will make things more amusing. I thought True Grit was pretty good. The lines were pretty funny at times and the casts were great. Special mention for Jeff Bridges and Hailee Steinfeld. They do deserve their academy awards nomination. The Oscars have been handed to the winner, but let me just tell you (as if you care) my preference among the 4 movies which were nominated for best picture which I had watched recently. They would be (in order of preference) The King's Speech - True Grit - 127 Hours - Black Swan. I don't mind with the fact that The King's Speech won best picture but somehow I felt that it should have gone to Inception because it was so brilliant in terms of the story and special effects and the casts weren't bad as well.

On other news. So Saturday started as usual. I sat next to U today and I was telling her that I start to get panic attacks and feel depressed that March is here. She tried to comfort me by saying that it's okay and that she felt the same way when February came but when her birthday came she said that everything is just the same, nothing changes. Talking about being in total denial :P I guess for us we are really hanging on to this last year in our 20s. Maybe we'll really be in a zen mode next year or maybe not, we'll see. So with my cousin turning 29 today, it means it's 9 more days 'til it's my turn and I'm really not ready. I don't want to think about it but I know I have to eventually face it. On one part I want the days to go by fast so that I can experience the birthday present I'm getting myself. However on the other part, I really really don't want to get older :(

So today was spent with Ms. J. On my way home today, a thought came that it's been a long time since we first met and were Ms. J and Ms. Eka. I do have to say that there were times I miss being Ms. Eka. Anyway, I'm really in need to tell someone about something and it was good that there's Ms. J around. She counseled me on something which I've already known. However hearing it from her didn't make it easier to swallow and if anything it kinda made me a bit sad but as often it goes, reality is not as we wish it to be :( I've told her though that even as I understand what she means and my head is telling the same thing, I still feel what I feel and it's even growing stronger. Even as I know that I have to control my feeling instead of the other way around, I still do not learn how to do that. I even often let my feeling roam freely around and even at this point, the point where I'm gonna be a total foolish girl pretty soon, I'm still not trying to contain it. I learned a new phrase today, il n'y a pas de hasard, maybe I should keep my hope in that. Oh well. I hope all of you are having a good weekend. There's something that I need to do Monday morning and I feel totally nervous about it. I'm trying not to think so much about it, but I'll be praying a lot so that everything will go smoothly (PLEASE GOD!!!). Allora, buonanotte tutti!

:) eKa @ 9:56:00 PM • 0 comments