Ocean's 12

12 is the new 11...excellente movie...when to watch it with Vivy this morning. We had our mac breakfast first, of course. It's really fun watching a movie early in the morning. Of course I am damn sleepy now, but I don't actually have much time. Anyways, the movie was cool, hilarious, and smart. Well, at least I think it's smart. I know some people may thing the other extreme, like it is silly and dumb, and by saying that kinda pointing that I'm dumb I just like Ocean's Eleven and I couldn't possibly pass on 12. Although I have to admit, I sometime got confused with their conversation, but the story line is just smart and of course trying to deceive the audience. There's a lot of hilarious moments. 1 crucial part that I better not tell you because it's gonna spoilt the movie for people who haven't watched it. This is all that I'm gonna say: Introducing Tess as Julia Roberts. It was so funny. Hmm...Why can't they put Thierry Henry as a cameo Man, the movie is really great I want to watch it again to really get the whole conversation. I might just do that actually.

Okay, haven't been writing for a while, so I'm just gonna tell you guys a few things. Got another Christmas present from Dagi. It was cute, but I kinda don't have the necessary resources to use her present. Still, I am thankful for the present. Thank you God. Had dinner with Ata and Dimas yesterday. I have to admit that I don't really know who Dimas is, can't really recall him in NUS. Anyway, Ata was being kind, suddenly wondering how I am and so that's why he was asking for dinner so that we could catch up. I feel that he hadn't asked all the questions that he wants to ask and perhaps my answers were kinda mind-boggling for him. It is perhaps hard for him to believe that I'm anti-social. I am and I have been somewhat disappearing from our social circle for a reason reasonable to me. I guess I'm just tired of trying to socialize That sentence is so funny. Anyway, I guess for all the people who maybe wondering. I am okay. Really. I'm fine. Don't worry. I'm really okay.

...I'm leaving on a jet plane...

Unfortunately I know when I will come back again *sigH* My plane to home will be leaving at 17:50 today, so I only have a few minutes to finish this. Anyway, it feels so great to just go home. I feel so good waking up this morning. It's just so good waking up without feeling scared, nervous, and anxious about the day ahead. I'm going home and tomorrow is Mother's day (tomorrow is Mother's day for Indonesians) and I''ll be home. It's cool!!! It's a great feeling. However, the irony is, I can already imagine sitting in Soekarno-Hatta airport in Jakarta waiting to board back to Singapore. I can picture me flagging a taxi in Changi airport, back to my so-called reality. The taxi will be passing Singapore river and all, giving me the most beautiful view of Singapore, with all the lights from the building and all, and one time God even gave a full moon in the sky, so it was kind a bright darkness and yet I was feeling depressed. Sometime I wonder whether it's worth it, going home and relax, because it's getting tougher to come back to Singapore. Man!!! Let's not think about it okay. I only have a few days at home, so I better just savor it. Okay. I gotta stop now.

MeRry ChrIsTmaS & haPpY NeW YeaR

:) eKa @ 2:52:00 PM • 0 comments

Que Sera Sera

It started last Friday evening. I got a news which made me quite upset. Actually I shouldn't feel that way. I know it was out of my control and things like that happen and I should just accept it with an open heart. However, all that I could feel was disappointment. I was basically so pissed off. Saturday morning, I woke up still with full consciousness of what's going to happen. Watched Touched by an Angel and I finally had my first break down since last April. The nun in the story was telling a boy who was going to bomb the school that he actually wanted to die so that the pain would go away. At that time, I thought that was exactly how I feel. All this time I was telling you guys about how I want to disappear, how I don't want to feel, it's really because of I don't want to feel all these stupid things inside me. So I cried. They never go away. All the disappointment, sadness, fear, and anger are still pretty much inside me. Though I could give people a smile, the truth is, I am a very disturbed girl. They never go away. They are there, they will hide sometime but they will just come back again. I know the only way to get all of these things to go away is just to release them. To let go. To be divine, let go, and never turn back *sigH* Couldn't really cry for long because I had to do my christmas shopping. Went to Orchard and bought the things that I had to buy. Made my way to Borders. I wanted to buy Jay Z and Linkin Park's Collision Course and Linkin Park's From the Inside book. Got the CD but the book doesn't seem to be in Singapore yet Hopefully I could get it before...well before I'm running out of time I bought another copy of The Alchemist. Though I'm not so sure if I will eventually give it to the person who I want to give it to. If not, I've already had another person in mind.

Talked to my folk Saturday night. Well, with my dad it was more an argument rather than a conversation, and since I was so pissed, it only lasted less than 5 minutes. The thing is, when someone point your fault right at your face, you will most probably dislike it, and that's what happened with my dad. He was so spot-on, but he didn't wrapped the annoying truth in sweet words and that's why I kinda took it so badly, plus I wasn't in my happiest state either. So I talked to mom. Had a really long comforting conversation and the thing that had never happened since last April happened again that night *sigH* I miss my mom and I kinda feel that she misses me too. Looking at our conversation, I kinda feel it to be a bit amazing. I guess our relationship has evolved as we grow older. She's a mom. She's my mom and I love her.

This morning was feeling much more in the "acceptance" mode compared to last Saturday, but still not fully all smiley. Then God give me a present through a kind lady who gave me a little present. She said that it was just a little something, as christmas is coming. I've got my first christmas present, people. I don't know what it is, I haven't opened it. First thing that came to my mind receiving it was that I'm loved. God loves me and He's just telling me that everything will be alright, that He's going to take care of me no matter where I am, that He will give me people who will care for me. I always thought that's how God shows that He loves us so much. He gives us people who love and care for us. Unfortunately I'm not all that loving. I just broke Lukman's heart. I think no sorry will ever be enough. Yesterday he was begging me to go to BLeRAF outing. I didn't want to (notice the small e there). In the end, I felt so bad that I said yes, for Thursday. He didn't read properly (we were talking in msn) that he thought I could make it this evening. Just now I told him that I couldn't and he said that he's going to just cancel it. I hope he wouldn't, I hope they would just go and have the freakin' dinner. Things won't be more fun even if I'm around. It may even go less fun with me around. Quoting what Lukman said yesterday : "but its our responsibility ... to prove our existence to them..". If only he knew that I don't really wish to show my existence. I would prefer to just be gone *sigH* I'm such a drama bitch. Okay, it seems it's gonna rain soon, so I shouldn't go to Esplanade area and see Botero's sculptures? Well, I didn't plan it, it's just something that suddenly came in mind. That's the beauty of being alone, you can go and wander on your own. I'm sorry. I just feel I need to say I'm sorry, 'cause no matter what, I usually feel it's all my fault *sigH*

:) eKa @ 3:29:00 PM • 0 comments

BRIDGET

Yep, you guess it right. I went to watch Bridget Jones Diary: The Edge of Reason yesterday. I know I should not have done it, 'cause I should not spend money on unnecessary thing, but the head has been planning to watch the movie even before it was released, so I kinda have to get it out of my head. Despite a not so encouraging review in the papers, I enjoyed the movie so much. I actually kinda know why I like it, it's because of Mark Darcy *sigH* Colin Firth is not really that handsome especially compared to Hugh Grant, but that's what makes it so interesting. Even if you are less handsome but if you have such a great character like Mark Darcy then you are such a great catch to have. Lucky Bridget to have him *sigH* I can really fall to someone like Mark Darcy. I think I am actually I think he's so great Hugh Grant's character, Daniel Cleaver is of course the antagonist, which makes all the bad things he does kinda acceptable but I ended despising him because he just walked away even though he saw Bridget in a deep shit. He's British, he should be the gentleman, but it turns out he was such a big ass!!! Of course, come Darcy to the rescue and oH we love him, don't we? Then Brigdet, well all I can say is Renee Zellweger is fat Bridget is just nutty I guess, but you know sometime girls just have a lot of quirkiness in them, I know for sure that I have a lot Anyway Note to self: No more romantic movies, because I'm not immune. So much dreaming and longing and it's useless to dream about that perfect guy and perhaps that perfect relationship. When it happens, it will happen. Perfect or not I don't know (anyway there's no such thing as perfect), but when it's from God, it should be right. Anyway, we always do things which are bad for us, so this note is pretty much a waste of breath I do have to admit, I do long for somebody who can make me smile silly again. Just by getting a glimpse of him, I know and believe that the day is wonderful, that life is great. Sadly to say, there's no such person in my life right now and despite being so very "jomblo" (=single), I still pretty much think that being single is the best thing for me now

On the other side. Arsenal started to win again, wooHoo Hope they will continue to perform well. Hope the jinx MU gave them are backfiring to MU, yes I am mean Then, this morning, I received a small jellyfish movie. I don't blame you if you think this is weird. Anyway, the jellyfishes are not bluish like the one in Shark Tale, they were kinda reddish, kinda make me think of Mars. Their movement is pretty interesting too, can see that though they seem calm, they're pretty lethal Okay off I go now. A friend actually just read my blog and he said I had so much free time, which I actually don't

:) eKa @ 10:32:00 AM • 0 comments

Money-Burning Saturday

As the title suggested. So here is the story of my Saturday [04/12/04 --> wow, the number looks nice ]. Last Saturday was my first time watching a movie in the cinema so early in the morning. Vivy asked me to go out and watched The Incredibles, so after trying so hard to figure out which time we could spare to watch the movie, we decided to watch it last Saturday, the 10:00 AM show. Why so early? You may ask. Well, I kinda said that if we decided to watch at that time, we could spare time for Mac Breakfast first which we did . The theatre was not so full but there were many kids with their mom and dad there, who I think were making the same plan as I did. Breakfast first and the movie. The Incredibles was cool. Well, I think that's all the comment that I can say about it. For me it was more the cool animation and super powers that they had rather than a smart story or witty lines that make the movie so nice. I don't have any favorite character and I don't have any desire either to have any power like theirs after watching the movie. Even though I think Dash does make it so cool to have a power like his. So is that mean that the movie wasn't good? Well, it was, it was, it's not bad It's one cool ass-kicking movie By the way, baby Jack-Jack is scary.

After the movie, we went to make my first and most expensive purchase of the day, which I rather not tell you. So, period to that. Next we went to Sim Lim. This was initially not planned, but then Vivy said that she needed a new computer monitor. So we went there and I was so tempted to get a new memory for my computer. Went to the shop that I found from my research in the internet. The sales girl and the auntie were kinda frightening me because they kept telling me that goods purchased couldn't be returned and since I didn't bring my laptop there to be tested so I was doing this on my own risk. Okay, I get it!!! I'm giving you people money here, so could you at least be a little bit comforting? It cost me S$74 and I felt quite nervous leaving the store, because well, I'm prone to bad luck and when I do unwise things, then usually bad things will just come attacking me. Other than that, I got myself a new mouse, optical one and it's from Logitech, for S$25, which is kinda the cheapest of its kind. But when I convert this amount to Indonesian rupiah, well I just rub my aching chest Then Vivy also got her new fancy monitor, which makes me want a desktop even more. I better not disclose the brand and price of her purchase 'cause it's her personal thing

So I reached my room at 5pm, missed One Tree Hill, oh well. First thing I did was unwrapping the new memory. In the box of the new memory it was written 100% compatibility, so I kinda felt a bit relieved. I proceeded to open my laptop memory slot. To my "heart-attack" my new 128MB memory was slightly shorter compared to the original memory. First thing I did were trying to comfort my heart and saying "Please God" so many times. Nervously, I tried to insert the memory. Maybe I was so nervous that I was having a bit of difficulty in doing it, but thank to the mighty Lord, it fit. I plugged in my new mouse too and one thing left to do, start the computer. So I started it and checked the setup and PRAISE THE LORD ALMIGHTY, it works!!! So my memory is now 192MB and the mouse was also working fine too. Thank you so much God. I sent an sms to Vivy straight away, telling her the good news. Now my computer does feel a bit lighter. I don't really know if it's just because my excitement is blinding me, or it's because my new mouse can move much smoothly than the old one, or it's really because of the new memory. Either way, I am so tempted again to get another 128MB *sigH* This despite my laptop is not perfect anymore, the screen is a bit damaged in the bottom part, I don't know because of what and I'm pretty sure it can't be fixed

...and so that's the story of my money-burning saturday...only that...not really interesting?...well, that's pretty much me...take care people...

:) eKa @ 1:19:00 PM • 0 comments

Get Into The Hype

What's up ya' all? If I sound cheerful, well I am not. I just need to make it as clear as possible *sigH* Okay, actually I'm gonna write my Singapore Idol Review here but let me fill you in on a little something first. Managed to kill the stupid thing which was eating my computer memory. I'm getting pretty good at this Even better, now I don't really have much pop up and advertisement windows. So if you people out there are frustrated because you were getting this kind of problem, call me, maybe I can help Was feeling seriously on the gloomy side today. Totally feel that I want to be somewhere else. Well, actually since yesterday afternoon, I just felt that I didn't want to have any consciousness. Simply put, perhaps to disappear or to the extreme side, to die. I just don't want to feel. So this morning, I was listening to Clarity from John Mayer. I once wrote some of the lyric in my song section, I'm gonna put some again, the parts that describe how I really feel: I worry ... I weigh three times my body ... I worry ... I throw my fear around. Too bad calm is not sweeping over me and I didn't get the "clarity" *sigH* Must thank Darren for giving me his shoulder to hit on. Too bad, I couldn't do it physically *sigH* I'm so messed up. I am so freakin crazy. I don't know why I can't just let go. I am so tired. I so don't want to feel anything and do anything. I want to be a small rock which you can throw to the deep ocean. I feel I always want to run from everything, but I can't Alright enough about it. Jay Z and Linkin Park's Collision Course album is out but I haven't bought it. Should I wait for the "From the Inside" book to be out and buy them together? Well, anyway, I have heard the album from MTV. It was online but now not anymore since now the album is out. It's pretty cool and some of the songs become quite soft and very pop They are very talented people. Oh yeah, I've finished reading The Alchemist from Paulo Coelho. Great book. So inspiring and encouraging. If I have to summarize, I think the story is about life. I think the message is: you just have to understand that if you just go with your heart and follow whatever things coming your way with faith and courage and just take whatever things thrown at you, everything will unfold themselves in time and reveal their true purpose and your purpose in being born. I just love this

Okay, about Singapore Idol final (which was yesterday). Woke up this morning with an sms waiting from my TV buddy. He sent it yesterday night (my handphone was already off), basically the message is about how happy he was that Taufik Batisah won. I just want to say: See!!! I told you that it's possible!!! My friend was very skeptical about Taufik's chances because he's Malay. You may ask, SO WHat??? Well come on, let's be truthful, being minority doesn't really give you much voice. I do have to admit that in the early episodes, I was also thinking Taufik's chances were questionable. The thing is, in the end he survived it all because he was simply the best. He improved a lot and I noticed that he was getting skinnier too Anyway, he truly deserved it. Watching Singapore Idol, my 3 favourite performances (I think these were the best) came from Taufik, Let's Stay Together, Ain't No Sunshine, and yesterday's Me and Mrs Jones. They were oH So CooL Anyway, I predicted that the 2 final persons would be Taufik and Sly weeks ago. For me it was just the yin and yang thing. I didn't even think that Olinda should be in the final and that's why I was pretty amused that everyone was saying that it should have been Olinda and Taufik Anyway, I was also quite optimistic that Taufik will win. My reasoning was that singaporeans wouldn't be so stupid to let somebody less capable to go to World Idol Again I was right. Okay here is my review based on what I saw. Didn't really like Taufik first song Superstition, I don't know why he chose this. It didn't really show how awesome he was, but it was pretty cool. Sly's first one was Bon Jovi's It's My Life; I felt his voice was running away with the song, a bit out-of-tune perhaps? But they did say that it was a difficult song. Taufik's second one was I Dream. It was okay, well okay, it was kinda good. I don't know, it's pretty standard good, I guess, kinda boring? Well perhaps the song wasn't really that amazing itself? Sly's next with An Jing. I actually enjoyed this, I think he sang it really well, but I don't understand Chinese, so what do I know right? I think he really felt for the song and I just can feel emotion of the song, I think it's just felt sad, perhaps it's a sad love song? Then it was the last song, Taufik with Me and Mrs Jones. Man! What can I say? It was dead awesome, it was so Taufik, Taufik banget deh oH so CooL!!! Then it was Sly with I Dream, again it was so-so. I actually think the song sounded better when they sung it together at the end of the show Anyway, the ending was pretty funny for me in a way. Both of the guys looked cool without any extreme expression of joy or sadness. No tears! The last 2 spectaculars were more touching than yesterday's one. However in the fans side, the fans were jumping up and down and I bet they were crying. They were not the ones who won but they were more excited and in a way I found it ironic and funny Well, they were the ones who did half of the work anyway I sent an sms to mom this morning telling her about the Singapore Idol final. She did it to me for Indonesian Idol, so it's my time now. Okay, got to go now, because I'm tired. So much money to burn this month *sigH* Just close my eyes and pretend I didn't just do that Take care ya' all.

:) eKa @ 3:26:00 PM • 0 comments

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