Nothing to Say

I was wondering what title I should put for this post. Trying to browse for lyrics of songs I listened today and yet I couldn't remember what songs I did hear today. Then I thought why do I need to go to song lyrics for a title? All the things here suppose to be things that I want to say and here I am finding myself that I have nothing to say and oH how that 3 words really summarize a lot of things.

It's not a Lake House weekend this Saturday because I am waiting for Vivy to come back so that we could watch it together. She should be back today. I wonder what would have happened if I had gone with her. One is I could meet the Mr and perhaps the Mrs and see his world? Two and the rest is that some things may have gone worst and I would definitely have become more depressed when we came back.

This week has not been the better weeks that I have. Wednesday, I had to admit that I was bored to dead and failed to inspire (basically I was lousy). Thursday, I wanted to just drop dead on the spot (oH or was it last last Thursday?). Friday, I wanted to hit some snobbish mindless morons, I wished they could have just shot me right there and then. Today I felt stupid and unworthy and MSN live messenger was killing me just now. My dear God, life just sucks!!! Feeling it's bad karma that biting me in the ass. I try to remember the things that happened this week but I couldn't really recall much of the things that happened. My mind is blocking everything? Since it had gone bad?

The Mr has been monitoring the situation and giving me input. Maybe I have been bias for quite some time. Some things are just not acceptable and to think it's okay because it's a friend is just wrong. I'm pretty sure the other Mr who is more "particular" would agree with this Mr. I feel that things are still unresolved while the Mr thinks that things are already resolved. He kinda wants me to stop thinking about it, of course he's totally right. But some of the things that he wants me to stick on just feel a bit wrong but he does have his points. That's how stupid I am that I can't make a decision on my own. Guess, I have to see it as listening to someone with more life experience than me. Whatever it is the fact remains that...

I am seeing Singapore in a melancholic way. I've been thinking of my life here and how the days are ending. As I sat in the taxi or bus and looking at the trees, streets, trains, thinking of my life here so far, I can not deny that there's a tinge of sadness that it's all ending. I can still see me and my cousin on that taxi ride that first took me to Kent Ridge Hall, NUS. So when I connected that to where I am now, there's some sort of sadness because I've gone through a lot, I accomplished some things (though I think most of it are unsatisfactory), I failed many times, I have lived and I have to admit leaving it all behind is not as easy as when I have said many times that I want to leave this place. I guess it's appropriate though, that for this life changing experience, my "goodbye feeling" starts months in advanced. I should start to detach myself from many many things.

Wandering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet

- Teddy Geiger -

:) eKa @ 9:47:00 PM • 0 comments

Nacho! Nacho! Nacho!

Went to watch Nacho Libre with the brokebackies today. Thank you peeps! Why do I say thank you, one asked. Well because I normally turn down a movie invitation and now when I wanted to watch one, you guys were willing to accompany me. So muchos gracias peeps! For those of you who do not know for reason being that you are perhaps more absorbed to the latest happening in the world, such as the Israel-Lebanon situation or maybe you are just not into pop culture, Nacho Libre is a comedy produced by Nickelodeon starring Jack Black. I think it's a must watch because of the fact that Jack Black was in it. Love him so much in School of Rock and the trailer looked promising with his brilliance in comedy. So the verdict is:

Nacho Libre was hilarious and perhaps rather a bit too short. We were laughing so much with each scenes. Nacho Libre is about this friar who was raised as an orphan in a monastery in Mexico. When he was young, he had much passion for becoming a wrestler. However being raised in a monastery, he ended up becoming a friar/cook. The monastery had orphans living in it. One day a beautiful nun came to teach the orphans (the nun is really so pretty!). Actually the nun didn't effect the story much, but she was the reason for some funny moments. Our friar, Nacho, met this guy Esqueleto, a homeless who stole Nacho's nachos for the orphans Nacho ended up recruiting him as a sidekick for wrestling. They lost every single match they'd been but Nacho won the very last one

Jack Black is of course funny and oH how he can really move his eyebrows. This kinda reminds me, perhaps other than Jim Carrey, Jack Black is the only actor in the world right now who can mould his face for unbelievably funny expressions. I love the innocence friar lines that he delivered, the whole Mexican accent saying very American conversation. I thought his sidekick actually had an Indonesian accent! So that was kinda weird and in a way funny for me. The sister, I need to say again was really pretty. Jack Black sang in the movie and that was so School of Rock moments! The whole style was such a reminiscence. I want the song that he sang for the ending and yet it's so difficult to get it. I would totally recommend this movie to anyone. It's a really funny, you would be so entertained! Story wise, it may be rather too little and straightforward with not much value and moral message but this movie is really purely for having a great laugh. Jack Black is brilliant! Brilliant! He is Jhonny-Depp-Jack-Sparrow brilliant!

Now get ready for some other stuff which gonna be quite long. Sugar cane left us yesterday. I am honestly sad about it *sigH* Saw the sadness and frustration in his early days. Didn't really talk to him back then because he just seemed quiet and obviously wanted to get out. One fine day, when noone was around, he invaded my place with postcards, staplers, and pieces of coupons and I kicked him out my place and we got to talking, bitching to be more exact. Well, how that really got us bonded. So he kept me company when there wasn't anyone around and I'm totally grateful for that because I didn't feel so lonely with him around. Such a nice boy! I was actually told to look after him when his friend left and it didn't come as soon as it should be, but I'm really thankful that we really got to talk, and he got to talk with the rest and I guess his stay was becoming more bearable after that.

Been in the topic about love this week and last week and gosh how I am so skeptical about love. Really, I am! People may not believe me when I say that. They may think that I am a hopeless romantic, but I am really getting skeptical about love. I was saying some love songs were stupid and the question that came to me was if I had anyone, which I don't. I guess maybe when it happened to me, then I would say differently. I just hope I wouldn't be so stupid as to think highly of a jerk.

Friendship was another issue that came these few days. Someone is pleading for compassion, as I know she would. I just knew it! Oh well dear you have heard me saying it many times and I guess the fact will remain like that. Things have changed and I guess whatever the changes will be, we would still be in the circle together? I don't know. We will just have to wait and see.

Mom repeated what I told her weeks ago, to my surprise. That would mean that my parent are actually putting what I said into the agenda. However, it is not up to them. God please, open the door for me for I can't do it on my own.

I love Oprah and had the chance to watch her a bit and was thinking why do Americans are always pictured in the movies as needing a shrink or therapist. Then I got to thinking because they need to talk to someone and the truth is they don't have any friends? That got me thinking of me. My therapist would be the Mr. He knows everything! At every bump it is him that I call! Even at this very weird state of mine, he is the one who knows everything, the history and the story behind it. I wonder what he would say because everything is spiraling out of control and I am scared for so many different things. I don't know if things are worth it. What a bloody tough year! My emotion is fluctuating all over the chart and I just want to be released. I don't have much time, much energy, and much brain power to think about all the different issues. I just want to see the cloud from above again.

o o O x [hug hug big hug small kiss]

:) eKa @ 8:03:00 PM • 0 comments

Captain Jack is Back

From the title, surely you know what I'm gonna talk about. Went to watch Pirates of the Caribbean : Dead Man's Chest with Vivy today. I have been looking forward for this movie since I found out that they were making a sequel. After watching the first movie, I didn't know that a sequel was in plan. Let me just tell you a little something about my experience watching The Curse of the Black Pearl. I was in Indonesia, I was home for a little relief or perhaps soul searching. I've told my mom I was planning to go out and watch a movie alone. My mom suggested bringing my cousin along. At that time, she wasn't really that confident in me doing things alone. So I asked my cousin if she wanted to accompany me. It was quite unusual (we didn't usually hang out much) and she said yes in a way which made me feel that she's so nice. I was looking for a certain movie but it wasn't playing in Indonesia at that time. So the plan changed to watching Bad Boys 2. Upon entering the ticket counter, we just detoured to watching Pirates of the Caribbean. I wasn't really sure why. Anyway, I quite remember a few things that happened that day. My aunt drove us to Taman Anggrek. We had lunch before the movie, in which my cousin ate Ramen. The movie was unexpected. Knowing me, film about Pirates is not really my thing but Captain Jack Sparrow just captivated me. I thought he was freaking cool. I remembered coming back to Singapore, writing Captain Jack Sparrow is so cool (Y) in my msn nick, and the best part was that the movie wasn't even shown yet in Singapore when I was back. Anyway, back to the point of me telling you this non-important stuff is that how I miss my cousin. We are not the closest of cousin, but I had that day to remember off. We kinda bonded, because cousins are family and we suppose to have each other's back. Things have taken their turns in our life. You know it's weird if you think that everything is in God's plan and there's a reason for everything. How can you see a reason in bad things? Sure you can say there will be sunshine after rain, but currently I don't know how things could be good again (I guess we were never that exceptionally good?). My cousin is married now, with kid(s). I'm not sure if I should put the s in kid. So you should be able to roughly figure out how things are reading the previous sentence.

Back to Dead Man's Chest. It was good. 2 hours plus for the movie, truly not a disappointment. However, I feel it wasn't as witty and as full of twist as the first one. I think the Pirates movies are never the ones to pretend that it's all good and everything will end happily. There were some gory scenes, well perhaps only in the opening scene. I think what's so smart about the movies, are the unexpected, witty, funny, and surprising moments. The witty, unexpected, and surprising moments were not that much in this sequel. Some things are expected. The sequel had more actions, that's for sure. The threesome sword fighting was cool. Davy Jones' crew were a bit unclear for me, couldn't really figure out what they were, except for the obvious one. I feel that Orlando Bloom's, Will Turner, took more charge this time around. I think he had more screen time. Keira Knightley's Elizabeth was the way she was, I suppose. I don't really like her kissing scene with Captain Jack. I don't think it was necessary. Captain Jack is of course the reason why I watched the movie. I think he's the reason people should watch the movie. He was so brilliant in the first one. In the second one, I just feel he didn't have much room to show his nuttiness, maybe a bit in the scene where he was the tribal's chief. He was the way Captain Jack is. I still love him. I still think he is so cool. I guess it is difficult to be better than the first movie because you lack the novelty and surprises but the sequel is not bad. I like the new characters being introduced, like Tia Dalma, the shaman (I can't really find a better word to describe her). Story wise, I didn't really like the ending. It seems it was obviously made like that in light of another sequel. Of course we know that Captain Jack did not die, I would rather it was shown that he was alive and vowed to take revenge on Davy Jones. I have to make a confession that the English conversation kinda made me confused because at times I just couldn't get the words that they were saying. It is really rather sad to not understand a conversation or to want to say so many things and yet not having the words to say it

All in all, you need to go and watch this people. It's part of the summer movies you need to catch. The movies that I need to tackle next are Nacho Libre and The Lake House, which will kinda mean, it's next week and the week after Hey, I just put a smile there when today is actually a bad day. I lost my watch in my own room! How can one be so unlucky? So unfreaking fair. Why God! I'm quite sure I had it with me yesterday. I think I even saw it this morning. I only noticed that there's no watch in my wrist when I was going out this morning. I searched my desk then and after I got back, and it's not here. I don't know where it is. Why God?!? Why?!?!?!?! I'm pretty pissed off.

*sigH* maybe I should talk about something else. How about some Italian soccer? My Goodness! Juventus, Lazio, and Fiorentina got some serious punishment. It's quite sad really. Of course, now all eyes are on which direction the players are gonna move. Read in today's paper that there are some names possibly going to Arsenal. So it's gonna be pretty interesting. Still, I'm pretty sad about what happened to Juventus but I suppose they deserve it? Take care you peeps. Hope your side of the world are so much better than mine.

:) eKa @ 8:41:00 PM • 0 comments

The Italy VS France Match

1-1. No goal in the second half. Extra time. Thierry Henry was substituted with David Trezeguet. Zidane hit an Italian player with his head for reason which is still unknown up to this moment (people could only speculate). Zidane got a red card and he's off. The French fought hard (I think harder than the Italian tried). Penalty kicks. The Italian executed the kicks well. Trezeguet's turn. The ball hit the plank, bounced down, and didn't cross the line. The rest of the Italian scored again. They won. They ran free. Camoranesi got a haircut. My dear Trezeguet looked so disappointed and sad. Basically, that's just it.

:) eKa @ 8:56:00 PM • 0 comments

Thank Your for Smoking

Went to watch the movie in the title with Vivy today. I didn't even know about the existence of this movie. Vivy told me and I was wondering if it was a documentary. Didn't feel like wanting to be that alone today and saw from the paper that the movie is out so I asked Vivy if she was still interested. To be honest, I was actually more drawn to The World's Fastest Indian but Thank You for Smoking had better review and any form of entertainment was welcomed. Vivy amazingly obliged on the short notice. So we met up for the movie. The movie was really good and I like it so much. The story is basically about this person whose job he proudly said as a lobbyist (a cooler term for a PR person). He basically (though indirectly) worked for cigarette companies, telling people that smoking does not kill you. The story progressed to how his life turned when a newspaper article really exposed him the way people wanted to see him. I am not one who condone smoking. In fact I often tell people to stop smoking, however I love arguments and this lobbyist is just so charming and right. How can one be right when he's telling you that smoking does not do you harm? Well...I suppose because his argument is interesting, logical, and again right.

It's all about choices and in the middle of the movie I got to thinking about lots of thing. He spoke about moral flexibility when his son asked him how he could do what he did. Interesting, very interesting concept. What got me thinking is that to live a righteous path according to what God wants, is moral flexibility even an option? Coincidentally this was an issue which someone talked to me to this week. He felt that as a Christian, he could and would still do the wrong things and how he didn't like being pointed out on why he did or said certain un-Christian things just because he's a Christian. Moral flexibility would allow you to accept or understand what other people do even if that means it's something against your principal. Our main character, Nick Naylor, gave an example: just like a lawyer can defend a child killer, because no matter that the killer is guilty, he still deserves a fair trial and a lawyer's job is to defend people. Example from me, moral flexibility would allow you to live in harmony with gays (without even a shudder or analyzing on why they are gays) and so on. I wonder if I give the correct example, but the whole thing was interesting for my mind.

The ending was actually rather "good" but I suppose Nick was still as "lobbyist" as he was. Love the movie and glad I got to watch it. Didn't know what to expect when I went inside the cinema but it turned out to be one of those very good movie. I seriously wants to work with words. Seriously...Please God help me.

Italy VS France on Monday morning, South East Asia Time. Technically I'm supposed to be backing Italy, but I've decided to stand behind the French instead. I want to see Thierry Henry scores and if possible Trezeguet too, at least see him on the pitch. The newspaper articles today do not seem to be behind France though. The sport commentators seem to believe that Italy is gonna win. So we will just wake up and see.

The week had been going not amazingly pleasant after Tuesday. So many emotional things. Had an honest talk with Vivy during lunch and just finished emailing the Mr. I found myself trudging down the hill just when I thought that I didn't need the brake. I'm like injured now, but I can still be saved. I believe so, just need to step on that brake harder from now on. On other note: starfish told me part of his morning talk with Martini. Man, I was pissed and sad for him. I hate people!!! Stupid people. I guess I just have too much anger in me? Should be doing my blog design now, but it's pretty late. Been spending the night writing mails and now here and I haven't even written on my diary yet. Seriously considering going home for a long time in November. When I wrote a long time, seriously mean a long time. I don't know if it is possible or if my dad would allow it. I know mom would understand but dad is a bit different. We'll have to explore the possibility or maybe I should let it be an argument rather than negotiation. I actually think I use argument a lot, but I am still not that skillful *sigH*

:) eKa @ 11:19:00 PM • 0 comments

The Swensens Dinner (again)

Had dinner at Swensens yesterday with the Circle of Trust people. I'm seriously amazed that this group of people still care about giving that time just to catch up. Swensens again *sigH* I really wish that we could eat somewhere else. My msn nickname yesterday was: Look out! This bitch is so anti social today, and one of the peep in the group sent me an sms in the middle of afternoon and told me to chill and promised me that we would have a good time later on. She was right, in return I spilled water on her lap (mi dispiace!). In the end the "monkey" was very happy. So good job peeps. Due to the time differences that we have now, I ended up reaching my room at 10:40 pm. That actually makes me the earliest to reach home. So I miss CSI and another thing that I promised someone I would watch, so sorry. Quickly took a bath and tried my darnest to sleep by 11 pm +. It was tough. Didn't have a good sleep.

Woke up at 3 am to watch the German VS Italy match. To be honest, I tried my best to just sleep it off with the TV on (I was so tired and not exactly that fit). I still knew that it was 0-0 all the way. Was planning to be awake for the penalty kick but alas 3 minutes before the match to be ended in penalty kick, Italy scored. A minute or so after that, Alessandro Del Piero scored a goal! I am so happy for him. He's looking more handsome without his curly hair and obviously he was ecstatic. Then this morning started with a one-line email from the Mr saying that he's given up on football. He was very hostile because German lost. It was totally unexpected. As much as I like Italy, I thought German gonna win world cup this time around. Tonight's plan was to drug myself with cough medicine so that I could sleep soundly (it's all about quality instead of quantity) and wake up later on for France VS Portugal. Obviously I am rooting for France. I'm worried, but they did beat Brazil. If they win it will be a final I wish but never expect to come true, Italy VS France. When that happen, I don't know where I'm gonna side.

On a small note: the Mr told me to step on the brake. I wonder if the brake works. Then I found myself not actually falling down that cliff, so I think it is okay? Or in a way I did step on the brake? But looking at it, stepping on the brake seems rather harsh, but the Mr has his very strong points. Nonetheless, I did something not logical today. Kindness is unexplainable? Ha! I don't even really believe that. Just received a call, I guess wrath regardless where it comes from, male or female, is bloody scary when it is released. It's gonna be tough and it may change a lot of things. Take care peeps! Breathe!

:) eKa @ 8:43:00 PM • 0 comments

of Things Inside the Head and Heart and in Words

Went to watch Superman Returns today. Alone, against the saying of the Mr and Dewi and Vinny? I wonder why they said I shouldn't watch alone. Is it the whole anti social thing or safety reason? OSH did ask me if I was interested weeks ago, but he didn't come back and ask me again and I was too lazy to ask. I just take his not asking means he found other people to watch with, so I crossed him out of the list. Then there's Ms. J, but she couldn't confirm that she could watch it today, so I am terribly sorry, I went ahead and watched alone. Superman felt rather long for me. I should start with saying that when I saw the poster of Superman in the bus stops, I kinda feel that his face is pretty surreal, like not really that human (the lack of human-ness?), but he's an alien anyway. So the movie feels like a painting which you kinda have to see deeply and try to figure out what's the real meaning in it. It's unlike your normal no-brainer Fantastic 4 for example. I guess, they try to make it more philosophical like Batman Begins? Anyway, I survived it, I guess most part is because Superman is so handsome, though some people say no. Give it time people, you gonna find him so handsome, though the small curly part of his hair at that front is way too cheesy. The movie was filled with beautiful people. Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane was really beautiful. She's actually very young but she seems so mature there. Then there's James Marsden playing her fiance. It's truly pay back after seeing him without much lines as Cyclops in X-Men. His character in Superman is nice, a real nice guy, clean, neat, and handsome. Tossing between him and Superman here Then there was the adorable little boy, Lois Lane and Superman's son. He's so handsome, cute, and loveable. Kevin Spacey as Lex was too manic. Normally a villain can be captivating, but I don't like his portrayal of Lex. Maybe I am just too drawn to the Lex in Smallville. So should you watch it? As the Mr say, you should, because this is one of the summer movie you shouldn't miss. Otherwise, you wouldn't know what the other kids are talking about

Feel like I need to dedicate a paragraph to the Mr. Just finished writing an email to him. Was tossing between writing here first or writing to him. Ended up writing in my diary, then him, then here. The reason why I wanted to write a paragraph about the Mr is because in his last reply, he gave me a real time account of the German VS Argentina match. Of course not real time, since I only read it a few hours ago, but for every kick in the penalty, he wrote it down. Got an email from Widad today in which she forwarded a mail about how one can be a close friend now and so far away friend the next year, something like that, I am sure you know this. With that and the Mr's email, I just got to thinking that it's so amazing that I am still talking to the Mr now. Currently he is the only person other than God who knows everything that's going on in my life and what I really think. Of course not everything but I think 75% of everything, for some part he even knows more than my diary. My best friends do not know this much because there are just so much you can type in an sms before you realize how expensive it gets, and they are so not wired, so it would be faster hoping for a reply through the normal mail rather than email. He said I didn't bitch that much, but I feel staying awake at 3 am in the morning hearing a girl rattling about her stupid life is just not right. Unless you are a college student, you shouldn't do that, especially since he has something else and he didn't count as a college student. It's a pity that the other Mr is so busy for us. Anyway, I want to say the Mr is like a brother but it would feel weird because he is not used to being the older brother and I am not sure having him as an older brother is that nice. He's a friend? But with all the wisdom talk, which now I really follow and expect to hear in time of trouble, the Mr is a shrink and a life coach at the same time Laughing now? Okay, I better stop now before he scolds me for being sentimental. I am so thankful that I have that 1 person +1 to confide with, with every hit that come my way (+1 because you should know why Mr). Maybe I trust him that much because he is so far. I doubt things would be the same if he's nearby.

This week feels like it went by so fast. I noticed that the week was filled with a topic that appeared in every breath; morning, afternoon, lunches, sms, msn. It's freaking silly because without this topic, I think there's practically nothing for us to talk about. What topic is it? I better not write it because people read this. Decided to start a mission earlier this week. Maybe a futile effort. I can't even promise that I could stick to it, though I pointed out that I did manage to stay in bad situation for a long time. When I told people about the mission, they all responded the same way, "WHY?!?". They know why, they understand why, but they couldn't make themselves do it which I totally understand. You asked me this last year, I would agree with them. I don't understand myself why the change of mind. Maybe because being depressed sucks?

This week, another personal topic came to my head also. Should not think about it that much. Should really get it out of my system and think about things that actually matter. There's no time for it now. I should start moving before my time is up. I hope God would just open doors, but somehow I feel that He's not doing it this time around. Please help me God. Is my post too abstract? Will get back to you most probably on Wednesday. Take care peeps!

:) eKa @ 10:49:00 PM • 0 comments