The Bumps Along The Way

Hello people of the Earth! How are you all doing? Life is great? Good. Not feeling very good right now (mentally) but I'll talk about it later. Let's talk about movies first (usual stuffs ya?). I did watch a few movies over the weekend, movies that I didn't watch when they were released.

Started of with Mystic River which was showing on TV Saturday night. I didn't like it much because of the ending. I realize I don't like unhappy endings. They are necessary but somehow I prefer the sugar-coated-everything-gonna-be-okay shit. I do have to say the actors were good. I found that Sean Penn made the most impression on me compared to the other actors. It's not a bad movie, rather good in terms of stories and actors but since it's pretty heavy, it's not one movie which I am keen to watch again, anytime soon at least.

Then it was Paradise Now which I watched in UCC NUS Sunday evening. They are having some arts thingy so there are some free screening of movies. I went alone. I kinda knew it's pretty impossible getting anyone to accompany me. Who would want to go all the way to NUS on a Sunday evening to watch a movie. For me, it was just a 10-minute ride, so yeah, I thought why not. I also haven't done many things alone these days so that Sunday, I really made an effort to go alone. I just feel I need to enforce my independence and remind myself that I AM alone and I should be able to do things alone. Anyways, the movie wasn't as amazing as I expected. Not a happy ending as well, so that was pretty disappointing again. It told a story of these 2 childhood friends, who I think were Palestinians, who were chosen to carry out a suicide bombing mission in Israel. What struck me the most about the movie was how the place wasn't as bad as I expected. It is still bad though, imagine curfew everyday and the difficulties of going from 1 area to another. I guess I still have to be thankful that though it is darn difficult for Indonesian to travel, it's not totally impossible. I was also at awe to see that Israel was actually pretty modern and nice. I really didn't expect that. I do feel a bit embarrassed that I do not know much about the history of this area and the conflict and all. One should read more and be in tune with what's happening in other parts of the earth. It really made me wanna reach out to my Palestinian pen friend again, but I've still hadn't written the email. Yes, I am a lazy bum.

So since it practically only took me 10 minutes to travel to NUS, I arrived in time in my room for The Queen which was showing in Arts Central. I love the movie! I thought it was great. Helen Mirren was so cool as the Queen. I've never seen her this graceful and all. I think the movie did provide some insight to the royal family. How accurate it was, I think we'll never know. Watching this movie, I pretty much sympathized with the Queen. Totally recommending you to watch it if you have a chance to. Despite of it being a British movie and all, it's not boring at all. At least for me, I found it to be very entertaining.

The last movie I watched recently was Juno with La Gioia yesterday and gosh I love it!!! I thought it was truly truly a gem. The actors were awesome and I think what made it pretty awesome was because the young actors were the one who led and commanded the movie. The senior actors like Allison Janney and J.K Simmons were not overshadowed themselves, but we do must clap for Ellen Page, and her peers like Olivia Thirlby and Michael Cera (who I think has stamped his ability of playing a dork). Story wise, it ended okay though I can't say it was truly a happy ending (guys are just idiotic and immature sometime), but I guess life is never a happy ending? The snappy and witty lines were totally the crux of the movie. It's what made it so entertaining and what made me wish I can be that witty I'm glad I managed to watch this movie. Totally recommending this to all of you. If you have time, go and watch it peeps!

So the title of this post was part of the tag line from Juno. I do feel like I have bumps along my way. Today I found out something or perhaps to be more exact, not finding something. I'm totally disappointed. Mom was telling me to be patient and somehow I feel that's God talking to me. See when I thought my mom was going to side with me, she took another view of the situation and that kinda made me calm a bit, though I'm still so disappointed! Lois asked me today whether I was coping with things. I kinda forget what my exact answer was, but I think it's more about I just take it as it was and somehow things do get done, in which God is truly responsible for every single thing of it. Then as I was walking home with my dinner, I realize that no, I don't think I'm coping. I don't think I'm coping with the loneliness, restlessness, and emptiness. Been having dinner alone these days, except when I go out with some people (something that I have to reduce since I don't think I have much money), which was rather rare anyway. The dinner alone, the routine of not knowing what to have for dinner and in the end choosing the same thing made me feel pretty sad. Basically overall the bigger part of the sadness was also him. He whom I used to love to see at the end of my rough day because somehow he made me smile. I looked forward to see him and I still do now. He who used to spend some dinners and desserts with me and how I really miss that. Though I may complain, but I miss standing outside when the sky was dark and waiting for the bus with him. I miss him dearly but today I've got clarity that I shouldn't burden him with how I feel. It wouldn't be fair for him. This will pass, he says, they say, everyone says however it still hasn't passed. I'm basically unhappy currently. I go through the motion, ignoring all these feeling, and laugh and smile, but as I sit in the bus alone, or have my dinner alone, or looking at my desk wondering what I should do to keep myself occupied, I'm basically restless. I still have to be thankful though, for every breath that I am still taking.

:) eKa @ 10:42:00 PM • 0 comments


Ms. Mun said I wrote a lot of movie reviews, I should try writing movie reviews for magazine. Well, I don't think it's possible? Since I am very bias in my review? I'm not objective at all as you will find out soon Why I often write about movies? Because I do watch movies a lot and some personal life things cannot be put here because if everything are exposed, there will be consequences and I'm basically not a very open person myself

So Jumper. Watched that with NanSee and La Gioia yesterday. Before we went, Vinny was already telling us that the movie sucks and he was rather disappointed with it. Me, on the contrary, say "I love it!!!". Before we went, I told Vinny, never mind that the story was not so good, we're going to watch the handsome Hayden Christensen anyway and my oh my, he's so my kind of guy Love him, love him, love him! I noticed that he has very beautiful eyes. So the movie is good because of him. I think for girls it's enough that there's him. Then of course you want to be a jumper, no? You just get drawn into the movie because of all the possibility that you can do as a jumper. Characters wise, I think Jamie Bell's, Griffin, was quite a charmer as well. An entertaining movie will always need that one character that say all the smart or witty lines or the one who make you laugh. That's him. Story wise? Well I have to be objective here. Yes, story wise, it was a bit weak. There wasn't much said about the palladin organization that hunt the jumpers. Why and who are they weren't elaborated. All the fierce fighting didn't help to quench the curiosity of wanting to know more about them. Then David's mother was such a mystery. A palladin member who seemed to have quite a rank in the organization and yet married such an ordinary guy. So many parts of the story were unresolved and basically if you look at it, did not make for a very good story to tell. My reasoning is perhaps they are saving these unresolved things for a sequel. For me, Hayden Christensen and all the nice places saved the movie but for a guy like Vinny, it's so not enough I teased him that he was just jealous of Hayden Well, he is right in a way, saying that the story wasn't good enough.

So that's the movie review. Had dinner at Manhattan Fish yesterday with the girls. I love that place. Darn it though that I don't have a good appetite these days that I couldn't eat much and in the end we couldn't manage to finish all the food. I couldn't sleep well, I couldn't eat. Something is definitely wrong with me and I'm kinda worried. Right now, I'm just trying to wait it out and see if things are going to improve. The not sleeping really takes its toll on me. My head is often heavy and right now I'm quite dizzy. I really really really want to be able to sleep.

:) eKa @ 9:26:00 PM • 0 comments

P.S. I Love You

Watched that with Vivy yesterday. Love it though perhaps it's your typical chick flick. I think many people (meaning girls) cried during the movie. I cried quite tearfully when the first present from the dead husband came and that was quite early in the movie. I had expected the movie to be very sweet, in a way it was but it was also about moving on and facing reality when someone you love die, so it's not all about unrealistic saccharin sweetness. Even the ending wasn't as I expected, or perhaps in a way it was. I thought Hilary Swank's character was going to end up with Harry Connick Jr, but they didn't. They kissed and they didn't feel anything special. I wonder if it's true. You kiss someone and if the kiss wasn't good then nothing romantic can happen between the 2 of you. Well this movie seemed to say so, since Lisa Kudrow's character also walked out on a guy whom she kissed and apparently didn't feel any tingle with. I also got to thinking. Say the widow got a chance to meet another true love and got married, so what happened when they die and meet the first husband in heaven? What's then? There can be more than 1 true love? Ah, some people think true love is just a myth. Yes, I know my head is funny. Anyways, so I think the movie is nice. The actors were pretty good, Hilary Swank, Gerard Butler (who was dazzlingly charming in this movie), Lisa Kudrow, and the rest were an interesting watch. Some of the lines were witty and I was pretty entertained. Ireland was green of course. I really hope I get to go to Ireland someday. Go and watch it if you are in the mood for some light watch.

Saturday started off with morning engagement. It's getting harder and harder now to keep up with it. Yes, I am physically there (though I have to painfully drag myself there) but I don't concentrate well and I don't say any substantial thing so that pretty much defeats the purpose. Then the work is getting harder and I'm so not committed to it. It is needing more time than before and yet I'm giving it less and less attention. I know I should do the work and yet my laziness win the best of me *sigh* Okay, I'll try. I will try my best to give it the required effort.

Let's go back to movies. So Saturday was movie, movie and movie. Went home and watched Under the Tuscan Sun. Amazingly I hadn't watched that before. Another movie that didn't go as I expected it would. However I think it's pretty close to real life. Not everyone gets a happy ending or perhaps sometime happy ending is not as we imagined it to be. We just need to stand a while and see that we do get everything we ask for though it wasn't as we spelled it to be. I hope I get to see this light someday too.

After Under the Tuscan Sun was Closer. I can just say that it's rather a strange movie for me. Jude Law was handsome but I hate his character a lot. Clive Owen was a hottie in his own right as well. Natalie Portman was beautiful, as always. Not a movie that I am keen to watch again but there was something that struck me in this movie, a line which I thought was pretty true. Jude Law's character was telling Natalie Portman that he fell in love with Julia Roberts' Character. Natalie Portman's character said "Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment. I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it, and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one". Very true, I think it's very true indeed.

Take care peeps!

:) eKa @ 8:32:00 PM • 0 comments

Life Until Further Notice

I'm back here in Singapore. Not that you know that I was away. I went home for Chinese New Year. Speaking of which, Happy Chinese New Year May you be more prosperous this coming year!

I went home last week, on Tuesday and just got back last night. I arrived pretty fast last night. The plane wasn't really full. For the first time, mom just dropped me off and took off. I had much time, so for the first time I was exploring the inside of Soekarno - Hatta airport. I actually bought things inside there, some birthday presents for people whom I think will appreciate it.

Chinese New Year at home was okay. For me Chinese New Year actually felt like a sequence of things that we have to complete. I didn't have much excitement in it, to be honest. It feels like things that I have to participate on, the praying, the meeting of relatives and such. So yeah, that's pretty much it. Mom went back to work on the second day of Chinese New Year. I guess in general, the family is just not too hype up about it anymore.

Home was okay, I suppose. I miss eating at home, darn it! More talk about depression later. Met up with the girls twice and how I love them. I don't have this kind of friendship with anyone else. I wonder if they do. My cousin did say in our ride home that she felt that she could talk very openly to us and she couldn't really do so with her other friends. I love talking with them. Talking to them is different compared to me talking to my other friends, even the Indonesian. Well, for one, they can actually keep up with my speed and volume of talking. Then we are just the crazy comfortable us with each other. I really miss them. I miss them when I was with them 'cause then I knew what I miss. Dewi was saying that we should (and she hopes) that we still stay in touch even when we have kids. I said most probably our kids going to go to Samaria as well. Whatever it is, the biggest hope among us is that we stop being "jomblo" The girls also gave me my first birthday present of the year. Haven't really opened it, hope I can put it to good use.

Talking about present, perhaps my first present was from mom. She got me a new phone. The one that I want. I actually was ready to buy it myself, but when I went to the mall, there wasn't any stock. I started to think if I wasn't fated with the phone. Then my bro was kind enough to go and get it for me. I think the new phone is pretty but I can't help feeling sentimental with the old phone, which stayed with me for 3 years. The previous phone before that stayed with me for 4 years, so I guess I'm pretty good at keeping stuffs? Anyway, what made me sad about parting with the old phone was the fact that I couldn't transfer all the sms that I had. I kept some of the sms-es sent to me. Some of it were as records of who say what, and some of it were shocking and some were purely for sentimental reasons, because there were sms-es that made me smile. I guess I really have to let go and stop clinging to the past.

I didn't really go anywhere when I was at home, except to the uncles' houses during Chinese New Year and when I was out with the girls. Nothing much to tell about home or Jakarta for that matter. There are many Indonesian movies being released. I guess the production houses can actually make money from the movies, because if not I don't know how they can sustain. Some of it actually seemed interesting though I wouldn't put much hope on the story lines and the acting ability of the actors. I was interested to watch some of the movie, including Love which is released today.

There were some rain, which of course traumatize many Jakartans for fear of flood, but thank God none happened. Not in our area at least. Some of the rain was really heavy though. I was thinking perhaps that's how it feels to be standing under a tap of water that God opened fully. There were strong winds as well. Still we still have to be thankful that we were okay, we have an okay home. I guess this is one thing that I should really try to do more this year. Be more thankful for everything. Saying grace more often. Say thank you to God more often because the truth is, life has been kind to me.

Okay, that's pretty much it. Not much to tell about home. I survived today. Didn't really sleep much last night. I think I'm acceptant now to the fact that I don't sleep well in Singapore. Why? I don't know. So I woke up earlier than I wanted to, despite of me being tired and sleeping quite late. Did ironing and laundry this morning. Unpacked some stuff, while some will just stay in the suitcase. Oh yeah, I arrived last night in my room with a notice of a higher rent. I thought it was such a mood killer but then I saw that the hike wasn't much, so see there's a need for me to be thankful. Back to today. Dealt with a few stuff today. I supposed my engine wasn't warm enough that I took a while to solve something but in the end I did and with every small taste of success, I felt happy and proud with myself.

Had a weird feeling about being in Singapore today. It just felt surreal for me that I'm in Singapore. I was looking everywhere around me and tried to absorb all the things here in Singapore, though these are the things that I see pretty much everyday and I only left for a week. I think this strange feeling is contributed to the fact that depression is kicking in because this is my life, pretty much. Back to the old routine. Yes things are changing but I don't know, I just feel trapped in this life which is not making me smile sincerely. I know I have to be thankful nonetheless. Maybe I should really take flight. I have around 1 month to decide. I hope by my birthday, I have some enlightenment.

Since I don't have any interesting thing to say, so ciao peeps. It's Valentine day, my cousin's birthday. Happy Valentine day to you all. I will leave you with a picture which I like to call Cats on the Roof. It was taken from my house's balcony of the roof of the old house in front of us. The 3 cats were cuddling because it just rained quite heavily with the strong wind. The wire you see is electricity wire, a weird concept for Singaporean I think As usual, it was photoshop enhanced. Sadly, I don't think it would be good enough for Carl's Gatti Del Mondo exhibition. A short story about these Jakartan cats. They pooped in my mom's flower pots. Instead of digging the soil, dropped their poo poo, and covered it back, they just dropped their poo like that and that made my mom nuts. City cats, I say. Take care peeps!

:) eKa @ 8:38:00 PM • 0 comments

The Kite Runner

Went to watch The Kite Runner yesterday with La Gioia. I may should have rallied more people or waited for a more convenient time for my usual companions so that we could watch the movie together. However I wasn't in a mood to compromise. I don't have much time anyway. I found the movie to be okay. It felt quite slow at times but I don't think it's the movie's fault. It covered a lot of parts of the books, parts which I did want to see. Some parts were omitted, of course due to time constraint. Only 1 part was not the same, the part where Amir fought to get Sohrab back. I don't really know why they changed that, maybe for more dramatic reason. The book was such a good reading, it keeps you going and going, so perhaps the book feels faster and more interesting than the movie. Still, I think the movie was a passable attempt on the book. Did it evoke as much emotion as the book? I didn't really feel so, but perhaps because I'd read the book hence I know more and have felt more. La Gioia said she did feel sad that Amir didn't have the chance to meet Hassan again. Yeah reading the book, I thought it was pretty cruel of the writer but life never is fair, ya?

A few days back, Ms. Kiera told me that the actor who played adult Amir was hot! Yes, he was handsome. At some point I thought he looked a bit like Jude Law However the actor that stole the show was definitely young Hassan. My God, that boy was just simple, lovable, gentle, nice, kind; he really embodied what Hassan was just by the way he was. His expression was sincere, his smile was captivating and you would just fall in love with him. I pictured what Hassan would look like when he said "For you, a thousand times over." and gosh, you would just love him. Young Amir was handsome as well. It made me wonder if Afghans are good looking bunch. Baba wasn't as I expected. In the book, stories had it he fought a bear, so I was expecting someone bigger and fiercer, more like Hagrid, but Baba looked pretty normal. There was the "Fuck Russia" scene in the bar, but it didn't tickle me as much as when I read that part at the bus stop one morning. Young Hassan and Ali themselves were not the same as the book, but it's understandable. I think it would be difficult to find the people that fit the physical appearance of the characters with all their deformity. I also found young Assef to be different from what I expected. He was skinny and not as big as I expected and he didn't really look a bit Caucasian at all. The movie did help me to relate with Amir's sadness about how Afghanistan has become. I did imagine in my head how their houses looked like in the peace time (which was different with how the movie showed it) but seeing the scenes in the movie, you do get sad seeing that one time that place was nice, beautiful, people were happy and now it is in such a turmoil. I think it feels even more frustrating because things are not showing signs that they would get better. Another thing that makes you feel thankful for what you have. Anyway, I do think you should watch the movie, especially if you don't read. Just watch this for a different kind entertainment.

Now about life. Life has taken quite a turn this week, which reminded me aarrgghh, I have to complete something! Darn, I'm so lazy even to do this good thing. Anyway, yeah life has taken quite a turn and I was thinking. I hope for God to show me signs and yet when it happens I kinda don't believe that God makes it that way. I don't know what I want. It's strange. There were times when I thought I deserved better and yet I didn't get it and now when something good happens to me, I feel skeptical and worried because somehow I wonder if I deserve it. I feel like smacking my head for not accepting a blessing as it is. I just feel God's way are strange and I know the reason I feel that way is because I don't understand it. He's amazing and things happen and one thing may trigger another, after all life are pieces that come together. Maybe I feel strange because I only see the current chain of events while perhaps as it had been pointed out to me, there were reasons from the past that carried me to this state, reasons that had everything to do with me and not because of other people. I'm thinking of all those time, if people had known what it was like really, they would have definitely screaming at me telling me to get out. Some of whom did tell me so. I didn't. I stay. I think it's because I'm a lazy bum who hope God shows me the path. I stay and here I am. Strange but perhaps I truly deserve it. Perhaps this is God's way, a reward for my perseverance. I'm still skeptical and things are yet to be seen. I'm still in a disbelief state. Either way, praise the Lord almighty!

Other part of life. My dear cousin sent me an sms yesterday, telling me about this crush she had a decade ago who apparently is getting married. I don't know if she still has that crush or it's just that lingering feeling, of how the person you like floats in and out of your head sometime. I don't think I have any lingering feeling on any person that I had a crush on before, however my cousin makes me think that we two are alike in many ways. I think when we like someone, it can be pretty deep. Hence why I'm in this deep shit of trying to get someone off my head. Aaah, this is always not the fun part of having a crush and I know for me it will take a long time. I don't know what to say. Maybe I should just focus my energy to other important things? I do try to do that but he floats in to my head when my head is still. It's annoying. It breaks my heart. Aah, part and parcel of life I guess.

:) eKa @ 8:24:00 PM • 0 comments