Monday, March 23, 2026

It's The Deep Mystery, Whether You Want It Or Not

The title above is the English translation of part of the lyric from the song, Águas de Março, by Elis Regina released in 1972, 10 years before I was born. I wrote in this blog about me finding this song and it was back in 2006, so it's been 20 years. In that post I also wrote that Elis Regina died in 1982, the year I was born :( I like that there are different versions of the song like in French and Italian, though the Italian translates the title as The Rain of March instead of The Water of March. I'm extra fond of this song because March is my birth month so when March comes around, I often get a realization that I have to play this song.

Isn't it crazy that 3 months have almost passed in this year? It feels really really fast. Love March but since I get older every March, well that part is ... Though there are things to be thankful for. I realize not many people get to be my age. Not long before my birthday an Indonesian singer younger than me died from cancer - that was really sad and it's really reminding me that I really have to be thankful for the years that I get. The gratitude was even more felt because in the week leading up to my birthday, something was really wrong with my body. There was physical pain, things happening that should not be happening. In my freak out, I prayed so that I wouldn't get an infection or blood poisoning. I sounded dramatic right? But it was rather bad, really really not normal, and I should have probably gone to the doctor, but I didn't because mentally I just didn't have it in me to face the doctor, tell him what happened, and accept the consequences. So I went about my day (thank be to God, there's no fever throughout) and I self-medicated in higher dosage. It took awhile and I wondered if I would ever be okay but by my birthday, there was sign that I was improving, the pain was no longer there, and I could allow myself cake. Now it seems I'm somewhat normal, though my body definitely has some wrong things in them. I do understand me ignoring these issues is torturing my body and making it worse, but I do have the inability to face bad things head on - on this I also have to admit, it's my perception of bad, it's not even necessarily bad thing, it's just something I need to take care of.

Anyways, the usual me, I'm not lacking things to worry about. There is this thing that's currently occupying my mind and there's a part of me which I think is a bigger part that thinks it's gonna work out, but the other part of me who's super worried is louder and it's telling me this may not go my way and this gets me praying everytime it pops in my head. I currently have no alternative plan if this doesn't work out, I just know there will be some financial pain :( While this occupies my mind, the other part of the brain who's still not busy enough it seems tells me there's actually a bigger and more serious issue coming my way and also on this I haven't prepared mentally or planned for bad outcome. Some may argue I think way too much and I need to drop all these worries. I haven't seen the bridge that I have to cross, so why the panic. Stay in the prayers and know that God will get you through whatever it is that may happen. You know, I learned this quote today, we suffer more in imagination that in reality, by the philosopher Seneca the Younger (don't know who that is) and that's what happens to me all the time. This kinda brings me back to the title. Things we don't understand may appear as a mystery, but as a God believer I know that God has His reasons. I don't find it easy when God says no, but God has a plan and we really need to accept it whether we want it or not.

:) eKa @ 8:51:00 PM • 0 comments

Wednesday, March 11, 2026

Book 1 - The Vegetarian

I finished reading The Vegetarian by Han Kang (winner of the 2024 Nobel Prize in Literature) last week. It tells the story of this woman who turned vegetarian, but we don't actually hear much from her. There are three chapters from the points of view of her husband, brother-in-law, and sister. It begins with the husband describing his wife which he thought to be unremarkable and his freak out when this wife turned vegetarian. There's something about reading, people can read the same line and get different impression and I read it as funny the way this husband was freaking out about his wife turning vegetarian and the ban on meat in the house, when in fact I'm most probably gonna have the same emotional reaction if a decision was just imposed on me without consultation or agreement or accomodation. Reading this chapter on the husband who didn't even try to understand the wife made me think that's why you shouldn't get married just because it's perhaps what's expected of you in life and because the other person is not bad *sigh* The chapter with the brother-in-law was uncomfortable because of the weird sex thing and the last chapter with the sister was rather heart-breaking. I thought the sister was amazing for still being there for her sister after what happened in chapter 2.

This is one of those book where the ending is open to your own interpretation. Logically it will be a tragic ending, but the hopeful you may just be hopeful. In the chapter of the sister, I think it does make you think of the path of still grounding yourself to this life which may have many miserable moments because there are those who need you or the path of just fuck all this shit and do your own thing. I'm not saying good for this vegetarian lady for choosing her path because I think it's quite tragic what happened to her and I don't think she got all the help she needed that I don't know if her choices were sound, but it does make you think that each of this path is not necessarily better than the other. Anyways, I googled a bit about the book after I finished and AI told me there's some controversy about the English translation - this book was originally in Korean. The author didn't hate the English translation, but AI said there are some who pointed out that it made the story quite different. Like in my last post where I talked about how subtitles may lose nuances, well it would be interesting to know what this book is about in Korean, which unfortunately is not in my skill-set.

What else to write. I'm currently watching Bridgerton season 4. When I was home and on the way to the mall with the cousins, one of the cousin said he's watching that too and he also watches Peaky Blinders which I do too :D We touched about the movie which will come out. I wonder what the cousin thinks about this season 4; I kinda really like the girl, Sophie, and that makes me like Benedict (previously I was just ... okay). It's amazing how Bridgerton can really make you love the characters being featured in the season. I found it funny how we both watch Bridgerton and Peaky Blinders - those two are so different. I'm sure there are other people in this world who do too :D What does it say about us? Nothing much I guess. Human have so many different aspects to them and just one commonality of watching these two series can't give you much insight :D

:) eKa @ 8:31:00 PM • 0 comments