Saturday, May 29, 2010
Break Week 2
Hello all! The weather is so unapologetically hot. I hate it so much! What kinda more annoying is, there was thunder rumbling and yet there's no rain.
So anyway, today is week 2 of my break. Did do a few stuff this week. Had a medical check-up, went to see Marina Barrage, watched Shrek, and had lunch with Ms. J and The Flying Nun. As I mentioned, the weather has been really hot that it was quite a torture exploring Marina Barrage. You can see some pictures here
. There's a maquette of that area of Singapore and I tried to mark the landmarks. I have to embarassingly admit that I had to think hard on some of the landmarks. I hope I didn't get any wrong. Here you go. Hope it helps you get an idea of the location of each place in relation to the others.
Speaking of pictures, I get my dekstop wallpapers from Webshots and one day I happened to stumble of this picture of Vernazza. It was bitter sweet because I was there. I was sitting down in the cafe with the colorful umbrella taking reprieve from the hot sun with some Americans and an Italian guide. The New Yorkers nicely treated us for some cold water. I remembered that the waiter was of an Arab descent or originally from Arab. Like anyone in the tourism industry, he could speak many languages. Anyway, I didn't realize how beautiful this little area is when I was there. Looking at the picture, I saw how beautiful it is and it's kinda sad for me that I didn't discover that.
Okay back to life. Shrek 4 was so so for me. I am looking forward to watch a movie which is seriously entertaining. There doesn't seem to be any interesting movies around these days. A lot of hype but none really live up to expectation. The lunch with Ms. J and Ms. Nun was good. It's been a long long time since I last saw them. There's differences in each other lives' now. Ms. Nun was so funny. She's the crazy girl who hates that her boyfriend stays in touch with his ex girlfriends. It's so funny! I was wondering what kind of girl these girls are and there in front of me was one. It's hilarious because she seems so harmless :P She said that it's so different being in a relationship. Things that one thought one would never do, become the things that one does. I think she's wondering if I will behave the same way if I am in a relationship. I think that would make her feel better :)
Today in class, Mr.N labelled me as someone who is 'open' to other people. Darn, since when I become the 'open' one? Am I not the 'closed' one. Somehow being labelled as 'open' doesn't go down well for me. I was thinking maybe I should be more quiet from now one. I am not that friendly of a person and somehow I don't want to be perceived as one. Okay maybe I used the wrong word. Maybe I am friendly but I am actually really really shy. I still don't want to try to start a conversation and introduce myself in a group of strangers. It's just not me. It surprises me how I don't like to be seen as one friendly bubbly person. I know it's weird and no I don't want to change. But the fact is maybe I am changing :( Today in class I also realized how structured my thoughts are. It doesn't seem to give much rooms for creativity. I am so serious in my thoughts and opinions that it gets pretty boring for me :( I realized how other people can be so interesting in their thoughts and opinions. However at the same time I also felt that they may not address or answer the question properly. My structured brain is so boring and uptight. I have become so into problem - solution, that I perhaps have lost the ability to see that problem may not be a problem and a solution may not be needed. I don't know if you get what I mean.
Speaking of being serious. A lot of the TV series that I am watching is ending (Ugly Betty, Lost) or ended for this season (House, Grey's Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother), or is ending for this season real soon (Glee) that I was wondering what's the next TV series I should occupy my brain with. Well I have The Big Bang Theory, but that's only 1 replacement for the many which end. Then I tried watching Gossip Girl and man!!! I was thinking how people can watch this and don't feel like they are getting dumber. Maybe I am not a teenager anymore that I don't find interest in this or perhaps I have become that serious that I don't find it brainy enough. It's not like Lost which I really like and not as witty and meaningful as Ugly Betty and Glee. I thought the only interesting thing about Gossip Girl was Penn Badgley. Even so, I don't think it will be enough to capture my attention for the whole 3 seasons. On other pop culture talk, I keep on forgetting to write this. I recently acquired Train's album Save Me, San Francisco and I really really like it. I think if I have to answer what kind of music that defines me, somehow I feel that this define me well. Some people may find it pretty ordinary but maybe at the essence I am ordinary? Another self-contradiction of me. I am hungry now and as usual someone out there is cooking something that smells so nice, aaarrrghhhh!!!
:) eKa @ 9:34:00 PM •
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Break Week 1 ... Well Not Quite
This week supposed to be my first week of break but it didn't really come to that. Less than 24 hours since I walked out of the door, Chucky called asking if he could ask me to help him with something. I think he's already so into his role that he knows how to choose such words to make one feels important. Anyways, I thought why not but we were kinda hitting a wall when we reached the issue of 'denaro'. Then I got a call from someone who is kinda pleading for my good side and so in the end, I kinda gave in and Ms. Eka was back out of retirement on Thursday and Friday. I forget how tiring it could be. I don't think I was in my finest form but I think we did good. I am pretty satisfied with the results. I realize how I don't like noisy people. I guess I don't like people who talks a lot without much substance and I also realize how when I am around those people, instead of confronting them, I decide to just be more quiet around them, to the point of me stop speaking, and with hatred building up more and more. I suppose I have to find better ways to resolve certain things :P
After all that, I got very very tired. I was still very tired this morning that I had such a hard time waking up and switching my brain on. Somehow it made me miss Mr.P though it's never been a good idea to face Mr.P with half-dead brain. The thing is no matter how torturous Mr.P can be, he could definitely wake you up and I really really miss having a good laugh. Anyway, leave me alone with some people who are all quiet, my interrogative side bounds to surface. I think it's got something to do with my defence mechanism. It's like before people start wondering or sizing me up, I open fire first. So I was kinda asking Mr.N about how long he's been here and such and it came out in conversation that Mr.P is leaving Singapore very very soon. I got pretty sad even though I barely know him. It's always sad when someone is leaving? LM was saying how sad that we would never get him anymore, which is very true. He must have considered this move well after the many years he spends here. So I suppose it's a happy beginning for him. Still I am sad about people moving on because I feel that I'm still in the same place, which is kinda silly when I thought about it on the bus ride home, because the fact is, I am moving on. I am starting something new in a few weeks time. I think the nerves are creeping in. In a way I kinda hope that the nerves would just tire me out that when the day comes, all I can do is surrender. I think at the end of the day, that's kinda what matters, you have to surrender and let God or the power of the universe do their job to help you.
I did spend this week doing stuffs for myself. Been trying to learn something new but I think I kinda fail badly, aaarrggghh!!! For someone who is not bad at certain things, I do sucks at other things. Christ! I hope I can get my head around it soon. Did watch a movie this week, which was The Losers
. The only way I can describe this movie is, it's another version of The A-Team
. I didn't have much expectation for The Losers
. I just hoped it was going to be entertaining enough but somehow even that fell kinda short. It was still interesting, still kinda fun, but I think they also tried to put some seriousness in it which I didn't really welcome. I hate that the story has a traitor in it. I was really really hoping that the traitor was just a decoy but it wasn't. I really hate traitors :P Anywho, I am looking forward for The A-Team
though seeing the actors being cast for it made me kinda disappointed. I don't think the actors that they chose represent the characters well. This is even though the handsome Bradley Cooper is in it. Somehow I found him to be too rugged to play Face :P When I was young, I like the tv series very much that I have high expectation for the movie version. Right now, it doesn't look like it's gonna be amazing for me but nevertheless I am looking forward for it. Other than movie, well not much really. Did have dinner, did have ice-cream, and tea! Yes that is strange, especially that it cost S$6 for a small pot. Luckily I didn't pay for that :P Next week seems to be quite busy for me :( I hope I will be able to put something substantial inside my brain next week. For a person who supposes to be having a relaxing-worry-free break, I am putting too much pressure on myself, ya? Damn, I really don't know how to relax. I do still have to admit though that I am not that sad and in intense worry this week :) So life is pretty good and I hope yours is too :)
:) eKa @ 9:36:00 PM •
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Hello everyone! How has the weekend been treating you so far? Do you sense a bit of happiness in that sentence? ;p Anyways, the sky has been dark and cloudy, the wind is blowing, the thunder has been rumbling and yet it hasn't really rained yet :( It's been really hot these days, some cold air would be great!
Okay, enough small talk about the weather. Gonna share something about the major happening that I hinted in the last post. This week I ended a 6-year relationship. People who knows me knows that I have no boyfriend but I feel the word 'relationship' is not only reserved for boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. It can be about many things which involves you putting yourself into it. So this week, the day that everyone has been wondering if it ever happens and when, happened. Ironically not many people knows about it and somehow I don't really feel like going around telling people in my contact list. Perhaps I look forward for them to find out on their own, to hear them gasp and say, "OH MY GOD!!!" or "Finally!!!". Finally indeed, after around 6 years and 3 months.
I have been imagining that day many times but when it happened it didn't happen the way I imagined it to be. There were not much sadness. A lot of relief. I would liken it to being able to finally breathe. Just like my cousins said, it's like tonnes of weight are gone from my shoulders and heart. I've always imagined of the parting gifts and the thank you email that I would do. I did none of that. I suppose it's because many people that I would sincerely thank have departed before me. Perhaps my exit could be handled better, however I think I shouldn't do things to please people when obviously I've never been looked after properly. In the end, how bad or how wrong people think it was, I can proudly and happily say or sing, I did it my way!
:) and anyway, why should we care about what people think, right? I know for me, in the end, I don't freaking care.
So I am having a 3-week break. Aarrrghh, days can really go by fast :( but I am trying not to think about that. I just want to breathe and enjoy the blue sky. I would really really really like to be outside and be under the blue sky. The plan for now is to be a tourist in Singapore and to learn as much as I can. It's Sunday evening peeps and I have no worries. I am not depressed. I am light and at peace. I've wanted this feeling for so long and it really does feel good. Maybe this feeling won't last, maybe it will. For now I am just thankful for every worry-free breathe that I am taking.
Oh, as for the title, ask me personally to know what it means ;) If you are a Singaporean who's into 4D or toto (which I am still not sure how to do), you can use those numbers and if you win something, well I am in need of a free dinner or lunch or gelato! Take care peeps. I wish you lots of happiness and peace :)
:) eKa @ 6:53:00 PM •
Friday, May 07, 2010
For some reason
For some reason, I ended up watching Shutter Island
today. I didn't enjoy it. I kinda regret watching it. It's too serious for my brain and it's just the wrong movie for me right now. I knew what it was all about before going in. I knew I didn't like the theme and yet I still went in. Hmmm, nothing much else can be said about the movie. With Leonardo DiCaprio always acting in serious movies, I kinda wish he would do a more "fun" movie.
For some reason, I am again short of cash. This time it's really bad. Aaarrrggghhhh. Looking at the near future, I may need a substantial amount of cash. Aaarrrgghh, I hate having to dig in into the stash. But I have to :'(
There's something major happening with me right now. But I cannot give details yet. Well most probably I will not give much details here anyway since I like to keep my private things private. I just need lots of prayer. My nerves are all over the place. I have much fear which is really very sinful of me. I prayed to God and yet it doesn't seem I have faith in the path He's giving me. I really have to repeat, If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it
over and over again. I have to believe in that. Take care peeps. I wish you a peaceful life.
:) eKa @ 9:25:00 PM •
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Iron Man 2
As I am writing this, I realized that if I had written this post yesterday evening or this morning, I would have written different things and the mood of the post will be very different. Especially if it had been written this this morning. Somehow I kinda got annoyed and was pissed off this morning although I didn't actually have a bad morning. I was just being selfish, I suppose. I am calmer now. Not necessarily in a happy mode, but I am trying to force happy thoughts in and be calm and be strong. Must push bad thoughts away!!!
Yesterday, I had the chance to watch Iron Man 2
and I love it! I think I love the Iron Man
movies for the same reason I like the Pirates of the Carribbean
movies, because the main leads are just so cool. I love Captain Jack Sparrow and despite of Tony Stark can be so annoying with his confidence, I like him precisely for that reason. In fact, I kinda wish I have a tinsy-winsy of his self-confidence, because I realize I have none. How can people have faith in you when you don't, right? But seriously in my life, there are people who have a lot of confidence in me, more than myself. Yesterday, I was thinking that I am missing. Eka is missing. Many people may have known me as me because they have always known me this way, but I have been with me for 28 years plus, and seriously, I'm not me anymore. Something is missing in me. I don't know if you all can get it or if you all will like me more when the real essence of me resurface. I believe some people will get what I'm saying. When Rista came weeks ago, she talked about how one of our high school friend doesn't feel like her anymore, like she's a different person. I gave justification on why it happens. When you have failed many times, you are just changed by that constant defeats. I told Rista, it's happening to me. But Rista still feels that I am still the same, though maybe I surprised her with some of my bitchy-ness. However believe me people, something is missing from me. The core in the Singapore me is not what I used to be. I'm not saying that after spending years here, I have turned for the worse. There are characters improvements in me, but there's this core essence that I cannot feel anymore. I am missing, Eka is missing. That's the only way I can explain it. I feel sad about it, I don't know how to bring her back. I need her back, she's the strong one. I need Eka back :(
Err ... that's depressing, ya? When what I actually started off was talking about Iron Man 2
. Anyway, yeah I like the movie. The action sequence was same old same old for me. I love the japanese garden by the way! What I like the most about this movie were the lines that the characters said. They were funny and witty. It makes this movie more laid back and highly entertaining without the deep philosophical shit like all the Batman
movies and at the same time not so dumb like the Fantastic 4
movies. I think with such witty lines, all the characters come accross as more interesting, even for characters that appears on only 1-2 scenes. Me being the weird me, somehow was noticing the cutting of Tony Stark's pants. Somehow he always seemed to be wearing pants which were rather loose. I don't know if there were any reasoning for that, but I do feel that it's rather interesting. It's like trying to be formal and yet at the same time, trying to still be relaxed and not so tightly formal, which is obviously inline with Tony Stark's character, of not really following the rule :P I am that strange! Do watch it people. It's very entertaining and I think it's a good start for summer blockbusters :)
I've uploaded some pictures from the Singapore Science Centre
and the Chinese Garden
visit last Saturday. You can click the links there. I don't think there are a lot of interesting pictures from the Singapore Science Centre. This is a picture from the Tesla Experiment. Not a good picture but I love how the lightning appeared.
These few are from the Chinese Garden. I am a sucker for flowers.
:) eKa @ 9:53:00 PM •
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Free Saturday 010510
So today is a public holiday which doesn't get many people excited because today is a Saturday, however I was so excited about it. I was excited about being able to wake up later but sadly I couldn't wake up as late as I wanted to. Today was spent at the Pixar Exhibition and Singapore Science Centre. Vivy was the one who booked the tickets for me and she included the Science Centre as well, which is good, I guess that's another thing off my Singapore list. Vivy and Denny were there too. The Pixar Exhibition was not bad. It kinda took us 2 hours to complete it, so there's pretty much a lot of things to see. There's some short animated film that they created way back in the early days when I was just a toddler. A lot of paintings of the storyboards and character designs. Kinda cool to see all those sketches. You can see that the papers were rather crumpled, because these things were really on their walls when they did production on these famous movies. So they surely had been touched and poked many times by many people. They really do have a lot of creative people and amazing artists.
The coolest thing that I saw was the Zoetrope
example that they did with the Toy Story characters. It's amazing for me because it relies on the fact of how our brain inteprets things. It uses strobe light which the Science Center also uses in one of their exhibition. Me being philosophical and all was thinking that a single moment of darkness, a single blink of an eye, really can change the way we perceive things. I don't know if it's a bad thing though, seeing something as not what it really really is, but perhaps it's just some mechanism / feature that God chose to put in us to help us see the beauty in something, or perhaps just a defense mechanism in us to make us think that something is good instead of not. Taking pictures is not allowed inside the exhibition. I didn't try. I think you kinda can get away with it because there weren't many staff and they ones who were inside were just standing in one corner and joking.
These Monster Inc monsters are at the front door greeting the people.
Singapore Science Center has a lot of things inside it. It really knows how to get people involved and be interested with all the science concepts, a lot of buttons to push, knob to turn, things to peep into. I was thinking, this is what interactivity really all about. In the end I still did lose interest though :P There were some exhibitions that use augmented reality
. I first heard about this from Vinny. I was actually really really interested to try to do this, however ... oh anyways, maybe if I have the time and willing to get myself a webcam, I can try this on my own. I took some pictures, but I don't have the time to go through it now. You'll know when I finish doing them up.
After which, I decided to go to Chinese Garden. Don't ask me why, I just thought it would be interesting. Took some pictures but in the end, decided not to hang around long. It was hot and I was getting really tired. So after that I decided to just call it the day. After around 3 weeks of abstaining from junk food, I gave in to temptation in a crazy manner today. Breakfast was KFC AM meal. I've always wondered how they taste. Obviously I didn't try all of them. I tried the waffles and eggs and a honey biscuit. It was nice and cheaper compared to McDonalds or Burger King. I love how the portion is really just nice, compared to McDonalds which can sometime feel like too much, and compared to Burger King which obviously just crazy much for 1 person to finish. Anyway, I am interested to try the chicken porridge from KFC. Dinner was McWings meal from McDonalds. I even chose upsize! Plus McFlurry as well. I did finish them all and I'm actually still pretty hungry right now. Too much junk in my body right now :(
I wanted to share a piece of thought. Dagi got me The Sister's Keeper
for Christmas which I still haven't finished reading! Yeah, I should be embarrassed for that. Anyway, yesterday I read some lines said by a character which they removed in the movie adaption. The lines go like this, If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.
I wanted to rebut that, but I realized I couldn't really do so in all honesty. The question that I ask myself is, have I in the end enjoyed and desired solitude too much that right now I am asking for it a lot? It's so often that I wish people would just disappear and I could be on my own with peace and quiet. People may argue that everyone always need some time alone but people may not get how I really really don't want to have people around me most of the time. I do want to have my mom around me though right now. I miss my mom!!! I just want to be safe and protected :( Oh well, good night peeps! Take care!
:) eKa @ 9:23:00 PM •