Tuesday, November 15, 2022
That was a thought that came to my head one night as I was willing myself to sleep but as usual the thoughts were just racing and I couldn't. I'm still not doing good. All the anger and sadness are still all enveloping. I admitted to God that I know it's bad holding on to all these anger, frustration, hatred, but I told him I still want to stew in this. It is illogical, knowing holding to all these is not good for me and yet I still want to hold on to them all - maybe subconsciously (foolishly) thinking (hoping) they would destroy all that I hate like fireballs, all the while it's destroying me instead. I imagine throwing fireballs a lot.
There's really nothing much to write. I'm so tired, tired of people, of many things. Also another thing that I often ask God is in moments when I'm awoken from sleep before I'm supposed to wake up, I often ask God if we could just pause here for awhile, stop time for awhile in this small pocket of nothingness where I don't have to deal with the world, but alas the clock ticks on and I have to wake up :(
:) eKa @ 9:00:00 PM • 0 comments
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