4 brothers

Watched 4 Brothers yesterday. Didn't have the chance to catch it when it was out in the cinema. Totally a good movie, I love it. It tells the story of 4 adopted brothers, 2 whites and 2 blacks (none really related at all) who came for their mom's (adopted mom) funeral. The 4 kids were really bad growing up that noone wanted to take them, so this lady being the kind-hearted saint she is, took the 4 boys and they really grew up as brothers (wish I have people who have that much loyalty to me as these brothers were). Anyway, they found out that their mom's death wasn't an accident, she was killed. So the story revolved about them finding out who's been messing with them and getting revenge.

I was already teary eyes from the beginning of the movie, because it was rather sad. Then the movie take a funny turns hearing this 4 or perhaps 3 brothers chasing every clues (the other 1 brother was a family man that wanted to leave all the investigation to the police). The movie was straight up the way it is. They really shot and killed people and people did die. So it wasn't really a make-you-feel-good or touching movie about the love of this 4 brothers to their mom and to their siblings. The ending wasn't all that happy itself. I was very sad when one of the brothers died. Overall, it really is an ass-whooping movie I need to say this, Andre Benjamin is a bit too Andre 3000 for me, maybe just the way he stands or his body language. I seriously think his costumes were a bit too Outkast-y.

Had a real bad start today and still in it. I hope not for long. Arsenal lost, dear God! *sigH* Don't really know what to say. I want to get lost...well if the rest of the world is not going to get lost for me, then I better do.

:) eKa @ 10:06:00 AM • 0 comments

The Devil and Miss Prym

Finally finished reading The Devil and Miss Prym by Paulo Coelho. Very bad of me, took me months and months to finish this thin book (I got the book in Novembre 2005). My excuses was, there were Potter, Christmas + End of year holiday being spent at home, and also Chinese New Year holiday. The next book I should be reading now is The Devil Wears Prada that Dagi gave me, however Vivy lent me The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, so I supposed I better read this quick and return her back. I seriously should read more and stop giving excuses that I don't have time. I should make time.

The Devil and Miss Prym tells this story of a stranger who came to a very remote and perhaps boring village (the story emphasizes that nothing interesting happened there). This stranger was pretty rich and he came with 11 gold bars to this village. However he's a very desperate man, pretty much lost everything and in everything that he had, having his wife and daughter killed by terrorists (this one happened regarding his works). Anyway, so his purpose of coming to this village was to do an experiment. He met Chantal Prym, and he chose her to help execute his experiment. He showed Chantal the 11 gold bars. Chantal knew the location of 1 bar but she didn't know where the other 10 were. The stranger said, Chantal could just go and steal the 1 gold bar she saw, but what he wanted was for Chantal to tell the whole village that there were 10 gold bars that could be theirs if they would break one of the 10 commandments "Thou shalt not kill". Chantal could just go and take the bar and wash her hands from this, but the stranger warned her that if she didn't tell the villagers about the 10 gold bars, he would tell the village that Chantal knew something that could help the village and she decided not to. So what's in it for the stranger? For him, if Chantal took the 1 gold bar but the villagers didn't do what he hoped they would do, then it would prove in this world there are good and evil people, and it would mean that he's also like that, that there's a struggle (especially in him) that could be won by either side. If the whole village agreed to kill someone for the 10 gold bars, then for him the whole world is evil, and for the desperate him, it was more acceptable (talking about being bad together). So the story highlighted all the struggle within Chantal, should she or should she not just walk away with the gold bar she saw, should she or should she not tell the village. She didn't take the gold bar and she told the village. Now, the struggle went to the village. After much talk between the village priest, the mayor, and the major people of the village, they agreed to kill a lonely old lady for the 10 gold bars. The whole rationalization was pretty amazing, especially when it was the priest who made what they wanted to do as well as choosing the victim seemed like a noble thing to do.

Would you ever consider taking part in this experiment? At first read of the proposition, I thought well that was easy. Don't take the gold, don't partake in this evil experiment. However, the priest believed the need of evil to show good (which reminds me of a short story, Satan, from Kahlil Gibran. You can read it here). The priest hoped that after the villagers did that evil act, they would feel so guilty that they would be closer to God, something that they hadn't really done all this time. The existence of Evil and Good is arguable, some religion and belief believe that the 2 would always be together hand in hand, to keep the balance of this world. Other religion believe in the final battle when good will rein, which as good as it is for me, I always wonder, then what? Good forever? Happily ever after forever? I think being burnt in hell for eternity is freaking scary (which makes me less evil than what I am now) but happily ever after also seem a bit boring for me. I prefer the idea of no feeling at all, no sadness as well as happiness. To disappear? Okay, I am digressing again, back to the story. So in the end, the villagers were ready to shoot this old woman (Goodness, the way they wanted to do it was so evil) but Chantal saved the day by using simple logic and in the end they didn't commit the murder. Honestly, the ending was, I don't know whether it was satisfying for everyone. The villagers didn't commit the murder not because they thought it was the wrong thing to do, but more because they were afraid with what would have happened if they had done it, and also because of the fact that they perhaps couldn't enjoy the gold afterall. It was an interesting story and as usual Coelho delivered questions that perhaps we also wondered in our life.

I was particularly moved by the sermon that the priest gave to the villagers after Chantal told them what the stranger wanted. The priest's sermon was about Job (a character from the old testament; in Indonesian bible, he is known as Ayub). The priest's story was different with what I remembered from primary school. Anyway this is what the priest told, Job was this successful and rich guy, then God allowed the devil to test him. So job lost everything, family, wealth, he even got really sick. As I remembered from my religion lessons, Job never wavered in his belief in God despite of all that happened to him. But the priest said, he did and when he started to blame God, only then God restored him of all his wealth and health, and all. The moral of the story from the priest was that and I quote "Why did God force Job to behave in that way? To show that he was by nature bad, and that everything that came to him was by grace and grace alone, and not reward for good behaviour.". This raised the question, if it is like that, then what's the purpose of being good? Interesting isn't it? Christian especially keep on saying that salvation comes from Jesus Christ and Christ alone, not achievable by what good thing we do. I honestly can't give you a convincing answer right now, why we should be good, why we should believe in God? Maybe because when you feel God's grace, your gratitude is huge and since we can't give back to the Almighty who has all, so all we can do is share God's grace to other human being. Even then, what we do is still not enough because God's grace is amazing and beyond words and too much for us to give back.

The Devil and Miss Eka

About me now, the days have been rough. Upsetting and uncomfortable things have been happening and the days are always infused either with stress, sadness, or fear. Keep on thinking it's because of the bad dog year but of course the more you believe it, the more bad things will happen. I am tired and afraid and just wanna stop. Haven't really feeling this for some time, but this time I just felt that I couldn't handle it all anymore (as always). I just wanna go away, and get lost (oH wait, I always want to get disappear, aren't I?). I should stay, it's not my time yet to leave this place. I should just stay and bear it with and hang on, it wouldn't be that long. However, I just felt that I couldn't take it anymore. Other than the not so nice sleep, I am also having neck pain these days. I feel that I don't have much time, and don't have much other thing. So much things to do and I feel things gonna crumble right in front of me and I wouldn't know how to live afterwards.

Gosh, Keanu Reeves is so handsome. Oh please God, give me someone like that.

:) eKa @ 8:57:00 PM • 0 comments

Gunung Punggung Patah

Hehe, the title is a bit weird. It's a direct translation of Brokeback Mountain in Indonesian. I may translate it wrongly though Went to watch that movie with some people today The movie was really interesting. Interesting because of my reaction after watching it. Yes, it was quite draggy but I just didn't expect to react like this after the movie. Brokeback mountain as you may have all known, which I'm just gonna repeat again (perhaps in more detail), tells the story of 2 cowboys, Jack (Jake Gyllenhaal) and Ennis (Heath Ledger) who first met one summer when they were sherperding sheeps. One cold night, they ended up spending the night in the small tent. What started off as a way to avoid Ennis from dying because of sleeping in the cold night turned into a sexual experience (I kinda can't believe that I wrote that). Anyway, the morning left them feeling confused and weird, because they're sure that they weren't queer. However the confusion couldn't stop them from continuing on. The gig for them that summer was over and they went their separate ways. They got married and have kids. 4 years later, Jack looked up for Ennis and obviously they still had their fire inside their hearts (Gosh, this sounds so cheesy). They relighted that fire and ended up meeting several times a year for a "fishing trips". Ennis' wife (Michelle Williams) actually found out about it on the first day that Jack came, however she never confronted Ennis. They got divorced, and one thanksgiving with her new husband, Ennis' wife confronted him. Jack was pretty happy when Ennis got a divorce and he suggested again that they should just live somewhere, the 2 of them. Ennis rejected the idea again. I guess because he felt that he could never do it, or in the modern term, just be "open" about his sexuality. So, on and on they carried on with their "fishing trips", of course it has its problems. In the end, Jack died because he was killed and it was kinda sad for me actually.

I like the mountain scenes, with the mountain, trees, grass, and rivers, beautiful view. I felt it was kinda amazing that 2 cowboys could manage so many sheeps (so many!). I think Michelle Williams was pretty good in the movie. First saw her in Dawson's Creek and that image of her as Jenn there really stick in me, however she totally erased that in this movie. The sex scenes was kinda uncomfortable but strangely the sex scenes between the guys felt kinda natural and this is why I think it is so, and also why people have been saying that Brokeback Mountain is a good movie. Again, this is only my opinion.

A lot of time, most people just couldn't comprehend and believe that there could actually be "real love" between people of the same gender. We may just dismiss it as lust or being experimental. Again, it's because we just couldn't understand it. However this movie shows that, Love, no matter if it happen between people of the same gender or not, it's still the same Love. The same feeling that we feel, that we can relate with. Maybe they were great actors that made us believe how they feel. I just sympathize them so much throughout the movie. I seriously feel so sad for Ennis when Jack died, because I just didn't expect a sad ending like that and it was just so so SAD!!! Because it was about missing someone that we love some much. See...Now it has become about missing someone that we love, not so much about having a feeling towards a person of the same gender (I wonder if I'm explaining what I want correctly). Anyway, if you start thinking that I am weird, well let me just tell you that the girl sitting next to me actually shed some tears because she also felt that the ending was so sad. So, the movie is good because it's pretty enlightening, I think especially for people who are skeptical about gay relationship. As the tagline for the movie said "Love is a Force of Nature". It indeed is.

Had a pretty good time with the people I watched the movie with. No names because...well I try to hide myself (identity wise) though there are hints in many places but mentioning names of some people can lead to disclosing about me and what I do with my life. I don't know if I am that open. Had one and a half of brownies and a scoop of vanilla ice cream. It was very sweet, there were actually 2 slices of brownies but I just couldn't finish it. All the sweetness makes me feel rather queasy now. Too much sugar. Okay, I don't know if the dessert was the one who caused this.

On other news. Geez, had an unfortunate thing this week. Left my dear Daisy (my external hard disk) somewhere this week. I didn't even realize that until the next morning. Still, I think I should be thankful that I could still get it back. Been thinking that...well, with each new year we are getting older (duH!). I normally claim that I am older only after my birthday pass but this year, strangely I was already embracing being 24. Not happily of course (I hate being older). I don't know, I just do. My dear cousin, Marlisa, said during one of our encounter that she truly felt old now, at this age and I feel exactly the same. 24 is old!!! However, last Saturday made me think this topic quite a lot, how I felt that somehow I get "special / better treatment" because I am young, which I am not! 24 is old. But I don't know, some people see me as being so young. Maybe the way I look, dress, or behave. I know I should just be thankful that people are being nice to me but I can't help feeling that it's a bit unfair (to other people who don't get that special treatment, I mean). I am in one hand maybe being unbelievably mean for not being able to believe that people can actually be kind and nice, maybe I'm just thinking about things that actually not there (I don't know, I am weird), maybe...maybe...maybe...I don't know. But at this age, I should be able to stand on my own feet and manage on my own, and all these times it just felt that I have been getting so much help that make me feel a bit of a failure because it felt like that I couldn't get through without help from other people. As I learned in junior high, human as social being do need other people in life and I could just see it as blessing from God. But still...I don't know why, I have this somewhere in my head that I'm such a loser for always having people helping me out. I am weird and this post has gone longer than what I wanted too. Never mind, I haven't been writing for a while.

:) eKa @ 10:47:00 PM • 0 comments

Return to the West Side of a Small Island

Back. I am back, to this west side of this small island / country. As always, I was having a post-coming-home depression. Reach my room (technically) on Monday because it was sometime pass midnight. Tired. So tired. It was raining quite heavily when I arrived and the taxi uncle (Gosh, so many of them did this to me) didn't help me to unload my stuff. Come on, I'm a girl, it's late at night and plus yesterday was raining, can't you get your ass off your seat and help me...Geez!!! Okay...better stop bitching now.

This time around, home was nice, however my bro was around and he's an ASS. There I said it and I'm sticking by it. Was not planning to bitch about him, but Gosh...I just can't deal with him. How he ends up the way he is, is so beyond my brain. He's boastful, inconsiderate, disgusting, and shows no respect! Okay, gonna stop bitching about him. I don't want to waste one paragraph for him, a waste of words. The days actually felt that they were moving in an "okay" speed. Not too fast, unlike what normally happened with times at home. Chinese new year was okay. TV was not bad. Love Oprah so much; she's so cool. Most of the time, she made me cry though. Love the return of Spongebob and Patrick but when they took over TRL slot, I felt a bit sad. Watched more VH1 than MTV, because MTV Indonesia is not really showing all those MTV things anymore, like "cribs, MADE, pimp my ride" and all. Perhaps they did, and me being only a week plus there, didn't really see much. Back to the "Nick Toons", I miss The Rugrats. I wonder if they had stopped making Tommy and Chucky. I love Arnold too and glad to see him, though he's speaking in Indonesian Actually, I didn't really watch much of them, which makes me wonder what did I actually do with my days. Did get to go to the dentist and spend more than half a million of Indonesian rupiah, but my defense is that no matter what it will still be cheaper in Indonesia. Got a lot things fixed and cleaned but still have (according to the doctor) urgent situation with my wisdom teeth (2 of them up there) *sigH*

Again, Chinese New Year was okay. Didn't really go out anywhere. I don't count barbecue-ing with the aunts and uncles as a Chinese New Year thingy. The barbecue was not bad, I got to see some interesting plants in my uncle's place. Too bad, I didn't have my camera with me. Went out with the girls once, the girls as is my dear cousin Marlisa and Dewi. Didn't get to see Emilia until the end. I'm pretty speechless about that. Anyway, finally get the chance to see Idrus too when I went out with the girls So good too see him and so great that we all can still talk as usual though we haven't seen each other for a long time. Seriously, I am all for him and Dewi to be together. I think they are good for each other This support is despite of if Dewi has someone, it will trigger one panic button (one left). Anyways, if it is meant to be, it is meant to be right? Talking about Dewi, she finally read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and praise the Lord that she also felt that Snape is not evil even though her interpretation of Dumbledore's last words is different that mine. Snape is not evil people!!! He just had to do it.

Okay, I am drifting again. Actually had a new year resolution this time around. How weird is that. Having my new year resolution on Chinese New Year instead. As many of you all know, it is the year of the Dog and for people who have Dog as their Chinese sign, it is not such a good year for them and one of those people is me. The way my mom and dad reminded me to constantly pray makes it seems like a catastrophe is gonna happen to me and so I am starting to feel rather weaken mentally. So this year, I decided to just take it easy. Take everything in and less bitching and speaking my mind. I decided to take breaks when I want to, to just don't care and just take a breather. Also on the list is to diet. I feel that I did gain weight back home. I can not stop chewing things, even when I wasn't hungry. My parent was kinda surprised to realize that I really can eat, especially meat. However, there are so many chocolates and cookies in my room that really need to be gone ASAP, more urgent than my diet *sigH* Today, I actually think that being in Singapore in itself already make me shed some weight since I don't really like / want to be here. This morning, as usual I woke up earlier than I have to, something that never happened back home. I supposed so much things just reside in my mind and I don't know why they are there and how to get them out. Someone pointed out recently and quite frequently that I was so "not-relax", so tense. I don't even know how to answer that. So many things are just inside my head, I suppose. Okay, I think I am done with my summary of home and the return to this small island? Oh yeah, supposed to go to our primary / junior high school bazaar back home, but Dewi decided that she wanted to take a nap. So we didn't get to see our teachers, not that they will remember me

PS: Oh dear, forget to mention this one important bit. Received my first birthday present for this year. It's from the girls. I don't know what it is 'cause I promised that I won't open it until my birthday. However, from the shape of it, it's not a wallet (which I secretly want. Never mind I will find the one that they gave me on previous birthday). It seems like it's some kind of a jewellery.

:) eKa @ 9:06:00 PM • 0 comments