I wasn't sure if I was to write anything, simply because I have nothing good to say. I know one may say, here she goes again, down that hole of self pity and negativity and depression or what have you, the usual shit hole of Eka. Oh well. Since I last wrote, as foreseen, the days haven't gone fast enough. In fact today still feel like a torturous existence. Even though the past days have been filled with Modern Family, Glee, and some newly found songs, and telling my woes to people who would listen, it still wasn't enough to make me feel better. However the clock never stops ticking and today's arrived. In a few hours it's home to Jakarta and to my wonderful bed which I miss so. You know, I am not kidding about the shit hole I am in. I know a lot of things are just how we respond emotionally to things that happened to us, but like last night, I was so sleepy and for some reasons I let my mind wander and it wandered so far that I ended up feeling fully awake and I'm not sure what time I finally slept, perhaps 1 plus. Yes that is my fault, just like everything else is my fault in this world! So anyway, that made me miss my bed even more so.

So home. I am sure the time spent there will pass too fast for my liking. Perhaps it's the zone I am in right now but I am not feeling much love about home. Somehow being home and of course chinese new year demand one to be super social but I am really really really not in a social mode. I am not looking forward to meeting many (happy) people. I just want to sleep, wake up late, relish that short time everyday when my house is empty except just for me. However I know that meeting and talking to these (happy) people will reel me in and see what really matters and bring me into perspective and hopefully make me more positive and optimistic about the future. I really need this since I kinda made a chinese new year resolution yesterday. Please let the stars be aligned, please the universe, please conspire to help me, PLEASE!!!

:) eKa @ 12:16:00 PM • 0 comments

First Week 2012

Hello peeps, how's your first week been? All's been good? My first week of 2012 and my last week of 2011 were rather rough but today has been a good day so it's all as we always say, at the end of it is good.

In the last week of 2011, one of my auntie passed away. Mom, dad, aunt, and uncle flew for the funeral which was done very very quickly. I think our culture and tradition are different from the Chinese here who do the 3-day wait. Anyways, my aunt and I lived in different islands and now in different countries so the geographical distance did make it rather impossible to develop such strong connection. I did however felt good that I managed to see her 2 years ago. That was my last time seeing her. I think it's been more years for my brother or other cousins. The death kinda brought a lot of questions to my brain. I was picturing how I'd answer my kids, if they were to ask where people go after they die? Well I have absolutely no idea. If we follow the story of they're becoming perfect and freed from their sickness and go to paradise, well my aunt had down syndrome. What does that mean for her to be perfect? She'll have down syndrome no more? But that wouldn't be the auntie that I know and that made me feel rather sad. Then I was thinking about the bright light that you suppose to walk into and I'd like to think my other aunts were there to welcome her. The thoughts really posed so many different questions into my head and let's just say that for a day, I had quite an existential crisis. I wasn't planning to blog about that, but since I did, maybe I shouldn't go on further.

Another sucky thing was that there's something wrong with my ipod. The earphone jack needed to be replaced. Apple as you know it (well I'm not sure if it's everywhere or just Singapore), doesn't do repair, it replaces. I need to pay a whole lot to get it replaced. With a bit more, I could get a new one and I don't want a new one, I want my one be repaired with all my things inside it! That kinda makes me feel icky about Apple. So anyways, google provided some answers which included me to almost operate the ipod myself but I refrained and in the end opted to trust a dude from the internet. It was distressing but at a certain point, I decided to just let go. If I was to be fooled then so be it. I wasn't, the guy did a good fast job, all for S$59 and it was rather painless for me. So that's one thing that make this week rather good.

In the last 2 weeks, I also managed to watch War Horse. I didn't write it earlier because as mentioned I've been in a funk. I just didn't feel like sharing much. I'm still trying to get out of it now. So anyway, at the beginning, I wasn't interested in watching War Horse. It's about a horse, how interesting can it be? However the reviews were glorious and so I decided to give it a go. Well I like it, though I can feel that some people may find it boring. There were a lot of handsome blonde actors and it's always good to see handsome guys :P The story was pretty nice though I cannot understand the undying love the boy had for the horse, but I am pretty much void of any kind emotion like that in my life, so not understanding is expected. Of course there were many horses being used to play the main horse and I found it amazing that these horses had so much characters in them. It seemed that they were also acting at some points with their looks. Steven Spielberg does really have good eyes. The ending scene felt like an old hollywood movie for me and it felt good. I am looking forward to watching more wonderful movies with the Oscar season coming. Right now, I am really interested in watching My Week with Marilyn, unfortunately the timing sucks :(

It's like less than 2 weeks before I go home. It feels rather too soon with the so many things that I have yet to do but I'm sure come Monday, I will feel it's not soon enough. French class started again today. I actually felt that the 2-week break was too short. I had a hard time waking up today but to class I went. We got Mr. N again. Apparently everyone was at a different point taught by Mr. N. I thought he's nice as a person but I wasn't sure if his class was nice and the class has shrunk so much that there were only 3 of us today and I don't know if we're gonna be having exciting times with him. Overall I thought the class today was so so. The good news was I got to speak english and that made me feel rather good. I know there are many of those who would be saying, I'm there to speak french not english, so having to speak english in class sucks! Yeah whatever. I just felt good to be speaking english and making sure my points get across without being reprimanded. On mornings when your brain is slow, this flexibility is most welcomed for me. Well I always believe what the students get out of the class is as much what the students do as what the teachers do. I am sure if we are proactive, the class can be awesome too. I am quite worried though about the survival of our class. There are only 5 of us in the class and it's evident that our attendance record is not so good. Today there were 3 and after next week, I'll be missing for 2 weeks. I really hope that this class can continue on until I finish advanced :( Let's keep our fingers crossed.

I'm pretty hungry now. There are many things to be thankful about this week. One of the thing to be thankful about today is my Max time. I haven't been talking much to him simply because his aunt has been around and so he's been spending time with her and also because he's started working part time. I caught him just before he was getting ready to leave for work today. He promised to give me free meal at the place he works (good boy!) but I rather not get him into some trouble. Then he insisted that I watched some youtube videos which he found hilarious. It was about this (I think) American guy who was criticizing and making fun of an 18-year old Singaporean boy who was kinda threatening another Singaporean boy, who's 14, who seemed to be "stealing" the 18-year old girlfriend. All in youtube. Do take note that the American put himself into the drama. Yeah, they are all crazy and stupid. I didn't find it amusing at all, so that shows how a 13-year difference between Max and me really does reflect the huge difference in how our brains work. That doesn't mean I think that people with such huge age difference will have nothing in common. I believe as the younger one grows more mature and the older one basically just grows older, it'll get easier to understand one another.

Alright, that's about it peeps. May your days are filled with sunshine and your nights are filled with cool air and the bright moon and stars illuminate your way :)

:) eKa @ 8:23:00 PM • 0 comments