Little Miss Sunshine

everyone pretend to be normal

Went to watch Little Miss Sunshine with the Prada girls today. Was pretty surprised to get the invite late this week. I chose the movie, must thank them for trusting it on me. The movie was not a disappointment. I found out about this movie through a leaflet last week and was thinking of watching it but was unsure if I would get to, so I guess I must thank the girls for willingly watch the movie with me. The movie was really good as the review in the leaflet said. The story is about this dysfunctional family who took a road trip to bring their youngest family member, a girl named Olive to the Little Miss Sunshine pageant. Very interesting, right? I like the movie, the climax in the pageant was hilarious, I was laughing like mad. It wasn't really a happy ending with grandpa died and Olive obviously not up to the mark for such pageant, however I think the family is in a better state of mind at the end of the movie. Let me just go through with you this dysfunctional family.

There's dad who believed in his 9 steps for becoming a winner and was so sure of making it big by writing his self-help book, but that didn't take off. His confidence in his view of what it takes to be winner in life drove everyone crazy, including me. There's mom, who I think really hit what the tagline said. She's actually pretty normal, however I think she just tried really hard to make everyone else seemed normal that she became a bit too weird too. There's grandpa who got kicked out from the old people home because he was snorting heroin. I think his most memorable moment was when they were in the car and he told his grandson, Dwayne, to fuck as many girls as he could in his life (sorry, I don't feel like toning down the language). Grandpa thought that Dwayne being in his age that he was and not getting any was quite a waste. Then when issue on his heroin addiction was brought up, grandpa said that because he's old he could do that, but it was stupid to do it when you're young, but he's old, so it's okay. I stupidly kinda agreed with that Then there's uncle Frank who stayed with the family because he tried to commit a suicide and failed, so the doctor wanted his family to watch over him for the time being. The reason why he tried to kill himself was because he was in love with his student, a guy (Olive thought it was silly of him for liking a boy), then this student decided to be with his rival. So this respected and smart uncle Frank did stupid things that got him fired and then his rival got some award and so uncle Frank decided to kill himself. The 2 kids in the family were Dwayne the older teenage brother and Olive. When the movie started Dwayne refused to speak. If he needed to speak, he would just write it in a piece of paper. When grandpa died, he wrote to Olive "Go and hug mom" Why he refused to speak, I think it's just him being sick and tired with his dysfunctional family and also because of all the ideology thing that he read. He wanted to be a jet pilot and in the car he found out that he was actually color blind. He was hyperventilating and was obviously upset that they needed to pull over and he finally spoke and let out his frustration, and the first word that came out of his mouth after 9 months of silence was "FUCK!" It was very funny. He and uncle Frank had a talk, in which uncle Frank said that suffering was the best time of anyone's life because through suffering we get to learn. It's really true and as much as we thought we're not gonna make it, we do if we stick around. Olive was the girl who caused the road trip, not actually pageant material but she wanted to win. She's not as corrupted as his family were, because she's pretty young. I think her best moment was when she just put her head into Dwayne's shoulder when he was very upset, it was simple and touching for me. Then there's the whole dance routine that she did in the pageant. Grandpa taught her that and it was such a controversy because it was something like a strip tease routine. Totally funny and I just find it to be so apt to mock the pageant where all the girls were so fake. It's a really good movie. Very interesting. I think the last time I watched such an interesting movie that involved a road trip was Transamerica.

I'm pretty tired now, was actually planning to spend today with a nap but I didn't get to do that and I don't mind. I've just realized something. I've got used to unlucky things happening on a weekly basis but this 2 weeks, things had been okay. Last week I was still moving in high speed and this week I found myself slowing down to the point of stopping and it felt so weird and stupidly uncomfortable. However things gonna go crazy again and I'm not necessary ready for it. Had a nice dinner this week with pets and friends. My mom actually wanted me to join the dinner because my parent are obviously worried with my anti social character. I went and I did have a good time, I should say thank you.

Had a great time with the girls today. My separation or break up or whatever with Vinny was discussed and somewhat analyzed *sigH* The thing is the 1-3 metres distance brought a mental distance that we couldn't really survive. I expected that the distance would somewhat change a few things. That happened and I just feel like we (what I mean by we actually I) had to work harder just to maintain that bonding, which I begin to doubt we ever had. It was most probably because of the literal close distance back then. I just started to feel that I'm not really in Vinny's universe anymore and waiting up on him and doing things which I don't really enjoy (the lunches and all) just felt too much to do just to have a conversation. Then there's also his whole new things orbiting around him which kinda made something were enabled to be said to him because I don't think he would understand my point of view. Ms. J and the rest once said I should give it a try on this matter and trust him, however I know I was kinda right when someone told me something which I believe wasn't said to the people who are near to the subject of matter. Anyway, he also made his choice when he could choose between me and the others. I believed there were times back then when he would choose me but time has changed I still feel up to this moment it is we that have to make a move on the boy just to have a connection. I feel I can't just go to Vinny and start blabbing about all the bad things that happen (and many have happened in which he was clueless about it) because we don't even have a normal conversation. I don't believe about going up to someone just to talk about your problem. If I can have a normal conversation with you about normal stuff and if we can build that trust then we can talk about troubling matters. With Vinny, it just seems that there's even no time for the normal stuff, unless I purposely make time for it (hence all the waiting up for him). It just felt freaking stupid and tiring. So the lack of time and his orbits kinda decreases the level of trust. Now the thing is, I'm over that time of telling Ms. J "We are drifting apart". I'm acceptance towards it now, I have moved on, and when we discussed it back then all agreed that I don't have to wait up for him if I don't want to, that I don't have to force myself on lunches that I don't want to go to just to be with him, and as Ms. J once said "Leave the boy alone". I did all that. The boy didn't care and should I be sad about it? It would be too miserable and pathetic if it bothers me much, seriously don't you think so? The fact that the boy didn't notice that I was slowly slipping away speaks volume of how I "matter" in his world. Bloody hell! I wrote such a long paragraph about this. Wouldn't happen again. We can't get over it, if we still talk about it I'm done.

Tomorrow is October, that would mean there are only 3 more months left in 2006. I seriously feel like my life is ending. I'm pretty scared and worried as usual and see here I am writing this non sense instead of making plan. I've realized I have met many nice people here in Singapore (Carl said something really nice today). Thank you God for it. God would you open door for me when the time comes? Just like You have bring me new people when I lost an ally? I have started Tuesdays with Morrie and so far I love it. I'm so keen on the idea of living funeral. I wonder when I should have it, maybe I should have it when I am to leave this place. Gotta go people, take care okay! Hope everything goes swell in your side of the world

:) eKa @ 8:45:00 PM • 0 comments

The Weekend After

I don't think The Weekend After is the correct title since I still have so many unresolved business. However, I thought I could spare a few hours just to relax and take a break. Hopefully I don't jinx it. I'm pretty paranoid as usual. I'm feeling that something gonna screw up and something bad would happen this coming week. I seriously hope it wouldn't come to that because I seriously don't have time for it this coming week. Heaven has been quite nice to me these past weeks for it relieved me of a particularly demanding obligation. However I can not avoid it anymore, so I better get physically ready.

Finished reading The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom. Yesterday I found out that you should read at least 20 pages a day to work your brain and make you know more things. However, I just like to read books slowly. My reasoning as I always give people is that I want to savour it longer. I also think reading it slowly make me remember more detail and understand the book fully. If you are the type of person who actually keep up with whatever happening in the world, you should have heard this book and this author and you know that this book is pretty famous. However, I just don't really get it. I really like the whole idea of heaven as a place where your life is being explained, when your questions are being answered. However I just don't get the connection of the 5 people that our character met in heaven. The last person that he met was the most telling but for example, I just don't get why he met his first person. Well, perhaps as usual God has a plan, but see in heaven where it supposes to be clear, I don't find it to be that clear. I do have to say I love the love story being told about our main character, Eddie, and his wife, Marguerite. It's very sweet. When you watch a movie and you see how nice the guy is, you do feel it's pretty sweet and romantic and all, however it just felt a bit not real. The love story in the book is plain, but I really love it, I love how it was told. Just like I really like the love story of Santiago and Fatima in The Alchemist. I guess being the very plain me, I want something simple and plain. Now I am moving on to Tuesdays with Morrie, courtesy of Vivy of course. If you don't know, it's by the same author. Hopefully it would be better.

Today, I went to watch Miami Vice with Vivy. I seriously pondered if I should watch this movie, I thought it was gonna be morally low. Since Vivy didn't mind, we went to watch it. I guess the only reason why I wanted to watch it is because the tv series was somewhat part of my life when I was young. The verdict on the movie: Gosh! It was boring. Seriously I am not the only person who felt that 2 hours being served this movie felt like pretty long since I heard other people who watched with us also said that the movie was boring when we were walking out. Vivy agreed and we kinda could sense the restlessness of the people in the cinema during the movie *sigH* To be honest, for such an action movie, it's not really packed with much action. I think their idea of action was packing it with very violent shooting scenes towards the end of the movie. Totally unnecessary. Colin Farell and Jamie Foxx supposed to be the cool guys in the centre of the movie, but I didn't feel that they exuded that charisma. I thought Gong Li however had a very commanding presence. Looking at her, now I understand why she was the perfect actress to play the character that she played in Memoir of a Geisha. I can see that she has a very strong drama background though, which I feel don't necessarily fit this kind of action movie. However this action movie is not really that full of action anyway. So peeps, I think for the first time, I would totally recommend you not to go and watch this movie

Ate quite a whole lot today. These days, I found myself having a big appetite which cost quite a lot too (darn!). Vivy said it might be stress. I don't know. I hope I don't get fatter. Feel like I should start doing my push-up but I'm still pretty tired these days *excuses!*

Finally managed to talk to Roy through msn and find out where exactly he is. Apparently he is with Fredo. Feel good talking to him. He seems to be in a very trigger happy spirit and si, sono gelosa, forse uno giorno, prega per me per favore Ho parlato con Carl oggi e abbiamo parlato su una donna che ha calzato le scarpe brutte. Abbiamo parlato in italiano cosi questa donna non ha capito che abbiamo ditto. Molto divertente. Mi piace che ci possiamo parlare e nessuno capisce

The tv is showing In America. I have watched it when it was first released in Singapore. I didn't really write a proper comment, but here it is. I hope you get to watch it because it is really good and I really love it. Alrighty, take care peeps, wherever you are. Hope everything will be okay for us.

:) eKa @ 9:46:00 PM • 0 comments

Saturday at the Park

I normally switch off my phone at around 09:30 pm or perhaps earlier when I don't want to be disturbed. As such, any sms that was sent to me after that hour only reach me when I wake up in the morning. I'm glad to say that such things do not happen everyday. Thursday morning I woke up with a message from (I wonder if I should write his name, was thinking of using eeYORe, however let me just say it) Roy. He has left and of course there's that tinge of sadness. I knew he was going to leave a year ago. There were times back in the Uni days when we used to talk over the msn quite often. Then there was the girlfriend, the different opinion we had, and basically the different life that we carried. So we drifted apart (as what normally happen to friends as the Mr said). We didn't really stay in touch, but he remembered me and actually sent me a message thanking me for everything (everything by the way took place around 3 years ago) and told me to take care *sigH* I was already sad when he told me he would be leaving a year ago. I should be happy for him and wish him all the best, which I really hope for him. However, the fact that people move on just freak me out because I am still here. Another thing that freaks me is his planning took him a year until he finally left and I don't even have a plan now! I may not be able to get out. Oh God, help me please. Anyway, I wish Roy all the best. Of course there's the envy in me because he gets to see other part of the world. Thinking about it, I wonder if we would ever see each other again, ever. Since I am the pessimistic one, I think it is possible that I wouldn't get to see him ever again. Either way, as he said to me, I want to say "Stammi Bene, mio caro amico".

This morning I woke up and around 4 messages from La Gioa forced me to really wake up. I went to my usual Saturday engagement. These last few Saturdays had been alright. Since I have so many unfinished business, I went to the park afterwards. I don't know if I expected anyone to be there, however there was only 1 pet there. It was pretty good to have him there. We talked during my starbucks lunch (today is really a junk food day, in summary it was mcdonalds - starbucks - KFC, I am very stressed people). The pet told me about Mandy. How stupid and ironic, I thought it was a love found, however it was a love lost and it's pretty sad. Seriously my life is pretty plain. I have yet to have much life experience. I left at around 6 plus and I decided to go to the Church. I hadn't been going there for a long time, more than 1 year plus I think. There were many people in the Church. I think the last time I was there, there weren't many people at the Saturday mass. I have had people asking me my religion direction. They think it's pretty weird. However for me, it's about believing in God and talking to Him (though you suppose to listen to Him more than complaining to Him).

I'm pretty tired now. I still have so many things to do. I don't know if I could survive it all. This week, I got very very sad because of a very stupid thing. I couldn't get something out of my system (still not yet). I can only say "Damn it!". I really do think I must smash my head to something. Yeah Mr, you should really knock my head. I'm just a freaking idiot! Ah! I should not go into details, I'm just gonna be more screwed up. I'm sorry for not being able to tell more interesting story people. Mr, I just don't have time, so sorry for not being able to talk to you. I may collapse and break down really soon.

:) eKa @ 10:31:00 PM • 0 comments

Benvenuto Mio Caro

I don't know if the title is correct. I just want to say welcome. Welcome to me, who was sick really bad last week and still in recovering mode right now. Welcome to mio caro, vaio, that I picked up this evening (I wonder why I assume my vaio is male). Apparently my vaio's lights just died hence why I got a very dark screen. It happened with flicker, flicker and it just went blank (well not really blank, if you stared you could see the hills). Anyway, the customer service guy was quite nice on Saturday. He put my request as urgent and hence why I got it back today and he still remembered me when he saw me today All in all, I think I was emotionally okay when my laptop fell sick, I suppose it because I was sick that I didn't have much energy to spare to think of other things. However, I did feel emptiness inside of me when the guy took it away from me on Saturday. I'm just happy that my dear is back.

Finally had the lunch with Vivy on Saturday. We had it at Marche HMV which apparently had turned into Vil'age. I hope I got that right. I don't know, it seemed it was nicer when I first went there years ago. Anyway, Vivy is so cool. She won some Microsoft award. Some people get cool award and some people are just trying to get by, like me I suppose. I hope when she finally win a noble prize or become minister of technology or something, she would remember me. Seriously, some of my friends are really so freaking crazy, they are doing cool things that make me rather...well, I rather not say. Oh yeah, I bought Sergio Mendes - Timeless cd on Saturday. It was meant for someone else initially, but I decided to give it to me to comfort me. The album is nice. I love it, except for the collaboration with Justin Timberlake. I don't know why I don't like that one. On other people, the Mr has a spacious cubicle which I hope has already been furnished now. He had a series of unfortunate event last week, but I think it's nothing compared to me who always seem to be having something bad happen on a weekly basis. Anyway, with the Mr's commitment, he couldn't really stay up late to talk to me, so now I don't get to talk to him everyday. So far it's still go alright, but I think there would come the day where I feel sad that I can not throw my tantrums and emotional burst to him *sigH*

I didn't really write much in my last post. Just wanna say that these few weeks I had the pleasure of meeting and interacting with some new people, most of it are guys who took me by surprise with all the kindness they show me. Ha! I guess sometime I feel guys are just insensitive and they don't make the effort to care about their surrounding, or perhaps I have been hanging around the wrong guy? Talking about guys, I stung like a stingray last week. Why do I use that metaphor (is it metaphor?)? Because when Steve Irwin died, the Mr was emailing me about it. At that time, I didn't know any people who actually really like (a fan of) him, turns out there are. Back to I stung like a stingray. I don't know if the guy is okay. Maybe he is. Anyways, Ms. J said long time ago to just leave the boy alone. So alright. I have no regret saying what I said. Actually I already kinda toned down what I wanted to say. It's pretty interesting how things just happen or don't happen

I'm gonna stop writing soon. Life has been ... well, I'm still not 100% well. Still drinking cough medicine. I think I had too much medicine, not enough food (especially last week) that my stomach is always felt funny. However, the world doesn't freaking care about me. I'm having neck pain due to stress. I'm trying not to stress or kill other people, because they don't deserve it. I'm tired and I'm not smart but my brain has to think. I hope things wouldn't haunt me in my dreams later (they actually did earlier this week). I have some boys who I have to look after, but they kinda get abandoned now. There's nothing to do but pray because noone can help me other than God. Amen!

ps: More than anyone right now, I really do wish that the Mr would believe in God.

:) eKa @ 9:16:00 PM • 0 comments

Sono Malata

Got myself sick over the weekend. It's pretty weird, how when I sneezed on Friday afternoon, I knew I was gonna get sick. Maybe I really know my body? Was tossing if I should miss my Saturday engagement but in the end I decided to go because I supposed it was the right thing to do (I couldn't really trust myself with the reasoning of why I shouldn't go). Lunch with Vivy was cancelled though, I just feel it would be a waste of roast chicken if I ate it with me not feeling well. Didn't get the chance to see the doctor on Saturday. In the end made my way to the doctor on Sunday because my throat was still killing me. She gave me a few medicine. My nose is still pretty weird, throat is okay though (I love antibiotic!). Getting really annoyed with my nose but I suppose I have to get everything bad out. If only they could get out in an easier manner.

There were days when I wished I could just get sick and stay at home. Strangely today is not one of it. Not that I'm very sad about missing something. I guess it's because I'm weird? It's just when it happened on someone else, I think I wouldn't be too pleased so for me to cause it, well...I'm just feeling a bit guilty about it. But I really need the rest. Feel like in hibernation now. I doubt that it would do me much good though especially to face tomorrow, but better something than not. Had my dose of Oprah and Jamie Oliver and having Sesame Street now. Will be getting another Oprah later on. I'm wondering if I should sleep. Maybe I should. It's a hot day outside and as usual I feel like I'm wasting my life away doing nothing. Triste!

:) eKa @ 12:40:00 PM • 0 comments