Saturday, May 23, 2009
Dearly beloved,11:30 pm right now and I feel kinda tired actually but I feel I may not have much free time to spare so might as well I clear out as many things as I can. I am hungry by the way.
Today I finally paid up the remaining amount for my trip to ... ITALY!!! Si, si, finalmente andrò in Italia!!! I know the news doesn't come as a surprise for many of you. I just want to make the official announcement :P I've also collected all my documents for the trip. I'm so relieved and a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Departing date is in 2 weeks. It's been a struggle to reach this point. Seriously. I'm such an easily stressed out person and so all the waiting and the processes were just killing me! Getting the visa was the tough one. Indonesians are so unfortunate to be needing visa to go anywhere. I can rant and rant about how stressful it was but I have no energy to do so now and it's pointless. I got it and so I should just be thankful. After the visa, was the waiting for all my bookings to be confirmed and darn it took 1 week plus but again everything is done now. Now I just have to settle on my own itinerary. I have to say excitement level is rising.
I was telling Casryn yesterday that somehow I wasn't feeling really excited now. I guess it's because of a combination of all the stress in preparing this trip and also the tasks that fall into my hand right now (oh, what a dread real life is!). But excitement level is really rising now. Finally told Carl about it this week. It's kinda funny that she's not the first person to know, but seriously I wasn't planning on telling anyone until I got everything confirmed. Reason being (after I analyzed it) is because I think everyone just get too excited and they would close to screaming saying "OH MY GOD ... Eka!!!". That much emotion is kinda too much for me to handle :P Yeah, finally ... finally, I am doing this. I am doing something that I said I will do. I'm myself still in a state of disbelief sometime.
Anywho, Carl as expected is also excited as well. I kinda can imagine her big grin and perhaps her "oh my God" scream when she read my mail :P She's truly an inspiring person for me. Highly successful, highly down to earth, and basically just an amazing woman. I believe in signs in life and I believe God sat me or her next to each other in our first Italian class in beginner level are for things like right now. She has always been supportive of me and perhaps sad and worry to see me so sad. The nice her wrote a paragraph about me on her blog when she found out I am finally going to Italy. Some of the lines were very touching, she wrote Life is short and she is so young and talented!. I am truly touched!!! She told me to also kiss the ground and suck it all in :P She also wrote me this long email of things to see and do in the 3 cities I will be visiting, Rome (Roma), Florence (Firenze), and Venice (Venezia). She's totally in loved with the country that the email is seriously dripping with her passion and love for Italia. I feel like printing it as my guide :P
Anyway, 2 weeks to go. So many things to do. My brain is all over the place but I am getting excited. This trip may seem so sudden and surprising for many people but this is something that I have been wanting to do since 3 years ago. If there's anything to trigger it, is perhaps the fact that I've spent 5 years of my life in the same place and the idea of spending another year of my life just as it has been for the past 5 years, just kills me. Note that I use the words "my life". Some people don't get when I say I have life issue. My life is not about the place where I spend most of my time in. Many people think that's the problem. It is not. It is about being 27 and feeling that I have wasted the last few years of my life, it's about where I want to be, not just physically but mentally in the years to come or to be blunt I just want to die knowing that I have done something big in my life. The last few years, I just feel I haven't done anything :(
Currently, going to Italy and doing a trip alone (I didn't mention I'm going alone! I am) is number one on my life list and I am thankful that I'm really doing this. Well, perhaps not really alone because I will have God with me. So sorry for sounding like an evangelical christian here but seriously though, I will not be able to do this without God and I am sure He will be by my side throughout. Well that kinda makes this trip a spiritual one for me :P Anyways, I really feel that God has really given His blessing for me to do this. The first sign was my mom and dad actually said, "okay"!!!. 3 years ago my mother thought I was nuts (the alone part was the issue) but this time around they seriously said okay. Their blessing meant a lot for me and in fact it started the whole process. I thought mom wouldn't agree that my initial plan was to just get everything confirmed and tell them 1 week before I go. However, somehow I changed my mind and I called them to tell them I wanted to go to Italy alone. Their permission was what got the whole process started. Mom was very supportive in the whole process especially in the difficult times and I really love her so.
On other news. Watched the Vesak choir concert by Vivy's Buddhist choir group this evening. I kinda forgot about it and in the end I decided to go alone. It was nice and I like some of the original songs. One song, entitled The Incredible You is kinda inspiring for me.
Other news. Il Gatto has finalized his next move. I felt so relieved for him. However the shaker of this week or perhaps last weekend is the fact that Gascoigne is leaving us. I am so really really really sad. When he told me, I was kinda not so heartbroken however when I think about it more, I just got really really sad. He and il Gatto are leaving me and it's just heartbreaking. When il Gatto told me months ago that he was leaving, I told him I hope I wouldn't cry on his last day. When Gascoigne told me he's calling it quit, I felt like crying there and then. The idea of losing them at the same time just sucks!!! Then again, maybe it's pms. As much as I am sad, I couldn't bring myself to tell Gascoigne to stay. After all, I believe some decision especially such as this one should be made by you and you alone *sigh* Well at least I won't be around on his last day. So no teary goodbyes to be had. I don't know how my life will be after my Italian trip. Right now it seems like it's gonna be so empty, however my Italian trip may just change my whole mind set or perhaps things will just be great?
Buonanotte tutti!
:) eKa @ 12:29:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, May 16, 2009
of The-Fail-Singapore-Flyer Attempt and Angels & Demons
Woke up early today. Well not so early, but early like 8 something. The plan was to meet up with NanSee and redeem our supposedly free ride at the Singapore flyer because we are Singtel users. After this and that, we met up at 10:30 and somehow I agreed to have breakfast first instead of going to the flyer first. In the end we arrived there and disappointingly found out that all the free ride for today (supposedly 500 of them) had been fully redeemed. Yes, it is a real bummer!!! However, I did take some pictures around there. Not many and not exactly fantastic.
After which, we proceeded to watch Angels & Demons at Vivo city. I was very interested in watching the movie. However it wasn't really that amazing. Perhaps it's a good thing that I haven't read the book because I have a feeling I would have been more disappointed in watching the movie. Still, I do find the Vatican side of the movie to be very interesting and I cannot wait for my time to go and see the Vatican. NanSee was a bit clueless about the Catholic church, so she didn't understand some of the part. I found it extremely interesting how big the faith that some people have. The cardinals and the people in the Vatican seemed to have a lot of conviction in what they are doing.
In terms of the actors, I feel that Tom Hanks is really a totally likable person. Ewan McGregor was pretty cool in the movie. However the plot and the ending doesn't really give much sense or proper reasoning on why his character did what he did. I read the wikipedia summary before coming into the movie and found out that one very interesting part of the ending was omitted. So for people who read the book, again this one might be quite a disappointment. After movie, we had our lunch. NanSee was feeling Japanese and we ended up at Shin Kushiya and it was a really nice surprise for me because I found the food to be really nice. Kinda pricey because I found the serving to be rather too little. People who knows me get stunned that I can eat a lot and so if I have to complain it would be because the price doesn't really match the serving. NanSee told me to take pictures of the food. I am not one who do this and found myself having to be reminded to do so because I just wanted to dig in when the food arrived :P So this is my first time taking pictures of food, again the pictures may not be fantastic.
Our drinks. At S$6 each, they are kinda expensive, no?
NanSee's lightly poached egg in bonito stock. Man, it's so tempting for me. But I had to refrain because I had 2 eggs for breakfast. She said it was kinda cold. I don't know if it was meant to be that way.
These ones are grilled shitake mushrooms with minced chicken and quail eggs. The eggs were for me and yes, I love eggs way too much that I cannot just walk away :P The mushroom and chicken was so nice that we ordered another one :D and I could eat more actually.
My soft-shell crab and NanSee's tori karaage. I didn't use the sauce that was given to me. NanSee on the other hand took the whole thing. She said it was really nice. I really enjoyed lunch today :) and it made me happy!
Lastly, it's the rice.
Somehow I managed to tempt NanSee for dessert at Bakerzia. Well, I'm not much of a matcha ice cream fan so I wasn't feeling the desserts at Shin Kushiya. Anyways, NanSee was tempted after I described the molten chocolate cake in Bakerzia. At an average of S$9 per dessert, Bakerzia is another pricey place but I am kinda loving their molten chocolate cake a whole lot. However though, in the end Nansee chose the chocolate souffle. Here it is, it came with vanilla ice cream.
I chose the molten chocolate cake. I just love the fruits that came with it! Note to self: stop spending money on these kinda indulgence until I have enough money to spend! How can you resist though? Isn't it beautiful :P
Anyway, it's kinda nice to be spending time with NanSee today since it's been awhile since I met her and update her about my life, especially since I have news to share. I'm not making any official announcement yet because things are still not confirmed yet :( However as Casryn reminded me, the hardest part is over so I can start getting excited. Even without me giving official statement, news did get out. Well, the flying nun kinda didn't know it was a hush-hush, so she just happily expressed her happiness for me in my facebook wall and it did kinda cause a bit of a hype. I have to say though, people do get really excited when I told them what I'm doing and I have to say perhaps because of this reason, I've been hiding what I'm planning. Their burst of emotion are kinda too distracting for me and I couldn't be too emotional (be it too sad or too happy) throughout the process because I still have other things to deal with in my world. So I entrusted my emotion and thoughts to only a few people like my mom, Rista, Vivy, and Casyrn and they all have been extremely great and supportive. When things are more settled, I will officially share the good news peeps, so stay tuned :)
:) eKa @ 8:22:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Hello guys! The number for today's date is kinda nice.The plan for today was to watch Star Trek but in the end I didn't. It's because I missed the correct timing and in the end was too lazy to wait for the next available one. Kinda really want to watch it though and so little time!!!
Woke up rather late today. I shouldn't indulge much in sleeping in. I missed the morning sun! However I really couldn't resist the temptation of sleeping in a bit more. Had my first taste of Friday's engagement yesterday evening. Kinda got the taste of the rhythm of what my Fridays will be like. From now on, I have to dash out by 05:30 pm (earlier would be better). Quickly grab some bread to eat, take 2 trains, and then quickly eat the bread. Focus and work hard for 3 hours and then finally get back to my room. Based on yesterday's experience, it will be around 10:30 pm that I finally touch down in my room. Long Fridays from now on.
So how was it yesterday? Well, on one part, I wondered why on earth did I put myself into this? Why??? After the whole thing, I wasn't really inspired. I'm confused. I don't think I got anything yesterday and yet as much as I feel to fail this is gonna be effortless, I still want to fight. I feel I am the type of person who will do something until its completion is in acceptable standard (by my standard). I hope I really can hang on because I cannot take failure. Yesterday, I did make a friend though. The more I think about it, the more I think fate was in play. She's an Indonesian from Medan and she's kinda quite bubbly and quite encouraging. Some of the rests seem to be quite fun too. I look forward to get to know them.
Anyway, I realize how I miss my Italian classes!!! *sob sob* I miss meeting my Italian teachers (any of them). I miss having classes with my classmates, except for R. It was really a good ride back then, a really interesting one *sigh*
On other news, this week Dewi told me that she and boyfriend are opening up a small cafe. Rista had her first bungee jump in New Zealand. Vivy experience her first full week working like the commoners, with normal office hours (speaking of which, this effectively stops our occasional lunches *sigh*). I'm pretty sure many other leaps happened to other people and yet I found myself living another week totally feeling that I am wasting away *sigh* Today I made it to the temple and found myself dumbstruck because it was so crowded and then I realized that it's Vesak day, or Waisak in Indonesian. Anyway, I prayed so that I can fulfill my responsibility well and I asked for guidance and focus in completing what I am supposed to do and I really hope so. Somehow writing about that got me feeling quite depressed. Aaarrghhh. Gonna watch tv now, ciao peeps!
:) eKa @ 5:38:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Went to watch X-Men Origins: Wolverine with Vivy today. I guess this movie marks the beginning of the summer block busters which I will be watching a lot in weeks to come.Wolverine was not bad. It entertained me more than I expected to. You see, actually I wasn't interested much in the movie. I watched it for the sake of watching it because this is definitely one of those movies which are gonna be the talk of the world. I feel the mutants in the movie are like every boy's dream even though I'm a girl. It's just some of the things that the mutants can do are so freaking cool. Who wouldn't want to be as big as Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber. Seriously though, they were so bulky! Too bulky for me actually. Anyway, the stunts that the mutant did were just amazing, the leap, the power. I felt there were some silly parts but overall they were cool and it's enviable. I'm gonna be like Ms. J and go completely gugu gaga over Daniel Henney. I found him to be surprisingly looking so Asian in this movie, while when he's in the Korean drama from which I got to know him, he doesn't really look so Asian. So overall, it's not so bad. It didn't necessarily blow me away but still it was quite entertaining.
Gonna spend the rest of today watching TV. I feel kinda depressed that the weekend gonna ends soon, this is despite we're having a long weekend this week *sigh* Me and Vivy couldn't finish our lunch today that we had to doggy bag some of our food and yet I found my stomach to be quite empty now. I don't really feel like writing much today though there are perhaps things to say. I guess I don't feel like sharing much. Have a good one peeps!
:) eKa @ 8:19:00 PM • 0 comments
Sunday, April 26, 2009
The tree outside my window is withering. Most of the leaves that it has are mostly yellow. With the heat that we have these days, I think it will be soon before what's left of it are just its branches. Yes, I am complaining again about the heat, the suffocating heat which makes me feel really so uncomfortable :'(It's been a month since I last watched a movie. There aren't many good movies around these days. Summer blockbuster movies are coming but I have yet to find ones that I really look forward to. Today I went to watch The International with Vivy. Wanted to watch it because I saw Clive Owen in the trailer. It's been awhile since I last saw him and he's such an interesting actor. After some reading on the Net, I found the movie to be having such an interesting theme. It is about an international bank who is involved in activities like money laundering, arms trading, and the destabilization of governments (as quoted from Wikipedia). Seriously, sometime I wonder if these kind of movies come purely out of the imagination of the writers or they heard some hearsay and decided to put it down into a script. It's very frightening to know how the world is being "governed" by these unsuspecting people who have such power to dictate how things should happen and work in this world. No one govern them and yet their decision really control the world. One example in this movie is bankers controlling which rebel group can get the so called "loan" from their bank to stage a coup in a country. Many movies have repeated the lines that it's not about the money, it's about power and perhaps it's rightly so in this world.
Although I found the movie's theme to be interesting, I don't think the story was amazing. I'm not liking much of the characters, especially that of Clive Owen's. Naomi Watts was beautiful and somehow seemed taller than I thought she is. The way the story unfolded and the ending wasn't an amazing one for me. Vivy said that Clive Owen was so intense. I guess he was. He's a really good actor though I haven't watched many of his works but I am quite a fan. There was a line that I kinda like from the movie. It's, sometimes the hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn. I like that. I guess I'm really not the kind of person who thinks everybody can live in harmony together :P
On other news, yesterday I tried to do something and I failed miserably. I am so disappointed, sad, stressed out, and depressed. Basically I'm broken. Talked to mom last night and she was really nice and supportive. I realize that perhaps I haven't had any big obstacles in my life for quite some time. At least I have none which affect me and matters a lot to me. As such this time around I got depressed easily. I am still fighting because though I have forgotten this, I realize that I am a fighter and I fight for the things that I really want. A quitter is not what I am and I know it's not something which is acceptable by my dad. So as hard as it seems right now, I have to fight because that's what I really have to do. I have to fight until I bleed out or all doors are closed and at the end of it, I know if I am worthy of it or if it's really not something which is meant for me. Anyway, if I cannot get through this, there's a small chance I can get through the bigger challenges ahead.
:) eKa @ 10:04:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, April 18, 2009
BooHoo, I am going to start off by screaming (again) on how hot the weather is. Seriously I wonder if it's just me :( aarrgggh.Went to watch CATS the musical with la Gioia and Lois yesterday. I did read about it in Wikipedia before coming to the show. From the article in Wikipedia, I had my doubt if CATS is really any good. It doesn't seem to be having a strong storyline. I have to say that I am quite right. Story wise, it wasn't that amazing. I think it's also because we couldn't understand some of the things sung that we didn't feel much about the story. I think Lois dozed off in some of the parts and la Gioia even said that she was quite sleepy on some parts. I did also yawn here and there. However, despite of the storyline not being strong, it doesn't mean that the show is bad. The cast were amazing. They danced amazingly and some of them were close to being acrobatic that it was really cool. The fact that they could sing and dance just bring envy to your heart of how some people can be so talented.
The "cats" were out and about the audience during the intermission, that I felt rather sad that we weren't sitting near the aisle, because I would have loved to touch them. My favorite cat is definitely Rum Tum Tugger! The fact that I fall for such narcissistic and playful cat kinda worry me a bit, because it does seem that I do fall for the wrong person. Anyway, he was just so captivating for me. So despite of his character which I wouldn't really like, I couldn't help being drawn to him. Another cool cat is Mr. Mistoffelees. I think he didn't sing at all but his ballet fouettés en tournant was definitely a crowd pleaser. Overall, I thought it was quite cool to be watching CATS. I wasn't really totally blown away but I'm glad that at least I got to watch it once. There was 1 song in Italian but unfortunately I didn't understand all the lyrics. I understood some words but I couldn't make out what the song is about. To be fair though, I didn't get some of the English songs as well.
Today, I took my new toy out to test it out. Casryn would have liked me to do so anyway since I have spent a lot of money on it. If you don't know what it is, you'll get some idea soon. I went to the Botanical Garden. This was only my second visit there. I kinda couldn't believe that I paid S$5 to enter the National Orchid Garden but oh well, at least now I can say I have visited it. I do have to see as much of Singapore as I can. Anyway, the experience was a hot one. Am I actually not an outdoor person? Hhmm ... I just didn't like the heat and on some areas there were bugs and insects and so I kinda squirmed like some silly girl. Here are the pictures. I still cannot get away from Photoshop.
:) eKa @ 8:57:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, April 11, 2009
when the kuda lumping stole the limelight
Man! I have so many things to tell you and now I am just stuck with the fact that there's a kuda lumping performance down there near the flat I am staying!!! At first I was quite interested. I wanted to go down but I wasn't confident (nggak pd) so in the end I just watched from the kitchen window like many other people who then I realized was doing the same. It's been going on for 3 hours plus now! My interest and curiosity has now turned to my head getting dizzy with the gamelan and the occasional whip slashes that can be heard :( I don't know why it is there though! At first I thought it's for a wedding, though I don't understand why there would be a kuda lumping show in a wedding though Starfish did once mention that only rich family can afford a kuda lumping performance. Anyway then I thought perhaps it's to celebrate a boy's circumcision, which will mean that the family is totally rich indeed. Now I wonder if they are still going on because they still cannot get the people who are in trance back to normal. I really have no clue and since I'm not keen on seeing people being possessed, I normally watch this kinda thing (if I have the chance) from a good distance away. I am highly amused with the fact that here I am in a normal neighborhood in Singapore and yet I can see a kuda lumping performance. This is seriously not something that Jakartans like me see often. In fact I wonder if I have ever watched a kuda lumping performance live before. It's of course a different story if you live in Java, where I think these things are common. Oh I can hear people clapping now, I wonder if their performance now has some story or better choreographed tricks because when I watched it hours ago, it wasn't so.Okay let's move on to other news. Last Thursday was Indonesia's election day - round 1 to pick members of the parliament. We will have another one to vote for the president. I opted to vote by post because I didn't want and didn't necessary have the time to go to the embassy and queue. I'm kinda really happy to be voting because for as long as I live here, I had actually never voted. So this was the first time and I'm kinda glad to be voting again. Talked to dad just now and found out that he voted for a different party than mine. He said my bro wasn't willing to share what he was voting for. I guess our family has different political views and I feel it's kinda cool that way.
Today, I spent a lot of money which will cause me to go through instant noodles diet for the next 2 weeks. Even so I don't know if I can survive. Merda! Got myself a new toy which in the end caused me S$2000 plus. My dad was kinda stunned to know how expensive this toy was when he converted the amount to Indonesian rupiah but surprisingly he said, "it's okay" which in turn stunned me because my dad is the strict frugal kind. Mommy wasn't around so I didn't talk to her, I wonder what she would say. Yesterday she didn't get why I need this new toy :P Yeah to be fair, I don't need it actually but I just want it. Anyway, there's so much to learn about this new toy :P
Then I also enrolled myself in a new activity which supposed to fill my Saturdays which are now free from Italian classed. Now for this one, my dad has an opinion :P Anyway darn it! I couldn't get into the Saturday sessions! So I will end up burning my Friday evenings. After it's done and paid for, I was left wondering sadly if I will be able to make it through and the fact it's on Friday will cause many people to perhaps hate me, aaarrrrggghhh!!! It was accidental though. You see, the receptionist was Indonesian so I think she was kinda distracted when we started talking about stuff that she didn't really hear me when I said I want a Thursday instead. I really hope I will not get too much problem because of this, anyway, it's only for 8 weeks. I hope everyone will just be okay and not judge me :S
On a more secretive note. This week I found out something. Rista asked me if I was feeling sad when I heard it. I said, yeah kind of. I did wonder which one made me sadder, the content of the information or the fact that I wasn't really told about it personally. I kinda knew it accidentally. I realized that the content of the info was what made sad but then I also realized I wasn't moping in "sorrow" :P Then I realize that you cannot help how you feel, feeling just comes but you kinda can control how it affects you. I guess it's like being scared and yet still march on to face the unknown or the uncomfortable. It's like being extremely overjoyed by your achievement and yet still feeling cool enough to be humble. I realize that I have issue with stress, sadness, and fear. All these negative feeling do paralyze me often but last weekend when I decided to just surrender it all to God, I realize that I can also just be positive and be happy. I'm not saying it's been an easy and enlightening week to adopt this point of view. I'm still trying and I know I will still have to learn for a long time. One journey home in the bus, I realized that this is how it will be about me, I will see the glass as half empty and yet I can deal with it as such that it doesn't bother me or just realize that a half empty glass is enough for me. I don't know if this mind set is wrong but I think so far, this is what I can live with :)
Okay peeps, the kuda lumping is still going on. However there is a Singapore rule to shut down all noise and performance by 10 pm right??? I really hope so. Take care peeps!
:) eKa @ 9:25:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Let me start off by saying, I feel that the weather is so freaking hot!!! Is it just me?You may have experienced uncomfortable times in your life. Times that you really don't like and don't want to be in but however it's the fact of your life and it's really something that you have and you just have to live in it until it ends. I am not talking about a few hours kinda situation but days, months. Perhaps my first one in life was when I am in Primary 4. I couldn't remember the feeling but I know that I didn't like it much because that was the first time I was not in the same class as my cousin (we've been in the same class since kindergarten) and it's also the first time I had a male teacher as a form teacher. Back then in that stage in my life, teachers were associated to women. I remember not liking the situation much but I did survive the whole year and somewhat had a bit of fun. At the end of it, it wasn't bad at all.
Another uncomfortable time in my life was going to a government high school. I had mentioned this before. Private schools and public / government schools are really different in Indonesia and my first year in my high school was not really a happy one. The first week could be the worst week of my whole time there. However, I survived the 3 years and coming out of it, again I am saying it is not so bad. My second and third year was definitely much better. I am definitely a better person with all these uncomfortable experiences.
I had other uncomfortable times in my life which I rather not discuss. Some of them really were dark and introduced me to what it's like to be depressed. I mean these are times where feeling like a failure, sadness, and tears were constant presence. The shitty thing is I guess knowing that you've gone through those days do not mean that you have this automatic / default mind set that you can get through anything. It doesn't make you mentally bullet proof, at least for me. In fact you still feel depressed and wonder if you can go through this uncomfortable time in your life and of course you do wonder and scream, why God, why??? Why can't my life be just nice? *sigh*
The reason I am writing this is because I think I am having an uncomfortable period in my life right now. The "I think" in that sentence is perhaps the operative word. Someone may point to me that I'm just being paranoid. Perhaps I am. I feel uneasy all the time. My senses are not giving me good vibe. My mind is running all these different assumptions which don't start and end well *sigh* and damn how it doesn't help when you have people telling you, you are right for feeling uneasy and worried. However I guess it's a matter of whether you would rather take the bitter pill and see the truth or be carried away in some illusion and finding yourself broken when you least expect it. Think of the Matrix where Morpheus offered Neo the blue or red pill.
Anywho, I did have Rista who had been so kind to me and telling me with all confidence that I shouldn't be worried. Maybe she doesn't count since she doesn't see the situation but I am just comforted with such faith and confident that she has. I would love to talk to my mommy who normally could put me at ease however she's not at home :( so I make do with other things. Went to the temple today and kinda poured out my worries there and somehow I found myself doing kau cim. Before you judge me for being sinful or silly, well let me tell you something. I don't really think doing this is sinful. Silly perhaps if you do it a lot and base your whole entire life in it. I just feel some people may draw inspiration from the bible, self-help books like The Secret, Oprah, and such so why not try to get your mind helped with some divine intervention?
So my whole process was actually quite fast, around 3 minutes? I was asking about the things that bother me and something that I am planning. The reading was actually not bad, it fell in the "middle" category. The tagline was, Do not worry. Good times are near. To benefit in future advance. I was actually quite comforted. I took down some of the explanation that I found to be quite comforting and true, like Hardship must come before your wishes can be fulfilled. Doubt and fears lead to nothing. I particularly felt kinda empowered with this next line, Be bold and set off on your journey because ahead is a wider avenue of opportunity. I have much fear really and I guess I really have to be bold and just do it. Another line should make me feel more at ease but I feel I couldn't really erase that uneasiness completely, Your household will be in chaos but you are secure.
At this uncomfortable time in my life, I really cannot think of anything to do but leaving it all to God. See, I do not know what's best I should be and what I really want for that matter. I know I want something so bad and that's where I really need to put my energy and mind into. So other thing though as major as it seems because it's about my day to day life, I really feel I should just let God takes over. What He decides will be what's best for me and I know He knows and plans better than I can and since I have no idea right now, I really just have to leave it to God. Things may seem daunting and scary and sad but no matter what scary and sad situation that I have to face, I am counting on my faith in Him to get me through it and come out alright.
On other news, Indonesia is having election next Thursday. I opted to vote by post but so far I haven't gotten my voting papers!!! :( I really hope that they come on time. Yeah one vote may not make a difference in the already-messy-seem-like-hopeless Indonesian politics but I really want to vote.
I'm still feeling hot. Ciao peeps!
:) eKa @ 7:42:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, March 28, 2009
The Only Constant Thing In This World Is Change
I hope you have heard that wise line I use as the title of this post before. The first time I heard that line was in my IT marketing lecture when one of the Tan (there were 3 lecturers, all with the surname Tan) said that line. I remember feeling quite enlightened with how profound that line is.This week brought me a very big change that I'm pretty sure gonna affect my life and my future. How big the changes for me will be, I am not sure yet because I am still very cautious about everything and I'm adopting a "wait and see" attitude. What happened was the Bapak, Ibu, and the Dr left us. Shocking indeed but everything must come to an end I suppose. I really didn't expect for them to leave us. I've kinda always dreamed of the day that I would leave them. Alas, it didn't come true. I didn't really know how I felt when I heard the news on Wednesday. Maybe I haven't internalized everything and I'm not sure I have digested everything even now. However these last few days did bring with it the bitter sweet of all the years that I spent with them, which is 5 years by the way! How long is that! I personally kinda had more memories with the Ibu and the Dr. The Ibu, being the tough her, had somewhat shaped me or to be more poetic, elevated me to where I am right now. In her goodbye message, one of the line she wrote was that I was absolutely trustworthy and effective, which really touched me. It mirrored what I wrote for her, which was I am thankful for all the trust and opportunity she had given me. Change is gonna happen that's for sure. But as I said, I am approaching everything with caution. Let's say, I am not in Obama land just yet, as some people are.
I kinda found the whole thing to be somewhat funny in a only-God-can-make-it-happen kinda way. People around me had screamed for me to make changes in this part of my life which obviously I haven't done and yet a change was brought into me. Like a wave in the ocean that toss things to the beach, this is somewhat what I feel, being carried by the wave. I'm nervous but I would like to believe that God has a reason for everything and of course I am repeating that line of, If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Anyway, I feel even if the so called worst thing should happen, it would perhaps be the best thing that happen to me. So at this point in time, I'm trying to keep my mind relaxed and have my mental pond still, though people around me, especially the one in Obama land may move so much to cause ripple in my pond :P
If you are wondering what I mean with Obama land, it's this land where people chant, "yes we can!", "change is gonna come", and all those other lines from Obama's presidential campaign, which is actually not a bad thing, really. I mean, I have an Obama wobble head so that means I do like and admire him. However I feel a little Simon Cowell is really needed. Some people just need to be brought down to Earth to see things more clearly and in perspective. Alright, I should really stop talking about this stuff.
So today was quite a good day spent. I've collected the Cats tickets, which I'm gonna watch with la Gioia and Lois. Then used my birthday treat voucher from GV to get 2 tickets for the price of 1 in GV Vivocity. I have to say, GV Vivocity has been pretty kind to me. One time I managed to collect tickets that Vivy booked without Vivy or her credit card. Only with the confirmation number, the boy at the counter trusted me enough to get his manager to key in some password to allow me to collect the tickets. Today, I was allowed to use the birthday treat even though I didn't have my GV card, which I lost. The term and condition said I should present the card. The boy at the counter actually spent some time reading the terms and condition when I gave him the print out. When he heard that I lost my card, he asked his manager who without hesitation said, "can, can!". Then the manager asked him to give me a new card and they didn't charge me the 5 bucks replacement fee!!! I guess they were really busy that they all forgot about this and so I left happily and a bit nervously :P I did pray that they would continue to be busy so that they totally forget about this, which they were. I hope me writing it here doesn't jinx me. So anyway, I just feel really lucky and happy to have my GV card back :D
Today I watched Confessions of a Shopaholic with Vivy. I like it very much because I found that it's really entertaining and also it's nice to see the handsome guy in British accent. Love him! A chick flick really need a handsome guy and he did good :P I thought Isla Fisher who played the main character Rebecca was really adorable and cute. This movie made me feel thankful that I have no financial debt in my life and thankful that I'm not impulsive in buying stuff. You know, it's been more than 3 weeks since I last watched a movie. I actually kinda can get away from the movies, can't I? Take care peeps!
:) eKa @ 7:19:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, March 14, 2009
So today is the day Eka turns 3 to the power of 3. How was it today? Well, not bad actually. I have to say that it was quite a low key affair this year but I am not complaining much about it. Making a big deal out of birthday still doesn't feel like me. I actually tried not think so much about this change in number. In fact, I haven't made the time to talk to God, having dozed off in my bed while watching TV last night. Perhaps I am really losing interest and desire in life that even to make a wish doesn't excite me. I guess when I put my thoughts in making a wish, I will just be reminded and consumed with all the failures in my life hence why I am not all glee about it. Ain't I a depressing soul? :DI did somehow didn't feel like spending today alone and good soul Ms. J yesterday asked me if I wanted to meet up with her. We did and she also kindly accompanied me to the Body Shop sale, where I spent S$71.40 on 3 bottles of fragrance, 1 bottle of body lotion, 1 bottle of hydrating body spray, and a tub of body scrub. Being the curious me, I calculated just how much all the things cost without the sale and I am happy to announce I saved 61 dollar! Good bargain! Definitely a sale worth going again. Seriously, seeing all the stuffs, you just want to grab everything! I think I have quite a good self-control? Or not ... whatever! I just feel happy that I saved quite an amount of money :P
I should state that Suntec is too darn crowded with the IT show. It kinda brought out the "dislike of people" feeling in me. Ms. J made a good suggestion to eat in Marina Square where we met Ms. Flying Nun as well. I really don't get to see these people often. Kinda good to catch up on things though same old same old can only be told about me. Ms. J said I really need to get out to purify myself of a certain poison (she did use the word 'poison') :P She's right of course since I've been told similar thing by Rista as well. Oh well.
I thought this post would also be filled with a certain disappointment that I have this week. However I found myself not caring that much anymore. I'm not saying that I'm not angry anymore ('cause I always and forever hold grudges) but I guess I have seen reasons for why things happened and I can see somewhat the so called fairness in it. So for now, nothing much to say. Mommy just told me that tomorrow is my Chinese Birthday, so to the temple I must go. Take care my dearest!
:) eKa @ 6:39:00 PM • 0 comments
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