Numero Uno

Dearly beloved,

11:30 pm right now and I feel kinda tired actually but I feel I may not have much free time to spare so might as well I clear out as many things as I can. I am hungry by the way.

Today I finally paid up the remaining amount for my trip to ... ITALY!!! Si, si, finalmente andrò in Italia!!! I know the news doesn't come as a surprise for many of you. I just want to make the official announcement :P I've also collected all my documents for the trip. I'm so relieved and a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Departing date is in 2 weeks. It's been a struggle to reach this point. Seriously. I'm such an easily stressed out person and so all the waiting and the processes were just killing me! Getting the visa was the tough one. Indonesians are so unfortunate to be needing visa to go anywhere. I can rant and rant about how stressful it was but I have no energy to do so now and it's pointless. I got it and so I should just be thankful. After the visa, was the waiting for all my bookings to be confirmed and darn it took 1 week plus but again everything is done now. Now I just have to settle on my own itinerary. I have to say excitement level is rising.

I was telling Casryn yesterday that somehow I wasn't feeling really excited now. I guess it's because of a combination of all the stress in preparing this trip and also the tasks that fall into my hand right now (oh, what a dread real life is!). But excitement level is really rising now. Finally told Carl about it this week. It's kinda funny that she's not the first person to know, but seriously I wasn't planning on telling anyone until I got everything confirmed. Reason being (after I analyzed it) is because I think everyone just get too excited and they would close to screaming saying "OH MY GOD ... Eka!!!". That much emotion is kinda too much for me to handle :P Yeah, finally ... finally, I am doing this. I am doing something that I said I will do. I'm myself still in a state of disbelief sometime.

Anywho, Carl as expected is also excited as well. I kinda can imagine her big grin and perhaps her "oh my God" scream when she read my mail :P She's truly an inspiring person for me. Highly successful, highly down to earth, and basically just an amazing woman. I believe in signs in life and I believe God sat me or her next to each other in our first Italian class in beginner level are for things like right now. She has always been supportive of me and perhaps sad and worry to see me so sad. The nice her wrote a paragraph about me on her blog when she found out I am finally going to Italy. Some of the lines were very touching, she wrote Life is short and she is so young and talented!. I am truly touched!!! She told me to also kiss the ground and suck it all in :P She also wrote me this long email of things to see and do in the 3 cities I will be visiting, Rome (Roma), Florence (Firenze), and Venice (Venezia). She's totally in loved with the country that the email is seriously dripping with her passion and love for Italia. I feel like printing it as my guide :P

Anyway, 2 weeks to go. So many things to do. My brain is all over the place but I am getting excited. This trip may seem so sudden and surprising for many people but this is something that I have been wanting to do since 3 years ago. If there's anything to trigger it, is perhaps the fact that I've spent 5 years of my life in the same place and the idea of spending another year of my life just as it has been for the past 5 years, just kills me. Note that I use the words "my life". Some people don't get when I say I have life issue. My life is not about the place where I spend most of my time in. Many people think that's the problem. It is not. It is about being 27 and feeling that I have wasted the last few years of my life, it's about where I want to be, not just physically but mentally in the years to come or to be blunt I just want to die knowing that I have done something big in my life. The last few years, I just feel I haven't done anything :(

Currently, going to Italy and doing a trip alone (I didn't mention I'm going alone! I am) is number one on my life list and I am thankful that I'm really doing this. Well, perhaps not really alone because I will have God with me. So sorry for sounding like an evangelical christian here but seriously though, I will not be able to do this without God and I am sure He will be by my side throughout. Well that kinda makes this trip a spiritual one for me :P Anyways, I really feel that God has really given His blessing for me to do this. The first sign was my mom and dad actually said, "okay"!!!. 3 years ago my mother thought I was nuts (the alone part was the issue) but this time around they seriously said okay. Their blessing meant a lot for me and in fact it started the whole process. I thought mom wouldn't agree that my initial plan was to just get everything confirmed and tell them 1 week before I go. However, somehow I changed my mind and I called them to tell them I wanted to go to Italy alone. Their permission was what got the whole process started. Mom was very supportive in the whole process especially in the difficult times and I really love her so.

On other news. Watched the Vesak choir concert by Vivy's Buddhist choir group this evening. I kinda forgot about it and in the end I decided to go alone. It was nice and I like some of the original songs. One song, entitled The Incredible You is kinda inspiring for me.

Other news. Il Gatto has finalized his next move. I felt so relieved for him. However the shaker of this week or perhaps last weekend is the fact that Gascoigne is leaving us. I am so really really really sad. When he told me, I was kinda not so heartbroken however when I think about it more, I just got really really sad. He and il Gatto are leaving me and it's just heartbreaking. When il Gatto told me months ago that he was leaving, I told him I hope I wouldn't cry on his last day. When Gascoigne told me he's calling it quit, I felt like crying there and then. The idea of losing them at the same time just sucks!!! Then again, maybe it's pms. As much as I am sad, I couldn't bring myself to tell Gascoigne to stay. After all, I believe some decision especially such as this one should be made by you and you alone *sigh* Well at least I won't be around on his last day. So no teary goodbyes to be had. I don't know how my life will be after my Italian trip. Right now it seems like it's gonna be so empty, however my Italian trip may just change my whole mind set or perhaps things will just be great?

Buonanotte tutti!

:) eKa @ 12:29:00 PM •

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