Saturday, August 02, 2008
Ciao a tutti! Come stai?So I am back. Got a message from Dewi some minutes ago, saying she had arrived safely. So I guess that concludes our very tiring but fun trip. Just downloaded the pictures. There are 1272 jpeg files, 783 MB, of which, I think only less than 10% is really good.
Anyways, I think the trip went really well. We went to the places that we wanted to go. Unexpectedly we found ourselves in places which we didn't plan to see, but they ended up to be interesting found. I had some very very memorable moments which made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I can only thank God for it.
I will put in some pictures with stories, hopefully soon, but for now, I am just very very tired. Monday is the real world for me, and as much as I am dreading it, I think Dewi will have more nervousness than me. I was kinda glad to leave Hong Kong because I found the place to be more chaotic than Singapore, and no English didn't really go well for me and the food ... gosh, I am thankful that in Singapore I can find some Indonesian food. Then there was the smog or haze, which was truly apparent on our last day and morning, so I was really really glad to leave and come back to Singapore. I guess I kinda appreciate Singapore more now and I am so glad to be living in this place. I don't think I can adapt as well in Hong Kong if I have to live there long term. Dewi on the other hand likes Hong Kong a bit more than Singapore. I am also so happy that I am back in my room. Had to accompany Dewi when she was here and we were staying at the Lucky Plaza apartments, the unofficial little Indonesia. I didn't like the place at all and I'm just glad to be in my bed just now, though I still think my bed in Indonesia is much better.
So I spent the last week, all the 24 hours in the day with Dewi. In the taxi ride home today I was thinking that I can't say I miss her much, I think because I was so tired but when I was having my dinner alone, I was feeling here we go again, the life of solitude. Not that I hate being alone so much now. As a matter of fact, I'm kinda glad that I have solitude for this coming week, I just hope the other part of my life is not bad either. Okay peeps, gonna call mom. I miss her so much. So much stories to tell, including my meeting with my uncle and aunt. That went quite well I guess, though I thought Eka was a bit of a snob.
:) eKa @ 8:07:00 PM • 0 comments
Friday, July 25, 2008
I think I have packed all the things I should bring. So I just want to bid adieu to you. Feeling a bit nervous now, since Dewi said she is counting on me to figure out where we're going. I think I've done enough preparation and research but now I'm getting nervous. I suppose it is like when you are taking exams. Silly yaThen the body is also worrying me. Had vertigo on Wednesday and it's kinda scary for me. Flu and all I can take, but if it's fever, head spin, things that make me unable to get up and function, well these things just freak me out. Hopefully, I will just be fine and make it back here okay.
Had an unexpected call this week. A door is being opened for me. Unexpected, surprising and flattering but I think I will pass. Very very hard though, because I will be passing it purely based on emotion and feeling and not on logical reasons. Well perhaps some of it is logical. It's really tempting and the fact that the door is being opened without me asking or working towards it kinda make me wonder if it is a sign from God. Speaking of God, the Mr was like so annoyed with me talking about God, he said and I quote, "not everything also god god god one...". I think he purposely used lower case
Okay, gotta go. Take care peeps. See you when I see you.
:) eKa @ 10:26:00 PM • 0 comments
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Went to watch The Dark Knight alone yesterday. Love the alone part but I'm not as excited about the movie as many people may be or as the very high rating in IMDB. The reason is simple, I found that for a superhero movie, Batman's storyline is too heavy and as discussed during lunch today, it has many layers. For me of course it is so much better than the brainless Fantastic Four, however I found it less enjoyable than Iron Man for example. I do have to give this movie an A though, perhaps A+. One is because of the obvious effort that the writers put into writing the story. The movie is not about bang bang kill the bad guy and look cool kinda movie. There is an obvious effort in writing the story, though at some parts I do have to wonder was a certain character necessary, like the Hong Kong bad guy. RH said he was necessary so that the story can be brought to Hong KongHeath Ledger was of course receiving much praises for his disturbing joker portrayal. I thought I would felt so eerie watching his joker, especially when I first saw the trailer I thought he was so scary, but it turned out I wasn't frightened with him. He was really good I have to say. I feel you can't even feel Heath Ledger in his joker, he just became another persona. My favorite scene of his was when he was dressed as a nurse, walking out of the hospital and detonating the bomb. It was quite funny and disturbing at the same time. I was actually thinking that the scene can be a part of a music video for some disturbing metal or rock band. Anyway back to the movie, oh yes, Heath was good. I don't know if his death did make me expect to see him on screen more. I do really wonder if he hadn't died, would he had received the many attention? Still, I think he did a really good job and every time he was on screen, he was really commanding and shined among the others. Can't really say much about the rest. Though I have to say that I like Christian Bale, he was cool in this movie
Life for me is in a matter of days now. I hope I can get through okay. Talked to mom just now. Ah, mom is the moral compass but it's still kinda hard to do the right thing. However I have to do it, I suppose. Especially since mom said so and I really do feel disobeying your mother kinda give you more bad karma or bad luck compared to other mischievous things. So good night peeps, I need to prepare myself mentally well to clear all the things that I need to clear.
:) eKa @ 10:11:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Hello guys. How has your life been? My one has not been a good one this week. As I said this morning, "questa settimana sono sfortunata". Perchè? Well certain unfortunate things happened, but some people are not being understanding of it and everyone pretty much hate us or me. I am not sure it is my fault but I might as well take it as my fault. Everyone is angry and upset and so be it, let them be angry and upset, perhaps at me and let me just be sad. It's just when they start scolding, I cower like a 9-year old. From being stressed out to extremely sad, now I am feeling very very guilty because I am leaving soon and with that I am leaving la Gioia in these difficult times. She has had to endure more nasty things and for that I am feeling more guilty and to leave her in such difficult time really makes me feel bad. I have nothing but hope for the best but being the pessimistic me, I can't help just feeling devastated with everything.So with the unfortunate things that happened, I had run to food immediately when I was struck. Then there's the praying this morning. Made my way to the temple and I'm thinking if I should cover all ground and go to church tomorrow. Hence so the title of the post, which is also in reference to the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I had actually seen this book some time ago, thought it was interesting but I thought it was a typical chick flick kinda book, so I dismissed it. Then came the shout from aseagullflap so I decided to check it out at Kinokuniya today. Didn't plan to buy it especially since I am tight on money these days, but stress really caused me to be quite impulsive, so I bought it. Then I found out that it's actually based on a true story, so that is so cool. It's a story about this woman who after a divorce did a soul searching in Italy, India, and Indonesia. 2 countries are pretty dear in my heart. I've only read the introduction, will most probably start reading the book after I get back. From the introduction, I felt that it is quite fated that her self discovery came from 3 countries that started with I. Anyway my title has no love in it. Maybe I am looking at the wrong kind of love? I have been to talking to him recently though. Feel somewhat not so right for me because it feels like when we first started and I feel that we kinda starting the cycle again and last time it led to me being brokenhearted. So what the hell am I doing, ya? I am being his friend? I wish I can be without getting my heart broken *sigh*
So by the way, where am I going? My good friend Dewi is coming to town next Saturday. She got a week off because she recently resigned from her job and has a week before she starts her new one. We are going to take a short trip to Hong Kong then spend some time here. If I have my way, it will be a month in Italy. So why Hong Kong then? Well money is one major issue and also I think Hong Kong is the furthest an Indonesian can go without visa. Am I right? Who can confirm this to me? Don't start me talking on visa, I hate it so much that Indonesian needs visa to go anywhere. Anyway, I'm pretty much in charge of the Hong Kong trip. We have never been there before. So we are so excited about it and the fact that I am doing this on my own, I am more anxious and excited about it. By the way, none of us speak Cantonese or Chinese. So if all goes well, it will be a good morale boost for me, that traveling alone is possible. In light of recent situation I will also feel like I'm not a total failure, that I am a capable person that those people who think I am incompetent are the stupid dumbasses
Yesterday, Vivy kindly accompanied me to watch the performance, The Dancing Sky by Studio Festi from Italy. It's at the National Singapore Museum. Singapore is having its first night festival. Very very cool and awesome performance. What was it about? Well the description I gave Vivy was, "some operatic acrobatic floating dancers with spheres in the air ". My description was not good enough. Basically the dancers were dancing while suspended in the air, and yes there were spheres or balloons you can say. I thought they were really brave to do these stunts. The whole thing were really amazingly beautiful because I think these dancers are really dancers at heart. The stunts are just addition to the foundation that they had. The only bad thing about the whole experience was the too many people there. What can you expect, I suppose. Luckily it was Vivy who I was with. She didn't complain and was easy going and the fact that it was only 2 of us, made it easier for us to move. Let me leave you with some pictures. I couldn't take nice pictures, and these are the best I could salvage. Wish me well, peeps!
:) eKa @ 9:30:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Un Altro Sabato Sono Da Sola Nella Mia Camera
Così è un altro Sabato sera, io sono da sola nella mia camera. Patetico? Che cosa posso fare? Va bene. Un giorno non sarò da sola più. Credo di si.Just finished eating 3 egg tarts. Fattening, but that's dinner. I am crazy about eggs but somehow egg tarts do not excite me much even though it can come with melting chocolate. Okay, that's uninteresting detail.
Finished reading A Fortune-Teller Told Me: Earth-bound Travels in the Far East by Tiziano Terzani or Un Indovino Mi Disse in Italian. Obviously I read the English version. Bought the book in January and only finished it this week. The book is interesting, don't get me wrong. I just got sidetracked a lot. The whole idea was interesting for me. Tiziano is an Italian who worked as a journalist in Asia. One day a fortune teller in Hong Kong told him that he shouldn't fly in 1993. As a journalist living in a very dynamic Asia (looking at the past 10-20 years here you would agree that many historical things happened in our part of the world), it made it very difficult for him to travel if he couldn't fly. He had his skepticism, should he heed the warning or to dismiss it as something with no power. In the end he listened to the warning, partly as an experiment to know how he would travel around Asia and back to his country in Italia without flying. So he used trains, ships, buses, and cars. Can you imagine the logistic traveling for example from Singapore to Italy without using planes? The route involved taking a train from China across Mongolia to Russia. Interesting, no? He also used his travels to locate all the famous locals fortune tellers, shamans, lamas and learned more about them. He asked the same questions about him and got to know them, their power, and method. For me these themes are so interesting, hence why I bought the book. However the writing is not all about these traveling and fortune teller stories. He wrote about countries he visited, their histories, and his opinions. I particularly thought his writing about Singapore was so right on. I think his description about Malaysia was also so apt. Unfortunately, he didn't travel much in Indonesia because I would have loved to read his opinion on my beloved country. He also wrote about the interesting people he met, which I thought was so cool. One of which was his meeting with Khun Sa, the Burmese warlord known to the world as the opium king.
I kinda love how Tiziano viewed the world. I kinda think he's an old soul. Perhaps I am one as well because I so agree with his dislike to modernity which has destroyed the beautiful and uniqueness of traditions and cultures in this world. Everywhere has become more or less the same. All due to globalization. I have to admit though that I am part of that generation who are not hanging on to our own roots and traditions. I can foresee that certain tradition in my family may not be continued by me. I hope I will do them but it just seems unlikely. I wikipedia-ed Tiziano and to my dismay he had passed away 4 years ago in 2004. Would have loved to hear his opinion about this part of the world, especially Indonesia. Unfortunately he never stayed in Indonesia. Maybe he didn't find it intriguing enough. Would have loved to read what he had to say about my country, the changes that we are going through, the changes that have yet to settle. Everything is always changing in Indonesia currently. I believe certain things take time to take effect but in Indonesia sometime I think the impatience of the people or perhaps the self absorbed politicians are dismissing certain policy and effort just because nothing is improved immediately. Anyway I think Tiziano's other books are heavy but I think I should try getting and reading them. They will truly be enriching because he's really such an insightful person.
Didn't do anything of particular interest this week. Missed a wedding today. Really didn't feel like going. I totally preferred to go to my class. Was late though I did try to be early. Had a good morning sessions with them. S e K hanno raccontato la loro esperienza in Italia. Anna Maria ha detto, "devi andare". Si ma come? Vorrei andare tanto, tutto Italia. Ma come, da sola? Aspetto Dio darmi l'opportunita, aspetto per un tempo giusto. Un giorno credo di avere l'opportunita visitare Italia.
Anyways, been having movies in the classes. Learning about the famous Italian comics. So far we had Totò and Paolo Villagio's Fantozzi. The Totò's movie which we watched was Miseria e Nobiltà which featured the young Sofia Loren. I loved this movie more than Fantozzi and man how I can talk more about how I love it in English rather than in Italian. Anna Maria kindly gave us a transcript of a famous scene from the movie. When I was watching it, I didn't understand all the thing word by word but reading the transcript, I thought a line that Totò said was brilliant. This was a scene when Totò who worked as a writer for illiterate people met with one particular illiterate man, Cafone. Totò ha detto, "Dungue. Lei è ignorante?". Cafone ha detto, "Io? Si". Poi Totò ha detto, "Bravo, bravo. Viva l'ignoranza! Tutti così dovrebbero essere". Okay translation for you, so Totò asked Cafone the illiterate man, "So you are ignorant?". The man said yes. Then Totò said, "Bravo, bravo. Viva ignorance! Everyone should be like that". I love it, love it so much
On other news. Plans are in motion for my trip with my good friend Dewi. She's coming here at the end of the month. I wonder if I should ask her to bring me a copy of Machi's book. Still thinking if I really want it. I'm afraid reading it will make me depressed. Less than 2 weeks to go, I should get ready. 2 weeks, darn! I wonder if I can get myself well prepared. So so excited about this. The success of the trip will surely be a good morale boost for me.
Allora, buona notte amici!
:) eKa @ 9:18:00 PM • 0 comments
Friday, July 04, 2008
Just came back from watching Hancock with la Gioia and NanSee. Note to self, when you are in a bitch mode, avoid people! Had much trouble during the booking, I don't want to talk about that and then somehow the people that I asked were kinda a let down. Seriously things like this kinda make me wanna smack my head for counting on people. I guess I was banking on the wrong people. I have to say today I have been so unkind. Was very very bitchy. At one point I actually felt quite guilty for the unnecessary rudeness. Osh asked me to apologize before it comes back to stab me in the back, but before I could reconcile with my pride, the person with the bigger and more sincere heart apologized to me. Darn, doesn't that make me a real bitch? It wasn't her fault actually, it was more of mine. Sigh.Anyway, I thought Hancock was really really really good. I thought Will Smith did well. There were moments when I thought he had a bit of Lenny Kravitz going on. Will Smith was just so cool, he epitomizes coolness. Jason Bateman was also another star. Somehow I feel he just fits these kind of characters but that kinda doesn't really show his range but still I wouldn't actually be too excited seeing him attempting more extreme roles. I thought Charlize Theron was pretty here, kinda didn't really recognize her at first. Storywise, it was really really good. I didn't read any review before watching this but I had a brief idea of the movie. I didn't expect the plot to develop the way it was so it was kinda a twist for me. Love the ending because I so thought they were gonna die but they didn't and I love it that way. I felt Hancock was still lonely at the end of the movie. Somehow watching that I was thinking of the Indonesian line, cinta bukan berarti harus memiliki. I've always thought it was kinda too hard to swallow but I guess I am beginning to see the truth in it. So anyway peeps, I totally recommend Hancock to you. Is summer ending? I felt the summer blockbuster movies this year haven't really been quite a thrill. So for something different do watch this, it's worth watching.
:) eKa @ 10:44:00 PM • 0 comments
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Hello peeps, how have you been doing? I'm not doing so good physically. Been having headache and now I think flu is coming. I would rather it just comes and let me deal with all the antibiotics and such. Sigh. After CELI 3 last week, life did become lighter for me. I kinda thought I was going to revive my social life and start asking people for dinner and such. It wasn't really so. On the contrary, I was rather anti social. I think pms is what causing it. It's seriously a real mental pain. Anyway, I did go to some dinners, did catch up with some people, did do a long distance counseling (which cost me a bomb) but also did miss some dinner, social activity and did not return some sms. Currently I found some people to be rather boring and that's kinda the reason why I decided not to hang out with them, currently ... currently. Patience is really on the low side (perhaps together with blood pressure) and I seriously have no interest whatsoever in what they have to say, which mostly about them anyway. So I am in a bitch mode or whatever it is that you want to call it, I just don't give a damn really.My life is currently pretty normal and manageable. Nothing interesting happens ... just yet. Me and my best friend, Dewi, is planning something. I hope it happens but knowing her or her family to be more exact, I shouldn't really put much hope on it. Actually yesterday and this morning I wasn't in a good mood. Someone couldn't do something and so I had to jump in for a rescue mission ... as always. God damn it! Why can everyone say, "I cannot do this and that" and I cannot? Why do I always have to be able to do everything? Why do I have to have such responsibility? Not a new issue actually. It's been a life story for me. When I was young, it was the responsibility I carried being the older one. My brother were excused of so many errors because he is the younger one and I wasn't and I had to carry that responsibility of that older one, of someone who should be looked up to. Since it seems like it's pretty much my destiny in life, to be that dependable and responsible person, one would think that I should be already acceptant about it and get used to it. I am so not. I still hope one would carry and take this burden away from me. There's always Jesus, no?
Anyway, in the spirit of being anti social and to cling to whatever solitary moment I can scramble, yesterday I went to watch 21 alone. Didn't plan to ask anyone for it but then la Gioia asked me if we were going to watch Hancock. It wasn't out yesterday so I said no and told her I was thinking of watching 21 alone. She said she wanted to come along too. To be honest I was rather disappointed, which part of me explaining the reason I wanted to watch it alone was because I was feeling anti social that she didn't understand. But then again perhaps she was rather worried that I was going to that depressing mode. However fate was on my side, last minutely she had to accompany the ibu for some things. Funnily after finding out that I did have to watch it alone, I felt rather uncomfortable of doing so that I was thinking if I should ask anyone to accompany me. In the end, I really couldn't do that. I really wasn't in the mood for some company and I was seriously happy that I stuck with myself. I really really need to be alone.
I thought 21 was good. Though I wasn't really fond of Kevin Spacey and Jim Sturgess. Not that they acted badly, I just didn't really like their characters. Of all the characters there, I liked Choi the most, though his was only a small part. I think if they had stuck to the real events and had made the main characters as many Asian geeks, then I think it would have been more interesting. Yes, the movie was based on a real event, it was based (very) loosely on MIT blackjack team. Go wikipedia it peeps. I wonder if wikipedia is going to be a verb like google. Anyway the whole card counting thing in blackjack seemed so interesting that I would be quite interested to learn it, provided my brain is actually capable of that. Should you watch it? I think you should. Not much good and brainy movies out there currently that this one could be quite stimulating for the brain, though it is not so brainy itself. There were some witty lines and I like witty lines
Okay, gonna go and read some Asian Geographic now which I took from eggie's room. Saw stacks of them in his place. Such interesting found and they were just sitting there. All those peeps are so ignorant. Ciao!
:) eKa @ 8:50:00 PM • 0 comments
Monday, June 23, 2008
"It's not the power of the curse ... it's the power you give the curse".
Did CELI 3 today. Started late as expected. We started at 09:30 and I left at 3 pm. How was it? Well, there's always that possibility that I was going to fail. I had tried my best on the writing part, I think I did okay but I can be so wrong and with the minus marks, things can really go downhill. The essay parts were quite different from the previous years that in the end I decided to write less in hope that I would make less mistake that way. I already knew I made some spelling error. The listening parts were confusing, I may have gotten everything wrong. Again the minus marks may kill me. However the most devastating part was the oral part. Was it nervousness? I don't know. I just don't speak ItalianCome to think of it and to put things into perspective, I first took English lessons when I was 9 and I stopped taking proper lessons when I was 17, even though there were still lessons in school. So that was about 8-9 years of learning English. Then there were also movies and songs which helped me get more infused with English and yet I still failed Qualifying English Test (QET) in NUS. I wasn't bummed out because mostly everyone failed as well. Not a good attitude by the way, just because everyone else fail doesn't mean it is good for you to fail as well. When I saw some of my early posts in this blog, I also felt that my English was rather poor. So the moral of the story is, it takes a long time to master a language and it really helps if you can practice it a lot. Me and my Italian, well it's been 2 and half years of lessons. I've never been to Italy. The only time I speak Italian is in class and me speaking my opinion and thoughts in proper sentences are actually pretty rare as well. So as much as I tried to drill myself with Andrea Bocelli, Neri Per Caso, and Jovanotti, and the rest for the past month, well they could only do so much. So when I see it that way, it is rather a tall order to take an exam which really test your proficiency of the language. So me attempting to do it and getting some of the things right and understanding the comprehensions are actually quite an achievement in itself. I really hope I don't fail. I hope God let me pass but I guess if I fail, well 3 months from now we'll find out, hopefully I will be strong enough to accept it. After the test, I sent an sms to Starfish, just like last year, in hope that it will bring me good luck.
So yeah, that's today and yes I do take Italian classes. Every Saturday, that's what I mean when I wrote Saturday engagements. I kinda wanted to hide this fact about me. I try to hide certain personal things in this blog, however since now many people know that I am taking Italian classes, there's pretty much nothing to hide anymore. CELI is an Italian test from Università per Stranieri di Perugia (a university for foreigners in Perugia). Last year I took CELI 2 and I passed. Today I took CELI 3. There's 5 levels in CELI, so if I pass level 3, I suppose I am somewhat in the middle. Okay, enough about that.
So today after the test, I did a bit of an errand and then decided to go watch a movie to destress. Went to Cathay Cineleisure and I went to watch Penelope. Was a bit late for it and I blame it on the 2 girls in front of me who idiotically giggled their way in getting their tickets and a less than 1 minute process took forever for them to complete. I tried my best to be patient and calm. Sigh. Anyway, I love Penelope a lot though the story was pretty ordinary, a simple straight forward fairy tale story. By the way the title of this post is a quote from the movie. I wanted some easy-to-watch movie and this movie was perfect. I wonder why it wasn't advertised much and is only shown at Cathay cinemas. I found James McAvoy in this movie to be very very charming and handsome. I really fell for him, my kind of guy. Of all the movies I saw him in, this is really the one in which I found him to be very sweetly attractive. He kinda reminded me of Ryan Gosling actually. I found all the other actors were amazing as well, kinda couldn't remember their names but really everyone acted really well and each of their characters really added something to the screen. They were really great. So I suppose if you want some light entertainment and you are a girl, do watch this. I suppose guys will just roll their eyes on this kind of movie.
So this week had been okay. I had been somewhat focused on studying so in a way it's kind of a relieved that it's all over. The past 2 nights the head was rather consumed with today, so I guess tonight I could sleep better. Last Friday I had some fun. Attended Ms. Sab's Stop Motion training and did a short movie with the peeps whom many I don't know their names. I have to say that one, I have no artistic flair that my contribution in the mermaid that me, Lois, and la Gioia made was the rocks and seaweeds and a pearl. Things which pretty much were round. Some people just have the talent, like Lois. Two, I don't really have much patience and one really need that in doing stop motion. During the process, I kinda hoped that we could just quickly finish the whole thing. Overall, the group did a good job and we actually had a story going on. Tried to play with Monkey Jam again just now and Windows Movie Maker and so I managed to add a few things in the final version. Tried uploading the video using blogger, let's see if it works. Okay, take care peeps!
:) eKa @ 9:23:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Went to Nyile's wedding today. Left Saturday's engagement half way to be there. Luckily the church was pretty much just next door. Of all the weddings that I've been in my adult life, this was perhaps one in which I was seriously kinda excitedly happy for the groom. I don't know why, maybe his happiness spread. He was in such glee when he was walking down the aisle, grinning widely. Maybe also because I was reminded of the Kent Ridge days that we spent and it felt really good to see that he got his happiness, that he managed to successfully cross 1 major task in his life to do list. He was quite emotional at the wedding. I think he was in tears in many of the high points. Kinda funny in a cute way for me because for as long as I know him he's more like the joker type. His wife on the other hand looked pretty strong throughout it all. I suppose that's what one look in a marriage or relationship, one who can balance you. I am sure they will have their moments in which one would be stronger for the other. Again, I have to say, I'm really happy for Nyile.With Vivy not being around, I kinda didn't have anyone to hang out with at the wedding. Not that I didn't know anyone there. There were many NUS friends of mine. Somehow perhaps since we don't really keep in touch and people pretty much lead their own different life, it's kinda weird to connect. Somehow people were with some other friends. Back in NUS days, I would perhaps hang out with Felis for example, but apparently now she is with David. Another cute thing for me. I know the 2 separately and never in my mind thought they would be together. So God really has His way. By the way, Felis said that she had difficulty recognizing me when I came. Ah, another person who told me this. Okay, I suppose I do change when I dress up, though I didn't really dress up much today (didn't wear a skirt). Anyway during the wedding I sat in the same row with Copper, who sat next to a girl whom I thought was his girlfriend. Apparently no, he's still as single as I saw him last
Boom2 is same old same old. Niko was very friendly. We didn't really interact much back in Block A but we talked quite a lot today. He's actually married now. To an Indonesian girl, a friend from primary school. Isn't that cute? Another funny thing how things work out. I'd always thought that he would be the first one of us who would turn to Singapore citizenship and marry a Singaporean, but God has other plans. Donikon is attached and works for an Italian company doing cool stuff. He works in a ship of the shore of Taiwan. Lucky that he's on his break now, that he could attend this wedding. So what they do is, they put pipe under the sea so that gas could flow from one Taiwan city to another. I think it's cool and his working place is cool too, but I am sure that the novelty for me will perhaps die down in 1-2 weeks. As he said, you could only see the ocean and all the crews are guys. No girls there. But the whole thing is cool, don't you think? All these times when we talk about Italian, we always talk about how laid back they are, how they don't seem to take thing seriously and move in a relaxed way, but they really can be a brainy bunch. Ferrari is another example of their awesomeness. So that's the wedding story.
Movies these week were: Kung Fu Panda on Tuesday with NanSee and Sex and the City yesterday with NanSee and la Gioia. Kung Fu Panda was pretty nice. Love the animation and the scenes. Love how cute Po is. He is Jack Black and Jack Black is Po. I think Po is really made for Jack Black. Story wise, it was okay for me. Other than Po, I thought the Shifu was pretty cool as well. Basically it's because he came in a small size and yet so awesome in his kung fu. I think Dustin Hoffman also did a good job in voicing his frustration as the Shifu with Po being selected as the dragon warrior. Overall, it was pretty good. Sex and the City, I really love. I think it was nicely done and I was quite entertained. Yes the movie had many cliche but it would be silly to hope that Sex and the City will give you enlightenment on life questions. For me the movie was not all about love, I find that it was more about friendship and as always (as it had always been) about ladies being strong, independent, and putting their happiness first. Selfish as it may sound, but this series is never one who tell you that you should pin your happiness on that prince charming. As Samantha declared in this movie, her happiness come from a relationship with herself and she putting her first before everything else. I was kinda sad that her relationship didn't last but it was really true to her character in the series. Overall, I love the movie. I'm never the girlie girl but my girlie side seriously came out watching this movie. I love the clothes, shoes, and I do want to have that big closet as well. If only ... if only it's possible.
This week has been okay I think. CELI schedule is out. It will start early, darn it! My preparation is still not good enough or done for that matter. I really need to work harder. Sigh. Ah I almost forget. Ayu has given birth to a baby boy. From the initial picture I saw, he was pretty cute. I thought the name was cool, though I couldn't remember the full name. Only the first name, which is Gibran. I think it was from the poet Kahlil Gibran, I don't know if I am right though. I wonder what they are going to call him in short, Gibby?
...
I chose the seat by the window. I've always thought the view was awesome and somewhat I wonder what it would be like to sit with him and see the view. It was perhaps not the most beautiful view ever, but it reminded me of my old room where I used to like to sit down by the window at dusk and see the blue sky that never failed to mesmerize me. I brought him dinner. We sat down, looked at each other. There were some silence and we just stared at each other. Perhaps it's been awhile since we last did this that words did not come easily. We passed the how are you, how's life thing. I asked coyly about his love life. Why did I do that? Partly I think because I want to know and perhaps also because I am addicted to pain. Stupid reasoning, I know. I really don't know why I want to hurt myself. I think he hesitated. Maybe he had some brain in there not to hurt me but in the end he relented. That is after he said, "Beg me". "Fine", I said, "Tell me about the girl ... please". So he told me. It wasn't a good ending for him. In a way perhaps I should be happy. But there were details that stirred my inside. He said, "I actually like her" and that made me quite sad.
That story and his need to vent out his feeling led to some stories of his past. Stories which kinda irked me. There and then, I thought, boy, you and me are seriously so different. I don't think we could be together ever because I don't think I can get over this thing about you. How I could have fallen for you was incomprehensible. As we finished our dinner, I told him that the talk was good. It was healthy and enlightening for me. I suppose this sentence and the look in my face (whatever it was) made him rather conscious. We took the long walk to the bus stop. At one junction he said he wasn't being serious about some of the things he said, about his revelation of his lifestyle. In my head I thought dude, why do you have to do this. If you want us to be friends, why do you still care with what I think of you. It's not like you are trying to impress me or anything. I told him, "Why do you need to hide this? I know many thing about you. This doesn't not really surprise me much. I just don't get you. After all this time, why do you still care with what I think?". I would have thought me sticking up to him all this time proves that I have been there regardless of his stupidity and antics. I guess he never really sees me, the wonderful me.
I suppose I fell for the different him. He who wanted to be someone else. I knew a different side of him, a side which made me happy. However he should be a person that he wants to be, a person that he can be happy and comfortable with and unfortunately it's not someone who I could understand or actually accept. I even have difficulty now thinking how I can be friends with a person like this. I guess the answer is, we are just not going to be that close of a friend.
If this is not the definition of "not meant to be", I don't know what is.
...
In Indonesian now.
...
Aku memilih tempat duduk dekat jendela. Aku selalu berpikir pemandangannya indah and aku selalu berpikir bagaimana rasanya untuk duduk bersamanya dan menikmati pemandangan itu. Bukan pemandangan yang paling indah di dunia, tetapi pemandangan ini mengingatkanku akan kamarku yang dulu di mana aku sangat suka duduk di tepi jendela saat matahari mulai terbenam dan melihat birunya langit yang selalu membuatku kagum akan Tuhan. Aku bawakan dia makan malam kita. Kita duduk, memandang satu sama lain. Ada saat-saat hening di mana kita hanya melihat satu sama lain. Mungkin sudah lama sejak kita terakhir makan bersama, sehingga kata-kata tidak datang dengan mudah. Basa-basi pun lewat, bagaimana kabarmu, bagaimana hidup. Aku bertanya dengan segala keingin-tahuan tentang kehidupan cintanya. Mengapa aku lakukan itu? Mungkin karena aku sangat ingin tahu, mungkin juga karena aku ingin rasa sakit itu. Alasan yang bodoh, aku tahu. Aku tak tahu kenapa aku ingin menyakiti diriku. Aku rasa awalnya dia ragu. Mungkin otaknya berkata jangan sakiti dirinya, tetapi akhirnya dia menyerah, setelah dia berkata, "Ayo, mohon dulu!". "Baiklah", kataku, "Cerita tentang cewek kamu ... ayo". Lalu mulailah ceritanya. Bukan kisah yang indah untuknya. Seharusnya aku senang, tetapi ada bagian dari ceritanya yang menusuk hati. Dia berkata, "Aku sebenarnya benar-benar suka dia" dan itu membuatku cukup sedih.
Ceritanya dan keinginannya untuk mencurahkan rasa hatinya membawa kita ke cerita tentang masa lampaunya. Cerita yang membuatku sangat kecewa dan sedikit kesal. Saat itu aku berpikir, 'nak, kamu dan aku sangat berbeda sekali. Aku rasa kita tak mungkin bersama karena aku rasa aku tidak akan bisa membiarkan ini tentangmu lewat. Bagaimana aku pernah jatuh hati kepadamu sangatlah sukar untuk dimengerti. Kita pun selesai makan, dan aku bilang ke dia kalau obrolan ini bagus, menyehatkan dan sangat membuka mata untukku. Aku rasa kalimat ini dan ekspresi mukaku (apapun ekspresi mukaku saat itu) membuat dia tersadar. Kita lalu berjalan cukup jauh ke halte bis. Saat di persimpangan, dia berkata dia tidak serius tentang beberapa hal yang dia katakan tentang hidupnya. Dalam kepalaku, aku berpikir, 'nak kenapa kamu harus berkata seperti ini. Kalau kamu ingin kita berteman, kenapa kamu peduli dengan apa yang aku pikirkan tentangmu. Kamu kan tidak berusaha untuk membuatku kagum tentangmu. Aku bilang kepadanya, "Kenapa kamu berasa kamu harus menutupi ini? Aku sudah tahu banyak tentangmu. Ini tidak terlalu mengagetkan. Aku suka nggak ngerti kamu. Setelah banyak hal, kenapa kamu masih peduli dengan apa yang aku pikir?". Aku pikir, selama ini aku berdiri di sampingnya sudah merupakan bukti bahwa aku selalu ada untuknya meski dia suka bodoh dan aneh. Aku rasa, dia tak pernah benar-benar melihat aku, aku yang luar biasa baik ini.
Aku rasa, aku jatuh hati kepada dia yang berbeda. Dia yang saat itu ingin menjadi seseorang yang berbeda. Aku tahu sisi dia yang lain, sisi yang membuatku tersenyum bahagia. Tetapi dia harus menjadi orang yang bisa membuat dia bahagia, dia harus senang menjadi dirinya sendiri. Sayangnya, itu bukanlah orang yang bisa aku mengerti atau mungkin terima. Aku bahkan mempunyai kesulitan melihat bagaimana kita bisa menjadi teman sekarang. Aku rasa jawabannya adalah kita tak akan menjadi teman yang dekat sekali.
Kalo ini bukan definisi, "nggak jodoh", aku nggak tahu lagi deh.
...
'nak = anak
Decided that if I ever write a book, I will write the English and Indonesian version myself. Though my Indonesian is perhaps not so awesome anymore, with many spelling errors and weird sentences.
:) eKa @ 10:15:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, June 07, 2008
The Not Adventurous Life ... of Mine
Today I had one of those rare occasions when I actually got to sit down and have a bit of conversation with Jenny. I kinda can remember that first Saturday when I sat down in my current room thinking of the big change I made, consoling myself that I would be okay and if things didn't turn out well, well we would just take it from there. There were many reasoning I gave to my head. One of those was that God let me meet Jenny so that I could learn something from her. She then and still is for me now, an independent strong woman and for me who believe truly in being able to make it and stand on my own, she's quite an inspiration. I may disagree strongly on her many opinions but there are many parts of her which is pretty awesome for me. Have my many years with her change me? Sadly the answer is not really. Sigh.So today when I was having my lunch, she sat down and we talked about this and that. She was having her kimchi and offered me some. I said no thank you, I'm not adventurous in food, as a matter of fact I'm not adventurous in everything in life. A point which I know bothers her much. So she said out loud what I feel is perhaps my greatest failure in life currently. The failure of me living my life. Here I am, perhaps in the best situation of my life ever. I have no responsibility in life, I have some money, and here I am. Here should be written in bold and capitalized. The question is, what the heck are you doing here Eka? There's that life that the 10-year old you was dreaming and here I am tied to Monday. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. That's what I do actually, sigh and mope.
Okay, let's talk about my non-adventurous life this week. The week started with nothing much to do but it took a crazy turn these 2 days. As I said, I am tied to Monday. Hopefully things will go well. It's H-16 to CELI and that kinda scares me. 2 weeks to go and I'm counting on luck basically. I'm cutting it pretty close. I'm trying to strategize my way into it but I don't really have much strength to play on. I begin to wonder why I'm doing this and now I keep on telling myself if miraculously I survive this, I should not go for CELI 4.
Today was another first session of my Saturday engagement. We got Maria now. I kinda want Arianna because she had kindly helped me in the past few weeks and she's always been so kind and encouraging. So I kinda want the same support in the days to CELI but Maria herself is also nice and kinda nice to have her back. Though I did feel rather discouraged today. She wanted us to speak well and correctly and my God how I can't even make my sentences well. I should think more before I speak and perhaps just speak slower so that I could get my sentences right. On my way home I saw Sabrina's Emma and my God, she's so cute, molto carina! I haven't been around babies much since I've been here and I love how cute they can be. Emma was so adorable. I waved at her and she started laughing and reaching out her hand. In that instance, I fell in love with her!
So that's today. On Wednesday, I went to the opening of the Italian Film Festival with la Gioia, Starfish, and Ernie (not from Sesame Street as Starfish pointed out). Luca kindly gave me 2 extra tickets and I gave them to Starfish. Why Starfish? It's one of those thing that the brain just popped. So he brought Ernie. The movie was La Stella che non c'è. The English translation is The Missing Star. My translated version will be The star that's not there. The movie was actually half Chinese, half Italian. I kinda wondered which one was better, my Italian or Chinese. The story was not so satisfying for me. Story development for me wasn't done well. It told the story of this Italian engineer who made his way to China and tried hard to locate a factory which bought some machines from his old factory in Italy because the machine had some faulty parts and he wanted to tell them how to fix it. In China he befriended his translator who had baggages of her own. I found the 2 actors were quite good. However story wise, they just had a lot of empty parts for me. Why did the Italian try so hard to find the factory? He didn't mind going to the rural remote China just to find the factory where he didn't speak the language. For me that's the most annoying part. The "why"? Others also felt many empty parts in the movie, why did in the end the Italian cry when he was in the boat and what happened next to him and the Chinese girl? I guess all this open ending is up to the audiences to interpret the ending that they want. Overall, not necessarily bad but not one of the best Italian movies I've watched. The peeps I went with wasn't interested with the reception after, so I didn't go
I actually bought a CD that Wednesday. Sergio Mendes - Encanto. I loved his Timeless album so much. Encanto is not bad. A bit less Black Eyed Peas compared to Timeless though Will.I.Am still co-produced it. I wasn't really blown away as when I heard Timeless for the first time but I kinda like the whole more Brazilian feel into it. One morning when I was hearing it in the bus, I was kinda feeling Rio De Janeiro in the bus and was wishing I could just go there and enjoy the beaches and atmosphere. Was feeling and imagining how that city is such a fun party place. Strange though that the Brazilian that I know of is not really that party crazy Brazilian as you may imagine. I suppose he is in some ways but perhaps as what happen to many people who have lived in many parts of the world, that many parts of the world get into you and change you a bit. So this Brazilian that I know of, is straight talking like an American and loves beer like Homer or perhaps to be more correct, the beer crazy Germans who influence him. The only trace of him being Brazilian is actually none. Seeing him, you can't really tell. His name, as many people pointed out, it sounded French. Either way, though I find him intimidating sometime, deep down he's a nice person
Allora, so that's really my non-adventurous boring life for you peeps. I can still write long for nothing. I kinda want to sleep early today, but I will be having some milk first. Take care peeps. To Vivy, if you are reading this. I am bloody envious. Excelling in your studies really get you far in life, literally. Sigh. Night peeps!
:) eKa @ 11:40:00 PM • 0 comments
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