Saturday, June 07, 2008
The Not Adventurous Life ... of Mine
Today I had one of those rare occasions when I actually got to sit down and have a bit of conversation with Jenny. I kinda can remember that first Saturday when I sat down in my current room thinking of the big change I made, consoling myself that I would be okay and if things didn't turn out well, well we would just take it from there. There were many reasoning I gave to my head. One of those was that God let me meet Jenny so that I could learn something from her. She then and still is for me now, an independent strong woman and for me who believe truly in being able to make it and stand on my own, she's quite an inspiration. I may disagree strongly on her many opinions but there are many parts of her which is pretty awesome for me. Have my many years with her change me? Sadly the answer is not really. Sigh.So today when I was having my lunch, she sat down and we talked about this and that. She was having her kimchi and offered me some. I said no thank you, I'm not adventurous in food, as a matter of fact I'm not adventurous in everything in life. A point which I know bothers her much. So she said out loud what I feel is perhaps my greatest failure in life currently. The failure of me living my life. Here I am, perhaps in the best situation of my life ever. I have no responsibility in life, I have some money, and here I am. Here should be written in bold and capitalized. The question is, what the heck are you doing here Eka? There's that life that the 10-year old you was dreaming and here I am tied to Monday. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. That's what I do actually, sigh and mope.
Okay, let's talk about my non-adventurous life this week. The week started with nothing much to do but it took a crazy turn these 2 days. As I said, I am tied to Monday. Hopefully things will go well. It's H-16 to CELI and that kinda scares me. 2 weeks to go and I'm counting on luck basically. I'm cutting it pretty close. I'm trying to strategize my way into it but I don't really have much strength to play on. I begin to wonder why I'm doing this and now I keep on telling myself if miraculously I survive this, I should not go for CELI 4.
Today was another first session of my Saturday engagement. We got Maria now. I kinda want Arianna because she had kindly helped me in the past few weeks and she's always been so kind and encouraging. So I kinda want the same support in the days to CELI but Maria herself is also nice and kinda nice to have her back. Though I did feel rather discouraged today. She wanted us to speak well and correctly and my God how I can't even make my sentences well. I should think more before I speak and perhaps just speak slower so that I could get my sentences right. On my way home I saw Sabrina's Emma and my God, she's so cute, molto carina! I haven't been around babies much since I've been here and I love how cute they can be. Emma was so adorable. I waved at her and she started laughing and reaching out her hand. In that instance, I fell in love with her!
So that's today. On Wednesday, I went to the opening of the Italian Film Festival with la Gioia, Starfish, and Ernie (not from Sesame Street as Starfish pointed out). Luca kindly gave me 2 extra tickets and I gave them to Starfish. Why Starfish? It's one of those thing that the brain just popped. So he brought Ernie. The movie was La Stella che non c'è. The English translation is The Missing Star. My translated version will be The star that's not there. The movie was actually half Chinese, half Italian. I kinda wondered which one was better, my Italian or Chinese. The story was not so satisfying for me. Story development for me wasn't done well. It told the story of this Italian engineer who made his way to China and tried hard to locate a factory which bought some machines from his old factory in Italy because the machine had some faulty parts and he wanted to tell them how to fix it. In China he befriended his translator who had baggages of her own. I found the 2 actors were quite good. However story wise, they just had a lot of empty parts for me. Why did the Italian try so hard to find the factory? He didn't mind going to the rural remote China just to find the factory where he didn't speak the language. For me that's the most annoying part. The "why"? Others also felt many empty parts in the movie, why did in the end the Italian cry when he was in the boat and what happened next to him and the Chinese girl? I guess all this open ending is up to the audiences to interpret the ending that they want. Overall, not necessarily bad but not one of the best Italian movies I've watched. The peeps I went with wasn't interested with the reception after, so I didn't go
I actually bought a CD that Wednesday. Sergio Mendes - Encanto. I loved his Timeless album so much. Encanto is not bad. A bit less Black Eyed Peas compared to Timeless though Will.I.Am still co-produced it. I wasn't really blown away as when I heard Timeless for the first time but I kinda like the whole more Brazilian feel into it. One morning when I was hearing it in the bus, I was kinda feeling Rio De Janeiro in the bus and was wishing I could just go there and enjoy the beaches and atmosphere. Was feeling and imagining how that city is such a fun party place. Strange though that the Brazilian that I know of is not really that party crazy Brazilian as you may imagine. I suppose he is in some ways but perhaps as what happen to many people who have lived in many parts of the world, that many parts of the world get into you and change you a bit. So this Brazilian that I know of, is straight talking like an American and loves beer like Homer or perhaps to be more correct, the beer crazy Germans who influence him. The only trace of him being Brazilian is actually none. Seeing him, you can't really tell. His name, as many people pointed out, it sounded French. Either way, though I find him intimidating sometime, deep down he's a nice person
Allora, so that's really my non-adventurous boring life for you peeps. I can still write long for nothing. I kinda want to sleep early today, but I will be having some milk first. Take care peeps. To Vivy, if you are reading this. I am bloody envious. Excelling in your studies really get you far in life, literally. Sigh. Night peeps!
:) eKa @ 11:40:00 PM • 0 comments
Monday, June 02, 2008
That Friends Forever, Forever Friends
So I went to Esther's wedding yesterday. Arrived later than what the invitation stated because one knows that Chinese wedding will always start late. Saw Esther as I arrived and the smart her recognized me straight away. I was kinda happy to see her. Saw Shervin at the reception, I suppose she was kinda stunned to see me, but she recognized me nonetheless, or perhaps she only realized it was me after I gave Esther a hug. Lukas, Esther's brother, was there as well and he was like, "This is Eka? Eka Buntoro?". I wonder if I really changed a lot. He brought me to the table that I was sharing with them and Elina and Wawa. Saw Elina and Wawa sitting at the table, and I waved and yet no response from them. Finally Wawa registered it was me, in her defense she didn't wear her glasses when she saw me, but it was Elina who took quite some time to realize it's me even after I was standing right in front of her. She was just staring at me. Seriously, I wonder if I am so different now. I wonder if it's because of the girlie outfit or if I really have changed. I kinda can still recognize them all, I wonder why it's so surprising for them to see me now.Anyway, it was amazing to see them coming all the way for their friend's wedding. I thought it's just me and my girls who managed to keep such a bond, apparently they too. All those Friends Forever, Forever Friends do survive these 10 years. I miss my best friends at home and how I miss talking to them. How I am so thankful that I can still have them as friends even after all these years. When I talked to these girls last night, I didn't really connect much with them. At one point, I wondered if all these times away from home kinda made me a bit not as Indonesian as them. But I always can talk to Dewi, Marlisa, and Emilia well. Perhaps we are just more in the same frequency with each other, and I was never really in the same frequency with them, hence we were never close friends back in school. Of course we got updates on each other lives and I even heard a bit of gossip
Talking to them and seeing the footage from what happened earlier in the wedding's day, I feel that Shervin is such a nice person and friend. She said something that made me feel kinda happy, she said something like she was glad to see me still able to be expressive and not as emotionless as the Singaporeans. That really made me smile and grin from the inside
Anyway, so that's about it. Called my mom just now to share stories. I miss her. Then I called my cousin, Marlisa, but she wasn't around. Her mom answered and my auntie was so cute and rather nutty. She asked me to talk to her granddaughter, Mikaela, who is perhaps around 6 months old. I guess my auntie just loves to see her reaction. I wonder how cute she is now. I miss home. But I cannot deny the fact that I am neither here nor there, sigh.
:) eKa @ 8:28:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, May 31, 2008
I pride myself as a dedicated and committed person. I know that I am quite reliable and responsible, yadda yadda yadda. I'm not lying though and I can say those words with conviction. Case example: reached my room close to midnight last night and woke up at 7:30 something this morning to start with my Saturday engagement. I have never missed my Saturday engagement without valid reasons, such as: going home, sick, or once in a long time chances like meeting Rista. That's every Saturday for you, for almost 2 and a half years now. What keeps me going? What made me got up my bed despite it being a Saturday, which occasionally have its lazy rainy morning? I have no explanation other than I have too much control in me, and that dedicated and committed line on top. Sometime I wish I could be one of those people who just do what their emotion or feeling tell them to do. I wish I could just laze for a day because I feel like it or just to sleep in because I feel sleepy, but NO ... I always end up waking up and walking out of the door. I just can't be one of those people. I was one of those people in my first year of Uni and I paid the consequences. In my first term, I died a horrible death. Sigh. I suppose that wasn't really me back then, if I have regrets in life, that would be one of it.Anyway, I guess forcing it does come with its negativity. I am most antisocial in the morning, quite often I just don't want to talk to anyone until I'm ready to do so. But some people just couldn't follow my 9 am rule so even before that I have to deal with shit. Then there are days when I'm also on edge and often I just don't have the patience to deal with dumb people which still happen a lot this week. You have to be fair though, perhaps they are not really dumb, perhaps it's just me being a bitch with no patience. Oh dear, this becomes a complaining session, no? So sorry.
This writing started actually just to tell you that perhaps I am older that I couldn't really go out late and be on point the next day. In retrospect, it has never happened anyway. In Uni days, I slept at dawn, woke up for my 10 am lecture, in which it was also just the case of the presence of the body and not the mind. I was there just because I felt bad about skipping it but I didn't try to understand anything. Another bigger regret is me not trying harder in my Uni days, that was really a big mistake in life and I am perhaps paying the consequences now. Ah, another round of complaining. So sorry. So anyway yeah, so what happened today was that I was feeling so sleepy during my Saturday engagement that I found it really hard to concentrate. I feel rather bad to kind Arianna. Sigh.
Reason for being so sleepy was because I slept late, because as mentioned I arrived in my room sometime near to midnight last night. Went to watch The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Movie was at 08:30 pm so it ended late and I got really really tired, I even still felt tired this morning. The benefit of movie starting late was ample time for dinner which was at Tambuah Mas. I kinda needed the comfort food. Still love the food there and still want to go there again soon, because there are so many things that I wanted to eat. Dinner for 2 didn't really allow us to order much. Love the efficiency of the place and the fact that it's quite cheap there.
I found Narnia to be quite good. I think I would enjoy it better if I wasn't so tired and was more alert. They have some interesting lines. Fighting scenes were interesting. There were interesting characters. I normally not one who are excited about talking animals, but I love the talking animals here, the badger and the oh-yes-very-cute mouse. Aslan the lion didn't give much impressions on me though, I found him to be very interesting in the first movie. Speaking of which, watching this sequel, I was thinking I should have watched the first one again, to remember how the kids were back then. The kids are of course older now. I came to the movie thinking that Prince Caspian was rather handsome but I went out liking High King Peter more. He is more appealing for me, and I could really fall with this blondie. Overall, quite a nice movie, watch it if you are into this kind of fantasy genre. I kinda love it. I kinda like the whole magic and adventure elements. I guess my childish side just came out strong when I watched this movie. Love the land of Narnia so much. The sceneries were beautiful and I would love to be in those place, to see the islands, forests, beach, rivers. Amazing sceneries.
Wanted to watch Salvatore today. In the end, I didn't. I'm pretty disappointed with myself. Very very disappointed actually. Aaarrrgghh. Let's see if I can get the movie.
Tomorrow is Esther's wedding. Felt rather worried if I wouldn't know anyone there that I asked her whom I will be seated with. She assured me that Shervin, Elina, and Wawa are flying over and I will be sitting with them. So I guess that's not bad. These people are people from my primary and junior high school days. The last time I saw them was most probably 11 years ago. We were not the closest of friends back then, so I kinda wonder if we can talk much, but I suppose there will be things to talk about, especially if we are to endure that long chinese wedding dinner. So I'm kinda excited and slightly nervous about meeting them. That's rather a silly thing to say, isn't it?
:) eKa @ 8:26:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Olla peeps, how has your week been? Ah perhaps I do have 6th sense or perhaps it was autosuggestion (Gosh it was so hard to find this word and it still doesn't sound as nice as the Indonesian word that I wanted to use, "sugesti"). My week wasn't really a smooth sailing. It's not me with the problem. It's other people and in the end I am dragged into the whirlwind which as the ibu said, have become a tornado. As I told Lois, it's like in a battlefield when people are shooting at each other and I was far away minding my own business but now I am called to carry the wounded and to do negotiation. I don't like it, don't like it at all. If I can I just want to say, you guys sucks! I don't really know what to say. I mean if you are an adult and such, you know that life's a bitch, life's not fair. So as much as I still scream in the face of things which I feel are unfair, I too, like the rest of the human population now and in the past, accept the reality and work my way around it. Eh, what am I writing about? I guess in summary, I should just shut up and try to go through with whatever it is required of me. After all, if God brings you to it, HE will bring you through it.Oh yeah, did go to Carl's Gatti Del Mondo Exhibition on its opening day, Tuesday at the Arts House. Dragged la Gioia there where we met Ms. Kiera and her ragazzo. Was rather in a very keen mode to go there because I didn't go to last year's one and I think that's very bad of me to Carl. Then this year, Ms. Kiera's 2 pictures are in the exhibition. La Gioia even bought a magnet that featured one of her picture. Anyway, if you have a free time, do go to the Arts House to see the exhibition. It will be there until the end of next week, after which you can just stroll around the Singapore River.
Today I went to my morning engagement dressed rather formally and so not like me. Reason for that was because I had to go to M&M wedding lunch afterwards. They're being polite, didn't say anything when they saw me so differently, though Arianna did say "carina!". Circa alle dodici quando avrei voluto lasciare, ho detto "devo andare, ho un pranzo di matrimonio". Poi A.Nobre ha detto, "ah perciò si veste elegante". Nella mia mente, "Si! Tu pensi che mi piaccia portare una gonna? Oh No! Mio Dio. Il livello della mia fiducia in se stessa diminuiva". By the way, I am so gonna flunk CELI 3. Oh my God, help me!!!
Anyway, then off I went. It was expected but still I wasn't truly prepared for it or knew how to deal with it for that matter, everyone was like exclaiming, "Aaah, Eka you are wearing a skirt!!!". That pretty much didn't help to boost my level of confidence which was pretty low. I was getting more embarrassed. Sure all of them kindly gave me compliments but it would be nice if you know, people don't make a big deal out of it. Though I know it's quite a big deal because this is the first time any of them ever see me in a skirt. At one point la Gioia said maybe you should get on the stage and make an announcement, yes this is me in a skirt, so see now, and let's move on. I have to say that it wasn't a bad idea, but of course I wouldn't have the craziness to pull that one. La Gioia said it was so funny when all the pet started getting all their cameras ready to take my picture with il Gatto. I didn't think much of it, but come to think of it, this one was nothing compared to the steamboat incident. Oh my God, that was embarrassing to the max.
Lunch was okay. I was rather bad and impolite for not spending much time talking to people like Meiyin and Angelica. Very very bad of me. No manner! After lunch I was supposed to watch Indiana Jones with Starfish and all, but we didn't book and in the end couldn't really get good seats, so in the end that plan was canceled. So me, la Gioia, and Lois just hung around to fill their time before their next meetings. Did some shopping too. Now getting really tired. I guess it's the heels, though as Dewi pointed out, it was rather short at around 3 cm. What can I say, I just love sneakers!
Ah, I have written for so long and I haven't even touched the title. The title is a song title from Ungu which has been in Starfish's playlist since perhaps Friday and it's still playing. That one and only song, my goodness! Got the song from Ms. Kiera who is more in tune to Indonesian music than me, so I passed it to Starfish. I am actually more in a Jikustik mode these days. I just remember, I think it was Dendry who told me he liked Jikustik and asked me to listen to their songs ages ago which I ignored and yet now I find them to be very interesting.
Moving on, about the title. Well I cannot really give you any background story but (if you are so free) think about this. A boy and a girl in the same circle of friends. They were friends. They hung out in groups and all. Suddenly perhaps sparks floated here and there. So they spent times just the two of them then, well I can only be sure of 1 party only, one of them feels certain feeling and feels that the other feels the same way. So this person told the other one, hey I like / love you, yadda yadda yadda. Then apparently the other party didn't really feel as much, or perhaps they do (as what all the signals been saying) but don't want to go into the whole relationship thingy that they just kinda want to be there only, which is confusing and undefined. Furthermore perhaps they kinda want all these feeling not to be addressed so that things can just be the way it is as it is (which again was weird and confusing). Not a very encouraging response, no? So the question is, if we have to move on from these people, should we really cut all ties? I wrote some time ago, is walking away the only way to feel fine?
Starfish thinks so. What do you think? Walking away will ruin the friendship that they previously had. Veramente questo è anche la mia storia. I wanted to walk away, I kinda decided to walk away. That kinda broke my heart. I told Starfish, sometime when I think about it, it's not him who broke my heart, but myself. Then sometime he comes along whenever he feels like it (which sucks). Perhaps I kinda let him in, I still talk to him and stuff. Starfish said that's why you still feel so shitty. True. But he's ... I don't know what to say, I think he's just being selfish. I really don't know what he wants or how he feels. At this point there's no use for me to make assumption. I like to think I know how he feels truthfully but I can be so wrong. I hate it. I think that the friendship should still be there, at least we can be courteous to each other but perhaps Starfish is right. How do you expect to rid something out of your system completely if you still letting it in once a while. Enough about me, I am in a moving on state, so I don't want to talk about this anymore. For you people, if you are in similar situation, I hope you have a happy ending, ya
I told Starfish, my story is more like this:
...
adakah ku singgah di hatimu?
mungkinkah kau rindukan adaku?
adakah ku sedikit di hatimu?
...
kau yang ada di hatiku
adakah ku di hatimu?
Untitled - Maliq & D'Essentials
:) eKa @ 9:14:00 PM • 0 comments
Monday, May 19, 2008
Hello peeps, how have your long weekend been? So it is ending. For me it's not just the long weekend which is ending but also the free and solitary week that I have been having. Well you can't play all the time. Playing is perhaps what I have been doing lately when I really shouldn't. I should have been more focused. Today I tried to squeeze in some brainy activities but it didn't work so well. Tomorrow onwards I see nothing but me having to move full speed ahead *sigh* Help me God please.Went to watch Made of Honor yesterday with Vivy. She was running really late so it seemed that we were going to miss the movie. I tried to collect the ticket myself though I thought it would be highly impossible since she was the one who did the booking. Miraculously, the boy at the counter made it happen after he asked his manager to key in some password or pin. I was at awe. Maybe the boy remembered me from 2 days before. So peeps, next time you're in such situation, perhaps you could try approaching the people at the counter with a desperate and rather blur look
The movie was not bad, though it was typical. I was never one who was into McDreamy in Grey's Anatomy but I have to say that Patrick Dempsey was appetizing in this movie. I really cannot say much about the story because it is typical and as expected. Should you watch it? Well I kinda like it but perhaps you will find it too ordinary. Anyways that movie along with the movies that I watched this long weekend, 2 Weeks Notice, Before Sunrise (I didn't really watch all of it), and The Truth About Cats and Dogs kinda have one thing in common. That guy and girl relationship and what made them so awesome. I guess it's good conversation. I guess when you gonna spend forever with someone, you should be able to have that good conversation with that someone. I know that it is rare, to be able to talk about everything with someone, not necessarily about life and what bothers you and all that stuffs but also about stuffs like where the polar bear and the penguin live. Ah, I miss that.
So I asked a question this week, do you want your girlfriend to be your friend first or you just want to meet a girl and try to make her your girlfriend? He answered I want her to be my friend first. I think I asked the wrong question. I suppose the question I should ask is that do you want to fall for your friend? Then I said it sucks, it sucks to fall for your friend and not having that person feeling the same way. Sometime it didn't end the way movies are, like in Made of Honor when the 2 good friends ended up together. Sometime, as I saw in an Indonesian reality TV show recently, the girl just wanted to stay the way she is with the guy even though the boy likes her and perhaps she likes him too and their friendship is so blurry *sigh* Girls can be so confusing sometime.
Okay, enough talking about relationship? It sucks when you don't have it? It sucks also when you have it?
Moving on to other stuffs, I was watching Channel News Asia as I am writing this. It's featuring how Indonesian Reformation is, now that it's been 10 years. 10 years, my goodness. Unbelievable. I've forgotten many things from that time. There's bits and pieces that I could still remember. Sitting on the bus and watching the crowds in the Trisakti University having demonstration. Strangely I wasn't scared though there were so many people there. Then the day before the big riot where me and Rista and Meylyana crossed that bridge to go to our area and seeing nothingness on the streets which were normally filled with traffic jam. Nothing at all, if you think about it, it's so freaky. I remember my dad driving Rista to the church of her father's friend. I remember being at home and just waiting, seeing people passing by with the things that they looted. We were okay. We were safe and sound. How it was possible, I think God is the only answers. How time flies. 10 years have gone by. A decade. How's our country now? I can't say much. I guess I am not one who can give comment anyway, since I haven't been spending much time there. Still I think, it's not a bad place to be in, even my dear Jakarta.
Okay, gonna go now. Kinda have a few things this week. I don't know why, I have all these nervousness in me for the coming week. I hope things will be alright. Spero che tutti sia bene, per favore Dio. Ciao tutti!
:) eKa @ 8:35:00 PM • 0 comments
Friday, May 16, 2008
Hi peeps, just reached my room some time ago and I am sneezing myself away now while frantically trying to dry my hair. Not actually having a good day today, perhaps the only good thing today was that I managed to get away half an hour earlier. I just felt so relieved to be able to get out from everyone and be on my own. Watching the Thomas Cup semi final now but the connection is so bad. Indonesia VS Korea and the standing currently is 0-2, aarrrgghh ...Anyway, went to watch Drillbit Taylor today. Nobody wanted to watch it and so after much hesitation I just went with my trusty self. I like watching movies alone but I do get insecure a lot of times and at such times it's quite difficult to drag myself. Today I am glad that I managed to drag myself to watch this movie alone. I enjoyed Drillbit Taylor so much and I totally recommend all of you to watch it. I had so much laughter and it was really a good destress for me. The story was about these 3 boys who were first years in high school and were the victims of the school's notorious bullies. They couldn't fight for themselves so they hired the bum, Owen Wilson, as their bodyguard. As the tagline says, the best bodyguard pocket money can buy. I am so interested to watch this because of this concept, but I think this same thing is what drove other people away.
One of the writers wrote Superbad as well and since I watched that, I couldn't help feeling that this is the younger version of those dudes in Superbad. 3 geeks, 2 of them are the bestest friends, and 1 of them was fat with curly hair. You really can't help feeling the similarity. I actually like this more than Superbad. I suppose I prefer a tamer movie rather than the very-full-with-crude-language Superbad. I thought the 3 boys were rather lovable, Wade, Ryan, and Emmit. They were still geeks and pretty weak and at times you do get annoyed with their helplessness but they were really quite likeable. At the climax when they really stood up for themselves and fought the bullies, I felt so proud for them
However being the older me, I like Owen Wilson the most. One can't really say he is one of the most handsome actors around currently or the best actors around. In fact he often acted the same in whichever movie he's in. I felt quite sorry for him when I read the news that he tried to kill himself. In this movie, I think he did quite well. I could feel the kindness in Drillbit. As I said, he's not stunningly handsome, but somehow I was kinda really drawn to him. So yeah, I just want to say I love Owen Wilson! Ah dude, I hope you're not feeling so hopeless in your life anymore. So watch Drillbit Taylor peeps. Good laugh. A really good feel-good entertainment
On other news, this week generally has been alright. They were moments of upsets but oh well, what else is new. The week started quite interestingly actually. Went to Adobe Flash Actionscript 3.0 training on Monday. I thought the speaker Colin Moock was handsome
Met a few people I know there like WeePee, Vinny, and HillOne. It's so good to be able to see them. It's been a while, especially HillOne. We took the train home together, had a few talk. That guy always has a good head on his shoulders. With all his hard work, I think he is destined to be awesome.
Okay, gonna go now and start my long weekend. Really need this time of solitude. Take care peeps.
:) eKa @ 10:20:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, May 10, 2008
I had quite a long day today. Not as long as my weekdays but somehow I'm rather tired. Morning engagement as usual. Then was supposed to see NanSee but she was discharged early so that was canceled and in the end la Gioia could have her Globetrotter lunch. I had the Indonesian nasi goreng which wasn't so authentic. Well, I suppose people would like it but I'm just not into sambal and all that stuffs. After that we went to see RH which was looking okay. Apparently the doctor knows what's wrong with him, well I hope he can get the easy way out rather than the more difficult one. After which, we went for a bit of shopping which kinda bored me a lot. I seriously don't really like shopping and all and perhaps I became quite a bore to la Gioia as well. She nicely managed not buying anything. I got some stuffs and after a second look on them, I think I did okay.Then I went back home and got a nice surprise when I saw Copper in the train. He was actually already looking at me, spotting me first. I kinda always get stunned when people can recognize me because I think I kinda changed(?). So I suppose not though. Had small talk because I was only 2 stations away. Kinda nice to meet old friends I suppose. It's been awhile since I saw the people from my Kent Ridge days and it's always a nice surprise to see them. Of course when they said they are married and expecting kids and such, I do feel a bit of a poke inside, but lucky thing is Copper is still more or less like me
Moving on. So many people have gotten sick these days and I hope all of you are well. Do take care of yourself. Oh, I have to say about the thunderous nights we have been having. Last night and the night before. I was never a child who ran to their parent's bed when there's thunder at night, but these 2 nights I was really kinda scared with the thunder. My heart was beating faster with each struck and it quivered when the lightning flashed from my window. I don't know, at this age I am actually more bothered with thunder and lightning at night. Yesterday was really really bad, that I was praying with every lightning and thunder. I felt so thankful that I was inside instead of outside. I also realize that I am quite lucky in many ways. With 2 people I know had to be hospitalized, I couldn't help feeling that I am so blessed and protected by God, that even though I got sick and such, I am okay. I haven't really experienced much difficulties in life. I guess I have to be more grateful.
Movie this week was Nim's Island which I watched with Yen, la Gioia, Starfish, and Gascoigne. I think I am bloody nice to Gascoigne but I suppose he has his nice moments to me. Some days ago, my weird brain was thinking if I should give an Italian name to Starfish, what would it be. Matteo came to mind. It's the Italian version for Matthew and a short Google away, I found out that Matteo means "Gift of God". Nice, no? Anyway back to the movie. Nim's Island wasn't amazing. I actually found it to be quite long. It was so unrealistic and illogical at many points but I suppose the target audience are young kids (10 something) who would just be happy to see the main characters conquer all. The movie is about the adventure that Abigail Breslin, Jodie Foster, and Gerard Butler's characters had. Individually and separately. As I said, at many times they were illogical. Not much excitement really. Of the 3 characters, I have to say I kinda connected with Jodie Foster's character the most. I can relate to the part of having fear and having to take steps on her own. Scary, really scary. Anyways, the movie ends well, obviously. Should you watch it? No
Okay before I end this post, one last part to share. One Sunday night I was enlightened that I would be okay, that my brain and my logical decision was correct and I would be fine. However little touch swayed me. I wanted to scream "It's not fair! It's so not fair". Is walking away the only way to be fine? Quando c'è sentimento, non c'è mai pentimento. That was from a song. Non ho un pentimento but I want to be alright. I don't want to be heartbroken *sigh*
:) eKa @ 5:54:00 PM • 0 comments
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Before I begin I just want to say, I am easily distracted. Even worse, perhaps one of the worst trait in me is that if something gets into my head I will not be able to shake it off until I just do or deal with whatever it is. Kinda a bad timing right now, because I have so many other things in front me which require my utmost attention. Sigh. Help me God, help me to get through all the necessary things first.Went to watch Iron Man with Vivy and the people whom Vivy sometime spends the Saturday with, Hady and Anwar. I kinda enjoyed Iron Man very very much. I am not really a big fan of superhero movie. When one is out, I will be like rolling my eyes and say, "another superhero movie?". I have no particular favorite actually, though I would say the Fantastic Four movies are the most brainless of them all. Anyway I think Iron Man was quite nicely done. No point talking about the plot because it is still a superhero movie after all. The best thing about the movie for me was Robert Downey Jr whom I found to be very entertaining and the Iron Man itself which I found to be totally cool. Awesome. I thought it was way cooler than Transformers. I was thinking, man! if only I could be a guy and be Iron Man
Was talking to Starfish just now about movie and in the end I told him about what I think I should share with you as well. The 18th European Union Film Festival is starting tomorrow until May 17. Movies will be screened in The Picture House as well as Alliance Francaise Auditorium. There's 1 free screening which you all can go but collect your tickets from now. The movie is called After Years of Hate (Nous Nous Sommes Tant Hais), a French movie. It's an European Commission Delegation, I don't know what that means but perhaps it just means it's free
Then the Italians are having their Italian Festival 2008. You may have seen some ad in the bus or some places. Anyway, there are many Italian related activity. Since I am into movies, let me tell you 2 movies which you can watch for free. The first one is Il Postino (The Postman), showing in Library@Esplanade, on Saturday 24 May 2008, 03:00 - 04:30 pm. I love that movie so much and perhaps that movie was the one which ignited my passion for Italy. It introduced me to the wonderful Pablo Neruda. I totally totally recommend you to watch this. If you know the song Mi Mancherai sung by Josh Groban, then you will find this movie more endearing. The song was used as the soundtrack and it was really really touching. The next movie is Salvatore - Questa É La Vita, screened the following Saturday, 31 May at the same time, same place. I haven't watched this. So I will try to watch both if I can drag some people to accompany me. There's also some other free things which you watch, but I found the places to be rather far. The Seagull and the Cat (La Gabbianella ed il Gatto) is an animated film, showing Saturday, May 24, 03:00 - 04:30 pm at Marine Parade Community Library and then there's Giobbe Giobbe, a puppet show which will be in English, so no worries there. This actually seems very interesting. It's playing Saturday 17 May, 03:00 - 04:00 pm at Woodlands Regional Library (far ya?). The Italian film festival itself is coming. In June though, so we will talk about it next month. Okay, if you are interested and want to know more, you can ask me. Take care you all! Have a good week ahead.
:) eKa @ 7:21:00 PM • 0 comments
Friday, May 02, 2008
If The Thunder Could Have Struck
The last time I wrote, I said I was losing my mojo. Apparently it was just not the mojo which left me. I got sick quite badly last week. Exactly a week ago actually and the realization of that made me feel that this week really flies fast. Last Friday I was already feeling a bit bad when I woke up, felt cough was coming and the chest felt like it's being squeezed. However I went through with the day, I think because the people at home kinda inspired me to do so. Dewi said before that she would normally still storm her day even though she had a runny nose or a headache. I know my mom would do the same. So thinking of those people, I decided to go through with my day thinking that I wasn't really in a bad shape. However somehow around 3 pm, I really didn't feel good, it's more like sensing it rather than feeling it literally, so I decided to go home.Reached my room, took a nap, in about 1 hour, I got fever. Panadol took care of it and I was thinking if I could go through my Saturday or at least meet Emilia who was here last weekend. Got to sleep Friday night only to be woken up at 1 am with high temperature. Another panadol went in. Woke up, lied in my bed and I thought I should stay in and see the doctor. Her diagnosis was the usual flu symptoms. She thought my throat was bad though I wasn't feeling much sore throat yet at that time. Got my usual antibiotics, so I thought I was all good. Another high temperature Saturday night but when I woke up on Sunday, I was okay. However Sunday evening I had another fever. I just felt rather annoyed and worried at this point in time because the fever was on and off and only happened from the afternoon onwards.
Got the permission from mom to stay in on Monday. I felt really awful so I went to see the doc again. She said my throat was still really bad so more antibiotics and perhaps she felt rather guilty and sorry for me so she gave me MC for 2 days without me asking for it. She said I should really rest. She was so right. I was more emotional and mentally unstable that Monday that after the doctor when I got back to my room, I actually cried rather furiously. I just felt so alone. Miss my mom so much. Miss my aunt who would have been given the task to take care of me if I had been home. I felt rather angry and sad of having to deal with this on my own. So I cried and cried and cried and perhaps the release was necessary. My condition was rather improving after that.
Don't get me wrong. I've been sick here. A quick look in the journal showed that I had been sick 3 times this year, which makes it an average of once a month (kinda really worrying for me, why am I so weak?). Being sick badly and being in a vulnerable state just freaked me out. I've been sick but I've always been able to take care of myself despite of it. The weekend made me worried and all the different scenarios played in my head and I was thinking how I could get through if the worst happened. Thankfully of course, God takes care of me, and so nothing bad happened. It's all good now.
Anyways, I have to talk about the title. The title is in reference to something that me and il Gatto talked about one day. The thunder that could move us and make us leave. So when I was sobbing madly, I was thinking that was it. If the thunder could have struck, that would have been the moment. Of course it was a false alarm. However it does seem rather clear for me. One thing for sure, if I am destined to be single, I would rather be single at home than be here in Singapore alone. So I guess it will just be a matter of time now, when I decide that the loneliness is enough and too much for me to bear. I just got reminded, whatever it is I will have to be here in June. Decided to take CELI 3. It's such a risk, but I'm thinking I may be able to prepare myself well in 1 month. Decided to take it after talking to Osh. He said we should go for what we want instead of what we can. I'm not sure if that's a good path to follow, but I do kinda want this (I don't know why) so I'm going for it and I hope I will get lucky again. Okay peeps, take care okay. Stay healthy!
:) eKa @ 7:38:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Amazement in Age + Losing My Mojo
I have to say there was not just 1 reason when I started my Saturday engagement. One of the reason I had was simply to have a life outside the life that I had and to get to know new people. There was silly hope on the people whom I hoped to meet. I have to say unfortunately none of the vision that I had come true. However fortunately I can say it is more interesting to meet all the people I met, that God is always more amusing than what our mind can conjure. I was planning to give some sort of summary or my opinion of the different characters whom I have encountered, but laziness manages to stop that thought.However today I am going to write about a particular grandfather whom I found to be so cool. Today he found out that I'm actually an Indonesian (recently more people think that I am a Singaporean on first encounter, but that's another story altogether). So during the break, he said, "So you're Indonesian?". "Yes, I am", I said, grinning I may add. I just love being Indonesian. He said that "Oh, I spent 7 years there". He said he was there between 1962 to 1969 informing me that it was during the Soekarno era. I actually knew that. My first reaction was "Really? Oh my God! You were there in 1965!". "Yes", he said. He elaborated that he was there during the revolution. To which, I could only say "Oh my God, oh my God!" which I think made me looked like some brainless girl, which perhaps made him think that I was not interested with stories. I actually do! I have never met anyone from that time. The time of some of the most historical moments in Indonesia. I asked why he was there, what he was doing. It seemed he was involved in the building of Hotel Indonesia. Seriously, I was totally in a stunned mode that I couldn't stop saying "Oh My God!". I know that perhaps I should learn to be more brainy. I seriously hope in weeks to come, I could get him to tell stories about his stay in Indonesia, about that period. I really really really want to hear as much stories as he could give me. I hope such chance would come. One knows I lack social skill and my interrogative methods could be annoying.
I really found this grandfather to be so cool and how I wish when I reach his age, I too will have interesting stories to tell, that my life experience would great. On the short term wish, I do wish when I reach 30, I could be as amazing as the many people in their early 30s whom I met. To see what they have achieved in their age now is kinda inspiring for me. I do not have much time left to make much difference. With my lazy bones, it is highly likely that I am still where I am 4 years from now, which I seriously hope not. I suppose one of these days I really am going to get tired with my life that I will make drastic changes. Pray for me, peeps.
On personal life update. I don't feel that this week has been a productive one for me. Yesterday I found out that I miss something, which made me feel rather pissed off with myself though the point in which I realize the mistake was nothing short of a spark of brilliance. Everyone is not perfect, not everyone could be on point all the time. People have their mistake moments, however I am still quite bothered when I'm not performing well in situations when I should. Losing my mojo it seems. I don't know if one should read much into it. I don't know if I should read much into little things or coincidences which I feel is happening recently. I should repeat the mantra, "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it".
[added 12:22 AM]
Movie of the week is Hotel Rwanda which I just finished watching. It was really really really good and I would recommend all of you to watch it. The actors were great and Don Cheadle was of course nominated for Oscar in 2005 but didn't get it. The point was of course not about the greatness of the actors or whether the movie was entertaining and had a good storyline. The movie was based on a true story and to ask whether it was entertaining would be so disgraceful. The movie was heartbreaking for me. I had some tears. I couldn't help being thankful for the life that I have and as often happen when I watch this kinda movie, I wonder why such fate could happen in this world. Couldn't help wondering why God could let it happen. It's easy to say that everything is in God's plan when you have such a safe secure life. I wonder if I can still have such strong faith if I have to endure what the Rwandans endured. This kinda movie also often makes me feel rather embarrassed for getting so worked up with trivial things in my daily life when we could do so much more, save the world and do something good for other people. I totally recommend this movie to all of you peeps!
:) eKa @ 9:30:00 PM • 0 comments
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