Saturday, May 24, 2008

Kekasih Gelapku

Olla peeps, how has your week been? Ah perhaps I do have 6^th sense or perhaps it was autosuggestion (Gosh it was so hard to find this word and it still doesn't sound as nice as the Indonesian word that I wanted to use, "sugesti"). My week wasn't really a smooth sailing. It's not me with the problem. It's other people and in the end I am dragged into the whirlwind which as the ibu said, have become a tornado. As I told Lois, it's like in a battlefield when people are shooting at each other and I was far away minding my own business but now I am called to carry the wounded and to do negotiation. I don't like it, don't like it at all. If I can I just want to say, you guys sucks! I don't really know what to say. I mean if you are an adult and such, you know that life's a bitch, life's not fair. So as much as I still scream in the face of things which I feel are unfair, I too, like the rest of the human population now and in the past, accept the reality and work my way around it. Eh, what am I writing about? I guess in summary, I should just shut up and try to go through with whatever it is required of me. After all, if God brings you to it, HE will bring you through it.

Oh yeah, did go to Carl's Gatti Del Mondo Exhibition on its opening day, Tuesday at the Arts House. Dragged la Gioia there where we met Ms. Kiera and her ragazzo. Was rather in a very keen mode to go there because I didn't go to last year's one and I think that's very bad of me to Carl. Then this year, Ms. Kiera's 2 pictures are in the exhibition. La Gioia even bought a magnet that featured one of her picture. Anyway, if you have a free time, do go to the Arts House to see the exhibition. It will be there until the end of next week, after which you can just stroll around the Singapore River.

Today I went to my morning engagement dressed rather formally and so not like me. Reason for that was because I had to go to M&M wedding lunch afterwards. They're being polite, didn't say anything when they saw me so differently, though Arianna did say "carina!". Circa alle dodici quando avrei voluto lasciare, ho detto "devo andare, ho un pranzo di matrimonio". Poi A.Nobre ha detto, "ah perciò si veste elegante". Nella mia mente, "Si! Tu pensi che mi piaccia portare una gonna? Oh No! Mio Dio. Il livello della mia fiducia in se stessa diminuiva". By the way, I am so gonna flunk CELI 3. Oh my God, help me!!!

Anyway, then off I went. It was expected but still I wasn't truly prepared for it or knew how to deal with it for that matter, everyone was like exclaiming, "Aaah, Eka you are wearing a skirt!!!". That pretty much didn't help to boost my level of confidence which was pretty low. I was getting more embarrassed. Sure all of them kindly gave me compliments but it would be nice if you know, people don't make a big deal out of it. Though I know it's quite a big deal because this is the first time any of them ever see me in a skirt. At one point la Gioia said maybe you should get on the stage and make an announcement, yes this is me in a skirt, so see now, and let's move on. I have to say that it wasn't a bad idea, but of course I wouldn't have the craziness to pull that one. La Gioia said it was so funny when all the pet started getting all their cameras ready to take my picture with il Gatto. I didn't think much of it, but come to think of it, this one was nothing compared to the steamboat incident. Oh my God, that was embarrassing to the max.

Lunch was okay. I was rather bad and impolite for not spending much time talking to people like Meiyin and Angelica. Very very bad of me. No manner! After lunch I was supposed to watch Indiana Jones with Starfish and all, but we didn't book and in the end couldn't really get good seats, so in the end that plan was canceled. So me, la Gioia, and Lois just hung around to fill their time before their next meetings. Did some shopping too. Now getting really tired. I guess it's the heels, though as Dewi pointed out, it was rather short at around 3 cm. What can I say, I just love sneakers!

Ah, I have written for so long and I haven't even touched the title. The title is a song title from Ungu which has been in Starfish's playlist since perhaps Friday and it's still playing. That one and only song, my goodness! Got the song from Ms. Kiera who is more in tune to Indonesian music than me, so I passed it to Starfish. I am actually more in a Jikustik mode these days. I just remember, I think it was Dendry who told me he liked Jikustik and asked me to listen to their songs ages ago which I ignored and yet now I find them to be very interesting.

Moving on, about the title. Well I cannot really give you any background story but (if you are so free) think about this. A boy and a girl in the same circle of friends. They were friends. They hung out in groups and all. Suddenly perhaps sparks floated here and there. So they spent times just the two of them then, well I can only be sure of 1 party only, one of them feels certain feeling and feels that the other feels the same way. So this person told the other one, hey I like / love you, yadda yadda yadda. Then apparently the other party didn't really feel as much, or perhaps they do (as what all the signals been saying) but don't want to go into the whole relationship thingy that they just kinda want to be there only, which is confusing and undefined. Furthermore perhaps they kinda want all these feeling not to be addressed so that things can just be the way it is as it is (which again was weird and confusing). Not a very encouraging response, no? So the question is, if we have to move on from these people, should we really cut all ties? I wrote some time ago, is walking away the only way to feel fine?

Starfish thinks so. What do you think? Walking away will ruin the friendship that they previously had. Veramente questo è anche la mia storia. I wanted to walk away, I kinda decided to walk away. That kinda broke my heart. I told Starfish, sometime when I think about it, it's not him who broke my heart, but myself. Then sometime he comes along whenever he feels like it (which sucks). Perhaps I kinda let him in, I still talk to him and stuff. Starfish said that's why you still feel so shitty. True. But he's ... I don't know what to say, I think he's just being selfish. I really don't know what he wants or how he feels. At this point there's no use for me to make assumption. I like to think I know how he feels truthfully but I can be so wrong. I hate it. I think that the friendship should still be there, at least we can be courteous to each other but perhaps Starfish is right. How do you expect to rid something out of your system completely if you still letting it in once a while. Enough about me, I am in a moving on state, so I don't want to talk about this anymore. For you people, if you are in similar situation, I hope you have a happy ending, ya I was tempted to say, write to me and we'll set up a support system

I told Starfish, my story is more like this:

...
adakah ku singgah di hatimu?
mungkinkah kau rindukan adaku?
adakah ku sedikit di hatimu?
...
kau yang ada di hatiku
adakah ku di hatimu?

Untitled - Maliq & D'Essentials

:) eKa @ 9:14:00 PM •