Saturday, April 28, 2007

Getting to Know the Grey Area

La Gioia said (for 2 times already I think) that things are so black and white in my world, while in hers and many others there's such thing as the grey area. I am not so sure if she is right but I do have a particular stand on some things. Why is this short introduction? Well, let's just read this post and see if this short introduction is apt.

Woke up not feeling so good today because I didn't have a good night sleep. It's been happening everyday lately¹. So I was late as usual. Grabbed MacDonald's milo because I didn't have the chance to buy a proper thing to eat. Was rather stunned to see half of the peeps didn't show up. Just found out that Carl va in Philippine, un' altra vacanza. Beata lei. La fidanzata di Prabh è qui, e forse loro vanno in vacanza. Molta gente va in vacanza ... ah beata loro. Anyways, Arianna was really nice, and overall it was a nice session though I had to muster every will in my being to concentrate. Oh yeah, I was shocked to find out that I didn't finish something, ho dimenticato! Ah...I should really put in more effort. Less chatting on the Net, Eka!

Afterwards, met Vivy in Orchard. She's having quite a sad situation. I wish everything will be alright. Had lunch (roast chicken). Saw some vaio, geez, I love nice computers and I so want to explore Windows vista (though I already saw something I don't like) Then I finally got my iPod. Was still undecided between the black one or iPod U2, but then I decided to ask for iPod U2, in which the person said there's no stock. Vivy's reaction was why don't we try other places, she thought you should really try to get what you want. My reaction was it's okay lah, nggak jodoh (not fated). So I settled with the black one. Happy? Err...well, it's not like I really really really wanted it. I got it and it was quite a spending, but I haven't regretted it, so I think it's okay? Moving on, being the gluttony me, I just had to have dessert. Ended up in Borders Bistro. Loved my black forest, kinda enjoyed the place as well. Our first time trying that place. I actually ordered a spritzer, which was white wine + soda, thinking that it would perhaps taste nice and not so alcoholic. I was kinda very wrong. Well, I suppose the not so alcoholic part is right, but for me it was still rather too much. The smell was strong and it was bitter. I guess I am not really a wine person. Vivy herself didn't enjoy it and after a few ice cubes, I managed to finish it

I felt kinda weird myself that my alcohol encounter came this soon. Yesterday I had dinner with the pets and their partners and some pet friends. Hhhmm...I do must say that the places by the Singapore river are pretty cool. Anyways the crazy uncle used his birthday to make us take shots of vodka. I was seriously in doubt if I should do it. To be fair, my one was not a shot, he already poured so much less. However, I just felt it was kinda wrong. I don't know why, maybe the whole situation? I guess there are a few things that friends should not ask other friends to do, such as smoking (normal or weed), drinking, and other things that I can't really think of right now Then, drinking alcohol is just not something that I condone. I don't know, I just don't feel it's right. Then of course there's that small thing in the back of my mind that my mom wouldn't like me doing this kinda stuff. Anyways, it kinda went in blur, because I felt I shouldn't take it and wouldn't be able to handle it and there's the whole people looking at me holding the glass and anticipating if I would take it. In the end I did, I don't know why, maybe because why not? maybe because I don't think it will affect me much? Maybe also because I felt that I already made it such a big deal and another 10 minutes of me trying to get away from it would be embarrassing. I didn't like the taste. I gulped a glass of water after it just to get the taste away. Overall, I didn't really feel any effect at all Aaah...I should really stop experimenting with alcoholic drinks.

Had dinner with Vivy last Tuesday. Had talks about the stories people told me. The stupid things people say, the way people handle their problems. A revelation occurred that I look life in a more Christian way instead of in a Buddhist way. After a wiki search, I realized that I don't really know much about Buddhism, though it's my religion in my Indonesian ID card. Ask me about Jesus, I can give you better answer. Anyway, Vivy is a Buddhist and she does have quite a different view of seeing the happening in our life. She believes in karma, the good one and the bad one. As Buddhist, God the supreme being is not really in their belief. How does creation come along in Buddhism? I'm not sure, ask them. Anyways, that's not the point of our discussion. We were discussing about a certain problem someone I know has and how he chooses to deal with it. As much as we agreed that this guy's solution is pretty stupid, we had differing view on the nature of how the problem comes along. Well, Vivy kinda somewhat agreed with the guy on my theory of why such things happen but again I guess we just have different belief I guess I believe that sometime life is sucky because yeah "cobaan bisa datang mendera hidup" I'm sorry, I can't find an English translation for it I don't know how to say "cobaan" in English. Anyway and so with that belief, I also believe in God (in the existence of Him) who can lift our problems and it is really in Him alone that we should submit all our problems. Why am I preaching here? I don't know

¹So the part about not being able to sleep. Well, I made plans and one by one, they crumbled before me. Maybe because they weren't solid plans anyways, but there was 1 that I was really hoping for a lot. I don't know why I could be so stupid and not see that it had a high chance of failure. I guess it was because it was a dream *sigh* That made me really really sad, I can feel depression kicking in. I haven't cried yet. So I guess I can still be thankful. However, my body has already felt this emotional turn. One of it is me not being able to sleep well. Always get awoken earlier than I plan to. There's also the funny and tiring dreams, such as the ones that hunted me this morning, one after another. Damn it! Come to think of it, I guess I haven't been having a real good sleep for a long long time. I don't know what to say. Other things are happening and ... sigh, I can be acceptant, I can be grateful, I can be happy but it feels like I'm in denial. I don't know if I'm being ungrateful or this is really not my place. So much confusion and I just feel so much frustration. I don't know how to deal with this. Maybe I need to talk to older people more. Oh yeah, Mr. Italian job didn't come last Monday. See ... it's really hard to get hold of him, well he did have a good reason, being sick and all. Alright peeps, you take care okay. Hope your days are so much brighter.

:) eKa @ 10:49:00 PM •