Saturday, July 29, 2006

Nothing to Say

I was wondering what title I should put for this post. Trying to browse for lyrics of songs I listened today and yet I couldn't remember what songs I did hear today. Then I thought why do I need to go to song lyrics for a title? All the things here suppose to be things that I want to say and here I am finding myself that I have nothing to say and oH how that 3 words really summarize a lot of things.

It's not a Lake House weekend this Saturday because I am waiting for Vivy to come back so that we could watch it together. She should be back today. I wonder what would have happened if I had gone with her. One is I could meet the Mr and perhaps the Mrs and see his world? Two and the rest is that some things may have gone worst and I would definitely have become more depressed when we came back.

This week has not been the better weeks that I have. Wednesday, I had to admit that I was bored to dead and failed to inspire (basically I was lousy). Thursday, I wanted to just drop dead on the spot (oH or was it last last Thursday?). Friday, I wanted to hit some snobbish mindless morons, I wished they could have just shot me right there and then. Today I felt stupid and unworthy and MSN live messenger was killing me just now. My dear God, life just sucks!!! Feeling it's bad karma that biting me in the ass. I try to remember the things that happened this week but I couldn't really recall much of the things that happened. My mind is blocking everything? Since it had gone bad?

The Mr has been monitoring the situation and giving me input. Maybe I have been bias for quite some time. Some things are just not acceptable and to think it's okay because it's a friend is just wrong. I'm pretty sure the other Mr who is more "particular" would agree with this Mr. I feel that things are still unresolved while the Mr thinks that things are already resolved. He kinda wants me to stop thinking about it, of course he's totally right. But some of the things that he wants me to stick on just feel a bit wrong but he does have his points. That's how stupid I am that I can't make a decision on my own. Guess, I have to see it as listening to someone with more life experience than me. Whatever it is the fact remains that...

I am seeing Singapore in a melancholic way. I've been thinking of my life here and how the days are ending. As I sat in the taxi or bus and looking at the trees, streets, trains, thinking of my life here so far, I can not deny that there's a tinge of sadness that it's all ending. I can still see me and my cousin on that taxi ride that first took me to Kent Ridge Hall, NUS. So when I connected that to where I am now, there's some sort of sadness because I've gone through a lot, I accomplished some things (though I think most of it are unsatisfactory), I failed many times, I have lived and I have to admit leaving it all behind is not as easy as when I have said many times that I want to leave this place. I guess it's appropriate though, that for this life changing experience, my "goodbye feeling" starts months in advanced. I should start to detach myself from many many things.

Wandering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet

- Teddy Geiger -

:) eKa @ 9:47:00 PM •