Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The Bumps Along The Way

Hello people of the Earth! How are you all doing? Life is great? Good. Not feeling very good right now (mentally) but I'll talk about it later. Let's talk about movies first (usual stuffs ya?). I did watch a few movies over the weekend, movies that I didn't watch when they were released.

Started of with Mystic River which was showing on TV Saturday night. I didn't like it much because of the ending. I realize I don't like unhappy endings. They are necessary but somehow I prefer the sugar-coated-everything-gonna-be-okay shit. I do have to say the actors were good. I found that Sean Penn made the most impression on me compared to the other actors. It's not a bad movie, rather good in terms of stories and actors but since it's pretty heavy, it's not one movie which I am keen to watch again, anytime soon at least.

Then it was Paradise Now which I watched in UCC NUS Sunday evening. They are having some arts thingy so there are some free screening of movies. I went alone. I kinda knew it's pretty impossible getting anyone to accompany me. Who would want to go all the way to NUS on a Sunday evening to watch a movie. For me, it was just a 10-minute ride, so yeah, I thought why not. I also haven't done many things alone these days so that Sunday, I really made an effort to go alone. I just feel I need to enforce my independence and remind myself that I AM alone and I should be able to do things alone. Anyways, the movie wasn't as amazing as I expected. Not a happy ending as well, so that was pretty disappointing again. It told a story of these 2 childhood friends, who I think were Palestinians, who were chosen to carry out a suicide bombing mission in Israel. What struck me the most about the movie was how the place wasn't as bad as I expected. It is still bad though, imagine curfew everyday and the difficulties of going from 1 area to another. I guess I still have to be thankful that though it is darn difficult for Indonesian to travel, it's not totally impossible. I was also at awe to see that Israel was actually pretty modern and nice. I really didn't expect that. I do feel a bit embarrassed that I do not know much about the history of this area and the conflict and all. One should read more and be in tune with what's happening in other parts of the earth. It really made me wanna reach out to my Palestinian pen friend again, but I've still hadn't written the email. Yes, I am a lazy bum.

So since it practically only took me 10 minutes to travel to NUS, I arrived in time in my room for The Queen which was showing in Arts Central. I love the movie! I thought it was great. Helen Mirren was so cool as the Queen. I've never seen her this graceful and all. I think the movie did provide some insight to the royal family. How accurate it was, I think we'll never know. Watching this movie, I pretty much sympathized with the Queen. Totally recommending you to watch it if you have a chance to. Despite of it being a British movie and all, it's not boring at all. At least for me, I found it to be very entertaining.

The last movie I watched recently was Juno with La Gioia yesterday and gosh I love it!!! I thought it was truly truly a gem. The actors were awesome and I think what made it pretty awesome was because the young actors were the one who led and commanded the movie. The senior actors like Allison Janney and J.K Simmons were not overshadowed themselves, but we do must clap for Ellen Page, and her peers like Olivia Thirlby and Michael Cera (who I think has stamped his ability of playing a dork). Story wise, it ended okay though I can't say it was truly a happy ending (guys are just idiotic and immature sometime), but I guess life is never a happy ending? The snappy and witty lines were totally the crux of the movie. It's what made it so entertaining and what made me wish I can be that witty I'm glad I managed to watch this movie. Totally recommending this to all of you. If you have time, go and watch it peeps!

So the title of this post was part of the tag line from Juno. I do feel like I have bumps along my way. Today I found out something or perhaps to be more exact, not finding something. I'm totally disappointed. Mom was telling me to be patient and somehow I feel that's God talking to me. See when I thought my mom was going to side with me, she took another view of the situation and that kinda made me calm a bit, though I'm still so disappointed! Lois asked me today whether I was coping with things. I kinda forget what my exact answer was, but I think it's more about I just take it as it was and somehow things do get done, in which God is truly responsible for every single thing of it. Then as I was walking home with my dinner, I realize that no, I don't think I'm coping. I don't think I'm coping with the loneliness, restlessness, and emptiness. Been having dinner alone these days, except when I go out with some people (something that I have to reduce since I don't think I have much money), which was rather rare anyway. The dinner alone, the routine of not knowing what to have for dinner and in the end choosing the same thing made me feel pretty sad. Basically overall the bigger part of the sadness was also him. He whom I used to love to see at the end of my rough day because somehow he made me smile. I looked forward to see him and I still do now. He who used to spend some dinners and desserts with me and how I really miss that. Though I may complain, but I miss standing outside when the sky was dark and waiting for the bus with him. I miss him dearly but today I've got clarity that I shouldn't burden him with how I feel. It wouldn't be fair for him. This will pass, he says, they say, everyone says however it still hasn't passed. I'm basically unhappy currently. I go through the motion, ignoring all these feeling, and laugh and smile, but as I sit in the bus alone, or have my dinner alone, or looking at my desk wondering what I should do to keep myself occupied, I'm basically restless. I still have to be thankful though, for every breath that I am still taking.

:) eKa @ 10:42:00 PM •