Saturday, September 30, 2006

Little Miss Sunshine

everyone pretend to be normal

Went to watch Little Miss Sunshine with the Prada girls today. Was pretty surprised to get the invite late this week. I chose the movie, must thank them for trusting it on me. The movie was not a disappointment. I found out about this movie through a leaflet last week and was thinking of watching it but was unsure if I would get to, so I guess I must thank the girls for willingly watch the movie with me. The movie was really good as the review in the leaflet said. The story is about this dysfunctional family who took a road trip to bring their youngest family member, a girl named Olive to the Little Miss Sunshine pageant. Very interesting, right? I like the movie, the climax in the pageant was hilarious, I was laughing like mad. It wasn't really a happy ending with grandpa died and Olive obviously not up to the mark for such pageant, however I think the family is in a better state of mind at the end of the movie. Let me just go through with you this dysfunctional family.

There's dad who believed in his 9 steps for becoming a winner and was so sure of making it big by writing his self-help book, but that didn't take off. His confidence in his view of what it takes to be winner in life drove everyone crazy, including me. There's mom, who I think really hit what the tagline said. She's actually pretty normal, however I think she just tried really hard to make everyone else seemed normal that she became a bit too weird too. There's grandpa who got kicked out from the old people home because he was snorting heroin. I think his most memorable moment was when they were in the car and he told his grandson, Dwayne, to fuck as many girls as he could in his life (sorry, I don't feel like toning down the language). Grandpa thought that Dwayne being in his age that he was and not getting any was quite a waste. Then when issue on his heroin addiction was brought up, grandpa said that because he's old he could do that, but it was stupid to do it when you're young, but he's old, so it's okay. I stupidly kinda agreed with that Then there's uncle Frank who stayed with the family because he tried to commit a suicide and failed, so the doctor wanted his family to watch over him for the time being. The reason why he tried to kill himself was because he was in love with his student, a guy (Olive thought it was silly of him for liking a boy), then this student decided to be with his rival. So this respected and smart uncle Frank did stupid things that got him fired and then his rival got some award and so uncle Frank decided to kill himself. The 2 kids in the family were Dwayne the older teenage brother and Olive. When the movie started Dwayne refused to speak. If he needed to speak, he would just write it in a piece of paper. When grandpa died, he wrote to Olive "Go and hug mom" Why he refused to speak, I think it's just him being sick and tired with his dysfunctional family and also because of all the ideology thing that he read. He wanted to be a jet pilot and in the car he found out that he was actually color blind. He was hyperventilating and was obviously upset that they needed to pull over and he finally spoke and let out his frustration, and the first word that came out of his mouth after 9 months of silence was "FUCK!" It was very funny. He and uncle Frank had a talk, in which uncle Frank said that suffering was the best time of anyone's life because through suffering we get to learn. It's really true and as much as we thought we're not gonna make it, we do if we stick around. Olive was the girl who caused the road trip, not actually pageant material but she wanted to win. She's not as corrupted as his family were, because she's pretty young. I think her best moment was when she just put her head into Dwayne's shoulder when he was very upset, it was simple and touching for me. Then there's the whole dance routine that she did in the pageant. Grandpa taught her that and it was such a controversy because it was something like a strip tease routine. Totally funny and I just find it to be so apt to mock the pageant where all the girls were so fake. It's a really good movie. Very interesting. I think the last time I watched such an interesting movie that involved a road trip was Transamerica.

I'm pretty tired now, was actually planning to spend today with a nap but I didn't get to do that and I don't mind. I've just realized something. I've got used to unlucky things happening on a weekly basis but this 2 weeks, things had been okay. Last week I was still moving in high speed and this week I found myself slowing down to the point of stopping and it felt so weird and stupidly uncomfortable. However things gonna go crazy again and I'm not necessary ready for it. Had a nice dinner this week with pets and friends. My mom actually wanted me to join the dinner because my parent are obviously worried with my anti social character. I went and I did have a good time, I should say thank you.

Had a great time with the girls today. My separation or break up or whatever with Vinny was discussed and somewhat analyzed *sigH* The thing is the 1-3 metres distance brought a mental distance that we couldn't really survive. I expected that the distance would somewhat change a few things. That happened and I just feel like we (what I mean by we actually I) had to work harder just to maintain that bonding, which I begin to doubt we ever had. It was most probably because of the literal close distance back then. I just started to feel that I'm not really in Vinny's universe anymore and waiting up on him and doing things which I don't really enjoy (the lunches and all) just felt too much to do just to have a conversation. Then there's also his whole new things orbiting around him which kinda made something were enabled to be said to him because I don't think he would understand my point of view. Ms. J and the rest once said I should give it a try on this matter and trust him, however I know I was kinda right when someone told me something which I believe wasn't said to the people who are near to the subject of matter. Anyway, he also made his choice when he could choose between me and the others. I believed there were times back then when he would choose me but time has changed I still feel up to this moment it is we that have to make a move on the boy just to have a connection. I feel I can't just go to Vinny and start blabbing about all the bad things that happen (and many have happened in which he was clueless about it) because we don't even have a normal conversation. I don't believe about going up to someone just to talk about your problem. If I can have a normal conversation with you about normal stuff and if we can build that trust then we can talk about troubling matters. With Vinny, it just seems that there's even no time for the normal stuff, unless I purposely make time for it (hence all the waiting up for him). It just felt freaking stupid and tiring. So the lack of time and his orbits kinda decreases the level of trust. Now the thing is, I'm over that time of telling Ms. J "We are drifting apart". I'm acceptance towards it now, I have moved on, and when we discussed it back then all agreed that I don't have to wait up for him if I don't want to, that I don't have to force myself on lunches that I don't want to go to just to be with him, and as Ms. J once said "Leave the boy alone". I did all that. The boy didn't care and should I be sad about it? It would be too miserable and pathetic if it bothers me much, seriously don't you think so? The fact that the boy didn't notice that I was slowly slipping away speaks volume of how I "matter" in his world. Bloody hell! I wrote such a long paragraph about this. Wouldn't happen again. We can't get over it, if we still talk about it I'm done.

Tomorrow is October, that would mean there are only 3 more months left in 2006. I seriously feel like my life is ending. I'm pretty scared and worried as usual and see here I am writing this non sense instead of making plan. I've realized I have met many nice people here in Singapore (Carl said something really nice today). Thank you God for it. God would you open door for me when the time comes? Just like You have bring me new people when I lost an ally? I have started Tuesdays with Morrie and so far I love it. I'm so keen on the idea of living funeral. I wonder when I should have it, maybe I should have it when I am to leave this place. Gotta go people, take care okay! Hope everything goes swell in your side of the world

:) eKa @ 8:45:00 PM •