Monday, March 23, 2026

It's The Deep Mystery, Whether You Want It Or Not

The title above is the English translation of part of the lyric from the song, Águas de Março, by Elis Regina released in 1972, 10 years before I was born. I wrote in this blog about me finding this song and it was back in 2006, so it's been 20 years. In that post I also wrote that Elis Regina died in 1982, the year I was born :( I like that there are different versions of the song like in French and Italian, though the Italian translates the title as The Rain of March instead of The Water of March. I'm extra fond of this song because March is my birth month so when March comes around, I often get a realization that I have to play this song.

Isn't it crazy that 3 months have almost passed in this year? It feels really really fast. Love March but since I get older every March, well that part is ... Though there are things to be thankful for. I realize not many people get to be my age. Not long before my birthday an Indonesian singer younger than me died from cancer - that was really sad and it's really reminding me that I really have to be thankful for the years that I get. The gratitude was even more felt because in the week leading up to my birthday, something was really wrong with my body. There was physical pain, things happening that should not be happening. In my freak out, I prayed so that I wouldn't get an infection or blood poisoning. I sounded dramatic right? But it was rather bad, really really not normal, and I should have probably gone to the doctor, but I didn't because mentally I just didn't have it in me to face the doctor, tell him what happened, and accept the consequences. So I went about my day (thank be to God, there's no fever throughout) and I self-medicated in higher dosage. It took awhile and I wondered if I would ever be okay but by my birthday, there was sign that I was improving, the pain was no longer there, and I could allow myself cake. Now it seems I'm somewhat normal, though my body definitely has some wrong things in them. I do understand me ignoring these issues is torturing my body and making it worse, but I do have the inability to face bad things head on - on this I also have to admit, it's my perception of bad, it's not even necessarily bad thing, it's just something I need to take care of.

Anyways, the usual me, I'm not lacking things to worry about. There is this thing that's currently occupying my mind and there's a part of me which I think is a bigger part that thinks it's gonna work out, but the other part of me who's super worried is louder and it's telling me this may not go my way and this gets me praying everytime it pops in my head. I currently have no alternative plan if this doesn't work out, I just know there will be some financial pain :( While this occupies my mind, the other part of the brain who's still not busy enough it seems tells me there's actually a bigger and more serious issue coming my way and also on this I haven't prepared mentally or planned for bad outcome. Some may argue I think way too much and I need to drop all these worries. I haven't seen the bridge that I have to cross, so why the panic. Stay in the prayers and know that God will get you through whatever it is that may happen. You know, I learned this quote today, we suffer more in imagination that in reality, by the philosopher Seneca the Younger (don't know who that is) and that's what happens to me all the time. This kinda brings me back to the title. Things we don't understand may appear as a mystery, but as a God believer I know that God has His reasons. I don't find it easy when God says no, but God has a plan and we really need to accept it whether we want it or not.

:) eKa @ 8:51:00 PM •