Home and Country (Heartache) Stories

As usual, I spent Chinese New Year back home. It was a rather different trip this time around because it coincided with the election right at Valentine Day. So here are some of the stories and thoughts. Chinese New Year was okay, the anti-social me was pretty much spent at the end of day one with the different people coming to the house. Not to say I don't like seeing all the families, in fact I do, but I was tired. The next day, mom and me made a trip to Bangka. The last time I was there was 8 years ago for a day trip with mom and my aunt and that was 7 years after I made a day trip with my dad. My mom totally forgot that I once made a day trip with dad and I also had to rack my brain for what we were there for. This blog was helpful because I wrote about parts of that trip here. This time around, it wasn't for a day trip. We were staying for one night and was to return the next day with my cousin's adult kids. As the plane was approaching Bangka, I remembered that the last time I was there, I saw many holes like ponds filled with turquoise water that looked beautiful actually. Those were remnants of tin mines. I guess I had it lucky that time to see beautiful turquoise water. A cousin told me on her trip, it was more like brown murky water. I guess the look might be different depending on the weather of the day. However, this time around I didn't see those ponds anymore. What I saw were rows and rows of palm oil trees. Palm oil plantations are taking off in Bangka. Environmentally, I don't know if it's a good thing, but I suppose if some of those tin mines holes can be re-developed, I guess it's good. We had my aunt, uncle, and their son taking us around all the while we were there. They said now the tin mines are off shore at the sea. Not sure how that works but I guess Bangka is still filled with resources. My uncle happens to have a palm oil plantation himself and mom was curious and asked to be taken there. I had to ride at the back of the pickup truck with my aunt because there wasn't enough seat at the front and though it got windy and rainy later on and I got smacked by palm oil leaves (because the trees weren't tall) and there were bugs, the whole trip was interesting for me. I'm sure their plantation is considered minuscule compared to the palm oil plantantions owned by big companies, but it's still pretty big. I don't know how the quality and price of their palm oil stand in the market. I also don't know how the produces from Bangka stand against the produces from other parts of Indonesia and other palm oil producer countries. My aunt is not sure too, she just knows the Malaysian ones are fetching higher price. Their plantation is doing pretty good I guess, harvest is every 2 weeks now.

We stayed at that aunt and uncle's house to the delight of my aunt. They're all very nice. We also got to go to my dad's village and I met with my cousin. His wife is nice and friendly. I was just surprised she remembered my name considering I think I only met her twice. The air in my dad's village smelled different and breathing it and seeing the sand on the ground, it reminded me of Bangka of my childhood, the feel of it not actual memories because I don't remember the childhood vacations there. We also made it it my grandpa's village and house. Both in my dad and my grandpa's villages, their old homes are used as memorials for the family members that have passed away, so there's an altar where we can do a prayer and a lot of family pictures on the wall. Other than that, we also got to visit a Buddhist pagoda that oversees hills. All agree that it's not right to charge entrance ticket to enter a place that supposedly is a place of worship, it should be voluntary donation instead. It was raining when we got there so that's not ideal to go exploring and we couldn't explore all parts of the compound, but it actually made it quite beautiful with the mist covering the green landscape. One thing that got me quite impressed was how good the Bangka airport is now. It's still not very big, but it's looking better and more professional. Reminded me a bit of Nairobi's airport. One source of disappointment was both flights in and out of Bangka were rescheduled, so that annoyed us, but we got in and out okay, so all and all it's a good trip.

Mom decided to take a break starting from Chinese New Year to election day. The election was really worrying me because all the surveys were showing that Pak Ganjar was in the last place. I remember having many conversations with mom saying I didn't understand why this was so. She said the surveys may not be right. The same thing was said by one of my cousin who came to the house, he's older and a dad with grown kids, but Indonesian surveys on this have never been wrong and they're keeping their streak with this election too. I had a bad feeling when the last surveys were putting Prabowo above 50%, enough for one round of election, and also after the last debate because though the debates clearly showed who sucks so bad it just gave me the feel of the debates during Jakarta gubernatorial election between Ahok and Anies, where it's clear who's the better candidate was and the people chose wrong. Hearing my mom and cousin, I did have hope maybe this time the surveys got it wrong, maybe there's something that wasn't captured by the surveys, but I was the one who's wrong. I wrote it here that there's no way the presidential election gonna be settled with one round, but it's indeed one round only. It was a big heartache for me really. Mom was disappointed but I think not as much as me. I couldn't watch the news after the election. It's what it felt like I suppose when Trump won the election, but at least with Trump the majority of American said no to him. For reasons that I still don't understand, there are actual Indonesians who voted for Prabowo. I know that people have their own different reasons on why they cast their vote, but for me it's the principles and that's perhaps the furthest from many people's mind. Like fairness and all, I guess who cares :( I still couldn't believe why the vote went the way it went. I kinda question people now, like I thought I know people, but I am so wrong. I began to suspect that even my brother voted for Prabowo. Mom asked him and when we found out he voted for Pak Ganjar, we're like oh good he's still sane :D There's a lot of disappointment in me, like even in Singapore I don't get why many Indonesians here also voted for Prabowo. My theory is perhaps the many maids here followed along with their family back home. I care way too much on this :( I tried to comfort myself and say that election has consequences. When the shit hits the fan, I guess me and my mom can have our conscience clear and I could say to all the people who voted for Prabowo, enjoy this mess you actually made.

I myself got to vote at home. I was worried about this, but it actually went okay. When mom found out that polling station opened at 07:00 AM, she was actually keen to go early so I accompanied her there on a rainy morning. I couldn't vote yet because I had to wait until the last one hour. I went by myself at 12:15 pm. When I got there, there's a disagreement between the man in front of me and the staff. Somehow he was told he had missed his time to vote. One of the lady talking to him was actually an officer from the Election Supervisory Agency / Bawaslu. They all sucks this year. Even without knowing the whole story, I know they're wrong because there isn't any time limit on when one can vote, everyone can vote until the closing time which was 1 pm. It's just people like me who's not registered who had to come at the last one hour. The man and his family were allowed to vote after intense discussion. I overheard him saying he's ready to report all of them. I don't know if it was related, during this whole time suddenly a small truck of security staff suddenly appeared, but all was resolved. I gave my ID card and the staff noted that I should get all the voting papers. As I went to collect the 4 voting papers, I asked if there are people who couldn't get all the papers. They explained that people who did not have the local ID card but had the paper indicating that they could vote in that polling station, could only vote for the president. Since my ID card indicates my address in the area, I get to choose who's gonna represent Jakarta. People with an Indonesian ID card but without the address indicating the area they live in and no paper indicating they could vote in their residency, would not be able to vote. It's really complex this process for the staff, they need to remember all the scenarios. My mom is of the opinion that all Indonesians with an Indonesian ID card should be able to vote for president wherever. I said people worry there will repeated votes, she countered isn't the purpose of inking our finger is to detect this. She thinks the process should be simplified to make it easier for all people to participate. Anyway when I inked my finger after I put in all my votes in the different boxes, the staff by the ink chatted with me. I don't know her, but she knew me by name! My mom knows her and was telling me who she was but I really don't know her. She was friendly so I chatted a bit with her and after that I said thank you to all the staff :D I was appreciative of the tasks they did, really. It was very precious for me getting to vote on the spot. The last time and only time I got to do this was when I was 17 back in 1999. An election that was called early because of the bloody reformation year in 1998. I did think of going back to watch the votes being counted. Really wished that dad was around because he would go and I wouldn't be alone. In the end I didn't go because the staff at my polling station was taking a break after closing and I didn't know what time they're going to start counting and then when I looked at the votes coming in on Kawal Pemilu, the direction it was going was devastating enough :( Pak Ganjar lost by 5 votes to the first place Prabowo in my polling station by the way *sigh* :(

The last election thing that I want to talk about is the video that came on YouTube, Dirty Vote. Tuesday morning the last day before election, I saw the news ticker on the TV station my mom was watching was mentioning this documentary a lot and it's causing quite a stir. I googled it and found it. My mom's tablet was running low on power so I thought of watching it after it was charged. Then me and mom went to my cousin's place to chit chat awhile. After we got back mom was lazing around and called me to watch a movie she found on her phone. It was the same documentary and I told her I was already planning on watching it. I didn't intend to watch it on her small phone but we eventually did. It's running for close to 2 hours and I wasn't sure she's going to watch the whole thing, but we were really engrossed in it, even pausing for short break. It was presented by 3 legal experts who pretty much brought the receipts on the irregularity and unfairness that's happening in this election. There isn't any new revelation actually because all that they presented have been covered by the news. It's just with the news in the course of months and years, we forget that things happened and these people connect the dots. As we watched this my mom kept on saying that they're so brave. I said, if it's 1998, they'd be made disappear tonight and sure enough that night a police report was made against them. I thought it's so good that there are such people who watch what's happening in our country and were willing to take the risk to voice out the injustice they see. The criticism against them is that they're trying to sway people's opinion during quiet time where all campaignings must stop, but they're not asking people to vote on a particular candidate, so they're not campaigning. If one candidate appear the worst, well it's not their fault, it's the fault of the people who are actually doing the bad deeds. I think if there's one candidate who appears quite clean, it's candidate number one but it's simply because they have the least support from people of power and positions.

Two things struck me the most in this doc. First was the social welfare assistance / bansos that Pak Jokowi eagerly distributed so close to the election. I put it squarely on him because it's also documented that the social minister wasn't involved during the distribution. The evil me would ask did he also order for the stickers of candidate number 2 to be pasted on these govermnent packages? Just in 2024 and we're talking up to the early February, the amount that has been distributed is close and over what's been distributed in each of the COVID years. Like just up to early February, it's close to the amount for the whole year in 2020 and has exceeded the whole year of 2021, 2022, and 2023! So my question is, if the goverment actually has enough money, then could they have done more during the COVID years? Have the people who worked much like the grave diggers, the healthcare workers been compensated enough? Could more death have been averted? If the government does not have that much money and President Jokowi is being careless with this, then shitty things are going to happen in the future. Prices of things are getting expensive after the election and now going to Ramadhan, but I don't see him distributing social assistance now. Has the money run out when it actually matters? Also if there's a natural disaster this year, will they have enough to help the people? This is one injustice that bothers me. One village leader who spoke out in anonymity talked about how the distribution process was so forced, that the people who receive it did not match the needy people list he had and it caused tension in his village because people could see people who did not need it receive it too. There's definitely something wrong with how the assistance is being distributed because my mom sees people getting things and she always says she never gets anything. I would always say, but it's right that you don't get anything. I also got to think back about the thing President Jokowi's son said during the debate, that it's not always the government who should help the people. The government could get assistance from the private sectors. Replaying that in my head now, it seems to me they're only going to mobilize government resources when it's beneficial for them politically and that's shitty. The second thing in the doc that's been bothering me is the decision by the constitution court that has been been used as the basis to allow President Jokowi's son to run. I don't know how much of this have been discussed in Indonesia. I did hear of this when I watched this in Channel News Asia the day the news broke, but to my mom this was new information. Maybe she was one of those people who get bored with the repeated news on this that she tuned out, but I think this part is critical. The decision was about if a person below 40 years old but has post through election could run for presidency / vice presidency. Four of the judges said no, well maybe hell no. Three of the judges which includes President Jokowi's in-law said yes. Two of the judges said yes BUT the post has to be governor level at the minimum. Since President Jokowi's son is just a mayor, applying the ruling on him would lead to 3 saying yes and 6 saying no. So shouldn't he be disqualified? He doesn't meet the requirement. Isn't this the most straightforward path to say his candidacy is flawed and against the law? Don't get me wrong, I have really mix feeling. I understand the chaos or fear of riot if we start questioning the legitimacy of the election, but this is shitty as hell and once injustice and unfairness take roots, it's not so easy to dethrone. That's the lesson of 1998, how bloody it was to get reformed. I also know that it's perhaps fear that caused many voters to vote for Prabowo, but it's never good to operate from the place of fear right? Instead of moving forward and being better, we're getting worse because now they can always use fear to put us down. I actually feel sorry for President Jokowi. No doubt he has done some good work, but because of this people like me has lost all respect at him. Days before the election there were demonstrations against this injustice, many universities leaders spoke out to critique him, but I guess his attitude is haters gonna hate hate hate, because he doesn't seem to care. He and his family are shameless in this. I remember telling my mom those students doing the demonstration should just stop and put their protests into votes against his son. Then mom was telling me, but the purpose of the protest is to wake people up so people are aware of this unfairness. Same thing that this documentary is trying to do. Maybe it's too little too late? I don't know. Mom was confused because she's wondering where did all the votes from these students and the universities go? I honestly cannot fathom why a young person would be willing to vote for President Jokowi's son. If you struggle to make do in life and get ahead, how can you endorse someone who easily gets to the second highest office in the country simply by being the president's son. If he's just a common citizen, noone would look at him twice. He and us the common people are in a different universe. This has been a long post about the election, but it really irks me to no end. I know God and karma exist, so we'll see.

I'm gonna end with a book I just finished, Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver. I love it a lot. Starting the book, it reminded me a lot of Shuggie Bain. Somewhere in the middle, I happened to read the dedication on the front again, For the survivors, so I thought it's about a kid who survived having addict mother and absent father but Demon Copperhead is much much more than that. He survived foster care and all, but then he himself became an opioid addict. At the end of the book, I was thinking he's most probably just in his early 20s but he has lived a lot. With all his struggles, I didn't think much about his love life but somehow I did wonder if there's an end with all the different girls he met and I'm glad the ending is pretty good. It's most probably the best to be with someone you can have good conversation with. Learned a new thing is this book which I'm actually still not sure about. Demon Copperhead's ethnicity is Melungeon. I googled it but still not sure how they really look like. Anyways, usually I like books that I love to be made into TV series or movies, but I think I'm good with this one. I think any adaption will not do it justice with the way I pictured it in my head, though I really would like to see the characters in person, like how Demon, Maggot, Angus, Tommy, Emmy, Dori, Fast Forward, and all the other characters look like and how they sound. It was really a good read, I love it a lot.

:) eKa @ 8:32:00 PM • 0 comments

First Month Done

Hey guys, can you believe it that we're completing the first month of 2024? That is fast right? How was it for you? It started rough for me. Well December wasn't that great for me. I feel like I jinxed it when I said I was hoping for a good calm December. I really shouldn't say things out loud :( Early December, I got sick. Then the week after that I got COVID vaccine (my 5th one) and the side effect was tough. Maybe I should have waited a bit longer, but I couldn't find the time. Then something out of the ordinary happened with my body that got me freaking out a lot because the last time this happened, we know it's not good. So I don't know if I'm getting worse :( Then despite maybe I shouldn't, I did load up on a lot of sugar in the last week of December, way too much. So coming to January, it was a struggle and it was hard. Now that January is almost done, I couldn't really say that things got better. Mentally I am still in a bad place. Two things weigh heavily on me, what I'm gonna do with life and my living situation. It's the weirdest thing and at the most unexpected time that triggers my anxiety; like the other day I was reaching out to my salt container to take out some salt and I got quite freaked out about what I'm going to do with my living situation. I know all the things that people say and the bible verses, like why worry about things that have not happened yet or that God is always there with you every step of the way, but man the thoughts, all the bad thoughts they just come in waves drowning me. I also thought that 7-9 months are perhaps enough time to make drastic change in life, but I don't even know where to begin :'( Good God, it's really a crappy way to start this post, isn't it? I really have nothing to offer here - really. I also know I most probably should not be saying all these because it's like the negativity feed into the negativity more, but that's my truth y'all - a mountain of anxiety :(

Alright change of topic. Things that I watched? Couldn't remember any movie I watched that left a deep impression. Oh I do love The Holdovers. Of TV series, I quite enjoyed Lessons in Chemistry and right now I thoroughly enjoy True Detective which is currently in season, although I have to say the supernatural aspect of it is still weirding me out which is weird in itself because I'm an Indonesian and many Indonesians believe or dabble in the supernatural. Other than that, completed a second crocheted bucket hat. Poorly made again :( This one was for mom since she said the first one I did, all in green was too green. I don't know, I wanted it plain but she was like I had to add a row of different colour or something. So this one I did has alternating rows in different blue and patches of other colourful yarn. Not sure she's gonna like it or wear it. So weird really, I made all these but I don't actually wear them. I was really disappointed at myself, 2 bucket hats not neat at all. My guess is it's the wrong size crochet needle and more likely me being tense in life translated to my tight stitches. I did do a beanie where I doubled the yarn so it became thicker and that looks decent, very colourful because of the multicolour yarn, but when does one wear a beanie in the tropics? Then, I still read, both in English and Japanese. The reading in Japanese part is because it's a must I feel, if not I will lose whatever little knowledge I have of it. Finished one of the Japanese book that I borrowed from the library and I checked out the second volume. Reading that makes me feel worse about my Japanese level. The book is a collection of short stories mostly by classic Japanese authors it seems, targeted at kids in junior high school and I have to google out words and sentences every so often :( When I checked out the second book, I found out that there's a whole set of similar books at a lower level, in Hiragana. I thought darn, those are most probably my level. I didn't check them out though, maybe soon. In this second book I'm reading, one of the short story features an excerpt from Anne Frank's diary. I know of Anne Frank, but I have never really read her diary or watch anything about her. I also didn't go to the house she was hiding in when I was in Amsterdam. So this is my first time reading her own words and it's kinda nice to be reading this after I recently finished watching the miniseries A Small Light which features the people who helped Anne Frank's family. Okay, let me end this post here. As usual, I hope your days are glorious.

:) eKa @ 8:30:00 PM • 0 comments

2023 Book List + Other Thoughts

Another year of very little accomplishment in reading. This year completed books are:

  1. The Netanyahus by Joshua Cohen
  2. Pachinko by Min Jin Lee
  3. Trust by Hernan Diaz
Along the way I also completed 女のいない男たち / Men Without Women by Haruki Murakami. Of all that I read this year, I really love Pachinko and I'm really waiting for season 2 of its TV series. I was also really looking forward to the adaptation of All the Light We Cannot See and after watching it I have mix feeling regarding the miniseries :( I really really love the book, so much so that I gave it to my sensei on my last class. Another reason why I gave her the book aside for the story is because I think the structure of the book makes it not as daunting to read. The book consists of short chapters (usually 1-2 pages) telling the story of the 2 main characters Marie Laure and Werner alternately, so 1 chapter a day is doable, though for me when I was reading it, I wish I didn't have other things to do so that I could keep on reading. The miniseries have many changes and there were some I kinda can accept and perhaps love but overall the TV series didn't give me the same feeling that I have of the book and that kinda made me a bit disappointed. Some changes that I could kinda accept though don't think that it was necessary was the story about what happened with Marie-Laure's father. In the book this was not explained, but I have come to realize there's something worst than having someone died and that is having someone disappear and not knowing what happens to them. This is agony worse than death. So to have clarity on what happened to Marie-Laure's father I guess gives us closure. One thing that I like was when Marie Laure and Werner met, I'm glad they get more time in the miniseries but I think they went overboard with the kiss and all. While Werner may have felt like he knew Marie-Laure for a long time and had strong feeling for her, that's not the case for Marie-Laure because she just met him and she's such a smart and brave girl so I don't know, that part of her falling fast is a bit too much for me. I'm glad though that at least in the miniseries Werner's end is not so sad. So that's about books and TV.

As for movies, I kinda enjoyed The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes. I thought the main guy was handsome which was weird because he looks quite different out of character with his actual hair colour. Watching it, I was even more interested in further back story like more of Peter Dinklage and Viola Davis' characters, the first people who started the hunger games. Then another movie that really exceeded my expectation and I really enjoyed through and through is Wonka. I love it a lot. I didn't know there will be a lot of songs in it. Timothée Chalamet could sing but still I wasn't sure about it when the movie began with that first song but as we went along it was great, the characters, story. We may need more chocolate but it's still beautiful. One thing that perhaps I kinda have to reconcile is, so is Willy Wonka's dad a dentist? Was he sent to his strict dentist dad after his easy going mother died? Another thing is the magic, so Willy Wonka is like a wizard magical being? I tried to go along with it, but there's just still a bit of weirdness lingering :D Maybe that's the point.

Alright what else to write. I remove my Twitter panel on the right hand side of this blog. Been thinking about it for a while, but finally pull the plug. I actually stopped using Twitter when it became X and kinda wanted to be off it completely but I slipped back during the first Indonesian presidential debate last week :( I just wanted to see what people were saying and then couldn't help saying what I thought as it progressed. I really want to move to other thing like Threads, but since I don't have Instagram, I couldn't and no don't ask me to go on Instagram. I don't want do do all these things, they're not healthy for me. I think I may still be using Twitter / X just to vent out mt thoughts as I watch the next debates. Anyways some thought from the first presidential debate - if I forget who Anies is, I may have thought he's a good candidate; really enjoyed the shades he threw at Prabowo, all those things he said are the things that many Indonesians think too. Thank God though that I am still sane and I remember who Anies is, though perhaps I have forgotten some and luckily the internet is there to remind me of the shitty things he did or did not do during Jakarta governor election. As for Prabowo, he feels like the past for me, the way he spoke about how wonderful Indonesia is with all its potential. These are like talking points that I have heard since I was a child. We all know that but the question is with all of our potential, why do we still suck and I didn't hear him elaborate on what he's gonna do. I guess he's reduced to defence position from all the attacks in the first debate. If his thing is just continuing President Jokowi's policies, then he doesn't have original ideas and that's like a fail. One thing that I thought of after the debate was it feels kinda good that we have younger generation (relative to Prabowo) to move us forward, people who are articulate though I also know being articulate means nothing. There's so many people who can only talk but not do. Lastly we have Ganjar - well it was my first time hearing him speak and I didn't know what to expect and I was kind of impressed. He's articulate, sounded intellectual and even keel, and I think he's better than President Jokowi because he appears more polished in his speech.

Coming up it's the vice-presidential debate this Friday which I don't know what form that would take because unlike the yesteryears, apparently the candidates are not standing on their own during the debate, the presidential candidates will still be there to back them up. I don't know man, people are already crying foul because of these changes. I am looking forward to see how President Jokowi's son gonna carry himself. In the first debate, there was a point when he was rallying his supporters to make more noise after Prabowo answered a question relating to the ethics of having him being chosen as running mate when the court decision regarding that is controversial. I didn't notice it during the debate but the news the days after put a spotlight to it. My mom was like, he's so not cool for doing that. You know how young people often think older people are so not cool; well when older people think you're not cool then man, it's a real diss :D Another thought about the debate is that it had a lot of time wasters like the process of how the questions were being picked and the presenters each time had to re-iterate they're in a sealed envelope. Come on now, if it's in a printed piece of paper and that paper had to be put into the envelope, there's a possibility of leak somewhere. I hate this big showing of trying to show the process is impartial, it's like a diversion to bigger issue like how come the format of the vice-presidential debate changes this election?!?

Another thing that got me really disappointed is that finding out I am not registered as a voter anywhere. Not even in Singapore where I have pointed out to the staff that I have consistently voted here since 2009; that's 3 election cycles! When I found out about this, I was like what in the voter disenfranchisement is going on?!?! Is our election committee shitty this election? Is something shady really going on? The only good thing about not being on the record is I guess my data is not one of those being leaked out and sold. Seriously IT safety and security in Indonesia is terrifying; also it doesn't seem people care much, but what can one do right when the data is just already out there. I am also very disappointed at the embassy - did they contact any of us to inform us to get our registration in order? I seriously doubt they have up-to-date information of all Indonesians living here, like our phone numbers, emails, and addresses, which for me aside for addresses have never changed. Whenever I move in Singapore, I don't know where and how and if I should update my address in Singapore to the embassy. I think in yesteryears, we received texts from the embassy when election came around but this time I only found the information when I googled it myself. I am really pissed about this. I could still vote in Singapore but I cannot do it by post, it has to be in person and it's held on Sunday February 11 here which I wouldn't be around for. So my only option is to go to my neighbourhood voting station at home and hope to do it there. I'm actually scared about it if I'm being honest. I'm afraid if the staff are gonna be scary, questioning me and all, and of course if they run out of voting papers to accomodate residents who are not registered, I will not get to vote at all and I will be SO disappointed. Finger crossed and hope all will be well.

:) eKa @ 8:57:00 PM • 0 comments

Gadis Kretek + Election Thoughts

Gadis Kretek is this Indonesian miniseries on Netflix. The English title is Cigarette Girl. I saw the poster, but wasn't sure if I should watch it. Then when I met my cousin back home and she said she liked it, I thought I should give it a try. It is pretty good and I enjoyed it. It tells the story of this girl whose father owned a kretek factory back in the 60s. The girl's foremost dream was to be somebody who could create a blend for this type of cigarette. Then she met a guy who saw that she's amazing in her own rights, they fell in love, but they did not end up together and the episodes are about unraveling what happened to this girl. I like the different sources that fill in the gaps about what happened to this girl. Toward the last episode, I was pretty much done with the love story though. I'm not sold on the guy. I did have little tears at the ending when I saw the girl's little sister finally reunited and reconciled with her best friend. That kinda warmed my heart. There's a lot of smoking in this series and I wonder if it makes smokers watching this curious about smoking a kretek which as I understand it, is more heavily flavoured. I watched this with Indonesian subtitle because there are some Javanese dialogues and I wanted to understand everything. I was kinda impressed with one of actress who's not Javanese but in my ears sounded very Javanese. I also became quite picky in listening the dialogues and the word that got me is "nggak" which means no or not in English. I don't know if the Javanese in the 60s already used "nggak" but I heard that, so that's a bit weird for me. It's kinda really nice being an Indonesian watching this because knowing certain events or the Indonesian way of thinking or doing things made me feel like I understand this more deeply. Conversely I wonder if non-Indonesians will understand things like how grave the political situation was back in the 60s that truly changed many people lives. Other things that I like are the songs. My cousin said the theme song will stay with you and she's right :)

Now on to Indonesian election next year, it's the thing that filled the news back home aside from the situation in Gaza. I have a lot of thoughts. For the presidential election, I think there's only one correct answer. However seeing the survey polls, it's quite scary. Polling on election in Indonesia is quite accurate so this early indication worries me a lot. Sometime it feels so weird to me that there are still people voting for people who I think have no quality at all and questionable characters, but there are those people. On one conversation in my house, my aunt was saying don't speak too loud, there are many people in this area supporting who I feel is the weakest candidate. All the presidential candidates and parties seem confident on getting the job done in one round, but I think they're not realistic at all. Disappointment on our current president's sons are of course plentiful and warranted. That famous line in the TV series, Succession is so apt for these people, they are not serious people. One time I was there, me and my family went to the temple to visit my dad's urn and on the way there's a big poster of the party that President Jokowi's youngest son magically got chosen as the leader. His pose in there is so not serious that I just rolled my eyes. It wasn't the worst though. On my way to the airport, I realized there's another big poster of his party in my area with him holding a teddy bear. I almost blurted out loud, what the fuck?!?! I have nothing against young people. In fact I voted for that party in the last election. When I told my family this, my mom was like, why did you do that?!? But my cousin apparently did the same. That party also had a lot of voters among the Indonesians here in Singapore. So us young people perhaps had hope in this young party filled with young people who are perhaps more tolerant, more open, but I guess I am damn wrong. I don't know what this party is all about. Can you imagine in this world there are young people leading climate change protests and movement, young people in America demanding gun reforms, and here somehow the people that be think that this guy who has no vision, no public service achievement or even attempt, who thinks yeah it's cute and okay to pose with a teddy bear for a party poster, this guy is the right guy to lead a party. WHAT??!?! ARE YOU INSANE? Yes this party is small and does not matter, but how are we to take them seriously and give them a chance and vote for them if they don't take themselves seriously. It's infuriating how low they stoop and for what. I am really curious to see how many votes they're going to get. I hope they'll get decimated.

Then President Jokowi's eldest son - sigh. Of all of his kids, this was the one who surprised me most. His youngest son not so much, because he doesn't mind the media and throughout his dad's presidency does like to appear all over. When President Obama came for a personal visit and visited President Jokowi, this youngest son was sure to be there too. But his eldest son was different. Early in President Jokowi's presidency, he didn't seem enthused with all the hype and kept a low profile. He pretty much just moved about like a commoner which we the people appreciated. So his rise to now becoming vice presidential candidate is just mind boggling to me. Does he really want this or he was directed to? The circumstance that allowed him to be eligible to run as vice presidential candidate has been discussed and dissected ad nauseam which make us nauseous ourselves hearing it, so not gonna add more to that. My thing is his lack of self-reflection or humility that really makes me question his character. There is nothing fair about his candidacy. There are many mayors in Indonesia and I am sure there are mayors who do a good job, but were there consideration for them? It's precisely because he's the president's son he gets the spotlight. He should have understood that and asked himself if this is fair. Even his dad didn't get from mayor straight to presidential candidate. This son hasn't even completed one term as mayor. So the fact that he himself didn't say it's not for me or not my time now, that really puts his character in question. If he's meant to bring the young people votes, I don't know which demographic that is. Who can relate to this guy? If you're struggling to get a job, applying for many posts but don't even get an interview, how can you endorse someone who gets ahead clearly by familial connection and accepts it. The only people who could relate to him are perhaps like another ex-president's son whose party is now endorsing him. Geez, I actually now feel a bit sorry for President Yudhoyono's son who tried so hard but gets nothing. One last note about President Jokowi's eldest son. He seems to often deflect or refuse to answers questions asked by reporters. Granted some questions perhaps are not the point or important or annoying, but considering the post he's applying to, I feel he should answer. The people are entitled to know his thinking or reasoning. If this is something he's gonna keep doing while in power then what will that look like? We can never get answer on questions he doesn't like and we just have to accept their policies? Fuck that. I hope I can watch all the debates. With the time difference, often times I couldn't watch until the end.

The election feels early for me, being held in February. I actually gonna be home at that time. I was excited about the possibility of actually voting back home, something I haven't done since my first election in 1999, but I think I may have to just give it a miss and vote as before in Singapore. I'm not registered to vote in my neigbhourhood which is as it should be since I don't live there most of the time. I could still go and vote by bringing my ID card between 12:00-13:00, the time allocated for cases like mine, but that's also provided they still have spare voting papers. That part is the risky part for me. It's perhaps silly that I put so much thoughts on voting when there are many people in my world who don't care much, but I read world affairs news, I read about politics and elections all over the world, so I like to think I am more informed and there are many shitty leaders out there, so it's important to get the correct one. The candidates are all of course far from perfect, but there is the least scary and that's the correct answer.

What else from home? Home was okay I guess. Maybe not okay. Kinda had a breakdown one night I was there that I cried badly when I was going to sleep and spent the next day still sad. I really have issues and really lost in life and I would rather leave it at that and not gonna elaborate more. Coming back to Singapore, I was in a state of dread due to something that I had to do that I prayed for outrageous things like can a meteor strike the place or something, which of course didn't happen and I had to go through it anyway. After it was done, a huge relief washed over me that I could actually get excited about things like eating KFC. Truly, freaking anxiety can really dull any excitement that you may have about things, like things may not feel or taste as good :( That being said the pessimistic and overly fearful me cannot just be in a longer state of bliss because just as quick there's the thought this may not be over yet, like a zombie it can rise from the dead, in fact they're not in a zombie state yet because it's not necessarily dead yet. I wish I can be more hopeful and be more chill, but I am not. My cousin said she also has anxiety and her sister would tell her why worry about things that have not or may not happen. I am filled with all sorts of thoughts that if I really lay it all out and say it out loud, I wouldn't be able to get through it because I would cry. My emotional state is weird. If I think about December coming and how it's the last month of the year which means another year of being older, I would freak out, but at the same time I'm like holding on to a hope that it'll be a cool calm quiet somewhat peaceful December. This sliver of hope is a rarity that I somewhat feel need to be celebrated considering it's the pessimistic me who's having it. One thing for sure though, January is gonna be a bitch :( See I just have way too much worry :(

:) eKa @ 11:10:00 AM • 0 comments

Book 2 - Trust

Finished reading Trust by Hernan Diaz. I took too long reading this that the next book which I bought together had turned a bit yellow waiting :( Trust is quite an interesting book. There are 4 sections in the book. The first section tells the story of a Wall Street rich man - his rise to acquire wealth, meeting his wife, their quirks, and it ended with how his life was after his wife died. It was quite tragic towards the end. The second section was like a draft for a biography. The names were different but some parts of the content were similar to the first section, so reading that was really weird - I was like what's going on?!? This draft painted a prettier picture of the life of another rich man. The third section was from the point of view of a writer who was tasked to help write the biography in section two and that's when I found out that the first section was a novel that the actual rich man hated because it was a fiction based on his lives and he wanted to set it straight by writing his own life story. His motivation was also to do justice for his wife which he felt had been dragged through the mud by the novel. The writer he tasked to help write this biography couldn't get a real sense of who the rich man was and even more so for his wife who had been dead and she never got to meet. She felt rather conflicted in helping to write the biography because it's like trying to paint a pretty picture that might not even be close to reality. At the end of this third section, long after the death of the rich man, the writer found a journal written by the wife during the last few months of her life and this was presented in the last section. The wife was so much more, so much than what the novel in the first section said about her and so much more than what the husband was willing to admit. According to the wife, she was influential in their business strategy and the reason for the extraordinary rise in wealth. She actually knew the writer of the novel, so that was interesting. I was really curious about their relationship, but this wasn't elaborated more. The title of Trust feels so apt for this book because which one it is that you want to trust of all these different narratives. Who you are, what you think you are, what people think you are, and sometime what we could admit of who we are can differ greatly. I guess you are many things. Overall very interesting book in terms of how it presents the story.

Another book that I also finished and took way too long was, 女のいない男たち or in English Men Without Women by Haruki Murakami. It took a long time to complete this because my Japanese is awful and I had to painstakingly google words or even sentences :( Got this book after I watched Drive My Car which won Best International Feature Film at the Oscar, the Oscar where Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. I remember the director's acceptance speech was cut short by the music and yet Will Smith could speak for as long as he wanted despite of what he did. Anyways 女のいない男たち contains several short stories and some parts of it were used for Drive My Car. I can't say that I really like Drive My Car, it was quite a long movie and though the premise was perhaps quite interesting, in the end I just wasn't into it. An interesting thing about Drive My Car was that the main character was a play director and the plays he directed are very interesting in its presentation because the actors could come from different countries and they would perform their lines in their native languages. So the play is being presented in different languages and of course there's subtitle for the audience. I've never been to one of those so I thought it's very very interesting. I guess for the director and the actors who do not speak the languages of the other actors, you really rely on how you feel when those lines were spoken. Very interesting. As for 女のいない男たち, I also can't say I like it much. It was definitely a good exercise. When my Japanese was good enough to understand, I do appreciate some sentences that I thought was beautiful, but I'm just not into the stories. The short stories are from the point of view of men and it's about their relationship with women. The last story, Men Without Women, told a story of a man who received a telegram-like phone call in the middle of the night informing him that a woman he used to date killed herself. The caller was her husband. The story was then about this man's reflection, first why did the husband feel the need to call him, then about the woman, then about the saddest man in the world which he concluded was the man without a woman. He thought that when you lose the one woman you love, it's like you lose all women. He thought he's actually the second saddest man, the first was the husband. Again my Japanese might be so bad that I may misunderstood this completely. In this story also the part that I thought actually was the biggest revelation was the fact this woman was the third woman he dated that killed herself. I was re-reading this part over and over to make sure I get it correct and I think I got it correct. I think this part is actually the one that might be more interesting to explore.

As for films that I've watched. I've really been watching Italian and French movies on Saturdays. It is very possible that I don't have taste that I can't say that I enjoyed some of the things I watched even though they won awards. I mean I can see why the movie would be critically acclaimed, but I just wasn't feeling it. I can only recommend one that I watched sometime ago, the french animation film J'ai Perdu Mon Corps / I Lost My Body. It was really good. The film opens with a severed hand escaping the medical facility it's in. Knowing the title, I kept on thinking this is going to be bad, we're on a quest to find a dead body or more severed body parts, but how the story unfold defies what I thought and it's really good. You know throughout this exercise of exposing myself to these different languagues, I think I'm best in Italian though by best I would still say it's bad and my French and Japanese are kinda shameful :( Part of it is I guess in French and Japanese many times I couldn't differentiate sound, some words just sound the same but they mean different. Japanese is even harder for me, I think I cannot stop reading because whatever little Kanji I know will just go away. I found a book of short stories in the library, at least that's what I think it is. It has illustration in it so I'm quite excited to read it.

As for things in English - you know I watched every iteration of The Walking Dead, except for the webisodes. It's a lot following all these different people and their stories but somehow I can't stop. The latest iteration is The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon or I like to term it as the French Walking Dead and I have to say it's quite good. Quite interesting to see Daryl on its own. I was one of those people who got disappointed when it was reported that Carol in the end was not joining this new iteration but she's coming in season 2, so I really look forward to that. I do get tired watching the latest season of The Morning Show though. I wish I can quit it, but it's like once I started something I have to finish it. I kinda can see the charm of Jon Hamm here; I wasn't captivated by him in Mad Men. Then to clear my head before I embark on more serious stuff, I finished watching The Lovers which was cute and Modern Love season 2 which I think might be better than season 1. Kit Harrington starred in one of the episode and he actually could be quite funny. It's nice seeing this side of him rather than the downcast Jon Snow. I also managed to watch The Creator in a big cinema with only 3 people watching. Well it was a weekday morning. I thought it wasn't bad though I started to yawn a lot. Been having days where I couldn't sleep and restless nights. Anyways, it's always good to hear something of Indonesia, there were old Indonesian songs playing and one of the line was in Indonesian. I think it's Indonesian not Malay, because of the pronunciation of Joshua :D

As for life, oh dear, the usual anxiety. It's a lot. One time I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep and all the bad thoughts raced in my head and I thought why do I torture myself like this. It's this time next year when we're going to freak out especially if I'm still the same. So right now it's the good time, the no worry part. It is so sad really that I couldn't just enjoy this time. I'm just so scared. It's the fear of not knowing how to do life :( On top of that are things changing without my control and I have to just deal with it. I'm trying to hang on, but it's like being tossed by invisible waves that's probably not real, just a creation of my head :( I'm trying really, I'm trying to be cool but it's just too fast how the anxiety creeps up uncontrollably and engulfs me :( Even though recently I received some heavenly affirmation of do not fear at the present, I still have a lot of worry *sigh* Alright, gonna stop now. Going home for a few days next month where I intend to just sit, watch more TV, and eat.

:) eKa @ 8:50:00 PM • 0 comments

Bird Paradise

Went to Bird Paradise on the Presidential Election day off. Not gonna talk about the presidential election because I have no skin in the game though I do have some thoughts. The good thing about the presidential election was that there's one and that meant a public holiday. I was like yay! I feel like I don't have enough break, so unexpected day off like that really made me happy. I decided to spend it visiting the new Bird Paradise because I was curious. When I went to purchase ticket, I was stunned at the price. It's hella expensive. Back in the days, years ago when Dewi or my family came to visit, we usually bought multiple parks tickets, but seeing the prices now, it's like a luxury. I was telling Dewi about it; like I'm just getting a ticket for myself and though I get a resident discount, I still found it too expensive to buy multiple parks tickets. For a brief moment I was thinking if I should go to River Wonders too, but no it's too much. I couldn't imagine for a family like Dewi with 2 kids, like I think for an average family in Singapore, bringing the kids out like this would make a significant dent on the monthly budget. I think I have become more concerned with money ever since I moved to my current place and with inflation going on and seeing how food has become more expensive :( Anyways luckily though it's a public holiday, it's not considered peak so the price was a bit lower than the weekend - oh yeah it's more expensive during the weekend. For Bird Paradise, there's a time slot that you have to choose when buying the ticket and I was stunned because I didn't expect that. Initially, I could only see the after 12 pm slots available, but after refreshing there's a slot opening up for 11 AM, so I chose that. It's a mix feeling because I kinda wanted to go as early as possible so that I could go back early and have time to do other things, but at the same time I'm not a morning person. It's almost as if God said, this is the compromise, go at 11, but I still wanted to go earlier. I checked the internet if the time slot is strict and I could only find one person saying it's not enforced, so I was thinking okay let's try our luck and see how early I could wake up. I did manage to wake up somewhat early and set out maybe just before 9 AM from my place. It's a long way to get there, a long journey in the train where I was thinking that it's like seeing Singapore. I know it's a weird thing to say because I live in Singapore, but the areas that the train passes through are just not the places that I've been and though there's nothing unusual about them, it's perhaps the same-ness that is expected that makes me feel like this is the real Singapore. When tourists come they go to the touristy areas, maybe they think they see how the locals live but to really see the ordinary places where the common people live, I guess not many see that. It's actually something that interest me a lot when I go places. I wonder how the locals live, what their houses are like, what's inside the houses, how they interact with people in their neighbourhood. I'm really curious about all that.

Anyways, so I arrived at Bird Paradise maybe at around 10 AM and the staff really didn't check the time slot of the ticket so I felt good about starting the day. The plan for the day was to make it to the two different animal presentations in the Sky Amphitheatre at 10:30 and 12:30. I'm not sure how far the walk is to the amphitheatre, so I decided to talk the tram and it is actually not very far. If I had more time, I would have gone there by walking through the 2 aviaries- Heart of Africa and Wings of Asia. The 10:30 AM presentation was Predators on Wings, so there were American Eagle, vultures, and a Marabou Stork among other birds that I couldn't remember. By the way vultures, at least the ones in Africa, are scary as hell. Here's a video of them eating in Amboseli. I didn't post it that time when I was writing about my Amboseli experience. What's not in the video is actually the fact there were many more vultures around, but only the main few got to eat. The rest, I think depending on their pecking order would stand further away with their backs turned. I found that very interesting actually. I wonder if they had their back turned as an act of submission or if they thought it's better not to see when they couldn't eat. I think more likely it's an act of submission, to appear non-threatening to the main ones because they would fight and it's vicious. Also not in the video are some Marabou Storks around. The Marabou Storks are significantly bigger than the vultures, but even them could only stand back. Vultures are really darn scary.

Amboseli Vultures

Anyways after the presentation, I went to the Heart of Africa and Wings of Asia and ended up going back and forth there because I needed to go back to the Amphitheatre again for the 12:30 presentation. Here are some pictures from the 2 aviaries. I didn't take note what the birds name are so I had to google them as I'm writing this. I may get it so wrong. Below the grey parrot, the black birds seem to be the Northern Bald Ibis. The bird with the ball nest seems to be Vieillot's Black Weaver. Even the smallest bird there get tagged. I get why they have to do it, but I do feel a bit sad seeing a reminder all the birds are not really that free.





After exploring those 2 aviaries, I still had time so I went to the Crimson Wetlands aviary first. There's a waterfall here. I guess it's a nod to the waterfall in the old Jurong Bird Park. Though the one in Jurong was man-made too it had a more natural feel to it. I was thinking about this a lot; I'd only been to Jurong Bird Park twice or maybe three times and I couldn't remember what it's like, but the feel that I had was that it's a more old school nature kinda feel where Bird Paradise with all of its features really just felt artificial and me I'm just too sentimental for the old way of things. Anyways, there's the American Flamingoes here and they are redder than the African ones which tend to appear pinkish white. There's also the red Scarlet Ibis which were mostly on the trees at that time (see picture below of the red birds on tree). I then decided to check the nearby foodcourt which was busy crowded. Got myself a spring roll because I didn't have much time and then I went to the amphitheatre. It was pretty full compared to the morning session. I saw an empty space at the front row by the aisle so I just walked straight there with a few minutes to spare. Ate my spring roll and the Malay auntie next to me who ensured I had enough space was so kind that she took my paper bag trash to be combined with her. I was so touched. Seriously little kindness like that often touch me deeply. Anyway, the 12:30 presentation was Wings of the World where they show many different birds. At the end of it, they brought many birds to walk around, like the African flamingoes. I was curious if they're the greater or lesser flamingo. I still couldn't differentiate them :( The list in Bird Paradise website show the lesser flamingo so perhaps it's the only kind they have. After that I went to the rest of the aviaries, starting back at Crimson Wetlands and to Amazonian Jewels, Songs of the Forest, Lorry Loft, Mysterious Papua, Australian Outback. Connecting each of these aviaries are indoor areas which have explanations about the birds - things like eggs, nest, migration, etc. Most importantly these indoor spaces are air conditionned because it's hot in Singapore. The below pictures are from the aviaries mentioned. Some of the Scarlet Ibis in Crimson Wetlands were at the pond this second time around, so it was kinda nice to see them closer. Again I didn't take note of the names so here's what Google told me, but it could be so wrong. First picture seems to be of Blyth's Hornbill. The park collection of Macaw is of course great because I love seeing the colours. The last picture is of the Tawny Frogmouth in the Australian Outback. Because of the way it looks, one of them blended pretty well with the tree it was standing on.








The last section after all those aviaries is the Penguin Cove. The great thing about this is that they had a section where we could see the penguins swim. Not many of them swam though but it was always a delight to see one of them diving down. Kinda hard to take the pictures though.


The only section that I couldn't see was the Winged Sanctuary because it was closed when I was there. I wonder what it contains. Could it be it contains all the predators that they have. Anyways, I ended up spending pretty much the whole day there. For more pictures of birds you can go here. I tried to shoot in raw but then found out I was too inexperienced to process them in Photoshop and it ended up taking too much time which I do not have the patience for - I am embarrassed to admit that.

:) eKa @ 9:17:00 PM • 0 comments

The JLPT Experience

I got my JLPT N2 result today. Yes, I did finally do the JLPT N2 last month in July. I didn't write about it at that time because I felt quite demoralized after the exam. If you have been reading, you may have heard me mentioning this last year. JLPT stands for Japanese-Language Proficiency Test. There are 5 levels in total. N1 is the most difficult and N5 is like beginner level. I have never taken any of this exam before. When I was ending my japanese class early last year, my sensei told me I should take N2 and I was like that's hard and I think she was overestimating my ability. Most of my classmates at that time had done it and passed and a few were even preparing for N1. I was confident I could pass N3, not perfectly but perhaps without much studying, and knowing that and what my sensei told me kinda then made me think maybe I should try for the more challenging N2 and that became the plan. They only conduct the exam twice a year and I planned on doing it last year, but I just couldn't. I didn't know that registration filled fast so last July I couldn't even apply because it was all filled in maybe like 3 hours or so. Then I wasn't available for the December one. So this year, I was sure to be ready by 9 AM to apply for the July exam.

Being the Indonesian that I am, I prepared for the exam by doing past year papers. Well I think those are past year papers that I did. I had to trawl the internet for them. If anyone reading this and want them and couldn't find them online, email me. I collected the N2 and N3 ones. The JLPT website itself has an example paper, but only 1. Since I was delayed and couldn't do the exam last year, I ended up spending many weekends last year doing the N3 exams. I thought that would be useful to build stronger foundation. I only did the N2 exams regularly every weekend this year after Chinese new year. The first time I attempted the sample paper from the JLPT website, I couldn't even finish within time, so that was scary. It's like you're not ready for this, this is not for you :( Luckily by the next attempt or the next one, I could finish within time but that doesn't mean that I manage to have a thorough read of everything. It also involved not reading even the full sentences of the first 2 parts of the vocabulary part which was about converting Kanji to Hiragana and vice versa. I sometime did need to read the sentence on converting Hiragana to Kanji because sometime I need the context. All and all I did 24 exams every Saturday and some public holidays since I came back from Chinese new year break. The only week I skipped was when I went on vacation, but then I did 2 exams the week I came back. It was quite an effort because I had to remember to wake up early on Saturday so that I could have enough time to do the exam. Then I had to check the answers and being that I am weak in Kanji, I had to check all the words and then sometime I needed to translate the sentences. I was burning not only Saturdays but Sundays too. The less I did on Saturday, the more I ended up losing Sunday :( The Kanji part was the one that I was scared the most because I feel that is my weakest part and if you don't know the word, how are you supposed to understand the passages. I kept an excel file of all the raw score (correct questions / total question) that I did. Surprisingly I felt like I did the best in the reading part except for that one week when I scored so low at 30%. I was so shaken at that time. It was like shit got real, I haven't gotten this. I was getting like 70 - 76% the weeks before and to score that low was seriously I was shooketh. It was the week when I was quite sick, so I thought maybe it's my brain not having the stamina to work, but as I was going through the questions and answers, it was still quite confusing. Seriously there were many moments when I went for lunch after doing the past papers, where I was just like in a daze, like I've been hit by a tornado. I couldn't see if I was improving because it's up and down. Sometime it seemed I was doing better on the vocabulary but the next week I took a dip. Inconsistent result like that really made feel I'm not at that level. Surprisingly, despite me being scared by the Kanji, it seemed I was the most weak on the grammar. My average raw score which I rounded down after all the exam papers that I did was 60.76% for vocabulary, 56.68% for grammar, 60.6% for reading, and 60.4% for listening. I think if your average is at 70% then you can be quite confident in passing and as you can see I was not :( Aside for the past year papers, I did buy one book, Pattern-Betsu Tettei Drill. It has questions on all the components. Since I am weak at the vocabulary and Kanji, the more words I can absorp is of course the better. The grammar part was kinda easy. The listening part was a mix, but normally the problem with this is your own concentration. The reading part has some confusing passages; I should have taken the hint that I needed to be more careful with that. Then I managed to borrow Sou Matome N2 Kanji and TRY N2 from the library. I actually had the PDF of TRY N2, but it's really better to have a physical book. I finished all the books but up to the last week, I thought I was still shaky.

The JLPT itself has a really unclear marking scheme. There are 3 components: vocabulary + grammar, reading, listening. All are multiple choice questions and there's no oral component, you don't even have to write answers which is a huge relief for me because again my kanji is so bad, I will not survive it if I have to write the answers. The no oral part is also quite a relief though it is weird that there's no oral part in a language exam. One may argue just because you pass the exams, it doesn't mean you can speak Japanese well, it just mean you can pass an exam and that is so true. Each of these components have a maximum score of 60 and you need to score at least 19 points to clear the component, without which you would fail. Then as a total, you have to score 90 in N2 to pass. The thing that is a mystery and something that I am really curious about is JLPT uses Item Response Theory to mark the exam. Each of the components has less than 60 questions so by logic some questions worth more points but we don't know which ones and logically your final score should generally end up higher than the raw score if some question has higher points, but this Item Response Theory explanation in JLPT website mentions answering patterns - Scaled scores are determined mathematically based on "answering patterns" of how examinees answer particular questions (correctly or incorrectly). So what does it mean? It's really unclear. The way I imagine it, they have some models that see if an examinee is able to answer for example a group of questions A, then they should be able to answer another group of questions B. If they couldn't answer the group A questions but successfully answer some of the group B questions, they may get less points because the model might think it's a lucky guess. I am really really curious to know how it works, especially because I couldn't find any other exams that mention this. Searching the internet, there's one website that list out the points that they think are attached to each question, but there's also a YouTuber who said don't believe that because JLPT has said it looks at answering patterns. If it's as I thought it is, I would be interested to know how the model is made.

The exam was on a Sunday in Singapore Management University (SMU). I was curious about getting in because I know being right smack in the city without really an enclosed compound, you would need to tap in to get in the campus. So apparently they had staff who facilitated our entries and there were many of us. I was still wearing mask at that time. In fact I was still quite cautious in wearing mask up to JLPT because I didn't want to get sick and I only let go of the mask after JLPT. They didn't ask me to remove my mask though when I did the exam, so that's weird. I was very scared of everything that I prayed for everything and prepared for everything like having 3 pencils at the ready. Then I saw the guy in front of me and he had like 5 sharpened pencils :D Unfortunately for me, the guy to my right kinda made a sound when he read so that's kinda annoying and I just had to tell myself to focus. The guy on my left didn't come so that's 100 over SGD gone. As I looked at the answer sheet, I realized that the total questions for the vocabulary + grammar and reading was less than what I thought it was going to be. Kinda glad upon finding that out but still when the proctor said 5 minutes left, I said fuck. I wonder if there are people who are good enough that they have enough time to review their answers. I always barely made it. The vocabulary part was actually easier than expected, though for sure I made mistakes but it didn't fill me with dread. Then it's the grammar part where I guess it's where I began to go downhill. There's a section where we're supposed to arrange 4 words into the correct sequence and I think I may have gotten all the questions in that section wrong :( Still I was still calm because we know the grammar part is where we're weak. Then it's the reading part where I went in with confidence. If there's any strategy to me doing the exam is that I did the last 2 questions of the reading first. The internet seems to agree the last 2 questions which are information retrieval questions carry bigger points. Generally you have to read a notice or flyer or announcement and answer 2 questions which could be quite easy, so easy you begin to doubt yourself sometime. The thing is sometime you're running out of time so you may miss crucial notes or disclaimer so that's why I chose to do it first. After that I went back to do the reading questions from the beginning and it's just going downhill. The passages were unclear, the options were unclear. There's a lot of nuances in N2 exam, I figure it'll be more in N1 and that's when mentally for me I started to perhaps feel down :( I remember praying after each time I circled my answer telling God I'm really not sure, please let this be correct God. Then it's a 20-min break before listening. Going to the listening part, I was mentally down so I just wasn't sure about anything. At one point I saw my answers and I seemed to be selecting the same option in a row, that can't be right, so I became even more demoralized :(

Finishing the exam, I was quite relieved I did it alone because I saw people discussing answers with their friends and I was like I just needed to get out fast. It wasn't quite fast though because I was confused about where my bus stop was :( I had like plan on what to do after exam that I was going to enjoy myself because it's finally over but since I felt I did so badly, any enjoyment seems unearned :( The next day or maybe the day after or maybe even that evening I saw answers being posted in the Internet by people and I did worse than what I thought I did on the reading. For the passages comparison part which had 2 questions, I only got one correct and I was actually quite sure of my answers :( So now it became even scarier than I may not even meet the required score for the reading part :'( I tortured myself by looking and not looking at the answers. Again we do not know how the scoring goes but if following from the website that shows the predicted mark in each question, I may pass the reading section, barely, maybe. So now it's a matter of making the required total and over here I was kinda in disbelief that I had never thought about how each of the component should contribute to pass comfortably. Now I ended up banking at the vocabulary + grammar component to be the best and I was worried about the reading and listening. I became insecure that I may not meet the required score for listening too :( Everyday I prayed so that I passed each component and I pass the required 90 points for the total - please God, don't let it be 87, 88, or 89, or maybe even worse like I only get 70 something. The thing is if I didn't pass, I would have to do it again and I did contemplate if I should apply for the December one. The thing about the Singapore organization that handles registration, for some freaking reason they open registration before result is out and registration for N2 was already done last week. When I told mom this, she was like you don't even know the result yet. Yeah, she's right so I didn't apply. Then I was also thinking about how I should prepare if I should do the exam again. I couldn't possibly do the same past year papers because I would still remember some of the answers and I don't have anymore past year or exercise papers. Then thinking about all the weekends, geez it was too much. It really made me symphatize now with my classmates who last time did normal class and preparatory class on the same day. No wonder they often didn't do the homework in normal class and didn't write essays. It's a lot and it's the weekends you're burning all those months. Putting myself through that again, oh God :| Then I also asked myself, why am I doing this, I don't need the certificate, and the only answer I could think of is that it's akin to trying to pass a level in a game. It's a challenge which somehow my brain cannot let go and need to conquer. You may think I need to get a life, perhaps you're right.

So today's result day. It's out by 09:00 AM Singapore time. Felt like I waited a long time for this but I was too scared to see it. My heart was racing and my stomach got all twisty. I decided to see it before lunch just so I could have time to process failure. By the way it's one of the reason why I didn't write earlier about me doing JLPT because if I had written I did it, I don't know if I could have been open and written again about failing. I said a prayer before I went to the site, asking God to help me be alright if I were to fail. I got in and lo and behold, I saw I got 105. Told myself, that means I passed right and only after I saw the word passed, I was calmer :D Oh God, praise be to God!

The vocabulary + grammar section was lower than expected so praise be to God that the listening part was good, way much better than expected that I don't even understand how that happened. A for vocabulary was perhaps not surprising because I happened to know a number of the words in the questions and I did feel like I was cruising through. B for grammar was unexpected, so maybe I wasn't so bad. Higher score for reading than expected, but I still feel disappointed because truly during my exercises I did much better so I feel unsatisfied :( In total, I didn't even reach 60% of the total score but I guess a win is a win right? I am very relieved, very happy. Today is like a good day and to celebrate I got myself a lemon mille crêpe cake :D So what's next, though I felt bad after the exam I did do an N1 sample test paper which I printed before the exam and told myself to try. I tried, but no I don't think I can do it. I could finish within time, but the results shows it would be such an uphill battle. My raw score is 60% for vocabulary, 35% for grammar, 68% for reading, and 45% for listening. See, I did not do so bad for the reading. It is very difficult, I do not understand many of the sentences and the passages. The reason why the vocabulary and reading is not so bad I guess it's because my guesses became more educated, but the grammar is atrocious. Almost as if I have never seen those grammar forms before though I'm sure my sensei have taught us those. Anyways, leaving at N2 means being at the same level as with DELF B2 and CELI 3. I passed the exams, but I don't speak all those languages well and I still need subtitles when watching things in all of them.

So what's next is I don't know. I know I won't be learning any new language because I just don't think my brain has enough space for it all. Then financially, I kinda have a much less amount that I can spend now so even previous plan of learning other things are just something that I don't consider now. The plan for now is perhaps just watching something in Italian or French or Japanese every weekend to somehow keep the languages circulating in my brain. I didn't watch any Japanese things to prepare for the listening part of the exam because I didn't have any more time, it's kinda funny I started to do so now. I recently finished watching Giri / Haji which I really really really love. Then I also watched Le Otto Montagne / The Eight Mountains which I kinda love even though the story is not that happy. I think the movie is calming, seeing the mountains and the nice soundtrack. There's no french movie yet to recommend from the ones I managed to watch. Okay it's been one hell of a long post right. I've just been holding this for a long time, it's been months. Good God, it really feels like a miracle - 私はとてもうれしいです。

:) eKa @ 10:13:00 PM • 0 comments

Book 1 - Pachinko

I finished reading Pachinko by Min Jin Lee. This is an odd one. I actually watched Pachinko the TV series first before I read the book. I don't recall I have done this for any other book because usually after I watched something that's based on a book, I don't end up reading the original work. On the other hand, if something is adapted from a book that I've read, I'll be sure to watch it. Pachinko the TV series was just so good that I decided to read it. Pachinko tells the story of Koreans during Japanese occupation. Its main character is Sunja, a girl who grew up poor in a fishing village in Korea. Well at that time, everyone was poor. One day a handsome rich Korean man, Hansu, arrived at the fishing village and he took an interest at her and she was interested and then she was impregnated by him, but Hansu actually had a Japanese wife in Japan so he could only make Sunja his mistress. Upon finding this out, Sunja wasn't having it and decided to break off with Hansu. Sunja and her mom had a small inn and one day a sickly Korean christian minister, Isak, arrived. He was so sick, but Sunja's mom and Sunja and 2 other workers in the inn managed to nourish him back to health. When Isak found out what happened to Sunja, he offered to marry her to preserve her dignity, but they will have to go to Japan where Isak was actually on the way to be reunited with his brother. Sunja and her mom agreed, all the while knowing that she and her mom might be separated forever. The book tells these stories up to the lives of Sunja's sons and grandson. While Sunja lives are mostly filled with hardships in relation to lives under Japanese occupation and war, his grandson's story are mostly filled with reconciling with who he was or who he wanted to be. He's a Korean who's born and lived his whole life in Japan and yet the Japanese still saw him as other, not one of them. This reminded me one time during Japanese class when the sensei told us about the concept of uchi and soto, which is basically who's in your inner circle and who's outside. The Koreans in Japan no matter how long they've been there were still seen as outsiders and that's hard to accept. I don't know if it's better now. The grandson also felt he wasn't that fully acknowledged as Korean too when he travelled to Korea because the Koreans there saw him more as Japanese. It can be hard when you're not fully sure where you're belong because of the need to anchor yourself, but some people may argue why the need for that? Who cares if people see you as other right? It's a struggle that his uncle also dealt with.

Anyways, I forget where season 1 of the TV series ended. There's a scene in the TV series that really tugged at my heartstring. During the Japanese occupation, most of the things that the Koreans produced were first and foremost had to be given to the Japanese, so at that time no Korean in Korea could eat rice for example. After Sunja's marriage ceremony and before she was to leave for Japan, her mother wanted to give something good for her as the last thing she could do for her. The way this was depicted in the book was nothing special, but the way it was depicted in the TV series took it to another level. Sunja's mom managed to beg a rice seller to sell a little bit of rice to her. The seller had to do this secretly because otherwise he would get in trouble with the Japanese. The scene that made me cry was when Sunja's mom carefully washed the rice and and cooked the rice :'( I never grew up hungry, rice is always available, but maybe it was the stories from my parents when they're telling us poor people back in the days, maybe their days, couldn't even eat rice that floated to me, that seeing that scene, it really got me. I thought it was the most beautiful scene in the series and comparing it with the book, I am glad they did this, though I think many people may not get the significance of why this was so touching. Then when Sunja arrived in Japan and her kind sister in law served her rice on the first day like it's not a big deal - just like Sunja I cried again.

The book and the TV series have stark differences on some parts which I'm not sure if I like the changes made in the TV series. Hansu got a an episode in the TV series exploring his background, which I thought was good when I watched it, but I come to dislike Hansu a lot reading the book. For someone who had so much power and influence during the war, I thought he perhaps could have done more when Isak was imprisoned. None of the characters questioned this though perhaps they were already feeling indebted when he pretty much saved them during the war. I dislike Hansu so much that I didn't enjoy having him appear more and more. It made me think if the tragedy that happened with his and Sunja's son was a just punishment for him, but it was too sad and it's too heartbreaking for Sunja and I would rather it didn't happen. In the book that I had, one page was hopeful but as I turned to the next page and in just a few lines the tragedy was told, I gasped and had to drop my head and silently screamed whhyyy?!?! Sunja's life really wasn't easy but she and like many others in her era survived and no matter the hardship they rose again and again. Pachinko is really good. I questioned some of the short stories about some of the characters who I thought weren't that necessary to be elaborated. Instead I would rather know more about people like Uncle Yoseb, Aunt Kyunghee, Sunja's mom, what they thought about the events that had befallen the family. I was also curious about when Uncle Yoseb died, was it before or after certain event, and how much did Sunja's other son knew about his brother. All and all I truly enjoyed being immersed in this rich story and I am looking forward to Pachinko season 2 and I wonder how they're going to move forward with all the changes that they made in the TV series.

Alright what else, I guess I want to say how I love The Bear. Finally had time to watch season 2 and it was so so good. I cannot fault any of the episode, I like every single one of them. I want to say it's perhaps not as heavy as season 1 but there were many heavy moments and it ended in an implosion if I can say that. Sometime you think these people just need to say what they're really feeling, their fear and anxiety, put in on the table and move forward from there, but I guess it's not that easy. Even Richie who said I love you in the last episode was like not heard when he said it over and over. By the way, the guy who played Richie, Ebon Moss-Bachrach, like Adam Driver I first saw him in Girls. It often makes me feel good seeing actors in a different role and doing so well in it and he was so good as Richie. In his episode when he said, you want me to fork, I'll fork, you can't help but chuckle. Anyways, yeah The Bear is really really good, 2 seasons in a row filled with brilliance :)

:) eKa @ 11:45:00 AM • 0 comments

Bolo Bun Breakfast with an Old Friend

We're entering June, gosh how time flies. It's really annoying for me that in the past 3 - 4 months, I have been plagued with cold and flu 3 times and it's really dragging me down. I had 4 shots of COVID vaccine and just 2.5 weeks ago I had a flu vaccine and yet I'm down again with flu, aargghhh!!! I haven't been having cold or flu for many years before and to have this many in such short time is just ... well my body is tired, I'm tired :( The long weekend which we just had which I was so excited about turned to be quite a waste because I just felt horrible throughout. I'm still feeling horrible now, but I have to get on with life :( I don't know what's going on with me. I don't think I have enough rest, but I just have things to do and I cannot be sick anymore, at least for the next 1.5 months :( It's also one reason why I choose to write now because I will not have time for the rest of the month.

I did do one thing this past long weekend. My good friend, Dewi and her family, were in town and we arranged to meet for breakfast Saturday morning. I debated myself if it's right to go, because it's irresponsible considering I wasn't well, but then she re-scheduled to 10 AM instead of 9 AM and when I woke up that day, I seemed to be able to move about so I decided to go. I'm really hoping I didn't infect them all with whatever I was having. Anyways, she wanted to try Champion Bolo. I was like, what's that!?! Googled it and found the place and I was like okay. She said there would be a queue so she wanted to be early. I was like, that area is dead on weekend, very few humans. She was right though. On the day they reached about 25 minutes before me and they told me there's a long queue and I was like who were these people!?!? Were they tourists? When I arrived, I was stunned at the many people waiting. Most of everyone in the queue were Indonesians. I was like, what the ... how did all of you manage to find this place. I myself was a bit lost on my way there. Anyways, because they were earlier, they managed to find a table upstairs and by the time I arrived, we're already quite near to the cashier. I think the second floor could fit maybe 30 people or so and it was full and I think maybe only 5-6 people were not Indonesians at that time. I was dead amazed at all of the Indonesians there. The bolo bun was made to order, so we had to wait like 20 mins or so and it's kinda nice to just catch up with Dewi and seeing her 2 sons and seeing them parent :D I have to admit that the bolo bun was nice, I could have eaten two, but I think they're pricey especially if you add drinks, but everything in Singapore is expensive :( and I think standing in a long queue for food is rather silly, so yeah no, I wouldn't go out my way to eat it again.

We left at around 11 AM something which at that point, the queue had subsided somewhat. I commented that wow the Indonesians that morning were ... here I stopped myself from saying kiasu and instead used the word semangat 45. Thinking about it further, it's really a better way to described the eager Indonesians because unlike kiasu which means you don't want to lose and pretty much want to get all, semangat 45 sounds funnier and better. The 45 refers to 1945 which was when Indonesia declared independence and Google translates semangat as spirit, zeal, vigor, gusto, etc. So it refers to the kind of fiery spirit that brought about Indonesia's independence. We use this term, semangat 45, to fire us up when want to attempt something and so yeah I think it's funny when it's applied to this case of trying a bun which was promoted by some influencers on social media. Those influencers do work in Indonesia, I guess. Another thought I had was I often feel that many Singaporeans do not think much of us Indonesians, some may even think we live in some backwater country, but darn it Singapore is actually better with all these Indonesians tourists. These are the people who splurge and would make an effort to haunt these kinda places. Anyways, it's really nice to meet and talk to an old friend and I am thankful that I do have friends as old as this. There's an ease you have talking about your stupidity and it's just comforting.

:) eKa @ 8:49:00 PM • 0 comments

Some Alone Trips Later

I drafted this early this week about my personal realization that I noted down during the trip, but decided not to post it then because one my of aunts passed away *sigh* The last time I saw her was Chinese New Year this year and she was already looking frail then. As I was thinking about this aunt and her husband who departed earlier, I think they're actually kinda my first adventure. They lived far from me (though still in Jakarta) and when I was young and they didn't have any kid yet, there were times where I stayed over with them during school vacation. I think it was partly for me to just try out new things and them to practice taking care a kid. I couldn't remember much about my time there, aside for them being really nice to me, asking what I want and such. The few things I remember are there was a time when my uncle took me to the cinema and my aunt sew some clothes for a doll for me to play with. Overall I was okay about spending time with them that I did that for a few times until I stopped because I started to cry. I don't know why I started to cry and it's to the confusion of everyone too. Looking back at it now, I think even as a young kid I already had that kind of sudden anxiety overwhelming me and as a kid, all I could do is just to cry. I couldn't explain it well then and even now the words are just not adequate either. It's just fear and anxiety that come as they please. I can't say I cope better now. The only improvement is I guess I don't cry now. When more and more people from your childhood die, it gets really scary and that's another source of anxiety for me when I think of it. I'm hesitating about writing all that's been running in my head about her death, so maybe I should just not and get on to talking about some things that came to my head during the Iceland trip.

I was watching The View one time and Billy Porter was on it and he said God has bigger dream for you than you have for yourself and as I embarked on this Iceland trip, I thought that is so true. I can't say with all conviction it is the case for all aspects of my life because I am losing faith on many parts, but the part where God took me to places, well He really has taken me beyond than what I set for myself, beyond what I thought was possible. I wrote this in my diary as well. When I began to step my toes into the world, there were just 2 things that I wanted and thought I could do. One was to go to Italy and after that the thing that became first on the list was to see Sagrada Família. I did those within two years of each other and each year after that bar the time during COVID, I had been fortunate enough to go somewhere new. It really blew my mind thinking about it. In the past I knew people who had gone to Iceland and I thought it was so cool, but I didn't think it was something that I would get to do because just like what Chris Rock said in his special, I identify as poor :D For me, it means some things, expensive things, are not meant for me, even when financially I could. That dream of travelling to many places is one of those things that I think is far within my reach, but then just like that I found myself going to Iceland and looking at all the other places I've been, like Kenya last year - well, how did all these happen? It really blows my mind. It's like I'm just putting one foot after the other and God is like, okay child, let's go. I really couldn't have done it without Him, truly.

That doesn't mean I didn't have the fear and anxiety. I had all the fears with the full consciousness of knowing how stupid all my anxiety were, but they just kept coming like the waves. So I told myself since you're being an idiot feeling all of this, go ahead then, sit with the fear and there were many nights where my mind raced with all the anxiety and it's the same fears I had in all of my trips, exactly the same things. I told myself, you freaking went to Kenya on your own last year and you're having all this fear again which is like nothing compared to going to Kenya on your own, so what the hell?!?! But there they were haunting me and though I felt annoyed for feeling all that I felt, they just couldn't stop trashing around in my head *sigh* So I just took the tortures and suffered :( I wish I could control my thoughts than having them paralyze me, but I am still failing at this.

When the time to go came, as usual I just had to go. Usually on the taxi ride to Changi, I started to just let go and come what may, but this time around, I don't know maybe it's the thought of being in a long flight in economy seat that got me questioning why I was doing this and it's a shame really because for God sake, you're going to Iceland!!! It's gonna be awesome. I think for this trip specifically, the anxiety started to dissipate when I passed through immigration in Finland and made my way to the train station. It's like there's no longer time for anxiety, because I just needed to go, time to move, execute the plan, put into practice what I had been studying for. So it was really quite joyous when I made it to Sibelius park. The falling snow also made it more special though it was cold.

I would like to acknowledge the 2 Indonesian girls' blog that I happened to stumbled into when I tried to find as much information as possible. By the way, I would just like to say sometimes it gets kinda annoying for me those influencers or people trying to monetize their travels because their blogs usually follow the same structure with the same table of content so it's nice to find people who just write without that objective in mind. I also like to hear what other Indonesians did on their trips. So these 2 Indonesian girls also went to Iceland solo and I think they're much younger than me and it's always inspiring when girls are being brave. One of them cited Taylor Swift's song, 22, as her inspiration to do the trip alone. Both of them went to the Blue Lagoon and that kinda made me think I could be that confident too. Alas I didn't go, but for other reason. The other girl was even more awesome. She went snorkelling in Silfra. This was featured in The Amazing Race and I do think it's very very cool, but I can't swim so that's out for me. Anyway this girl, a funny thing happened to her. To dive in Silfra you have to wear the wet suit provided. Apparently after wearing it, it's hard to move, like there's not much flexibility that she had to ask the guide who's a guy to help her tie her hair :D It's funny, but yeah just be confident and cool about it. I am in awe of them and reading their stories kinda encourage me that this can be done and it's gonna be alright. That's how much anxiety I have. I have travelled to many places on my own, but I still have that much insecurity. I think it's such a shame that as I get older, I get more scared. I think the 20 something me or perhaps the 17-year old me would have had more confidence or could hype myself better. Anyways you never know who's gonna read what you write. I don't think many people read my blog, but if anyone finds it useful then I'm glad.

Thinking about all my anxiety, a thought came to me that it's like the more I do this or the more I get older, the more I see more ways for things to go wrong and that sucks because it keeps on adding to my list of worry when I travel. It's the littlest thing sometime that gets me to, oooh you didn't study for that one. Like for example in Finland when I suddenly realized I might be standing on the wrong side in the escalator. My fellow Indonesians who live in Indonesia will be like, is there a correct side to stand on the escalator? In Indonesia, people use the escalator because they do not want to walk so stand any side you like - like isn't the purpose of the escalator so that you don't have to walk? :D Well here in Singapore you stand on the left and leave the right side for people who want to walk. Now, previously I had made a mental note to watch where people stand first when in a foreign country, but I forgot to do that in Helsinki and it suddenly dawned on me, am I standing on the wrong side?!? Things like that, small and inconsequential as they are, it still managed to rile me up, like oh you haven't got everything covered.

The last thing that I want to write here is about how I am maybe dead inside. It's because I wasn't blown away much in this trip. If I have to be less harsh on myself, I would say that I have been fortunate enough to see many wonderful things that it perhaps takes more to amuse me and also I tend to not be impressed much with waterfalls and I saw many of them in this trip. However the other part of me is pretty convinced that I am somewhat damaged on the inside. It does bother me that I don't get excited much because that's ingratitude and also I think when you start not feeling much to the point you don't see the point to make an effort of just taking one step in front of the other, that is extremely scary. Right now I have been to more places that I have ever imagined I would be and I no longer have a list of places I really really want to go. Don't get me wrong, I do still think there are many interesting places to see but it feels like the anxiety mountain that I have to battle when travelling alone is getting higher and higher and it's really a battle. I haven't even opened up to you about the other bad things running in my head, thinking about life and such. It's a lot, but I do think I have to just go because as I said, when you start to lose that interest to even move, it's scary. I also cannot deny the fact that when I travel alone, I only have me to think of. I don't have to solve problems for anyone but my own and it feels good. The lyric from Van Morisson's song, Days Like This, which was in my playlist feels so apt - when you don't need to worry there'll be days like this, when no one's in a hurry there'll be days like this. At the end of it, it always feels good ending a trip that I did alone because it really feels like a sense of accomplishment. It might be worrying that it gives me more feeling than the wonderful things I saw but it's just what it's like with me.

Okay, gonna end this with something that happened this week that made me like, what?!? Are you for real??! So I was watching Ted Lasso and I tweeted something about it. Yes I still tweet, it's the only social media that I use and I use it to say things to the world that really is unnecessary to be said. I don't use Twitter to follow people to see what they say or to retweet. I do sometime search what people say in Twitter about TV series that I watch because it can be quite fun reading all the reactions :D So basically I use twitter to tweet what I want to say then I'm out, but that evening I happened to go in again and in my notification I saw this.

I was like, is that really Jason Sudeikis??!? What?!? I then furiously googled to know if it's really him and it seemed like it is him. You really never know who would read what you write :D You know how sometime you project the character that the actor played into the actor; somehow for me I can really separate Ted Lasso and Jason Sudeikis. They're really separate entities for me. The only thing that kinda mashed up a bit for me is the part where Ted Lasso is struggling with his separation with his wife; I wonder if that's close to what Jason Sudeikis was feeling when all that mess with Olivia Wilde happened. Speaking of celebrity drama, I really miss Wendy Williams. Okay, I digress way too much. As usual, may your days be glorious. Ciao.

:) eKa @ 9:09:00 PM • 0 comments

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