Eka's Bottle

Friday, August 24, 2018

I have nothing to write actually. Really nothing. I mean if I have to, I would end up writing depressing stuff, about my life, about the state of Indonesia maybe. I mean Indonesia is not so bad if you're looking at Asian Games right now. The opening ceremony got me quite sentimental and nationalistic, but if you're looking at who our current president picked for his running mate for the next election or how recent happenings in Indonesia (case in point: another blasphemy case #meiliana) again show how intolerance is encroaching on the rights and freedom of us the non-muslims minority, making us feel like we don't matter; well I'm just heartbroken and losing hope.

On a personal level, things suck and they've been getting suckier and suckier and I just get angrier, sadder, and more frustrated. I would describe it like the title of this post, snowballed resentment. I just couldn't lift myself up. I couldn't see the light. Told mom about yet another thing that is getting me really down and how I am losing any interest to live. Yeah that sounds bad. Mom was like don't say such things for God will be angry. Yes I know and knowing that, understanding that my life is blessed and there are millions who perhaps would want my life and yet I'm so sad and depressed, understanding how I'm ungrateful I am, well that just gets me more depressed.

I was thinking that if someone is really hating the life they live, they should try to end it by changing it. I want this life to end, but currently I have no idea or plan on what to change it with. Am I ready to walk out without a next destination to go towards to? If only I am braver. If only I'm not that traumatized. If only my faith is that strong to believe that leap and the net will appear. I don't know. I don't even know how to begin. Taking the plunge scares me but staying put may slowly kill me. There's always something wrong with my body and I know my soul is dying :(

So how about that, super depressing right. That's pretty much what I have right now. So what's the point of writing this? Well it's just to fill the required at least one post a month. Hope your days are more glorious.

:) eKa @ 10:00:00 PM •

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