Saturday, April 09, 2011

Limitless

My head is kinda throbbing right now. I had another long Saturday. Hmmm ... if only I could have one of those pills from the movie, Limitless, which I watched today. Perhaps I would have had some clarity right now and this post will be extremely interesting. Let's start with the movie, Limitless, which I watched because of Bradley Cooper. Hmm ... it's weird, perhaps I'm kinda over him but I didn't find him to be extremely gorgeous here, except for when he appeared in the ending. He looked good clean cut. The one thing that captured me about him in this movie is how blue his eyes are. They are so blue and so captivating. NanSee thought he used contact lenses :P Anyway, Limitless wasn't as amazing as I thought it would be. I particularly didn't like the ending but I supposed it's a logical ending for it. I mean if a drug could make you be so smart, then you should really use that intelligence to figure out what's inside the drug and make it better and safer. Still, a life which was kinda based on cheating and without any major consequences doesn't really gel well with me. So basically I'm not raving about this movie :P

As usual my day today started with class. Nothing much can be said about it though the morning started so unexpectedly. De was the only one there when I came and he was actually late, which meant I was also late too if you're wondering. Yeah, I've been coming pretty late these past few weeks. Anyway, I'm just so relieved to see De there because being left alone with the teacher is nerve wrecking for me. De said, "But Mr. M is not bad". Well it's not him, it's just any teacher will make me nervous if I'm left alone with them. Simply because I don't speak french. So since there were only the 2 of us in the morning with Mr. M, I think we got to know his personal side more. After class was ramen lunch in Ippudo with some of the classmates and Yeni. Oshie loves this place so much that other ramen places fell short in his grading :P Well, I did love my ramen there but I'm pretty easy, I guess. I just don't like Ajisen Ramen :P

So anyway there were things said during the lunch that made me think some things about me. I was pretty relieved to be meeting NanSee afterwards. By the way I've been meeting her for some Saturdays in a row now, that I told her I feel like I'm dating her. Errr ... that is so wrong!!! Anyways, I just needed her opinion regarding some of the things said about me during lunch. She kinda knows me for some years now and she's still around in my life, hence I think I do have to be thankful that someone can accept me for who I am and also at the same time it shows as a proof that I'm not totally bad, that some people do find me nice, interesting, and worthy enough to be kept in their lives. Well maybe they are just amazingly nice people. The thankful part really made me feel thankful for the friends in my lives. My first thought goes to the people in Singapore who knows me well, like NanSee and la Gioia, who really get me and know what I will like or dislike and accept me for everything that I am and don't get surprised anymore with how I think, feel, or behave. I remember one time la Gioia told me that she knew that there would often be times when I need my space and she also knew how distinct I am in my opinion of things and I am very clear in what I want or don't want. These are the same knowledge of me that my good friends like Dewi and also perhaps Marlisa and Emilia understand about me.

So they get me. Even if they don't, I think they are not so surprised with what I can say or do. I don't really know how to describe how I feel or bring across my point here. Let me try. This week someone told me that she thought I was the happy-go-lucky kind, echoing the same thing that people told me as I mentioned in the previous post. This person didn't expect that I could be so emo*. Well I just basically told her that I need my space a LOT and I would rather be alone rather than be with boring people. Like seriously, my God, boring people are just ... I just feel I'm wasting my time if I have to hang out with them. Time that I can use to do other things that perhaps can calm me down or make me happy. I'm gonna be fair here and say they are not perhaps boring but they're just not interesting for me. They're perhaps a lot of fun for other people, but for me they just don't have anything interesting that can capture my attention and make me want to get to know them more, and worse still as I found out today, if they don't get my sense of humour. Well fine, some things that I thought are normal or funny or a-kind-of-a-joke things perhaps can be interpreted as being totally uncalled for, rude, too straightforward or direct, out of place, or plain wrong but guess what, there are crazy people out there who are as crazy as me or get my craziness and I have so much more fun with these kinda people. So as I was contemplating if the comments should make me reflect on myself and my characters, I ended up just wanting to say fuck it! So you think I'm crazy and improper for saying the things that I say, well fine, I don't hold that against you. I guess we're just not in the same frequency and that's fine, let me hang out with people who are more in my wavelength :) But I think if you can accept this about me, you will realize that I can be kinda fun or funny and my honesty can be something beneficial for you. I do actually hold my tongue, though perhaps many people will not believe this about me but really I do and when I do, I do it in every aspect of the way. I start from not saying what I really think about the person to the point of when I don't correct the person when they do something wrong and this is actually not beneficial for them and this basically shows that I don't give a shit about them, that I really just don't care. I don't know about you but I think it's better when someone cares about you, rather than not. Hmm ... I sound angry, don't I? Oh well ... there you go, I think I manage to say what I really want to say. If you're gonna mark me as stubborn, so be it :D

What else to say. This week has its good fortune but that doesn't mean I still don't have problems to deal with. I'm getting really tired and frustrated with things but I have to push on. I guess I just have to see it as noone else will look out for me except for myself. I guess noone else but God can do it better anyway. So God, please show me the way. Yesterday started and ended in a more relaxed mood and I think the start of next week would also be more relaxed and calmer. I guess what I need to try to do now, is try to keep being level headed (as if I ever am!) when the mess come trudging my way. Of course I like to just pray every night so that God protects me and keeps me from harm way. That's about it peeps. May God also protect you and keep you from harm way. Buonanotte!

*I really don't know how one describes emo in proper english, so I used the word as is. I guess my best bet to describe it is to be a cross between emotional and temperamental?

:) eKa @ 10:18:00 PM •