Not Mellow

Recently I realized that I have been using the word mellow wrongly *shocked!* It really felt like my world shattered when I looked in the dictionary what the word mellow means. I normally used it to show how I am feeling rather down but mellow doesn't mean that. Mellow actually means rather positive like you are in a relaxed mood. It's kinda embarrassing to admit it but one does have to admit one's mistake. So there you go.

Why does this come up? Well because normally I would describe how I am feeling right now as mellow, but apparently I cannot use that anymore. I am not sad or anything, I'm just feeling rather void of energy and spirit, and perhaps pretty anti social. I really didn't feel like going to class yesterday and even this morning, I wasn't feeling it. But I went anyway, because I had to. For some reason, I feel that I'm losing motivation to keep doing this. Has the class become uninteresting for me? I have no idea. We have 2 more new classmates today so things should get more interesting but everyone just seems so mild :( I wonder if being moody is infectious because I am reminded of this boy who was pretty moody on Thursday. We had milkshakes in an effort to make him feel better. I don't know if it made him feel better but I myself ended up feeling moody yesterday and today.

Just heard Elizabeth Gilbert being interviewed on tv, she said something along this line, people don't normally make bold move / changes, unless their present moment is insufferable. I was thinking how true it was! It was true for my Italian trip last year and also for the big changes in my life a few months ago. To that quote, I would like to add what Paulo Coelho wrote in his book, The Alchemist, which is something along this line if you really want something, the whole universe conspire to help you. I know I have God or the power of the universe (if you prefer) to thank for for the thing that have worked out in my life :)

Okay, you know how I normally post about movies that I watched, so let me talk about them. The first one is a japanese movie which was on okto last week. It's called School Days with a Pig and I like it very very much! I thought the story was pretty deep and interesting. The story was about this young teacher who brought a young piglet to his 6th graders and asked them to raise the pig together and at the end of their school year, they would kill it and eat it. As the kids spent time with the pig, they found it hard to go through with the initial plan. I like the discussion that they had and the arguments that they made. I like the teacher very much, because he's very cute! I'm not one who go gugu gaga for some Japanese artists and all but Satoshi Tsumabuki was really really cute. I would love to have a teacher that cute!!! His character was really nice as well, but towards the end, I thought the teacher should have made a decision faster when the class was in a stalemate on what to do with the pig. However the teacher waited at the last minute to give his vote. I thought he should have spared the kids from all the emotional turmoil that they went through. I'm happy with his vote though. But I didn't like the last scene much. I would have done it differently. Anyway, it was based on a true story and it would be great to know what really went down with the class and the pig but I couldn't find anything in google universe. Okay, I didn't try hard enough :P Oh yeah, for some reason, I am not liking google's instant result much. Maybe it'll grow on me. If it doesn't, I hope they'll give us an option to turn it off.

The second movie of this week is, Babies, which is a documentary that followed 4 babies from Namibia, Mongolia, Japan, and USA, since they were bornt to their first birthday. Well the babies were cute. I kinda cannot wait to have one (or two three four five) of my own. I guess the idea of this movie is to show contrast on how different the world of these babies are and it is really so different. The most shocking one for me is the baby from Namibia. I kinda couldn't believe that the baby could be okay living in that kind of environment. It was on the ground most of the time and had dirt all over him all the time. I think there were many times the baby put dirt in his mouth. I guess it's normalcy for the tribe there but it's just rather uncomfortable for me. As much as I think that the babies from Japan and the USA are so fortunate, I couldn't help feeling how the baby from Mongolia is the luckiest one. He learnt how to crawl on the green grass and under the bright blue sky. I thought it was so cool and such an incredible experience in one's life.

On other updates. I have booked my tickets home for Emilia's wedding which gonna take place next month. She asked us to be the bridemaids. I have no idea what we have to do. Dewi and Marlisa went shopping on Thursday and happened to find a dress for the 3 of us. So that is such good news because I don't have to scout one for myself and the 3 of us would be wearing the same thing! It's green. When I first saw it, I thought it reminded me of a particular race. But then I think let's just pretend we're going Irish. I wonder if it makes me racist to think that way. Oh well ... anyway, thank God it's not shocking pink as initially wanted by Dewi!

Today, I accompanied LM for lunch. Had a long talk about stuff. I do find it interesting when people got me thinking about things. We talked about how I want my husband to be. It took her by surprise to hear how I want my husband to be because she felt that I came across as very very independent and so she found my expectation of my husband to be totally unexpected. I wonder if there's a certain cultural influence that affect how we view marriage and a husband role in the marriage. It makes me wonder if Indonesian girls can be of pretty high maintenance or it's just me. Anyway I do have to say that after talking to her, I wonder if I ever find the "guy" as I expect him to be :P It does seem like he's non-existence :P

You know, I am actually kinda tired and at a point of getting pretty annoyed when people want to talk about the lack of love life in my life. I just feel people should just get off me. When it happens, it happens. At this point, I know people would like to criticize me for that statement, but really get off me, people! I believe in God more than I believe in myself. God could part a sea, so if He wants me to be with someone, I am sure it's not a big deal for Him. The fact that I have noone could mean that I am okay without it or I am not ready for it. Either way, I am fine with it. To repeat what U2 sings, what you don't have, you don't need it now. So I'm cool about it :) It just means I can get by on my own for the time being and yes the independent me thinks that it's awesome that way :) Yes, I am that stubborn. Oh well, that's it peeps. I think I'm done for today. I talk to you guys soon. Buonanotte!

:) eKa @ 7:41:00 PM •

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