Mon Samedi

I've been avoiding writing this clearly in the blog because I don't like to expose much of myself online. I can't really say how I choose to write things clearly or not, like why I wrote some people's names with their actual names and on others I don't do so. This next thing I'm gonna write gonna be extremely difficult to go into if I don't write clearly what it is. So here you go. I've been taking french classes every saturday morning for almost a year now. See how strange it is that I have been hiding it and had been mentioning it under the code name "saturday engagement". Anyway, every 2 terms, we have to go through a test and today we had a test. Been studying for it simply because I want to kick ass and french doesn't actually come easily for me. My Italian knowledge does help a lot but one thing that I hate the most about french is that pronunciation is a torture for me. I can have all these grammartical knowledge and yet people may still don't get me because I cannot pronounce the words correctly :( Anyway, today's test went okay. The listening part was horrible for me. I didn't expect it to be that confusing. The writing part was boring. Our teacher went through exactly the same composition last week. I tried to write my own today but I just don't find a weekend in Bintan to be interesting to write about.

What I want to talk about is the orale part which I am quite pleased with the result. Me and Letitia were the last ones to go through it with the teacher who's testing us and little boy Nicky was so anxious to find out the result that he was waiting for the teacher to be done with us. Since Nicky pushed him to tell him the result, I got to find out my result as well. I got 9 out 10 for part 1 and 18 out of 20 for part 2. So I think it's pretty awesome. Letitia scored the same mark for part 1 but she got 16 for part 2. Still I think it's a very very good result. I am kinda embarrased with the fact that we made the stupidest and basic mistake ever. All the teachers that have taught me (I have had 4 so far) are so gonna strangle me. You see, me and Letitia said "Je suis bien" to say "I'm fine" which is the wrong way to say that in French. The teacher who did the test with us was like, first of all, you don't say "Je suis bien", you must say "Je vais bien". Basic stuff and we got it wrong. It's embarrassing but it's kinda the same mistake that I have done with my Italian as well. The thing is we tend to translate the sentence from English and well, different nations use different words to say "I am fine". I actually didn't think that the orale part went amazingly well since this teacher wanted to have small talks with us after we finished the parts stated on the test. I even spoke in english in answering his questions. He was asking what we do and what we like to do. Obviously I said I like watching movies. He asked if I had watched Les Chèvres du Pentagone. I was like, what?!? But when he mentioned George Clooney, I got it that it means The Men Who Stare at Goats. The translated title wasn't so literal that it threw me a bit. Well I wish I could have been more fluent and expressed myself better but it's pretty cool for me to be able to have that little connection in another language :)

Believe it or not, I have completed my elementary level and gonna start intermediate in 2 weeks. Sometime I can't believe that I am able to stay and hang on in doing something. When I first started Italian, I went in with the mindset, I would just gonna try it and there's nothing to lose. If I couldn't make it or if I sucked, I could just stop. I stayed with it for 3 years and had much fun and it led to one of the amazing thing that has happened in my life. Well, to be able to speak Italian albeit not amazingly fluent is also an amazing thing that has happened in my life. Anyway, with French, I came in with a more committed mode because I have survived Italian, but I am still pretty amazed with myself that I have managed to hang on this long :) I have had people who told me I'm pretty crazy to be willing to sacrifice every saturday morning for class. Well, it kinda makes me happy. It's one thing that I really do for myself so I guess that's where the happiness comes from :P Anyway, gonna be sad that many of my classmates are not continuing :( Mau and Jacky are taking afternoon classes. Letitia is stopping before continuing on weekday classes. Alice is taking a break too. Il Raggio gonna be taking intensive classes. Little boy Nicky doesn't want to go through this anymore. Well I kinda hope his mother gonna pushes him :P He and il Raggio have provided much comic relief, so it's kinda sad to see them go. There were actually many people in the class, but now only less than 5 remain. I kinda look forward to see new people :) Hope they are all gonna be amusing :D For now, I'm just happy that we get 1 week break :D

On other news, yesterday I was crying my eyes out. I can't remember when the last time I cried or when the last time I cried that much. I kinda had a bad day. I just don't like hearing all the bullshits over and over again and to be put down is never an encouraging thing to deal with. Then I heard news of someone is leaving. I really cannot divulge details. But I was thinking the last time I had to deal with difficult separation, I had Italy to get me out of the sadness. This time around, I have nothing. Well, maybe if I seriously project some positivity, miracle can happen. Anyways, the reason why I cried was because I called home and talked to my mom. I believe it is not only the child that grows up but parents grow up to. I guess people change their ideals as they get older and know more and understand more. My mom and dad are pretty amazing for me. I know I have written about this before but I just always always get stunned when I hear their suppport for my happiness. They don't want me to get hurt and obviously right now, the stress has really taken a toll on my body (I took 3 headache pills in less than 5 hours today). They really just want me to be happy. One would think that with that kind of support, one would be ready to just let go. However maybe I do like self torture (I actually suspect that I do really do this) or as I sometime do, I stupidly justify that to give up is to lose and I don't take losing well. But I just lost it yesterday and cried and prayed. I don't get God right now. Maybe it's not important to understand Him, what important is to have faith in Him that this is part of a big master plan. Well just like all the characters in Lost, that faith is wavering. I am trying to still be positive though, to keep my mental pond still regardless of the pebbles thrown. Please help me God. Well, I hope you guys are having better days.

:) eKa @ 9:33:00 PM •

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