Eka's Bottle

Monday, January 10, 2005

Eka, ada apa denganmu? I guess that's what people would like to ask to me because I have this look on my face which is best described with "Ada apa denganmu?" (What is it with you?). Not really a big fan of Peterpan though I must say that Ariel is cute

and do not really like this song that much but the whole thing about the song "Ada Apa Denganmu?" just feel so right to me. It's not the song itself that I can relate to but I guess it's the way the girl in the video was so angry with the boyfriend. I am not that unlucky or lucky to have a boy problem but I do have so much other problems. Not so much perhaps, but the way I feel this problem and the way this problem gets to me makes me feel so utterly upset, pissed off, and basically hate everything. Saya sudah tak bisa ikhlas lagi (I can not be sincere anymore) and it's important for me to be able to feel sincere. My God...I don't even know what to ask to you.

Anyway, yesterday was listening to some songs from SING TO THE DAWN and it reminds me of life in NUS and this is me being so crazy, but the following are some things that I wish I can say to a few people, I'm focusing on the good stuffs here. Man! I like (not past tense?

) you so much, beyond sanity, and yes it's embarrassing, but despite nothing I still feel good for being able to feel something like that. Hey kiddo, you're cool! You're crazy with so much attitude but I do think you're cool, thanks for that high five, it brighten my day a bit

. I miss you, you're my punching bag, but it just seems I always get you at the wrong time *sigH*. Err...That's only to 3 people, who are actually all guys. Man! Girls are just too much for me to take. Anyway, I'm so fucked up right now, there I say the F word and I don't give a damn.

Had weird dreams over the weekend. One time it was about me telling a girl I know something like I hate her. It was something like me telling her that what she did with "her friends" hurt me a lot. Yes, that is scary and creepy. Perhaps that's the truth, perhaps I don't have to bother examining my own feeling and trying to be okay when I'm not, trying to be nice when I don't want to. Maybe my subconscious me is trying to help me by making that one thing clear. Or perhaps, it's the other extreme, that's a slap from God telling me to resolve this feeling. Whatever it is I don't want to think about it, they are part of a past that I don't really want to look into, I don't think I have the time or the energy to deal with it anyway. Okay, hope you guys are much happier.

Adding (11/01/05): Yesterday, a friend told me that "Shit Happens", fully appropriate for my day yesterday. Then in the evening Darren said that "shit makes flower grow", that is so true. He also said that shit wouldn't happen everyday *sigH* Be happy Eka...be happy

:) eKa @ 2:32:00 PM •

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