Saturday, May 11, 2024
Somehow I'm still standing, still walking, still here. Had a major misfortune yesterday, but all and all I was actually okay, despite of having some tears when I told mom what happened - not as sad as the man I saw yesterday who cried while talking on the phone. I recognize how fortunate I am to be able to pivot and execute a new plan. So I'm still going and for that, praise be to God.
:) eKa @ 4:10:00 AM • 0 comments
Thursday, May 09, 2024
Another rainy day. Another day of clocking more than 25,OOO steps. I'm most probably doing bad on my body. Misfortunes happened :( but there was good encounter and some things going really right. After what I learn today, still being in one piece and safe and sound is really a blessing to be grateful for.
:) eKa @ 3:57:00 AM • 0 comments
Tuesday, May 07, 2024
13 years ago there was a conversation about this with a nice guy. I couldn't make it work back then and it had never been in my list, but somehow I got there today. Truly what is yours will be yours no matter how long it'll take.
:) eKa @ 3:38:00 AM • 0 comments
Monday, April 22, 2024
How do you overturn an election? Try going to the Constitutional Court. Look, I am beyond disappointed with how the result of the Indonesian presidential election turned out. I wrote it at length here, even saying that I have mix feeling about questioning the legitimacy of the election. When the 2 losing candidates decided to take this route of going to the court to plead their case, it didn't really fill me with hope. I do think doing this makes it seem like they're such sore losers, but hey none of their supporters incited riot unlike what happened after the election in 2019. So this is more dignified and if you really think that there's too many shitty things happening, yes don't just sit idly by, but state your case and put it on records. Mom was like, they should have stopped participating in the process from the beginning when President Jokowi's son filed the paperwork for the election. I guess at that time they had hope that Indonesians would choose correctly and no doubt protesting then would cause chaos and uncertainty. It's like from the beginning, we're already operating under the fear of chaos and riot :( This case in front of the court is such a long, very long shot. That being said, today I still feel kinda sad about the court decision to let the election result stand. As the court progressed, I thought maybe, just maybe we'll get another election even though it sounds crazy; it'd be the second round that didn't happen. There's just too many wrong things in this election, so if there is a way to right the course, well maybe it could happen? That's my tiny hope, but not today the universe says :( So it's settled now for real who's the new president and vice-president are. Maybe I'll be like Whoopi Goldberg who refuses to say the name of the 45th US president, because if I think about the incoming president and vice president of Indonesia, my head do spin and I want to puke. I can't say their names. I can only hope their presidency end fast without an even deeper damage and when it's all over we could recover fast. I already know things will go downhill. The first thing that will happen would be all the people who are on the opposite side of them on the basis of ethic, honor, and all those things will drop all these talk and join them for the purpose of holding on to power under the pretext of reconciliation. Yep, it's vomit inducing.
Does all this matter? Like really, why are you so worked up about this? Election has consequences, so it matters. There's too many shitty things in the world and I just want good things to happen, not more shitty things. I do realize I feel too strongly about things a lot of the times. I started adding in my prayer for God to help me let go things that are not for me or things that are bad for me, but darn it's hard. I'm the dog with the bone. So today, another not a good day in Indonesia. Maybe part of today's reading is apt, it's from Isaiah 55:9, As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. So help us God.
:) eKa @ 8:24:00 PM • 0 comments
Thursday, March 28, 2024
I was watching an Italian movie some time ago and one of the character said something that hit me. It was attributed to the Dalai Lama and it goes something like this, there are 2 days in the year where nothing can be done - yesterday and tomorrow. I'm sure we all have heard different versions of this, so we know it, but it still jolted me when I heard it. It's pretty much about living in the present; making the most of the present without worrying about the future and wasting time regretting the past. We know it but in practice, well it's a whole different story, especially with me and my never ending anxiety. The movie was about a man who uncontrollably went on a time jump to the future and as he went further and further, his life was getting messier and unhappy. I don't know what it says about me that sometimes when I watch a movie or TV, my mind would go thinking that's an interesting premise, but I would develop the story in a different direction. Like in the case of that man, sure the first few times you may freak out and wonder what the hell is happening, but if it's something that you can't control, if you don't know how long you have in this present time then why not spend it having fun. The man didn't and he's pretty much miserable with each jump. That is the lesson perhaps - to be happy now, but then my head went thinking why it is hard to apply in real life. It's because in real life we don't know how much present we have. It's different if you know you have like a week left. Without knowing how long you have, it's like people have to play the long game. It cannot be just the present only, but the future too; be like the squirrels saving for winter. I don't know man - March being my birthday month, I get more reflective about days of being younger, with some regret that I should have been lighter in my 30s. I guess when I get to 50, I look at the 40s and be the same too. You know, I think I have written that exact same thing some time ago in this blog :(
Anyways, as for other movies - I did watch The Zone of Interest, winner of the Best International Feature in this year's Oscar. I don't really like it. In that same category, I watched Io Capitano and I like that way way much more even though as I was watching it, I was like guys noooo! It tells the story of 2 Senegalese teens who decided to be one those migrants and go to Europe. I have read all the horrifying news articles about this issue so I knew this was not a good idea. I wouldn't say the teens in the movie were in a really dire situation that would necessitate their leaving, so a part of me was thinking were these migrant horror stories not reach them and stop them from going. The whole machinery that facilitate these migrants journey are really just horrible. Human lives are nothing for the people who profit from this :( Anyways, as for TV, I quite enjoy The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live. So nice to see Rick and Michonne back, but I also want to see other people in that universe pop in. Then Abbott Elementary is in season and they're such a comfort :)
What else to write about? Nothing much. Today is actually my Chinese birthday and kinda nice to have the day for myself. I was thinking good things for today but yesterday something happened that got me feeling like, everytime, everytime I thought I could be positive and I think there's a light, I'm being shoved back into the black hole that leave me feeling inadequate, not enough, and I don't know how I'm gonna get through this. I ended yesterday feeling quite down even though I have an extra long weekend waiting for me *sigh* Alright, gonna stop now. Gonna eat a boiled egg and then go pray and get some sweet treats. What's with the boiled egg? It's just my family thing which I think originated back in my parents' childhood where they were not rich so could only have egg on their birthdays. Anyways, one time my dad had my brother text me to tell me it's my Chinese birthday and I should get a boiled egg. It happened just one time, so random. Then yesterday my mom called to tell me it's my Chinese birthday today. The thing about me is, my Chinese birthday falls on the same day as the Goddess of Mercy or Kuan Yin's birthday, so I can always google this. Okay guys, hope your Easter weekend is wonderful.
:) eKa @ 11:40:00 AM • 0 comments
Friday, February 23, 2024
Home and Country (Heartache) Stories
As usual, I spent Chinese New Year back home. It was a rather different trip this time around because it coincided with the election right at Valentine Day. So here are some of the stories and thoughts. Chinese New Year was okay, the anti-social me was pretty much spent at the end of day one with the different people coming to the house. Not to say I don't like seeing all the families, in fact I do, but I was tired. The next day, mom and me made a trip to Bangka. The last time I was there was 8 years ago for a day trip with mom and my aunt and that was 7 years after I made a day trip with my dad. My mom totally forgot that I once made a day trip with dad and I also had to rack my brain for what we were there for. This blog was helpful because I wrote about parts of that trip here. This time around, it wasn't for a day trip. We were staying for one night and was to return the next day with my cousin's adult kids. As the plane was approaching Bangka, I remembered that the last time I was there, I saw many holes like ponds filled with turquoise water that looked beautiful actually. Those were remnants of tin mines. I guess I had it lucky that time to see beautiful turquoise water. A cousin told me on her trip, it was more like brown murky water. I guess the look might be different depending on the weather of the day. However, this time around I didn't see those ponds anymore. What I saw were rows and rows of palm oil trees. Palm oil plantations are taking off in Bangka. Environmentally, I don't know if it's a good thing, but I suppose if some of those tin mines holes can be re-developed, I guess it's good. We had my aunt, uncle, and their son taking us around all the while we were there. They said now the tin mines are off shore at the sea. Not sure how that works but I guess Bangka is still filled with resources. My uncle happens to have a palm oil plantation himself and mom was curious and asked to be taken there. I had to ride at the back of the pickup truck with my aunt because there wasn't enough seat at the front and though it got windy and rainy later on and I got smacked by palm oil leaves (because the trees weren't tall) and there were bugs, the whole trip was interesting for me. I'm sure their plantation is considered minuscule compared to the palm oil plantantions owned by big companies, but it's still pretty big. I don't know how the quality and price of their palm oil stand in the market. I also don't know how the produces from Bangka stand against the produces from other parts of Indonesia and other palm oil producer countries. My aunt is not sure too, she just knows the Malaysian ones are fetching higher price. Their plantation is doing pretty good I guess, harvest is every 2 weeks now.
We stayed at that aunt and uncle's house to the delight of my aunt. They're all very nice. We also got to go to my dad's village and I met with my cousin. His wife is nice and friendly. I was just surprised she remembered my name considering I think I only met her twice. The air in my dad's village smelled different and breathing it and seeing the sand on the ground, it reminded me of Bangka of my childhood, the feel of it not actual memories because I don't remember the childhood vacations there. We also made it it my grandpa's village and house. Both in my dad and my grandpa's villages, their old homes are used as memorials for the family members that have passed away, so there's an altar where we can do a prayer and a lot of family pictures on the wall. Other than that, we also got to visit a Buddhist pagoda that oversees hills. All agree that it's not right to charge entrance ticket to enter a place that supposedly is a place of worship, it should be voluntary donation instead. It was raining when we got there so that's not ideal to go exploring and we couldn't explore all parts of the compound, but it actually made it quite beautiful with the mist covering the green landscape. One thing that got me quite impressed was how good the Bangka airport is now. It's still not very big, but it's looking better and more professional. Reminded me a bit of Nairobi's airport. One source of disappointment was both flights in and out of Bangka were rescheduled, so that annoyed us, but we got in and out okay, so all and all it's a good trip.
Mom decided to take a break starting from Chinese New Year to election day. The election was really worrying me because all the surveys were showing that Pak Ganjar was in the last place. I remember having many conversations with mom saying I didn't understand why this was so. She said the surveys may not be right. The same thing was said by one of my cousin who came to the house, he's older and a dad with grown kids, but Indonesian surveys on this have never been wrong and they're keeping their streak with this election too. I had a bad feeling when the last surveys were putting Prabowo above 50%, enough for one round of election, and also after the last debate because though the debates clearly showed who sucks so bad it just gave me the feel of the debates during Jakarta gubernatorial election between Ahok and Anies, where it's clear who's the better candidate was and the people chose wrong. Hearing my mom and cousin, I did have hope maybe this time the surveys got it wrong, maybe there's something that wasn't captured by the surveys, but I was the one who's wrong. I wrote it here that there's no way the presidential election gonna be settled with one round, but it's indeed one round only. It was a big heartache for me really. Mom was disappointed but I think not as much as me. I couldn't watch the news after the election. It's what it felt like I suppose when Trump won the election, but at least with Trump the majority of American said no to him. For reasons that I still don't understand, there are actual Indonesians who voted for Prabowo. I know that people have their own different reasons on why they cast their vote, but for me it's the principles and that's perhaps the furthest from many people's mind. Like fairness and all, I guess who cares :( I still couldn't believe why the vote went the way it went. I kinda question people now, like I thought I know people, but I am so wrong. I began to suspect that even my brother voted for Prabowo. Mom asked him and when we found out he voted for Pak Ganjar, we're like oh good he's still sane :D There's a lot of disappointment in me, like even in Singapore I don't get why many Indonesians here also voted for Prabowo. My theory is perhaps the many maids here followed along with their family back home. I care way too much on this :( I tried to comfort myself and say that election has consequences. When the shit hits the fan, I guess me and my mom can have our conscience clear and I could say to all the people who voted for Prabowo, enjoy this mess you actually made.
I myself got to vote at home. I was worried about this, but it actually went okay. When mom found out that polling station opened at 07:00 AM, she was actually keen to go early so I accompanied her there on a rainy morning. I couldn't vote yet because I had to wait until the last one hour. I went by myself at 12:15 pm. When I got there, there's a disagreement between the man in front of me and the staff. Somehow he was told he had missed his time to vote. One of the lady talking to him was actually an officer from the Election Supervisory Agency / Bawaslu. They all sucks this year. Even without knowing the whole story, I know they're wrong because there isn't any time limit on when one can vote, everyone can vote until the closing time which was 1 pm. It's just people like me who's not registered who had to come at the last one hour. The man and his family were allowed to vote after intense discussion. I overheard him saying he's ready to report all of them. I don't know if it was related, during this whole time suddenly a small truck of security staff suddenly appeared, but all was resolved. I gave my ID card and the staff noted that I should get all the voting papers. As I went to collect the 4 voting papers, I asked if there are people who couldn't get all the papers. They explained that people who did not have the local ID card but had the paper indicating that they could vote in that polling station, could only vote for the president. Since my ID card indicates my address in the area, I get to choose who's gonna represent Jakarta. People with an Indonesian ID card but without the address indicating the area they live in and no paper indicating they could vote in their residency, would not be able to vote. It's really complex this process for the staff, they need to remember all the scenarios. My mom is of the opinion that all Indonesians with an Indonesian ID card should be able to vote for president wherever. I said people worry there will repeated votes, she countered isn't the purpose of inking our finger is to detect this. She thinks the process should be simplified to make it easier for all people to participate. Anyway when I inked my finger after I put in all my votes in the different boxes, the staff by the ink chatted with me. I don't know her, but she knew me by name! My mom knows her and was telling me who she was but I really don't know her. She was friendly so I chatted a bit with her and after that I said thank you to all the staff :D I was appreciative of the tasks they did, really. It was very precious for me getting to vote on the spot. The last time and only time I got to do this was when I was 17 back in 1999. An election that was called early because of the bloody reformation year in 1998. I did think of going back to watch the votes being counted. Really wished that dad was around because he would go and I wouldn't be alone. In the end I didn't go because the staff at my polling station was taking a break after closing and I didn't know what time they're going to start counting and then when I looked at the votes coming in on Kawal Pemilu, the direction it was going was devastating enough :( Pak Ganjar lost by 5 votes to the first place Prabowo in my polling station by the way *sigh* :(
The last election thing that I want to talk about is the video that came on YouTube, Dirty Vote. Tuesday morning the last day before election, I saw the news ticker on the TV station my mom was watching was mentioning this documentary a lot and it's causing quite a stir. I googled it and found it. My mom's tablet was running low on power so I thought of watching it after it was charged. Then me and mom went to my cousin's place to chit chat awhile. After we got back mom was lazing around and called me to watch a movie she found on her phone. It was the same documentary and I told her I was already planning on watching it. I didn't intend to watch it on her small phone but we eventually did. It's running for close to 2 hours and I wasn't sure she's going to watch the whole thing, but we were really engrossed in it, even pausing for short break. It was presented by 3 legal experts who pretty much brought the receipts on the irregularity and unfairness that's happening in this election. There isn't any new revelation actually because all that they presented have been covered by the news. It's just with the news in the course of months and years, we forget that things happened and these people connect the dots. As we watched this my mom kept on saying that they're so brave. I said, if it's 1998, they'd be made disappear tonight and sure enough that night a police report was made against them. I thought it's so good that there are such people who watch what's happening in our country and were willing to take the risk to voice out the injustice they see. The criticism against them is that they're trying to sway people's opinion during quiet time where all campaignings must stop, but they're not asking people to vote on a particular candidate, so they're not campaigning. If one candidate appear the worst, well it's not their fault, it's the fault of the people who are actually doing the bad deeds. I think if there's one candidate who appears quite clean, it's candidate number one but it's simply because they have the least support from people of power and positions.
Two things struck me the most in this doc. First was the social welfare assistance / bansos that Pak Jokowi eagerly distributed so close to the election. I put it squarely on him because it's also documented that the social minister wasn't involved during the distribution. The evil me would ask did he also order for the stickers of candidate number 2 to be pasted on these govermnent packages? Just in 2024 and we're talking up to the early February, the amount that has been distributed is close and over what's been distributed in each of the COVID years. Like just up to early February, it's close to the amount for the whole year in 2020 and has exceeded the whole year of 2021, 2022, and 2023! So my question is, if the goverment actually has enough money, then could they have done more during the COVID years? Have the people who worked much like the grave diggers, the healthcare workers been compensated enough? Could more death have been averted? If the government does not have that much money and President Jokowi is being careless with this, then shitty things are going to happen in the future. Prices of things are getting expensive after the election and now going to Ramadhan, but I don't see him distributing social assistance now. Has the money run out when it actually matters? Also if there's a natural disaster this year, will they have enough to help the people? This is one injustice that bothers me. One village leader who spoke out in anonymity talked about how the distribution process was so forced, that the people who receive it did not match the needy people list he had and it caused tension in his village because people could see people who did not need it receive it too. There's definitely something wrong with how the assistance is being distributed because my mom sees people getting things and she always says she never gets anything. I would always say, but it's right that you don't get anything. I also got to think back about the thing President Jokowi's son said during the debate, that it's not always the government who should help the people. The government could get assistance from the private sectors. Replaying that in my head now, it seems to me they're only going to mobilize government resources when it's beneficial for them politically and that's shitty. The second thing in the doc that's been bothering me is the decision by the constitution court that has been been used as the basis to allow President Jokowi's son to run. I don't know how much of this have been discussed in Indonesia. I did hear of this when I watched this in Channel News Asia the day the news broke, but to my mom this was new information. Maybe she was one of those people who get bored with the repeated news on this that she tuned out, but I think this part is critical. The decision was about if a person below 40 years old but has post through election could run for presidency / vice presidency. Four of the judges said no, well maybe hell no. Three of the judges which includes President Jokowi's in-law said yes. Two of the judges said yes BUT the post has to be governor level at the minimum. Since President Jokowi's son is just a mayor, applying the ruling on him would lead to 3 saying yes and 6 saying no. So shouldn't he be disqualified? He doesn't meet the requirement. Isn't this the most straightforward path to say his candidacy is flawed and against the law? Don't get me wrong, I have really mix feeling. I understand the chaos or fear of riot if we start questioning the legitimacy of the election, but this is shitty as hell and once injustice and unfairness take roots, it's not so easy to dethrone. That's the lesson of 1998, how bloody it was to get reformed. I also know that it's perhaps fear that caused many voters to vote for Prabowo, but it's never good to operate from the place of fear right? Instead of moving forward and being better, we're getting worse because now they can always use fear to put us down. I actually feel sorry for President Jokowi. No doubt he has done some good work, but because of this people like me has lost all respect at him. Days before the election there were demonstrations against this injustice, many universities leaders spoke out to critique him, but I guess his attitude is haters gonna hate hate hate, because he doesn't seem to care. He and his family are shameless in this. I remember telling my mom those students doing the demonstration should just stop and put their protests into votes against his son. Then mom was telling me, but the purpose of the protest is to wake people up so people are aware of this unfairness. Same thing that this documentary is trying to do. Maybe it's too little too late? I don't know. Mom was confused because she's wondering where did all the votes from these students and the universities go? I honestly cannot fathom why a young person would be willing to vote for President Jokowi's son. If you struggle to make do in life and get ahead, how can you endorse someone who easily gets to the second highest office in the country simply by being the president's son. If he's just a common citizen, noone would look at him twice. He and us the common people are in a different universe. This has been a long post about the election, but it really irks me to no end. I know God and karma exist, so we'll see.
I'm gonna end with a book I just finished, Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver. I love it a lot. Starting the book, it reminded me a lot of Shuggie Bain. Somewhere in the middle, I happened to read the dedication on the front again, For the survivors, so I thought it's about a kid who survived having addict mother and absent father but Demon Copperhead is much much more than that. He survived foster care and all, but then he himself became an opioid addict. At the end of the book, I was thinking he's most probably just in his early 20s but he has lived a lot. With all his struggles, I didn't think much about his love life but somehow I did wonder if there's an end with all the different girls he met and I'm glad the ending is pretty good. It's most probably the best to be with someone you can have good conversation with. Learned a new thing is this book which I'm actually still not sure about. Demon Copperhead's ethnicity is Melungeon. I googled it but still not sure how they really look like. Anyways, usually I like books that I love to be made into TV series or movies, but I think I'm good with this one. I think any adaption will not do it justice with the way I pictured it in my head, though I really would like to see the characters in person, like how Demon, Maggot, Angus, Tommy, Emmy, Dori, Fast Forward, and all the other characters look like and how they sound. It was really a good read, I love it a lot.
:) eKa @ 8:32:00 PM • 0 comments
Tuesday, January 30, 2024
Hey guys, can you believe it that we're completing the first month of 2024? That is fast right? How was it for you? It started rough for me. Well December wasn't that great for me. I feel like I jinxed it when I said I was hoping for a good calm December. I really shouldn't say things out loud :( Early December, I got sick. Then the week after that I got COVID vaccine (my 5th one) and the side effect was tough. Maybe I should have waited a bit longer, but I couldn't find the time. Then something out of the ordinary happened with my body that got me freaking out a lot because the last time this happened, we know it's not good. So I don't know if I'm getting worse :( Then despite maybe I shouldn't, I did load up on a lot of sugar in the last week of December, way too much. So coming to January, it was a struggle and it was hard. Now that January is almost done, I couldn't really say that things got better. Mentally I am still in a bad place. Two things weigh heavily on me, what I'm gonna do with life and my living situation. It's the weirdest thing and at the most unexpected time that triggers my anxiety; like the other day I was reaching out to my salt container to take out some salt and I got quite freaked out about what I'm going to do with my living situation. I know all the things that people say and the bible verses, like why worry about things that have not happened yet or that God is always there with you every step of the way, but man the thoughts, all the bad thoughts they just come in waves drowning me. I also thought that 7-9 months are perhaps enough time to make drastic change in life, but I don't even know where to begin :'( Good God, it's really a crappy way to start this post, isn't it? I really have nothing to offer here - really. I also know I most probably should not be saying all these because it's like the negativity feed into the negativity more, but that's my truth y'all - a mountain of anxiety :(
Alright change of topic. Things that I watched? Couldn't remember any movie I watched that left a deep impression. Oh I do love The Holdovers. Of TV series, I quite enjoyed Lessons in Chemistry and right now I thoroughly enjoy True Detective which is currently in season, although I have to say the supernatural aspect of it is still weirding me out which is weird in itself because I'm an Indonesian and many Indonesians believe or dabble in the supernatural. Other than that, completed a second crocheted bucket hat. Poorly made again :( This one was for mom since she said the first one I did, all in green was too green. I don't know, I wanted it plain but she was like I had to add a row of different colour or something. So this one I did has alternating rows in different blue and patches of other colourful yarn. Not sure she's gonna like it or wear it. So weird really, I made all these but I don't actually wear them. I was really disappointed at myself, 2 bucket hats not neat at all. My guess is it's the wrong size crochet needle and more likely me being tense in life translated to my tight stitches. I did do a beanie where I doubled the yarn so it became thicker and that looks decent, very colourful because of the multicolour yarn, but when does one wear a beanie in the tropics? Then, I still read, both in English and Japanese. The reading in Japanese part is because it's a must I feel, if not I will lose whatever little knowledge I have of it. Finished one of the Japanese book that I borrowed from the library and I checked out the second volume. Reading that makes me feel worse about my Japanese level. The book is a collection of short stories mostly by classic Japanese authors it seems, targeted at kids in junior high school and I have to google out words and sentences every so often :( When I checked out the second book, I found out that there's a whole set of similar books at a lower level, in Hiragana. I thought darn, those are most probably my level. I didn't check them out though, maybe soon. In this second book I'm reading, one of the short story features an excerpt from Anne Frank's diary. I know of Anne Frank, but I have never really read her diary or watch anything about her. I also didn't go to the house she was hiding in when I was in Amsterdam. So this is my first time reading her own words and it's kinda nice to be reading this after I recently finished watching the miniseries A Small Light which features the people who helped Anne Frank's family. Okay, let me end this post here. As usual, I hope your days are glorious.
:) eKa @ 8:30:00 PM • 0 comments
Wednesday, December 20, 2023
2023 Book List + Other Thoughts
Another year of very little accomplishment in reading. This year completed books are:
- The Netanyahus by Joshua Cohen
- Pachinko by Min Jin Lee
- Trust by Hernan Diaz
As for movies, I kinda enjoyed The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes. I thought the main guy was handsome which was weird because he looks quite different out of character with his actual hair colour. Watching it, I was even more interested in further back story like more of Peter Dinklage and Viola Davis' characters, the first people who started the hunger games. Then another movie that really exceeded my expectation and I really enjoyed through and through is Wonka. I love it a lot. I didn't know there will be a lot of songs in it. Timothée Chalamet could sing but still I wasn't sure about it when the movie began with that first song but as we went along it was great, the characters, story. We may need more chocolate but it's still beautiful. One thing that perhaps I kinda have to reconcile is, so is Willy Wonka's dad a dentist? Was he sent to his strict dentist dad after his easy going mother died? Another thing is the magic, so Willy Wonka is like a wizard magical being? I tried to go along with it, but there's just still a bit of weirdness lingering :D Maybe that's the point.
Alright what else to write. I remove my Twitter panel on the right hand side of this blog. Been thinking about it for a while, but finally pull the plug. I actually stopped using Twitter when it became X and kinda wanted to be off it completely but I slipped back during the first Indonesian presidential debate last week :( I just wanted to see what people were saying and then couldn't help saying what I thought as it progressed. I really want to move to other thing like Threads, but since I don't have Instagram, I couldn't and no don't ask me to go on Instagram. I don't want do do all these things, they're not healthy for me. I think I may still be using Twitter / X just to vent out mt thoughts as I watch the next debates. Anyways some thought from the first presidential debate - if I forget who Anies is, I may have thought he's a good candidate; really enjoyed the shades he threw at Prabowo, all those things he said are the things that many Indonesians think too. Thank God though that I am still sane and I remember who Anies is, though perhaps I have forgotten some and luckily the internet is there to remind me of the shitty things he did or did not do during Jakarta governor election. As for Prabowo, he feels like the past for me, the way he spoke about how wonderful Indonesia is with all its potential. These are like talking points that I have heard since I was a child. We all know that but the question is with all of our potential, why do we still suck and I didn't hear him elaborate on what he's gonna do. I guess he's reduced to defence position from all the attacks in the first debate. If his thing is just continuing President Jokowi's policies, then he doesn't have original ideas and that's like a fail. One thing that I thought of after the debate was it feels kinda good that we have younger generation (relative to Prabowo) to move us forward, people who are articulate though I also know being articulate means nothing. There's so many people who can only talk but not do. Lastly we have Ganjar - well it was my first time hearing him speak and I didn't know what to expect and I was kind of impressed. He's articulate, sounded intellectual and even keel, and I think he's better than President Jokowi because he appears more polished in his speech.
Coming up it's the vice-presidential debate this Friday which I don't know what form that would take because unlike the yesteryears, apparently the candidates are not standing on their own during the debate, the presidential candidates will still be there to back them up. I don't know man, people are already crying foul because of these changes. I am looking forward to see how President Jokowi's son gonna carry himself. In the first debate, there was a point when he was rallying his supporters to make more noise after Prabowo answered a question relating to the ethics of having him being chosen as running mate when the court decision regarding that is controversial. I didn't notice it during the debate but the news the days after put a spotlight to it. My mom was like, he's so not cool for doing that. You know how young people often think older people are so not cool; well when older people think you're not cool then man, it's a real diss :D Another thought about the debate is that it had a lot of time wasters like the process of how the questions were being picked and the presenters each time had to re-iterate they're in a sealed envelope. Come on now, if it's in a printed piece of paper and that paper had to be put into the envelope, there's a possibility of leak somewhere. I hate this big showing of trying to show the process is impartial, it's like a diversion to bigger issue like how come the format of the vice-presidential debate changes this election?!?
Another thing that got me really disappointed is that finding out I am not registered as a voter anywhere. Not even in Singapore where I have pointed out to the staff that I have consistently voted here since 2009; that's 3 election cycles! When I found out about this, I was like what in the voter disenfranchisement is going on?!?! Is our election committee shitty this election? Is something shady really going on? The only good thing about not being on the record is I guess my data is not one of those being leaked out and sold. Seriously IT safety and security in Indonesia is terrifying; also it doesn't seem people care much, but what can one do right when the data is just already out there. I am also very disappointed at the embassy - did they contact any of us to inform us to get our registration in order? I seriously doubt they have up-to-date information of all Indonesians living here, like our phone numbers, emails, and addresses, which for me aside for addresses have never changed. Whenever I move in Singapore, I don't know where and how and if I should update my address in Singapore to the embassy. I think in yesteryears, we received texts from the embassy when election came around but this time I only found the information when I googled it myself. I am really pissed about this. I could still vote in Singapore but I cannot do it by post, it has to be in person and it's held on Sunday February 11 here which I wouldn't be around for. So my only option is to go to my neighbourhood voting station at home and hope to do it there. I'm actually scared about it if I'm being honest. I'm afraid if the staff are gonna be scary, questioning me and all, and of course if they run out of voting papers to accomodate residents who are not registered, I will not get to vote at all and I will be SO disappointed. Finger crossed and hope all will be well.
:) eKa @ 8:57:00 PM • 0 comments
Saturday, November 25, 2023
Gadis Kretek + Election Thoughts
Gadis Kretek is this Indonesian miniseries on Netflix. The English title is Cigarette Girl. I saw the poster, but wasn't sure if I should watch it. Then when I met my cousin back home and she said she liked it, I thought I should give it a try. It is pretty good and I enjoyed it. It tells the story of this girl whose father owned a kretek factory back in the 60s. The girl's foremost dream was to be somebody who could create a blend for this type of cigarette. Then she met a guy who saw that she's amazing in her own rights, they fell in love, but they did not end up together and the episodes are about unraveling what happened to this girl. I like the different sources that fill in the gaps about what happened to this girl. Toward the last episode, I was pretty much done with the love story though. I'm not sold on the guy. I did have little tears at the ending when I saw the girl's little sister finally reunited and reconciled with her best friend. That kinda warmed my heart. There's a lot of smoking in this series and I wonder if it makes smokers watching this curious about smoking a kretek which as I understand it, is more heavily flavoured. I watched this with Indonesian subtitle because there are some Javanese dialogues and I wanted to understand everything. I was kinda impressed with one of actress who's not Javanese but in my ears sounded very Javanese. I also became quite picky in listening the dialogues and the word that got me is "nggak" which means no or not in English. I don't know if the Javanese in the 60s already used "nggak" but I heard that, so that's a bit weird for me. It's kinda really nice being an Indonesian watching this because knowing certain events or the Indonesian way of thinking or doing things made me feel like I understand this more deeply. Conversely I wonder if non-Indonesians will understand things like how grave the political situation was back in the 60s that truly changed many people lives. Other things that I like are the songs. My cousin said the theme song will stay with you and she's right :)
Now on to Indonesian election next year, it's the thing that filled the news back home aside from the situation in Gaza. I have a lot of thoughts. For the presidential election, I think there's only one correct answer. However seeing the survey polls, it's quite scary. Polling on election in Indonesia is quite accurate so this early indication worries me a lot. Sometime it feels so weird to me that there are still people voting for people who I think have no quality at all and questionable characters, but there are those people. On one conversation in my house, my aunt was saying don't speak too loud, there are many people in this area supporting who I feel is the weakest candidate. All the presidential candidates and parties seem confident on getting the job done in one round, but I think they're not realistic at all. Disappointment on our current president's sons are of course plentiful and warranted. That famous line in the TV series, Succession is so apt for these people, they are not serious people. One time I was there, me and my family went to the temple to visit my dad's urn and on the way there's a big poster of the party that President Jokowi's youngest son magically got chosen as the leader. His pose in there is so not serious that I just rolled my eyes. It wasn't the worst though. On my way to the airport, I realized there's another big poster of his party in my area with him holding a teddy bear. I almost blurted out loud, what the fuck?!?! I have nothing against young people. In fact I voted for that party in the last election. When I told my family this, my mom was like, why did you do that?!? But my cousin apparently did the same. That party also had a lot of voters among the Indonesians here in Singapore. So us young people perhaps had hope in this young party filled with young people who are perhaps more tolerant, more open, but I guess I am damn wrong. I don't know what this party is all about. Can you imagine in this world there are young people leading climate change protests and movement, young people in America demanding gun reforms, and here somehow the people that be think that this guy who has no vision, no public service achievement or even attempt, who thinks yeah it's cute and okay to pose with a teddy bear for a party poster, this guy is the right guy to lead a party. WHAT??!?! ARE YOU INSANE? Yes this party is small and does not matter, but how are we to take them seriously and give them a chance and vote for them if they don't take themselves seriously. It's infuriating how low they stoop and for what. I am really curious to see how many votes they're going to get. I hope they'll get decimated.
Then President Jokowi's eldest son - sigh. Of all of his kids, this was the one who surprised me most. His youngest son not so much, because he doesn't mind the media and throughout his dad's presidency does like to appear all over. When President Obama came for a personal visit and visited President Jokowi, this youngest son was sure to be there too. But his eldest son was different. Early in President Jokowi's presidency, he didn't seem enthused with all the hype and kept a low profile. He pretty much just moved about like a commoner which we the people appreciated. So his rise to now becoming vice presidential candidate is just mind boggling to me. Does he really want this or he was directed to? The circumstance that allowed him to be eligible to run as vice presidential candidate has been discussed and dissected ad nauseam which make us nauseous ourselves hearing it, so not gonna add more to that. My thing is his lack of self-reflection or humility that really makes me question his character. There is nothing fair about his candidacy. There are many mayors in Indonesia and I am sure there are mayors who do a good job, but were there consideration for them? It's precisely because he's the president's son he gets the spotlight. He should have understood that and asked himself if this is fair. Even his dad didn't get from mayor straight to presidential candidate. This son hasn't even completed one term as mayor. So the fact that he himself didn't say it's not for me or not my time now, that really puts his character in question. If he's meant to bring the young people votes, I don't know which demographic that is. Who can relate to this guy? If you're struggling to get a job, applying for many posts but don't even get an interview, how can you endorse someone who gets ahead clearly by familial connection and accepts it. The only people who could relate to him are perhaps like another ex-president's son whose party is now endorsing him. Geez, I actually now feel a bit sorry for President Yudhoyono's son who tried so hard but gets nothing. One last note about President Jokowi's eldest son. He seems to often deflect or refuse to answers questions asked by reporters. Granted some questions perhaps are not the point or important or annoying, but considering the post he's applying to, I feel he should answer. The people are entitled to know his thinking or reasoning. If this is something he's gonna keep doing while in power then what will that look like? We can never get answer on questions he doesn't like and we just have to accept their policies? Fuck that. I hope I can watch all the debates. With the time difference, often times I couldn't watch until the end.
The election feels early for me, being held in February. I actually gonna be home at that time. I was excited about the possibility of actually voting back home, something I haven't done since my first election in 1999, but I think I may have to just give it a miss and vote as before in Singapore. I'm not registered to vote in my neigbhourhood which is as it should be since I don't live there most of the time. I could still go and vote by bringing my ID card between 12:00-13:00, the time allocated for cases like mine, but that's also provided they still have spare voting papers. That part is the risky part for me. It's perhaps silly that I put so much thoughts on voting when there are many people in my world who don't care much, but I read world affairs news, I read about politics and elections all over the world, so I like to think I am more informed and there are many shitty leaders out there, so it's important to get the correct one. The candidates are all of course far from perfect, but there is the least scary and that's the correct answer.
What else from home? Home was okay I guess. Maybe not okay. Kinda had a breakdown one night I was there that I cried badly when I was going to sleep and spent the next day still sad. I really have issues and really lost in life and I would rather leave it at that and not gonna elaborate more. Coming back to Singapore, I was in a state of dread due to something that I had to do that I prayed for outrageous things like can a meteor strike the place or something, which of course didn't happen and I had to go through it anyway. After it was done, a huge relief washed over me that I could actually get excited about things like eating KFC. Truly, freaking anxiety can really dull any excitement that you may have about things, like things may not feel or taste as good :( That being said the pessimistic and overly fearful me cannot just be in a longer state of bliss because just as quick there's the thought this may not be over yet, like a zombie it can rise from the dead, in fact they're not in a zombie state yet because it's not necessarily dead yet. I wish I can be more hopeful and be more chill, but I am not. My cousin said she also has anxiety and her sister would tell her why worry about things that have not or may not happen. I am filled with all sorts of thoughts that if I really lay it all out and say it out loud, I wouldn't be able to get through it because I would cry. My emotional state is weird. If I think about December coming and how it's the last month of the year which means another year of being older, I would freak out, but at the same time I'm like holding on to a hope that it'll be a cool calm quiet somewhat peaceful December. This sliver of hope is a rarity that I somewhat feel need to be celebrated considering it's the pessimistic me who's having it. One thing for sure though, January is gonna be a bitch :( See I just have way too much worry :(
:) eKa @ 11:10:00 AM • 0 comments
Friday, October 20, 2023
Finished reading Trust by Hernan Diaz. I took too long reading this that the next book which I bought together had turned a bit yellow waiting :( Trust is quite an interesting book. There are 4 sections in the book. The first section tells the story of a Wall Street rich man - his rise to acquire wealth, meeting his wife, their quirks, and it ended with how his life was after his wife died. It was quite tragic towards the end. The second section was like a draft for a biography. The names were different but some parts of the content were similar to the first section, so reading that was really weird - I was like what's going on?!? This draft painted a prettier picture of the life of another rich man. The third section was from the point of view of a writer who was tasked to help write the biography in section two and that's when I found out that the first section was a novel that the actual rich man hated because it was a fiction based on his lives and he wanted to set it straight by writing his own life story. His motivation was also to do justice for his wife which he felt had been dragged through the mud by the novel. The writer he tasked to help write this biography couldn't get a real sense of who the rich man was and even more so for his wife who had been dead and she never got to meet. She felt rather conflicted in helping to write the biography because it's like trying to paint a pretty picture that might not even be close to reality. At the end of this third section, long after the death of the rich man, the writer found a journal written by the wife during the last few months of her life and this was presented in the last section. The wife was so much more, so much than what the novel in the first section said about her and so much more than what the husband was willing to admit. According to the wife, she was influential in their business strategy and the reason for the extraordinary rise in wealth. She actually knew the writer of the novel, so that was interesting. I was really curious about their relationship, but this wasn't elaborated more. The title of Trust feels so apt for this book because which one it is that you want to trust of all these different narratives. Who you are, what you think you are, what people think you are, and sometime what we could admit of who we are can differ greatly. I guess you are many things. Overall very interesting book in terms of how it presents the story.
Another book that I also finished and took way too long was, 女のいない男たち or in English Men Without Women by Haruki Murakami. It took a long time to complete this because my Japanese is awful and I had to painstakingly google words or even sentences :( Got this book after I watched Drive My Car which won Best International Feature Film at the Oscar, the Oscar where Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. I remember the director's acceptance speech was cut short by the music and yet Will Smith could speak for as long as he wanted despite of what he did. Anyways 女のいない男たち contains several short stories and some parts of it were used for Drive My Car. I can't say that I really like Drive My Car, it was quite a long movie and though the premise was perhaps quite interesting, in the end I just wasn't into it. An interesting thing about Drive My Car was that the main character was a play director and the plays he directed are very interesting in its presentation because the actors could come from different countries and they would perform their lines in their native languages. So the play is being presented in different languages and of course there's subtitle for the audience. I've never been to one of those so I thought it's very very interesting. I guess for the director and the actors who do not speak the languages of the other actors, you really rely on how you feel when those lines were spoken. Very interesting. As for 女のいない男たち, I also can't say I like it much. It was definitely a good exercise. When my Japanese was good enough to understand, I do appreciate some sentences that I thought was beautiful, but I'm just not into the stories. The short stories are from the point of view of men and it's about their relationship with women. The last story, Men Without Women, told a story of a man who received a telegram-like phone call in the middle of the night informing him that a woman he used to date killed herself. The caller was her husband. The story was then about this man's reflection, first why did the husband feel the need to call him, then about the woman, then about the saddest man in the world which he concluded was the man without a woman. He thought that when you lose the one woman you love, it's like you lose all women. He thought he's actually the second saddest man, the first was the husband. Again my Japanese might be so bad that I may misunderstood this completely. In this story also the part that I thought actually was the biggest revelation was the fact this woman was the third woman he dated that killed herself. I was re-reading this part over and over to make sure I get it correct and I think I got it correct. I think this part is actually the one that might be more interesting to explore.
As for films that I've watched. I've really been watching Italian and French movies on Saturdays. It is very possible that I don't have taste that I can't say that I enjoyed some of the things I watched even though they won awards. I mean I can see why the movie would be critically acclaimed, but I just wasn't feeling it. I can only recommend one that I watched sometime ago, the french animation film J'ai Perdu Mon Corps / I Lost My Body. It was really good. The film opens with a severed hand escaping the medical facility it's in. Knowing the title, I kept on thinking this is going to be bad, we're on a quest to find a dead body or more severed body parts, but how the story unfold defies what I thought and it's really good. You know throughout this exercise of exposing myself to these different languagues, I think I'm best in Italian though by best I would still say it's bad and my French and Japanese are kinda shameful :( Part of it is I guess in French and Japanese many times I couldn't differentiate sound, some words just sound the same but they mean different. Japanese is even harder for me, I think I cannot stop reading because whatever little Kanji I know will just go away. I found a book of short stories in the library, at least that's what I think it is. It has illustration in it so I'm quite excited to read it.
As for things in English - you know I watched every iteration of The Walking Dead, except for the webisodes. It's a lot following all these different people and their stories but somehow I can't stop. The latest iteration is The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon or I like to term it as the French Walking Dead and I have to say it's quite good. Quite interesting to see Daryl on its own. I was one of those people who got disappointed when it was reported that Carol in the end was not joining this new iteration but she's coming in season 2, so I really look forward to that. I do get tired watching the latest season of The Morning Show though. I wish I can quit it, but it's like once I started something I have to finish it. I kinda can see the charm of Jon Hamm here; I wasn't captivated by him in Mad Men. Then to clear my head before I embark on more serious stuff, I finished watching The Lovers which was cute and Modern Love season 2 which I think might be better than season 1. Kit Harrington starred in one of the episode and he actually could be quite funny. It's nice seeing this side of him rather than the downcast Jon Snow. I also managed to watch The Creator in a big cinema with only 3 people watching. Well it was a weekday morning. I thought it wasn't bad though I started to yawn a lot. Been having days where I couldn't sleep and restless nights. Anyways, it's always good to hear something of Indonesia, there were old Indonesian songs playing and one of the line was in Indonesian. I think it's Indonesian not Malay, because of the pronunciation of Joshua :D
As for life, oh dear, the usual anxiety. It's a lot. One time I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep and all the bad thoughts raced in my head and I thought why do I torture myself like this. It's this time next year when we're going to freak out especially if I'm still the same. So right now it's the good time, the no worry part. It is so sad really that I couldn't just enjoy this time. I'm just so scared. It's the fear of not knowing how to do life :( On top of that are things changing without my control and I have to just deal with it. I'm trying to hang on, but it's like being tossed by invisible waves that's probably not real, just a creation of my head :( I'm trying really, I'm trying to be cool but it's just too fast how the anxiety creeps up uncontrollably and engulfs me :( Even though recently I received some heavenly affirmation of do not fear at the present, I still have a lot of worry *sigh* Alright, gonna stop now. Going home for a few days next month where I intend to just sit, watch more TV, and eat.
:) eKa @ 8:50:00 PM • 0 comments
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