Sunday, December 02, 2007

Hang On Little Tomato

The title of the post is a song title from Pink Martini. This band is not really my taste. I thought I would have liked them more, but apparently not so. The only reason the song caught my attention is because of the cute title itself.

Not having the happiest state of self right now. Well what else is new? If I say I'm tired, seriously what else is new? Carl ha detto perchè sempre stanca? Well, because of things? I slept sometime around 2 this morning. Was doing some stuff. I suppose I can be thankful to God because it wasn't as hard as I anticipated but some things are still unresolved. Hopefully they will turn out a bit painless as well. So I tried to get some sleep this morning and yet I couldn't really sleep. If you're tired, you think you can sleep well. I wasn't so lucky. I got awoken up sometime before 7 (I think). I tried my best to sleep and I ended up with weird dreams. I saw someone I hadn't met for a long time saying good bye to me. I couldn't even remember her name, but eventually I did. I hope the good bye didn't mean anything bad. Tried to have nap this afternoon as well, and again I couldn't really sleep. Thoughts just kept on forming and jumping in my head.

This morning I had to check my mail and of course I have to receive a bad email as what have been happening recently. I thought why did I have to open that mailbox. Then I thought perhaps because if I had opened it tomorrow, I would have been in a worse mental state. After I opened it today, I was sad and upset but then after I mulled it over, well I can't really find the English word for it. Surrender is not really the correct word, but the Indonesian word to describe how I feel is pasrah. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going and I don't want to be a weakling, so I suppose I have to really get going. To try at least. I guess I should just remember that maybe it's what God wants me to get through. I guess I should just stop thinking about the unfairness and how things are beyond me, because as written in my msn nickname, if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. So in God we trust.

On other news, the Japanese auntie decided to call it the day. It was kinda surprising. I didn't go to her place on her last day but I did have my last udon. It's sad because even she moves on but I may get to see her again. I did see her again after NUS, so maybe after this I will pleasantly stumble to her again someday. Talking about NUS, had the chance to have lunch in YIH this week. I saw the YIH uncle! I couldn't really remember what he does actually, the YIH canteen manager? We used to meet him in church as well. I asked, "Do you remember me?". He said, "Why not?". The truth is none of use know each other names but we remember each other, remember that each other were parts of our days in the past and I felt kinda good with that. Being in NUS brings lots of memories to me. I miss it so much, it was fun and carefree. It feels a bit cruel and happy at the same time that the old Kent Ridge Hall still stands, except for the bridge. Happy because I love that place and I miss it so much. Cruel because I couldn't help thinking about the times we spent there, about the people, and there will be flashes like shadow about us in our younger days. Happy carefree days which are so different with what I have now, which I would most probably never have again. The carefree part especially.

Had a talk with eeYORe this week. He was surprised because I was cursing very badly in my msn nickname. So unlike me, he said. Talked about my relationship, or the lack of it. I was quite surprised with his comments. I told him, I wouldn't have expected him to comment that way, he of all people. I admit I start to get worried if I think about relationship and such, but with so many things requiring my attention, this is one thing that I just have to push behind, way way back behind. Anyway, it was really good talking to eeYORe again. I wish I can have the chance to live a different kind of life, be in a different place like him. I guess if I want it, I should make it, like what he said long ago.

So it's around 3 weeks to home, less than that actually. So many things to do, I wonder if I can do them all or if they will be adding weight to my thoughts which have been lingering for awhile. I guess I can still be thankful again, because God the kind one gives me a treat again. Found out yesterday that I will have solitude for 1 week. That is so good because when I'm gloomy I just really want to be alone. People may wonder what's the difference, you are alone most of the time anyway? The whole idea knowing that you are really really alone physically makes a difference for me. I love it. I can see me talking less to people in the near future, because as what I have realized some people just preferred to be listened to instead of listening. Oh well...take care peeps.

If the Mr is reading this, which I kinda doubt he will, can you please let me know that you are alive? I'm kinda worried a bit, I don't like bad news.

:) eKa @ 9:11:00 PM •