Sunday, December 09, 2007

of Socializing & Not Socializing

How are you peeps? I hope you are so much better than me.

I feel like I'm going to get sick. Seriously not a good time because the doctor is away. So if I do get sick, I will have to find another doctor. So meanwhile, I guess I just have to self-medicate as usual.

I'm trying to remember the things that happened this week. Monday, Tuesday were pretty plain. On Wednesday I finally accepted Carl's invitation to go drinking. I couldn't believe she actually sms the rest and announced "Eka is coming!!!". Ooh, I'm a bit embarrassed. So she ordered cranberry vodka for me (to her delight) and asked the bartender to make it light (because Eka doesn't really drink). It was really light though She was I guess stunned when I said that I didn't feel a thing, and she wanted to make it heavier. I said no. You must fight temptation, no? Anyway, it was quite nice meeting the peeps on a different setting and talking about stuff. My dinner was not bad and I love the view, really love the view. Didn't bring camera though so didn't take any picture. Carl seems optimistic that I will join them more often now, but we'll see about it. I'm skeptical I guess the only reason why I went in the first place was because I've rejected the offers for far too many time, then she left a message in my facebook insisting I should come, then I was also thinking that Rista and my cousin would most probably tell me to go as well. So I did, and yes I did enjoy myself.

Had a brain shock yesterday during morning engagement. I didn't want to do it yesterday but since the rest said it wouldn't make much difference when we do it, so democracy won. I don't think I did well and if only I had been more prepared. Of course why the heck am I stressing about this, since it doesn't matter. I guess I'm just this way.

Wanted to watch The Golden Compass but I couldn't seem to find anyone to watch it with. Made a desperate attempt and got rejected. Stupid me! Smack yourself Eka and don't ever do that again! So alone I went. I went this morning with much uneasiness. You know that thoughts that a lot of people have when the idea of watching a movie alone being brought up, they will say, "Ah? Isn't it strange? Doesn't it make you look pathetic and all?". Well those thoughts were in my head a lot and I hate that they're there. I can watch a movie alone and I think people should do it, but those thoughts were kinda paralyzing me from doing so, hence I have to asked people to accompany me. In the end, I thought come on Eka, if you can tell Osh to do it, you yourself must do it. So off I went.

I don't fancy the movie much I thought the story wasn't strong enough, many of the characters were just passing by (like Daniel Craig's character), and the ending was set to spin more money. There will definitely be a sequel because we were left hanging. Here's my thoughts of the movies. The bears were so cool! Love how they were so fierce, love it so much. I think Nicole Kidman and Eva Green were stunningly gorgeous. I've never thought of Nicole Kidman as exceptionally beautiful, but she was really stunning. I guess I didn't make a mistake during my test last time when I chose her to describe beauty. I love Daniel Craig's character daemon, and I'm thinking if I have one what will it be. It seems like it cannot be a dolphin since it should follow the human around, so must be a land animal. I kinda want a snow leopard like Daniel Craig's character because it looks so cool, but I don't think I'm that strong to carry it. So I guess I will settle with a dog but I don't know which type though. Something that can be bitchy and soft at the same time. Hhhmm...

Anyways, so that's about the movie. Did some shopping for home today, and it completed the Christmas shopping that I did yesterday. I suppose that's about it. I'm officially broke. I'm not gonna buy anything else, I have enough chocolate to cause everyone to get diabetes. Maybe I should start using my free time to pack because I may not have the time to do so.

Felt utterly lonely on my way back today. Osh was saying that he's shutting down. He asked me if I've ever felt that everything is too much. I do, I feel it all the time. In the train today, on my back, I felt perhaps not utterly lonely, utterly alone to be more exact. Alone in Singapore without anyone. Yes there are people I know here, people I call as friends, however there's that whole of being alone and being unclear in your life. Hadn't feel this for some time and today I feel it again. Days are going by and people have goals, have ... well I guess sometime they just have bills to pay and so they are so absorbed in that routine without thinking of their life purposes or their place in this earth, while I'm ... I'm ... I don't know. I don't know why these thoughts can come when my head is filled with things to complete. I guess it is good that your soul disturbs you and asks you about using your life better but as usual I have no answers and it gets really depressing because the days are flying. I am not here nor there, or anywhere else for that matter. I don't know if any of you can understand this. It's ... ah maybe it's just pms.

On other note: Andrea Bocelli's song Mi Manchi kinda captured my attention just now. Didn't really think much of it when I first heard it, but I suppose it is a nice song with Kenny G and all. What caught my attention is ... Mi manchi, mi manchi. Posso far finta di star bene ma mi manchi ... sigh, what can you do? I guess fake it 'till you make it. I need to walk away from the line.

:) eKa @ 8:30:00 PM •