Wednesday, July 10, 2024

Day 12 - Finally, The End

teruslah jalan, terus berjalan
sebentar lagi ku akan sampai tujuan
Jalan Pulang - Yura Yunita

Day 12. I woke up, showered, wore the same clothes I had been wearing which made me rather yucky, then went for breakfast and it was then when I realized it's the second time now trying to leave Germany and again I was thwarted. Granted, I eventually got to where I needed to go, but gosh the obstacles, what's going on universe? My Singapore Airlines flight was at 12:30 pm. I didn't have to arrive early in the airport because I had checked in the night before. Frankfurt city center is actually around 20-min train ride away. If I had any drop of adventurous-ness left, I would have woken up earlier and spent the morning exploring it, but I was so done with Germany. I just wanted to get back. So after breakfast, I went back to my room to just laze around, watch CNN, and charge my phone. I still left for the airport early though because until I was on the plane, I wasn't feeling secure. When I left the hotel, there was a drizzle and I was like, of course it had to be like this with me and Germany. Even in the daylight, I had difficulty finding my way to the Gateway Gardens station. I was like, what the fuck?!?! Google gave me direction but somehow I couldn't find the turn that I was supposed to take. I was walking back and forth in the drizzle and that was annoying that I finally just stopped and asked these few men who were standing and chatting. They're Indian looking and older, perhaps that's where a little comfort came for me because it's like a familiar sight. One of them pointed me the way. I ended up taking the longer way, the Bessie Coleman street - what's with the English sounding names in this this part of Frankfurt? There's a mural of a black lady in aviator attire as I was passing the street and I assume that's Bessie Coleman. I was like, you go girl! I googled her and Wikipedia told me, she's the first African-American woman and first Native American to hold a pilot license. So she's a trailblazer. Unfortunately she died young in a plane crash :( I don't know if the universe tried to tell me anything, letting me get to know her, but it's kinda tied to a book that I've been reading for awhile now, which tells a story about a female aviator who overcame many obstacles to fly. The character in the book even flew in World War 2. I learn there's a whole group of women who helped by flying combat planes all over so that the male pilots could use them. These women didn't have it easy with the men looking down at them. Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg who made miniseries like Band of Brothers, The Pacific, and all should do one that focuses on women who helped the war effort.

Anyways, back to me trying to find Gateway Gardens station. Even as I was approaching it, I wasn't sure it was the station because it looked like a construction site. Google maps was telling me you're there and when I approached the structure, I found out that yep, I was there. It was like holy Jesus, what the ...?!?! I hope they would make this station nicer on the outside. Arriving at the airport, I was quite early I guess that I couldn't find the gate on the board. This filled me with anxiety. Seriously, until I get to the gate and see the actual plane, I couldn't just relax. I decided to see if the airport site had more updated information. It did and I found the gate, so I decided to just go in. I had some euros left and so done was I with Germany, I decided to buy not German chocolates, but Dutch ones. There was a Tony's Chocolonely bag which was filled with mini chocolate and it's great. I was glad to see the plane and when I got in the plane, I think that was when I could just finally calm down. It's happening, I was getting back.

I was trying to see a good thing out of this and the only thing I could come up with was that I got to try Singapore Airlines? I wouldn't choose this on my own because they're generally more expensive. So this would perhaps be my first and last flight with them. That being said, if you're on economy class, it's pretty much the same everywhere. Yes, Singapore Airlines give you ice-cream after the main meal, but I'd gotten that from Cathay Pacific too. The extra touch is perhaps the cabin crew who pass around a few times offering snack which in light of recent sudden turbulence news, I do think doing this kinda endanger them. I have to say, yes I complain a lot about what happened to me and I do realize it could always be worse. Just a few days after my flight was the Singapore Airlines turbulence incident that caused someone to die. It's really tragic, especially because they were so close to arriving *sigh* All and all, I arrived back in Singapore okay. Stepping out the plane, the heat was felt immediately and it was like, yep welcome to Singapore. The terminal I landed in didn't have the manual counter so I immediately went to the side and asked the officer to process me. The guy who processed me was kinda cute and I remember thinking this was quite rare. He was like, did you try the automatic gate. I explained my situation - being marked for bad fingerprints. He tried to put me back on the system, but couldn't because I happened to also have sweaty hands then :( He was apologetic about it, so he's nice too :D Then to my luggage which took a long time to come out that thoughts started racing in my head, did I do something wrong, did I miss the part about me having to take care of my luggage back in Frankfurt? One of the staff in Changi even asked me if I was still waiting for my luggage and then he was like, maybe wait a bit more, it's coming. Thank God it really did. What an end to my trip this whole thing was. A whole new experience. I do not wish something like this to ever happen again, but when it does, hopefully I'll be able to get my shit together better. Arriving in my room, I was so tired that I needed to lie down. Didn't last long though because it's hot and I was feeling quite dirty. The delay sucked because I was losing a day to acclimatize physically and mentally before returning to real life.

One final thought on all of this. I was and am fully aware that throughout it all, I was okay, I was fine, which was exactly what I prayed for. I prayed for God to help me be okay, but when those shits were happening, I just freaked out. Yes, I could recuperate, formulate a new plan, and find my ways, but those moments where I got knocked down - well maybe it's the immaturity in me that I couldn't just be cool about it and instead I was emotionally kicking and screaming. This I realize is happening in everyday life too. I've faced shitty things and I have come out okay but when the shitty things happen, I just get down so badly that it paralyzes my being. I hate it so much, the black hole I'm sinking into, causing me to not have a single shred of confidence that I could do this. It's like being dragged down by something heavy and I just have to let myself sink until the freak out could subside and I could slowly make a move to conquer the mountain of shit. People perhaps would say, you don't have to freak out, you're a really capable person, you've done many difficult things, you can do this - well, those are true and I wish it could be the case, but this is where I have to admit I am mentally weak at times that no, in those moments, all I could do really is just try to hold on as I am being tossed around by waves of doubt. I hope maturity would cause these waves to come and go faster, but so far they're really taking a while. Take this month July. I have resigned myself that this will be a depressing month for me, fighting between I don't know if I could survive this and grasping on the little moments where I feel I could maybe try and actually try. Come back to me in the middle of August and see how I'll be then. Chances are I'll be alright, but right now I just don't know. Yesterday I read, Refuse to be discouraged, refuse to be distressed. For when we are despondent, our lives cannot be blessed - Helen Steiner Rice. I had to pray to God to forgive me that I'm not all that and despite that, I hope He still has mercy one me *sigh* Anyways, it's been close to 2 months since I ended the trip, if you have read until this part, wow, thank you. As always, hope your days are glorious :)

:) eKa @ 9:03:00 PM •