Monday, January 29, 2018

To The Year Of The Dog

Hey guys, how have the first month of the year been going for you? It has been going bad for me, seriously even from the first week. Within days of the new year, I was crushed :( In Chinese calendar, it's the year of the dog this year, which is my sign, which means the dog people should expect more hardship. I was thinking the year of the dog hasn't even started yet and yet 2018 seems to just be so eager to dump shits on me. Financially I am in a worse place this year than last year and that kinda worries me especially in light of things that I want to do and get. Health wise, one problem that started to bug me like 3 months ago are still bugging me and I don't see it getting any better, so that is sad. Day to day life burdens me more and more these days, but well it could just be that when you're deep in the dark hole, you just can't see any light :( You're hopeless. That's pretty much how I feel, I'm in my dark period now. I get them all the times I know, but there have been times this month when it's really dark :( 1 month is ending in 2018, writing that feels like time flies by so fast and yet with my gloomy mood, time doesn't feel to fly that fast as well.

You know I was surprised to find out that Donald Trump's chinese sign is dog too. Kinda disappointing actually, because as man's best friend, I don't think he demonstrates the good quality of being a dog is. It is said that he's obssessed with loyalty though and I think that kinda makes sense. That's one thing we have in common as dog people. You know if only the universe can just gather all the bad things and hardships that all dog people are going to get this year and use it on him to get him removed from office, that would be so good. Why does it matter, especially since I'm not an American? Well the longer he's in office with all the stupid and horrible things he does, that would just be fuels that encourage other morally corrupt and racists leaders or people with the same mentality and embolden them. He's not just bad for America, he's bad for the world.

In Indonesia, well in Jakarta, when I read the news about the very trump-y governor that we have, I just get more and more demoralized. I want things to be better. I want people to be better, but looking at the way things been going, it's demoralizing. I am looking forward to go home for Chinese New Year though. I just can't wait to leave this life in Singapore behind, though only for a short while. I have to be honest though, Chinese New Year itself is not really something I look forward too. Gotta be honest, it starts to make me feel nervous. I'm an anti social person. I spend most of my time in Singapore alone. So when I have to do Chinese New Year at home meeting so many people, well that prospect kinda troubles me. I have to just deal with it for 1 day, but really 1 whole day meeting many different people, even writing that quicken my pulse I think :| I know I sounds like a bad person for not loving people, but hey some of us are just introvert.

So dog year, gosh :( It will be hard and mom already told me to be prudent. I don't think fear should stop you from doing things that you want to do, but ignoring warning also seems foolish. Would heeding caution just a nicer way of saying succumbing to fear? Or as always should I just say my prayer and march on? I will be poorer this year, but unless a catastrophe happens, I think I will have a roof over my head and be able to eat. Mentally it's the one that I should be more concerned about. I was thinking that if things have been bad for you, that's when you have an even more greater responsibility to make things nice for yourself. I ask myself if this is seriously where I'd rather be. That's the question I always ask myself when I have fear of doing something. That has also been always easy to answer. I think God speaks to you in different ways. Casyrn, a fellow dog, will be embarking on something big and undoubtedly beautiful this year. I found it to be so challenging and the fact that she's doing it alone for the first time is kinda inspiring for me. It's like telling me that I should just march on. Truly I wish I can be less afraid and have less anxiety. Well God has bestowed me with many blessing, I guess it's only fair that I have my demons too. Still though, all these restlessness are just too much sometime :(

Let me leave you with something a bit nice. Last month, I went to Singapore National Gallery for the Century of Light exhibition. The exhibition is not very big, but there were some really nice paintings. Some of them are from Musée d'Orsay. I feel like I want to put visiting Musée d'Orsay in my life list, but as interesting as Paris is, somehow the urge to return is not that big for me. It's always the case of there are other new places to explore. So anyway a lot of nice paintings, like this one below, La Pie (The Magpie), by Monet. Maybe it's me and my solitude life, I feel like somehow I'm just drawn, and this is like more pronounced in photos that I took, to things that are singular in a scene. Like this below, the magpie is alone in this winter scene.

There's a lot of paintings with winter scenery in the exhibition. Back then when these artists started to play more with colours, they also like took it as a challenge to paint white. I got to love Alfred Sisley from this exhibition. His paintings are really nice too. The exhibition also showcases paintings from Raden Saleh and Juan Luna (a Filipino painter with such a violent love life). Saw a portrait of Raden Saleh, the one that I already saw last year in Rijksmuseum. I was thinking what are the odds of me seeing it again in one year, in 2 different countries. I'm most probably not ever gonna see it again. Unless fate does let us meet again. So anyway, I really enjoyed that exhibition. The next time I write will be after I come back from my Chinese New Year trip. Hope the start of the year of the dog will good for you guys and as the Chinese likes to say it, may you be prosperous :)

:) eKa @ 9:38:00 PM •