Not The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Christmas eve. Was feeling rather sad this morning because I was feeling lonely. They say the holidays are actually the time where many people get more depressed. Totally true. In the end, because I asked (still I am sad that no one asked me instead) I had lunch today with Gascoigne (where he dropped me a news that I couldn't wrap my head around) and will have lunch tomorrow with la Gioia. Now suddenly I feel like I want to be alone, but I will still go to lunch tomorrow because la Gioia has kindly said yes. I'm such an anti social that I myself do find it annoying. How has your Christmas been? I'm sure it's more cheery than mine.

Had a bad week last week which made me scream FUCK a lot, to myself. I had enough self control to not run to FaceBook and start ranting. I did tweet though and wondered if all the shitty things are like punishments. Today was still bad too that I wanted to scream fuck you! Obviously the bad things made me feel even worse today. For now, I am safe in my room. It's raining outside. If I think about how this year has like only a week left, I'm sinking deeper into the black hole of depression. Yes, it's not really the most wonderful time of the year for me right now. I did manage to come up with a plan for next year. Even managed to calculate the cost. Right now I'm wondering if I should ask people to execute the plan with me, but again I wonder why I just don't have people to ask me rather than me asking them and then get flat out rejected. This sounds very pathetic, yes? I know it is, I hope you appreciate how honest and open I am in writing this. Today Gascoigne bet that I would still be here in 5 years time and if he's right, I should pay him S$100. Being 37 and still in Singapore and single, that is utterly tragic and depressing. Please God, please the universe, don't let it be so. Please, please, PLEASE!!!

On movie news. Managed to watch a few things. Watched Paddington which I thought was okay. Love the colours. Hugh Bonneville is in it and all the while watching him, I felt rather weird seeing Lord Grantham speaking and behaving the way his character in Paddington does. It was the same watching Michelle Dockery in Non-Stop, so weird to see Lady Mary working. I think I will feel weird watching all actors of Downton Abbey in a more contemporary role. Anyway, yeah Paddington wasn't bad. So want to buy all its merchandise. Then yesterday, I went to watch Annie. The review for this wasn't good, but I quite enjoyed it. If I'd been alone in the cinema, I would most probably have sung along out loud. Quvenzhané Wallis was great. I watched her in Beasts of the Southern Wild, which was a rather weird movie and I think I found her to be great there too. I think I managed to watch a few other movies, one that stood up for me was Men, Women & Children which I thought to be really good. I read somewhere that it's not as good as the book, but I found this movie to be really good. Speaking of book, I was convinced that I'll finish The Goldfinch before December ends and yet with 1 week to go, I still have like 20-30 pages to go. I have to say it's a really good book and since we're towards the ending now, some things have happened, things that made me gasp out loud and had my jaw drop in public! People who saw me must have thought I'm so weird. Sometimes though I feel like I have the invisibility cloak on that people don't notice me or ask me to do things. Anyway The Goldfinch, right now the ending doesn't seem to be a happy one, but I am trying to be hopeful. I have been so absorbed in the book and the imagery has been pretty vivid in my head and I think this would make a good tv miniseries. I kinda don't want it to be condensed for a purpose of a movie. I'll talk more about the book when I finish it. I will hustle and get this done before this year ends.

Not much else to write because my life is that empty. Merry Christmas Everyone!

:) eKa @ 7:10:00 PM •


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