Be Not So Fearful

The title of the post is a title of a song I first heard in The Walking Dead. The song was accompanying the first group who reached Terminus and it made such an impression on me. The lyric was quite hopeful even though in the context of The Walking Dead, it's kinda sad because they're walking into a trap. Still, I chose the song to start my playlist. What playlist? I'm off to New Zealand and as usual when I travel, I make a playlist. It's another alone trip and I have to say I am very very scared from the beginning. My mom texted me yesterday and I told her that I am already in "pasrah" mode, that's a word with no equivalent in English. It's something like ... I have stopped resisting, I have stopped fighting, and I am leaving it to God and the universe. It hasn't been a very encouraging planning process. Booked 5 day tours and 2 of them are not available. Darn it. I have to say even though I travel alone, I am not that adventurous. I often booked day tours (is it like cheating doing this?) and I don't do backpacking and stay in hostels. As I was researching this, I stumbled into a blog of an Indonesian girl who backpacked alone in New Zealand and I thought that was so awesome. Oh yeah, maybe it's surprising, mom actually didn't want me to travel anymore because she thinks I should be saving my money and I think she's worried. I told her about the plan when I went home for Chinese New Year and she didn't even ask whom I will travel with. I guess she's already assuming that I'll be alone. She also told me that no matter what she says, I will still do what I want, right? Yes, I said and with that I guess my mom does what any mom can do at this point which is to be supportive. I am nervous, I am scared. I don't know if I was ever this scared in my other alone trips. I don't know why I am this scared now. I hope everything will be alright. I'll see you when I come back and here's the lyric from Be Not So Fearful. By the way, the second song in my playlist after Be Not So Fearful is Denison Witmer's, Keep Moving Brother, Keep Moving Sister. I am really trying to make myself brave.

Be not so nervous
Be not so frail
Someone watches you
You will not fail

Be not so nervous
Be not so frail
Be not so nervous
Be not so frail

Be not so sorry
For what you have done
You must forget them now
It's done

And when you wake up
You will find that you can run
Be not so sorry
For what you have done

Be not so fearful
Be not so pale
Someone watches you
You won't leave the rails

Be not so fearful
Be not so pale
Be not so fearful
Be not so pale

You must forget them now
It's done

And when you wake up
You will find that you can run
Be not so sorry
For what you have done

Be not so sorry
For what you have done

:) eKa @ 5:04:00 PM •

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