Saturday, September 22, 2012

a Roma con Amore

Went to watch To Rome with Love today. How I miss Italia. This movie kinda reminded me too that Italians do speak faster than I can understand them. To Rome with Love is a Woody Allen's movie. The third one that anchored itself in a city, after Barcelona and Paris. I think it's better than Midnight in Paris but I don't think it's better than Vicky, Christina, Barcelona. Midnight in Paris was pretty brainy and so if you don't know the people introduced in the movie and their history, you will not get its charm. To Rome with Love consists of a few different stories that does not connect in the end as some this type of movie often does. One of the story happened in a course of day while the rest spanned a few days. I actually like it very much but it's because I love Italy, so perhaps I'm bias. Obviously there are some parts of Rome that I haven't seen, but for the parts that I recognized, it brought back a lot of memories. My first time in Piazza del Popolo for example. It's weird seeing those places on the screen because they just appeared in a different light or angle as I remember them to be. Story wise, I think it was pretty good, whimsical and broaching to other dimension in the way that Woody Allen usually does it. I don't have any favorite story in there because as usual the characters in Woody Allen's story always have some flaws in them. I think the casts were great. I was surprised on how fluent Penélope Cruz is in Italian. I don't know if she always speaks Italian or if it's because it's just easier to speak Italian when you speak Spanish. It was interesting to see Roberto Benigni, though the way he moved really just reminded me of La Vita è Bella. Woody Allen was interesting for me. His mannerism is always the same in every movies he put himself in that I wonder if he's really that way in real life and I wonder how much of himself is inside each of the characters.

So anyway, I got a really bad news yesterday and it clouds my mind in everything I do so I how I perceived the movie may be different if I am mentally well. I feel like it's just one thing after another, bad things are rolling my way. This is really bad. Life changing kinda bad. The irony was that I saw it coming since long ago but I didn't see it unfolding this way. I was already telling some people about my worry and what I would do if it happened. Now it finally happens but damn my life right now is rather difficult for me to execute the plan that I was envisioning. I am freaking out. I have to deal with it but when I think about it, my head starts to hurt. I know there will be bigger and more devastating situation than this in my life, but right now I'm feeling this hard. I just really really don't want to deal with this. If God can shift heaven and earth, modify the physics of the universe, and stop this from happening, I would really really really like Him to do so. However, from the conversation I have, that is not to be. Even writing this make my head hurts. I feel like crying but I haven't yet even though I can feel tears are coming. I am still holding them in. I am in denial but I should get up and really deal with this. I wish ... I wish God can just wipe this all away, or He could just wipe me away and so I don't have to deal with this. I wish for things to be easier. Why? Why is not easier for me? Why can't things just work out for me? When I was out and about and I look at people and their faces, I wonder if they have a happy life, if someone is hurting as bad as I do. I feel lonely and tired. I know that things happen and what I am facing is not that tragic at all. There are people who have their world crushed in a matter of second and I am far from that kind of suffering but right now, really, why? Why does this have to happen? Why can't things just be alright for me? Why do I have to deal with all these difficulties that I can't even figure out? Why? Am I paying bad for all the bad karma that I've accumulated? I am crying now and I am very sorry. I am sorry for complaining. I am sorry for being weak. I lied. I do want someone to save me. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of having to figure out everything on my own. I'm tired of having to defend for myself all the time and I am utterly lonely. I know that God will make it alright, that I'll be alright, I'll get through this but for now, it's just hard for me and I am miserable. I'm tired. Oh God, please :'(

:) eKa @ 10:54:00 PM •