Safe House

Hello guys, how are you doing? It's been awhile since I last wrote. Well it's because normally when I write something, I'm talking to you guys about movies and I haven't been watching anything recently until today. Last week I was sick. Bloody phlegm and all. Antibiotics made my throat better and the blood component of my phlegm is gone but the phlegm part is still here, even one week later. I guess I'm not fully well? The doctor also gave me some antibiotic medication for something else I'm having but that issue hasn't been cleared either :( Well, perhaps I should be thankful that it at least doesn't seem like it's getting worse? Point is, I'm seriously not in a very healthy condition right now.

On mental news, last week a news was delivered to me that made me feel so much better. I suppose I pray for things to God which I think are going to make me feel better but God has other ways to fix things and right now this is what He's giving me. I seriously felt so much better and it's like for the first time I can breathe again. It's not gonna last but I think for the time being it's okay. If I think about it, I still hyperventilate and get all depressed. Again, perhaps it will never be the solution that I want, it'll be God's and the main thing is to keep the faith that He'll have it covered. So for this week, life is not necessarily bad. I'm not sure how next week will go, but I guess we'll take it day by day.

There are still things that pissed me off of course. This week I had someone telling me that he hoped the things he said doesn't offend me. Well, doesn't that make me sound like some overly sensitive bitch? The reason why this guy was putting this line was because I am furious and basically not in speaking term with some people after the awful thing they said to me, as mentioned in one of my posts sometime in November. I know there are people (one of them is Dewi) who would say, "Yeah, I'll get over it and not be like you who keep grudges". But these same people also say things like, "Just don't associate yourself much with these kinda people anymore". So whatever, you know. Some people have certain things that make them explode and I have mine and my reasoning is totally valid as confirmed by many people. It's just some people are more forgiving and I am not. Since I'm in a bitching mood right now, let me tell you the kind of moronic things that I deal with. So I emailed someone something like this, "the changes are done but it will not work now because of X and Y needs to be done so that it'll work". Less than 15 minutes later the person emailed me back and told me, "I've checked it but why doesn't it work?". If you're in my place, wouldn't you be like, geez, didn't you read the mail?!?!. So what I did was, I replied back with, "As mentioned, ..." and I copied and pasted the one line from my previous email. I turned the whole texts bold and red. The damned person came back to me telling me there's no need to turn it to red because she could read it, thank you. Oh my dear Jesus!!! Don't you just feel like wanting to slap this dumbass. If you can read it, why the fuck didn't you read it the first time around? Every single thing is always my fault without anyone checking and going through the situation first. I remember telling my dear cousin, Marlisa, about it and she's a real fiery person herself and she normally has very eloquent, interesting, snappy retorts and she did give me some lines to say. However, how can I say those when just putting a line of text red and in bold form already garnered me some blow. After that whole episode, I chose to just shut up. You know, if I had been in that girl's position, I would have replied back something along the line, "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, I didn't read the line you wrote. So sorry and thank you for your patience with me". Yet here, I am the one being vilified.

*sigh* So there, I rant. I normally try not to speak much about negative personal stuff that bring me down but I guess shouting it to the world is necessary sometime. I promise that I have been trying to see some positivity in my life. The proof is, have you checked my nicest things? It's not easy to do that but I am trying. On other news about my life, well, I just want to talk about french class. I seriously don't speak french :( well I suppose I could have tried better but mustering that conscious effort is hard and today I feel like a failure :( We have a bigger class now. Our class was combined with another small lower level class (they jumped up). 2 smaller classes should make a rather bigger class, but there are still not many people in the class. 5 to 6 normally since some people often come and often not. It seems like we're a go for next term and I hope we'll survive. Next week is the last class for this term and we're starting a new one immediately in the week after. I am okay about having Mr. N again as our teacher simply because it's like a comfort zone with him. I can speak in english and he'll just be interested in what my head would spout in whatever language it comes out in. Still, I should really be speaking more french now with some actual processing in my brain to deliver structurally and grammartically sound sentences. I'm so lazy :(

I guess I have nothing much to say in my life that I talked about french class. Life has been trudging along. Due to my massive homesickness and not wanting to deal with life here, I've been listening to a lot of Indonesian songs. I have to embarrassingly admit that I enjoy Cherry Belle's songs a lot. The line, you are beautiful, beautiful, kamu cantik, cantik couldn't get out of my head and so I got their albums and I actually enjoy them. They are korean girl band wannabe and Indonesia is currently filled with these types of korean girl and boy band wannabe. So while the girls can sing, I believe they are not particularly strong singers or anything. I just feel that their song writers are not so bad. So been hearing those and been trying to watch Opera Van Java when I can. It feels comforting to know that mom and me are watching the same thing even though we are in separate places. It made me warm and fuzzy when I texted my mom saying things like, "Eko is in Opera Van Java, it's pretty funny" and mom replied back something like, "Yeah it's funny, I'm watching it too". It doesn't happen all the time though, since mom favors the sinetron (to the dismay of Oshie). I was actually thinking how wrong this whole thing is. It's like I am in one place and my mind is in another place, like I'm not living in the place I should be. I don't know if it's making any sense but the idea of home, of Indonesia is really my safe house. My home back home is really seriously my safe house.

So those 2 lines above tie us to the title of the post which is also the movie I watched today with YeeMaggio. A weak linkage, I know. Anyway, I had 3 movies in mind, J. Edgar, Moneyball, and Safe House. Among the 3, Safe House is something I had the least preference to but I let YeeMaggio choose and she chose that. I'm not sure why, perhaps Ryan Reynolds. Maybe it's me, maybe I'm in a place where I need more amusing things to interest me that I didn't find Safe House to be particularly nice. I felt rather bored and got sleepy. I wonder if I would have understood the story if I haven't read the synopsis. Denzel Washington was his usual awesome and fierce. Ryan was handsome but overall I think the movie is forgettable. Ryan Reynold's character has the same age as mine and that made me think that gone are the days when the people in the movies are older than me. They are now mostly younger than me or at least the same age. I am reaching that age when things are being marketed to people younger than me. It may sound overly dramatic because it's totally premature but I feel like being phased out. I guess I'm in a state of mind when everything just bring the saddest thought in my head. Well, I guess I'll stop now. You guys take care, aight. Buonanotte!

:) eKa @ 8:01:00 PM •

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