Thursday, January 19, 2012
I wasn't sure if I was to write anything, simply because I have nothing good to say. I know one may say, here she goes again, down that hole of self pity and negativity and depression or what have you, the usual shit hole of Eka. Oh well. Since I last wrote, as foreseen, the days haven't gone fast enough. In fact today still feel like a torturous existence. Even though the past days have been filled with Modern Family, Glee, and some newly found songs, and telling my woes to people who would listen, it still wasn't enough to make me feel better. However the clock never stops ticking and today's arrived. In a few hours it's home to Jakarta and to my wonderful bed which I miss so. You know, I am not kidding about the shit hole I am in. I know a lot of things are just how we respond emotionally to things that happened to us, but like last night, I was so sleepy and for some reasons I let my mind wander and it wandered so far that I ended up feeling fully awake and I'm not sure what time I finally slept, perhaps 1 plus. Yes that is my fault, just like everything else is my fault in this world! So anyway, that made me miss my bed even more so.
So home. I am sure the time spent there will pass too fast for my liking. Perhaps it's the zone I am in right now but I am not feeling much love about home. Somehow being home and of course chinese new year demand one to be super social but I am really really really not in a social mode. I am not looking forward to meeting many (happy) people. I just want to sleep, wake up late, relish that short time everyday when my house is empty except just for me. However I know that meeting and talking to these (happy) people will reel me in and see what really matters and bring me into perspective and hopefully make me more positive and optimistic about the future. I really need this since I kinda made a chinese new year resolution yesterday. Please let the stars be aligned, please the universe, please conspire to help me, PLEASE!!!
:) eKa @ 12:16:00 PM •