2010 First Week

My horoscope prediction for today reads, You get some shocking news that leaves you reeling -- but you can tell that the net effect is positive. Life always re-balances, and your great emotional energy helps you see the upside with ease. Upon reading it, I felt that isn't this "warning" a bit late?

One evening when I was in the bus, I was thinking that faith in God doesn't mean you believe that God will not let you fall or fail. Faith in God is knowing that no matter if you end up falling or failing, you will be alright, everything will be alright. I was thinking that even with that knowledge, I am still not okay with the falling / failing part. Failing is not really what I am accustomed to *sigh* Sometime I feel that God wants me to really learn that *sigh* I have great failures in life which I have not truly rebounded from :(

Anyways, how is your first week of 2010? Mine is okay, I think. I am feeling nervous a lot and have lots of fear but I have to take it day by day, hour by hour. The nice il Gatto told me that I am always panicking with stuff but in the end I always pull through. He said he believes in me. It's very very nice of him. I hope I am strong enough mentally to face however this is gonna unfold. I kinda need to be strong intellectually also, so dear God, please.

My Saturday's sessions also resume this week. I was so not looking forward waking up early on a Saturday :( We get Mr.P again. I couldn't believe that Yeni and Mau were earlier than me today. My brain was so empty and things were not really flowing well inside there but I did manage to cook up a line about a fish being dead. I feel I need to do more creative things like this. Mr.P told us a story about his solitaire christmas some years ago, which he spent in a desert. I was thinking that it was pretty depressing and as much as I am a loner, I don't think I would be able to do what he did. He said that it's not pathetic because he doesn't do it every year and the weird hard experiences are what make things memorable. On my way home today, a thought suddenly came* that maybe when I reach his age and still pretty much alone, maybe I will end up doing similar things.

*My brain is that random, thoughts come in and out as they wish.

Today, I had lunch with Nansee. It's kinda nice to get asked and not having to be the one who have to do the asking and planning. After lunch we went to watch Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant. The movie is not so bad but not exceptionally good. It's pretty much a teenager kinda movie. It is based on a book and I can imagine that the book itself is not so deep. The freaks were kinda intriguing. The main character is pretty cute. However being 10 years younger than me, I do feel it's inapporiate of me to be crushing on a young boy. By the way, I had thought about it, if I have a choice for the opportunity to live forever like being a vampire, I wouldn't take it. I cannot imagine living forever, 1 life can already make you feel depressed, imagine not having it stop. This idea makes me feel like the concept of heaven in which people live happily ever after infinitely to be quite boring. You see how random and screwed up my brain is :P Take care guys!

:) eKa @ 6:23:00 PM •

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