Nerves, Nerves, Nerves

Just finished packing pretty much 75% for the trip. I'm flabbergasted that the suitcase is already quite full now. Darn! I need to figure out how to pack better. Getting really nervous now, after all it's like 3 more days, less than that?

Haven't been feeling much excitement about it even though people around me assume that I am excited or are more excited than me. It's just there has been some things that require my attention that I just can't focus on the trip. In fact these past 2 days have been pretty awful, my nerves are really tested and I really don't think I want to endure this kind of treatment *sigh* Yesterday, I found myself doing something that perhaps I shouldn't be doing. My judgment was really not in the best of state that I followed impulses *sigh*

So many things to do. Still have homework to do and I haven't even started yet. I have a good bye message to write and yet after 1 line, I really do not know what to say when there should be a whole lot of things to say. I did manage to finish reading Pinocchio, the original version by Carlo Collodi, yeah not all Italian because the book is bilingual :P I cannot believe that I am not over the moon about this trip. I should be bouncing off the walls and yet things that consume me are the shitty things that I have to deal with and the fact that they way I see it, when I come back I'm gonna be more depressed.

Speaking of being depressed, after looking into things, I realize how God has an amazing timing. I would have loved to go for this trip on a happier situation but it's not really so. However, I am blessed to have this trip because the way I see it, if I don't then I will be more depressed, perhaps suicidal depressed :P The blessed thing is that when I was planning for the trip, there was no sign that sad things would happen and yet they happen, totally unforeseen. God is perhaps the only One who sees it coming that He has planned everything for me, that He is taking me out (even though only for awhile) from this situation because I AM quite emotional about it *sigh*

I have many things to say and yet I have not much time, so just gonna write this thing which occupied my heart and head a lot on my way home this evening, even though the words do not come as easily as they came to me this evening and I forget what those words were that came to my head, aaarrrgghhh.

Mi piace lui ancora. Si, ancora. Mi rendo conto che posso sentire che il mio cuore è rotto. Provo essere la sua amica e forse lui pensa che io sia la sua buona amica che lui può dirmi tutto ma le storie mostrano che siamo molto diversi. Non posso accettare qualche parte dello stile di vita. Io so che quando ti piace davvero qualcuno, devi piacere la persona con il suo tutto carattere. Ma non posso accettare tutto di lui. Lui non è per me e neanche io per lui. Ma il sentimento non è come una formula matematica. Io so che sono stupida ma dopo tutto questo tempo, il mio sentimento per lui rimane. Forse perciò il Dio decide che ora è il tempo per noi per dire addio. Sono triste ma sarò più triste in futuro se lui è ancora vicino a me. Penso che il suo sentimento per me non sarà mai come il mio sentimento per lui. Ora non so se il mio cuore è rotto perchè lui andrà via o perchè lui non pensa a me come io penso a lui. Ma non è importa, si? Perchè non c'è noi e non ci sarà mai noi ... ah, come una canzone Indonesiana :P

:) eKa @ 9:23:00 PM •

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